National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day
Childhood depression is a topic very close to my heart, and, given that National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day is coming up on May 7th this year, I thought I would speak a bit about my experiences.
My first episode of depression that I can remember occurred when I was about seven. I can remember waking up day after day thinking, "I hope today is a good day." It never was a "good day", however.
The depression and anxiety followed me until I was thirty-years-old and decided to see a psychiatrist about how I was feeling. The first time I visited him, I was filled with dread. I wanted to believe that I could feel better, but I knew deep inside that I was just weak and lazy and the doctor was going to tell me that there was nothing medically wrong. Instead, he told me that I had clinical depression and that there was hope for me to get better. Learning that my depression was biologically-based and not a character flaw changed my life completely.
Today, as I look back on my childhood I regret that none of the adults in my life recognized that I was depressed. In fact, there was still quite a bit of stigma surrounding mental disorders back then. I believe that things could have been much different for me if only people were more knowledgeable about depression and I had gotten help with it early on. Luckily, we are much more open and educated about depression today and our children do not have to suffer with depression or carry the burden well into adulthood before getting help. Please, help educate yourself and others so no child has to endure years of depression and self-doubt like I did.
Related Articles:
Comments
Thank you very much for sharing this, Nancy, and I hope and trust you’re doing and feeling better today (something that is still a “work in progress” for me). And thank you for being the host of this very informative and invaluable site and providing this as a forum for all of us who find it helpful to share and relate with others with depression.
Peter
I wanted to add that yes, it’s very unfortunate that depression and other mental illnesses carried such an ignorant and uncaring stigma, much of which still remains today, and while there is more awareness and opennness about depression today, there are still many more barriers that to be
breached so more people can appreciate both the debilitating pain and the progress in treating depression today.
I know where your coming from, and see what you mean, I lost my dad when I was three, no one ever sat little shaun down and explained in a congruant way why daddy was gone, so as we do I filled in the gaps. DADDY HAS LEFT ME! AND HE HAS LEFT ME BECAUSE? IM NAUGHTY, HE DOES NOT LOVE ME. Well what ever it was in my subconscious it caused no end of problems. for years I was a little terror, bullied at school so played truent, sent to a childrens home for it then physically abused by an animal called frank at street lane childrens home in leeds, ended up in more trouble, then one day I changed. to see how look at my web site. If my dad had lived, if I had not been bullied, if I had not been abused by frank. Would I be such a fantastic therapist as I now am?
love shaun.
I want to add my thanks to you for sharing your story and your ongoing support of this site. It was only when I had children of my own that I realized it was not normal for a ten year old to cry many times each week.
The first time I went for counselling I was told it was merely my personality. Many years later I experienced a total collapse which continues to plague me today. It is only because of ongoing care and medication that I am able to manage my day to day affairs.
Those around me do not understand why it is so very important to me that my grandchildren are given every opportunity to be loved and listened to.
My first episode occurred when my much loved grandfather died when I was 10. I received no help whatsoever during that first episode. In fact, I would say at 45 I still deal with the fallout from that period.
I remember being depressed when I was a child and I am still battleing it now at age 29 as well as ADHD. One of the challenges I am facing is friends that believe that mental illness, short of what orrcures due to brain trauma is all spiritually related and should not be treated by meds nor by psychotherapy . Their backing for this is that “you might interfere with what God wants for you”. What crap. I am now seeking care for my conditions. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you can “block the will of God” by seeking treatment like I did once.
I knew I had depression as a child but I did not know what the right word was. Or, maybe I dreaded telling someone because I always sensed such negativity about mental illness even as a young child! I do remember telling my parents and sister that I felt I had no hope and felt empty at times. How I got thru this? I ate my way out until now and I just turned 50 something, I have lost weight. I am seeing a wonderful therapist and a psychiatrist. The only person who can help you is really you. The childhood depression is a horrible thing and I am glad to be here to be able to educate others since I am now a professional counselor with a Master’s degree. I no longer have regrets for missing out on things that I had no idea what was happening and the beauty of it is I am here now and then. Smile.
