Poll: Do You Feel "Happy" About Being Depressed?
Thursday January 12, 2006
A member recently asked a very provocative question: "Do you sometimes feel 'happy' about being depressed and not want to overcome it?" Once you get past your outrage, really think about what this means. Does holding on to your depression instead of healing accomplish something for you? Maybe you want to make someone feel guilty for hurting you? Maybe it feels easier to let someone take care of you instead of trying to make your own way? Maybe you would feel like you lost your identity or creativity if you did not feel so deeply? Voting in the poll is anonymous so really search yourself and be honest on this one.
Comments
um well i’m 13, and sometimes when i’m depressed i want to make people who hurt me feel guilty like it says, and i don’t want to overcome too soon, but then it happens naturally and i’m happy again, but it goes in a cycle for me, happy, sad/depressed… yeah anyway bye
i get sad an ddepressed alot and yes sometimes i do want people to feel bad for me. if they cause it that is. its confusing because i want certain people to talk to me and others to no, it just depends on the say. sometimes my best friend will talk to me then the next time shes the last person i want to talk to.
It’s one of those(depending on your personal reason):
1)feeling sorry or yourself.
2)To make someone guilty.
3)Get attention.
4)You’re guilty-punish yourself!
I have been depressed on and off since I was a little girl and right now I seem to be at my lowest point. Sometimes I want people to know how I feel and sometimes I try to hide it and try to look like I am happy. Right now I do wish I had some sympathy and had someone to look after me without my feeling like I am worthless. But I never want someone to feel guilty for hurting me because I know that they did not mean it.
Well I have not been diagnosed with depression by a doctor but I am certain I have it. I think I fall under the category of people who have depression and don’t realize or want to stop and care about oneself because they are so busy with their lives. Now that I have come to realize my depression, I’ve actually welcomed it because I feel that the next step for me to take is suicide. I’m sick of pretending that everything will turn out ok and when that point in time comes
mmm … its difficult to discribe my condition because at this time i am in dipression.yes i want to make people feel guilt for hurting me.i want certain people just care of me in other words i can’t share those things which i linked by heart.
I have been manically depressed for 4 or 5 years, it started from the types of depression you highlight, finding comfort in depression, asking or getting help from others and using it in some way as a device to get attention, not that that itself is not a problem - many young people find themselves doing this and are criticized by their peers.
But now - no, depression stops everything in my life, education and employment my talents have disappeared by the crushing of my confidence, I do not find any comfort in my depression I want to be rid of it!
you know well you hit the nail on the head, i just come in from a night i had a lof happen in recent months, i was in love and she said to some of my mates she liked me when i found out i was over joyed. it went on i cycled to her house on dangerous roads and all. Then the i found out she didn like me a bit later my friend kept it from me that infact they where getting together and stuff months has passed and when he says no cant do this today or that i gotta see her. it makes me hate filled what can i say. i hint so much about the pain and stuff. That is why i agree with you sometimes you want to feel depressed because of depression it self. you want revenge or them to feel guilty at the end of the day never underestimate how ppl dont give a shit about u. All i can say but i seem to not let go easy but thanks for stumbling across this hopefuly i shall now i understand it cheers. S A
I think being down and being depressed are two different things. Depression is something you can’t help for the most part, and you don’t “become” depressed just to make people guilty. Usually, you become upset and want people to feel guilty for you, so you act and feel down.
I have chornic depression, and sometimes I guess i am “happy” to be depressed, but only becuase my mindstate doesn’t allow me to feel I’m allowed to be happy, so I feel I deserve the depression I’m in. I try very, very hard to not let it show, and I don’t like sympathy. All I want is an ear to listen. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or guilty about it, because it’s not their fault, its a disease.
I like to be depressed. I guess it just feels comfortable and if people see me like that they ask me for anything they just leave me alone. I have been see people to try and help with my depression but it all comes down to whether or not i’m willing to give up on depression. I think pain and hurt make me feel good. I dont really talk to anyone about it.
