Battered Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence
Often we tend to think of domestic violence as something that happens to women. Investigators at the Group Health Center for Health Studies, however, say domestic violence against men is "under-studied and often hidden".
In a study published in the June 2008 American Journal of Preventative Medicine, the researchers presented data which contradicts five commonly held misconceptions about domestic violence against men:
- Few men experience domestic violence. The truth is that it is more common than believed. When 400 randomly sampled men were interviewed by phone, lead researcher Dr. Robert J. Reid and his colleagues found that 5% had experienced domestic violence in the previous year, 10% in the past five years and 29% at some time during their lifetime. Domestic violence was defined as both physical abuse (slapping, hitting, kicking or forced sex) and non-physical abuse (threats, constant disparaging remarks or controlling behavior).
- Abuse of men has no serious effects. Even though women are more likely to be physically abused than men, the researchers found that men who were abused - even if the abuse was non-physical - suffered serious, long-term effects on their mental health. Depressive symptoms were nearly three times as common in older men who had experienced abuse than in those who had not.
- Abused men don't stay with their abusers. Women, especially those who have children or are financially dependent upon their husbands, often stay in abusive relationships. The expectation held, however, is that men would be better able to leave their abusers. "We were surprised to find that most men in abusive relationships also stay, through multiple episodes, for years," said Dr. Reid.
- Domestic violence only affects the poor. Not so, say the researchers. Their study showed that people from all walks of life are affected.
- Ignoring it will make it go away. Ignoring a problem does not make it go away, however, many men are ashamed to speak out about abuse because of society's expectations that men are strong and in control. The researchers found that older men were less likely to speak out about their abuse than younger men.
In a press release, the researchers made it clear that they did not want to downplay violence against women. "Our team is concerned about abuse of people: of women as well as men," said Dr. Reid. In fact, the men who were interviewed were asked the same questions that had been asked of women in a previous study about domestic violence against women.
If you are a man or woman who has been abused by the significant other in your life, help is a phone call away. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Photo Credit: StockTrek / Getty Images
Comments
We can stop the war. The war is a spirit cancer.Every country must invest in EDUCATION.A real solution for eliminate THE VIOLENCE is to recognize the INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. We can help! With kind regards, Professor+chemist+officer Cornelia Vodoiu Timisoara – Romania.
Murray Straus and other highly respected scientists have been taking abuse from feminists for decades for their research, clearly demonstrating that domestic violence is not a gender issue. Half of all domestic violence is mutual, and when it is one-sided, it is actually more likely to be initiated by women! But, because violence by men is more likely to result in injury, and because men are far less likely to report, official (i.e., criminal justice) statistics tend to overrepresent male violence. Domestic violence has become an “industry,” and it is politically incorrect to question the feminist dogma that squarely places the blame on men, and ignores any evidence to the contrary. This must change, if we are to make progress in reducing domestic violence, which is actually a crime against children!
what if the spouse or ex-spouse has been continually battered emotionally? My ex took my daughter (with husband #3) to Florida in ‘98. I was 5 yrs recovering alcoholic, working my program to the max. The new husb. was psycho, refusing any telephone contact with my daughter/ (I can see why ex’s are killed w/suicide now) I went to MHMR which saved my life with correct meds. However, my ex took me to court twice more increased child support. I was living in poverty but the judge suggested I live in a pup tent!! Since 2002 my girl now lives with stepdad #4 and mom in Phoenix! I have only been able to see her approx 42 days TOTAL since 1998, mainly due to financial reasons, two plane tickets (I bought for her were never used ) The miracle is I’m still sober (14yrs) haven’t shot anyone, and my daughter and I talk often by phone.