I can’t remember a time when I was ever “happy” like the other kids. Therefore I never had friends at school, who wants to be friends with the different kid, who never smiles. Im not 67 and right now due to a death of a close family friend again having a real rough time..It seems like a lifetime is enough, I have been on 20 different meds, cymbalata has been keeping me stable until this episode…
My 1st memory of depression (of coarse I didn’t know why or what I was feeling then)was at age 4. We were slowly moving in with my mother’s boyfriend (and later 2nd husband)and out of my grandparents old home. Nobody was actually living there at the time except that we hadn’t gotten but half of our belongings out. I had a dream of the fire, the person, how they got in, the old rusting gas can, and the trail of gas through the house, up the stairs, etc. I tried to explain this dream to my mother, but at 4yrs old how could I describe what I had seen in that dream? She just told me it was a bad dream and not real. Nobody put 2and2 together until I was an adult. A matter of days to weeks later, there was a fire, our home was no longer liveable even though most of it was still there, it was just too old and could not be saved. When going into the house afterward, with my mother and grandmother, I remember the only thing that mattered to me was an old velvet picture of Elvis. I knew how much my mother LOVED that picture and when I told her “look ma! Elvis didn’t get burned! You can keep it!” she had to try to explain to me what smoke damage was. I would not have it! So, after my fit and mom not understanding my real feelings, we left and I was in tears. I cried daily for so long. It wasn’t the house but my mother’s feelings that I was so upset about. That’s when I can remember my “unhappiness” turning into a daily way of life – through my entire childhood, into and through my teen yrs, and then came some real help. As an adult I still battle with my depression, anxiety and panic disorders – but with meds, therapy, and coping skills. I feel as if this is my way of life and that the battle is on-going and that this is how it will always be, if I give up… my life will return to it’s “existance status” instead of actually LIVING. I only now know that what I was feeling at 4yrs old was depression.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My first real memory was at about 12, I am now 51, and take 120mil of Cymbalta, see a pyscharist and a therapist. But way before that I always remember being “tired” all the time and sleep was always my escape. Even now at this age I know an espsiode is coming because I will became extremely fatigued. The other thing I noticed over the years is I become ill, colds, flu, that type of thing more than more other people and of course miss alot of work. The part that stuck a cord with me was feeling you were “lazy” and I still carry that label with my family of origin who just never did “get it” as far as my illness is concerned.
Guess what? People are true folks who are the ones for sharing their pains and sufferings with us here. Painful but, beautifully and brutally honest. Wow. Don’t give up. Reach out. You are very well worth it. I have been there few times myself. No b.s. here.
I am fifty and am finally starting to get a handle on the daily suicidal depressions that have plagued me since the age of eight. Drugs didn’t help me, perhaps because there was a lot more going on than just depression. However that may be, I put the radical positive turnaround that has been occurring in my life for about nine months now down to breath meditation, which I am heavily into. The cool thing is, never lose hope, things can change.
this site has really helped me alot it has really opened my eyes on what has been going on with my 8 year old son. he has been very uncontrolable for quite a while now and he get upset and crys very easily about little things. I am going to talk to his doctor right away and see about getting him help. they said he has ADHD but I think it is depression after reading this almost all the signs and symptoms fit him perfectly. thank you so much for putting this out on the web it has truely helped me.
It is so important that this be understood. Many kids suffer silently and get little understanding. Children also try to commit suicide which is not widely known. My daughter tried to hang herself when she was six! People who are against medication sometimes don’t understand the possible consequences of not medicating. I myself have never been fully free from depression which began when I was seven and was separated from my family for a week.
Early intervention could have helped but my family was not astute enough to see that and to the outside world I probably looked just fine.