Anyway back to the point. I watch certain movies and listen to certain music just to remind me of what makes me upset.
I don’t leave comments, but this caught my attention. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorders 10 months ago and also admitted I was an alcoholic at the same time. Since being in Therapy and being sober I have felt disenfranchised. I am no longer sure of who I am. Partly because my memories of my life are called into doubt by the fact that my perception of life has evidently been coloured by alcohol for fifty plus years. If how I perceived my circumstances, surroundings, actions during that period are incorrect then then so is my lifetime built perception of myself.
This in turn has left me with very little confidence that I know where I should go and how I should get there.
I am looking hard at the possibility that this is the reason that I am “hanging on” to being Bipolar depressed. Not because it gives me anything, but rather that I no longer feel that I have any trust in the tools, even recently learned, that may help me out It’s the kind of “funk” that courage or intellect cannot help because the energy and confidence that were attached the former perception of identity are no longer valid. Therefore,though I am not happy to be depressed and it gives me nothing, it has become, in a way,the only stable or “true” or proven aspect of my persona and is to that degree seductive.
If you are reading this.
You know what it feels like.
You probably searched for an awnser. “why, why do I enjoy bieng depressed.”
Depression can be considered happiness, merely a different type.
There is only one who can ever comprehend the complexity of a human.
you.
yeh sometimes.. i dont do it as much now but when i was younger i got hurt ALOT so i guess i just wanted ppl to come up to me and give me a bit more attention u no ?? and to make the person feel guilty. not ne mre tho =)
Sometimes, I feel very much like you described. Almost like I actually want to be depressed instead of happy, sometimes I even look forward to being/becoming depressed. I’m not certain why, but I do feel that way sometimes.
I know exactly what your talking about. I’ve been depressed all throughout my life and I actually grew to love to inflict that hurt on myself to wear I feel like im worth nothing. Now I don’t physically hurt myself but I definitely rip myself apart from the inside. If i was to lose this hurt it would almost be like im losing my shield of protection. This pain is what makes me whole now, it seems like…..
You know sometimes the thought occurred to me as well that maybe I like being depressed or maybe it’s me who chooses to be sad otherwise why do I feel so sad so often when sometimes there is not even a reason. But I never want anyone to feel guilty, sometimes I want to share my feelings so that I feel a little better but I’ve always found expressing myself very hard. But yeah, maybe it’s me who’s doing this to myself cuz maybe I don’t know how to let go of things that hurt me, how to enjoy life, maybe I just don’t know how to be happy…
i dont want people to feel bad for me
that makes me feel worse
1 person knows how bad i get sometimes
but sometimes ill be feeling like shit, then ill get distracted and be fine, and i almost get mad at myself because feeling depressed, sometimes suicidal, just feels right here and there
how is this the only page online about this condition??
i just searched it and it seems like more people would have talked about this by now if this many people notice something
I’m depressed quite a lot. But for me there’s a part of me that enjoys the sensation. I’m a film maker and I somewhat like the dark side of human nature. I like dark movies and things like that. I find the dark side of humanity interesting. Edgar Allen Poe for example. For me I find some inspiration from it when I write my scripts. Even though most of the time it gets me down there are times when I almost relish the experience of being depressed. Before you guys say anything I am not the least bit gothic. I have found a way to embrace the dark side and make it my own. I think you can’t really know humanity, or yourself for that matter, unless you see the darkside as well as the light.
im 21 from australia! i have been depressed for about 3 years and about two months ago i finally decided to get help so the docotrs gave me medecine and im kinda feeling better and better everyday!but im afraid that i will still stay depressed all my life… even though im on meds.
A few years ago, I was depressed. I’ve gotten better, but there is still a part of me that loves being depressed. I hold onto the feeling like its a kid holding its favorite candy. When I’m happy, its a good feeling, and I don’t let people know when I get depressed, but I feel like without depression, I’m out of my comfort zone. So I stay depressed, because I don’t want to be happy.