Here;s one more kicker, I am on SSI disability which is nothing, and the Atty Gen STILL threatens me, even though my daughter is 21!! Thank you God and AA!
what if the spouse or ex-spouse has been continually battered emotionally? My ex took my daughter (with husband #3) to Florida in ‘98. I was 5 yrs recovering alcoholic, working my program to the max. The new husb. was psycho, refusing any telephone contact with my daughter/ (I can see why ex’s are killed w/suicide now) I went to MHMR which saved my life with correct meds. However, my ex took me to court twice more increased child support. I was living in poverty but the judge suggested I live in a pup tent!! Since 2002 my girl now lives with stepdad #4 and mom in Phoenix! I have only been able to see her approx 42 days TOTAL since 1998, mainly due to financial reasons, two plane tickets (I bought for her were never used ) The miracle is I’m still sober (14yrs) haven’t shot anyone, and my daughter and I talk often by phone.
Here;s one more kicker, I am on SSI disability which is nothing, and the Atty Gen STILL threatens me, even though my daughter is 21!! Thank you God and AA!
I can relate to the article first-hand. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and marriage for a total of 13 years. Why didn’t I leave or get help? Because my ex-wife always told me to “quit being a baby” and “be a man”. These were just 2 of her emotionally demeaning tactics. I finally did leave, but had to leave my 4 children behind also. But she spent much of her time demeaning me in front of them and it continued after I left. Consequently, I don’t have much of a relationship with my children; they are still holding Dad responsible, as they were trained by their mother. Oh, and after I left I finally was forced to get help: I have now been disabled according to Social Security Disability and my physicians for the last 16 years due to chronic major depression, an anxiety disorder and PTSD, all from being exposed to this toxic relationship for so long. I have taken anti-depressives and other similar meds for the past 16 years also. Have I gotten any better? Not really.
I did not realize for the longest time that what I was experiencing was verbal and emotional abuse. During marriage counseling, it was the counselor that first suggested the things I was sharing with her described abuse.
I’d found a web page that originated in the UK while doing research on Workplace Violence titled “Bullying in the Workplace.” While reading it, the author also offered up a separate article describing bullying in the home. I read it and, wah-lah! THAT described my situation, almost to a tee.
The marriage failed though a lot of effort was put into couples counseling. After my ex-wife refused to go any longer, I returned one last time for closure. It was shocking to see her reaction when I informed her my ex had made a point to show me a brand new .38 auto that she’d bought just a couple of weeks before I moved out. That represented to me the culmination of all the manipulative, digging, and demeaning comments I was on the receiving end of.
We went our own ways and today my life is far better. In the aftermath, I learned about self-care and setting boundaries. I must say I’ve been shocked myself several times since when I relay memories to a therapist or loved one and they see clearly I’m describing an abuse. Why am I so unable to see it sometimes? But today, I’m extremely happy to say I’m in a healthy relationship with the love of my life and we have the best of relationships. And, there is no abuse, at all!
Chris T – Stanwood WA
For men – if you’ve never seen “Book of Revelation” starring Tom Long, then you should.
Its an Australian movie and it affected me very much. Its a fictional but very brave portrayal of what abuse can be like for a man. By the end of the movie, he is only just beginning to start the healing process.
I saw it at the cinemas after I had been assaulted myself (I’m female), and I found much that I recognised in what happened to me.
My suggestion for anyone who has been assaulted or abused (male of female) is to not push aside how you feel. Don’t trivialise what you’re going through. And definitely get the health care and nurturing you need.
My name is Mitchell Williams from Murfreesboro, TN. I have an urgent family related legal issue and the court case is coming up soon on July 28th. In summary My wife fled and hid with the kids for no reason, or so I thought. She is now saying that I will sexually abuse them and even has the audacity to claim i did force myself on her… not only am I heart broken that she has alienated my 3 lovely children from me, but now that the divorce is upcoming she is claiming “forced sex” allegations, I did not understand what this meant, but looked it up on a legal website, and apparently it is also called spousal rape…. I am devastated at all of this, and not only this but she claims i was trying to force her to allow me to have a second wife! She is a lying husband beating treacherous woman who has been diagnosed with disassociative identity disorder aka multiple personality disorder, and this is why I need your help. Please help me or put me with some one who can, for the sake of Justice, and these kids who will never know a good and true loving home if we do not act.
Thank you.
Mitchell A. Williams
615-275-7609 cell
615-713-1972 home
615-890-3300 work
I will NOT continue to accept the abuse I was in. HE SHOULDD BE BURNED!