It’s so funny to hear other people talking about this. Depression has been my albatross for my whole life. It didn’t help that my mother was clinically depressed and go no help either. I’m not sure when it started for me, but I know that as an adolescent, I could barely function sometimes. I resorted to drugs and alcohol to just get through the day. No one explained self-medication in those days, and I just thought I was a bad person. Then, things got worse…my dad died of a heart attack when I was 17. My mom was killed in a car crash when I was 18. I felt like I had fallen into a deep hole and there was no way out. I saw a behavioral psychologist that year who gave me lots of things to do and told me to “grow up”. Some of the behavioral changes did help…the diet and the exercise. Then I went to an extremely conservative college and learned that I was just not a very good Christian. If I was, I would trust god more, and not have all these bad feelings. In my early 30s, as a young wife and mother, I finally saw a psychiatrist who prescribed medication. It changed my life. I have taken meds since then. I am 50 now. But a surprise has been awaiting me! Now that I am through menopause, I am feeling so much better. I was taking 3 meds per day and my Dr. has weaned me down to 1. I am on a pretty low dosage of Wellbutrin. In the past, when I would go off medication, I would fall pretty hard and pretty quickly back into depression, but I am going to try to go off again. At least now, I know when I am slipping and won’t wait until I am deeply depressed to get help. I think we could all write our own stories about the crushing reality of clinical depression. We also have a lot of hope to share.
Hi Nancy,
This post was great. I’m going to mention this in my own blog next weekend. because of the link between depression and celiac disease. I too have struggled with depression since I was a little kid.
Nancy
Hi – wow – This biological based cause of depression is BIGBIGBIGBIG – you can beat it with vigorous exercise – endorphines and sweat– exertion—- a rhythmic beat of your heart feet leggs – i.e. movement, motion, and exertion – It is the Key to wellness and well being – motion should be your mantra – MOTION MOTION MOTION – of your body – move according to your feeling at the time – it will beat depression – beat it to death – belive me – I learned that in the Marine Corps 40 years ago – get your body conditioned with good nutrition water and vitamins minerals etc etc etc and then move move move – vigorous and extened period of movement – it is a simple formula BUt it works – 2 hours a day at least – good luck — to all and I can be reached at rhodes350@comcast.net
Thanks for sharing your story. I have suffered from depression since I was 11, when my family moved across the country (I’m 40 now). I suffered from low self-esteem, negative self talk, and periods of suicidal thoughts, but because I did well in school and was active in after-school activities, I was not diagnosed.I also regret that my parents or other adults did not pick up on my negativity and suggest I seek treatment. Especially because my mother was being treated for depression, but didn’t share that with us. I truly believe I would have chosen a different profession, and my life would be much different if I had been diagnosed earlier. I was not diagnosed until after my son was born 10 years ago, when I was suicidal. Psychothearpy at the time and continuing drug therapy with effexor made all the difference, but cannot change my career decisions. I am ever vigilant now with my son and daughter 5, for depression symptoms, especially negative self-talk and changes in behavior. Keep the message out there!!
Depressed, I was, Dad died when i was 3, spent many months dieing in living room in a bed, I was sexually abused as a childnot by family, by dirty bastard neighbours, was bullied and ridiculed like hell at school, Now I am a very qualified therapist see web site, I wekt through massive depression when an adult, but looking back yes I was a depressed child, and although my childood was very shitty I would not go back and do it again. I have turned out ok and a human being.
From about the age of seven, every year for my birthday I wished for one happy day. When I was 32, I finally got my wish and had one complete happy day. Some of us are born depressed. I don’t bother with wishes anymore.
I’VE READ THRU ALL THE COMMENTS THUS FAR AND APPRECIATE THOSE WHO WERE NOT AFRAID TOO EXPRESS OR SUPPRESS EARLIEST MEMORIES OF FEELING OVERWHELMING DEPRESSION.AS A SUICIDE SURVIVOR FROM MY EARLY 20′S,[I'AM 56 NOW]..I WAS NEVER ”DIANOSED”AS DEPRESSED!…BY MY TEACHERS,PARENTS,DOCTORS,CO-WORKERS,BOSSES NOR FAMILY …ONLY DICIPLINED OR CRITICIZED FOR NOT ”BEING WITH-IT”.
I belive i have been depressed since my earliest memory of age 7. I keep hoping for the “Happy Day”. Whats even more alarming to me is that I belive it is in the genes. My mother was miserable, as so was my Grandmother, and one Aunt. It is so upsetting that the adults in my life never helped, just criticized. The fact that society has made us feel like a bunch of outcasts is even more disturbing, it is an illness, not something we brought on ourselves!
Yeah child depression is the worst thing to go through. We need to identify if our children are depressed and help them to overcome it.