Would there be something wrong with me because I feel this way?
I’m 22 just coming to terms with my depression and having some treatment for it. But in all honesty I like my depression on some level, it feels safe and familar. Its very much a part of me and how I look at the world. Plus I can’t really imagine facing the world with out it. But hopefully my treatment will help me out with that.
Im 30 and i have always ended up in the same way. After ive gotten over what ever the depression was, I always long to feel depressed. This isnt about hurtying anyone cos i usually put on a face to hide and lock myself away when i can to just be alone although there are times when i think it could just be a deep lothing of myself. I take care not to show it to anyone cos I’d hate to have anyone think im nuts or something.
I’m 34 and have been depressed for about 13 years and I do actually enjoy it. It is like a shield or I like to think of it as a room I can go into and no one can touch me. I don’t want anyone to know nor do I crave sympathy, its just that I think the self loathing makes me humble.
Wow i never thought i would see a question like this and i’m glad i did…..
I always felt really guilty about feeling like this, i really want someone to feel sorry for me and to be there for me but noone really is and i cant trust anyone to believe how i feel because my best friend has depression and everyone thinks i just copy her but i was depressed a long time before i met her but i kept it bottled up for her sake, i’m not sure my counsiller even believes me….even though i’ve had 2 panic attacks and several breakdowns in lessons i just feel like they don’t believe me and it’s really depressing……i’m not sure even i believe me especially while i feel so happy about being depressed, my counsiller says i’m always in a negative place….but that negative place makes me happy……
Well, I do believe I’ve been depressed before. I’m 17 and my mom killed herself right before I turned 15. I’m thinking I was depressed for a couple of months after that. I believe you’re mostly depressed when you don’t really know it; you just think about everything that’s going on and feel down, but you never think it’s depression. I believe that’s when depression is at its peak. I went to therapy and refused to take meds even though my therapist and counselor insisted. My mom had cronic depression, schizophrenia, and was bipolar. I’ve been scared for years that I may develope these disorders, with the exception of depression which I’ve been going through a lot. For a very long time I’ve been mad at myself and tired of having this feeling that I want to be depressed. I do think I crave attention from others (people at school; not at home), even though I push it away when I get it. I guess I want people to feel sorry for me and ask me what’s wrong, and I’ll just shake my head and tell them nothing’s wrong, and they’ll just walk away. I hate doing this, and I hate lying to others and lying to myself, but it’s almost like a daily routine since the middle of my sophomore year (I’m a junior now). Nowadays I’m mostly happy though, because before my sophomore year ended, I promised myself I would change and be happy. But sometimes I feel randomly down and secluded, and I wonder wether it’s me being bipolar, me wanting to act depressed, or me actually feeling down because of how life’s been for me for the past 10 years. I also believe there’s something wrong with me most of the time, and I don’t believe I’m acting then. My life hasn’t been pretty since my parents divorced, which was when I was 7, and I feel that that’s when everything began, because I remember acting very weird when my mom and dad would fight; I remember ripping my hair off and blaiming myself for everything; ’till this day it affects me and I feel guilty for everything that happens around me. I only wish I had the will to simply ignore what’s going on and just be happy.
NO..never happy 4 being depressed….nor want 2 feel any1 guilty……
even when I punish myself by harming it…it hurts me…in this case I whish I ever had the coz that made me feel that way and then punish myself 4 it….
DEPRESSION IS HELL….can any1 be happy in hell….I don’t think sooooooooooooooo
i dont think anyone would be happy to be depressed. in my case i am depressed because i cant help feeling that way. and want to send the message across my family who are in state of denial. it is most frustrating when they think you are just putting an act when u r feeling really pitiful and hurtful inside. so i want attention from then so that they can help me because the ones most closet to me are the only ones who can help me is what i feel. so i yearn for my closet one to help me.. help me is what i always say inside. if they can understand me and accept me then i have no other reason to put up an ‘act’. not because i am too lazy to pick myself up. but because sometimes we need a hand to pick us and laugh with us instead of being constantly bickering about how we always fall
I don’t want any sympathy from anyone. Lots of the time, I just hold on to the lonliness and the pain and the numbness because I don’t believe there is any other way to live life. Sadness ,or depression, is the only thing I can put any trust into. It shows me nothing but the true nature of everything around me. When Im “happy”, someone, something, and even nothing at all takes it away from me. I feel naive and foolish that I let it through the barrier I mentally created for myself. Then I beat myself up about opening up to something that was never meant for me.
I hope that makes some kind of sense.
hi, since i was 13 i’ve had manic depression and i’m 19 now. i don’t remember any of my childhood or any of my life before i was 12 years of age, since i was depressed from 13 to 16, then manic from 16 to now, i feel so much more comfortable when i’m depressed because it feels natural to me - it’s all i remember growing up.
i like to go home after seeing friends and get high and listen to sad music from when i was 13 because it’s all i have to hold on to. and depression is the only emotion i’m comfortable to feel.
i feel depresed. i do not think its anybodys foult. But until life gives me a meaning for living, i dont want to be happy. and i dont mean like heaving kids, fall in love, do something specteular…or anything like that. just a meaning to life. one simple word that tells me that living isnt just about…..nothing.
I do not want anybody to feel hurt, I do not want sympathy. In fact, even though I have been diagnosed as having clinical depression. But I try to hide it from people in the fear of hurting them even though these are the people who are partly responsible for my unhappiness.
My depression stops me from doing things which I used to enjoy once. I have stopped being happy or enjoy life. I have submerged myself into work, I think I am doing good professionally. But this does not give me any happiness. I come back home and get back to my loneliness. I try to stop thinking about the situaitons which triggers my depression, but it comes back even in sleep. Many a times I get up at night and feel miserable.
I tried talking it out, but it did not help. So I keep everything to myself. I have a feeling that probably this is how life is.
I have been depressed alot lately i have talked too a friend of mine. He said that mabey it just happends around my age (13) but in a way, it feels good too be depressed
hmm.. that is a very good question, i know this is a really old question, but it is still a very good question.
Maybe 1% of the time, i do feel like i wan the extra attention…
but when im at my worst in terms of depression, i just wish that i could do anything to feel better, i hate being so sad and hopeless, i feel that i am not suppose to feel THAT sad, no one is, so i feel i do want to get better..
I’m 15 and have been depressed for a few months (not eating, suicidal thoughts, self injury, ect.). And when i start to feel happier i kind of get mad at my self and want to be depressed again. When i am depressed i HATE it, and want to be happy, but when i am happy i want to be depressed. Like happiness is ‘fake’ and i dont deserve to feel good.
does that happen to anyone else??
Yes, I feel that way. I’m 17. Depressed since about 13. It gets triggered by certain things like not being able to do something and then I feel a failure even though I have things to be proud of. They just don’t matter any more as soon as I fail at something, no matter how small. I have two types of depression. One where I don’t like it and one where I do. The extreme one I want to die, although I would never commit suicide, and the other I listen to music and books that make me feel depressed and happy. Sometimes I feel really happy, don’t know if it’s bipolar or just hyper, but I feel I can do anything. It happened the other day, and 10 minutes later I was completely anxious, a condition I have since a few months before certain events. Now it spread to all areas of my life. I wasn’t able to eat. Then I decided it was all ridiculous and I wouldn’t want to be depressed or anxious. It’s true it worked for the time being because they’re both gone. But now, since then, I feel empty and don’t care about anything. I don’t know if I want depression back or what. So confused. It’s like the depression was my identity and now it’s gone and I don’t know what’s wrong.