Many parents dismiss their child’s concerns, thinking they’ll go away, or avoid acting on their concerns because they fear they’re responsible for their child’s depression.
Let your child know that you’re there whenever he or she needs you and wherever you may be. Say this over and over again — your child may need to hear it a lot because he or she feels unworthy of love and attention.
It’s important to let your child know that you understand what he or she might be going through and that you’re going to seek an expert opinion to find a way to make life easier.
Thanks for sharing. I had similar experiences. My mother tried to help by bringing me to group counseling when I was a child. It didn’t help. I now am doing much better through medication. I went through torture until about 44 years old. Dave
Sad for me that I am in my mid 50’s, have gone through the “gamut” of treatment, including ECT’s, and realize that my “depression” was in my genes since a child.
I remember “feeling” sad, on rainy days, “feeling” homesick for no reason, “being” very nervous (anxious) for no apparent reason…
As a child I was considered “so intelligent”, so special. at the age of 13 had thyroid surgery (to this day I don’t know the orgin of the need)…..
Bottom line I am 56 years old, and still going through HELL…..I’ve had all the “cocktails” available, tried cognitive therapy, read all that is availablre, proof is that I still subscribe to your site…….and…..
I’m still “down”………it helps to know that there are “others” like me and “others” worse…..
L
When I was working with troubled youth a few years ago, I was given the priviledge of attending a two day workshop on suicide prevention. The main thing I learned was to get said person talking and being a good listener—–reading between the lines, so to speak, as to what the person was Really saying.
The Anatomy of Depression
I have read through many comments above and no longer feel alone.
When I was about 12 or 13 I remember telling my Nana that I was depressed. She just told me that I was too young to be depressed and that I needed to grow up.
Well now I am 39 years old and I am still depressed, it effects my work, my memory and my education. Iam often anxious, fearful with history of alcohol addition and thoughts of hurting myself to make the pain go away. I am looking forwared to taking a psych eval [imagine that] to get a true diaganosis.
I am a vegan and know that all presciption medications are tested on animals…so now I must make the decision to either take the prescribed medication or just do therapy.
I guess that I will be in a holding pattern until then.
Looking back, I have probably been depressed since I was four years old. By age 10 it was severe. By age 12 I was “cutting” for a short time. In high school I struggled with an eating disorder when things were particularly difficult. Eventually I learned to hide it well and think of myself as a survivor. I’ve had three periods in my life during which I thought about suicide often. I first went for professional help in college but all earlier attempts at getting help from my pastor and school counselor were unsucessful. It seems adults didn’t want to see what I already knew was a problem. I am glad that we can acknowledge depression in children more openly now and hope that many children are spared unnecessary pain. Thank you for sharing your story, Nancy.
I have been diagnosed since 18, but am sure I suffered from depression since elementary school. My parents were both hospitalized for depression, as were two older sisters. I lost my mom to brain cancer when I was 9. I see the family history, early parental death as contributors but I also know that medication has helped me greatly. Back in the 1970’s in my small town there was more stigma, and no one knew how to effectively treat depression. In fact, my mother was once given Valium and told by our family doctor “go home and take care of your husband and children.” Turned out she not only was very depressed, probably a lingering post-partum depression after 5 kids, but she had a malignant brain tumor. I remember feeling quite sad even before my junior high years, and her death was a big part of it–but not all. I am sure I would have had depression even if she’d lived, I mean. I now am a Licensed Social Worker and work with children at a mental health residential center, doing groups. I have a special affinity for the children dealing with loss and the intensity of clinical depression. I never knew there was a Child Mental Health Awareness day. I am hopeful that care for depressed kids will continue to improve, starting with identifying them.
I was in my early schooling and all my friends used to laugh at me. I was a person always lost in taughts. I always lost games as a child. My first suicidal thoughts came in 9 th class. I am today a veteran of three suicide attempts. I still donot know how to lead a life like others lead. I am strange. I donot mix with others. In my software engineering class I tell this time and again. An error corrected early in its life is much cheaper than to correct as time passes. I think the parents in particular should talk to their kids on various issues and clear their doubts. I think this simple act of talking of the near and dear ones will help address depression much more effectively than any other thing.