Poll: Do You Feel "Happy" About Being Depressed?

um well i’m 13, and sometimes when i’m depressed i want to make people who hurt me feel guilty like it says, and i don’t want to overcome too soon, but then it happens naturally and i’m happy again, but it goes in a cycle for me, happy, sad/depressed… yeah anyway bye

i get sad an ddepressed alot and yes sometimes i do want people to feel bad for me. if they cause it that is. its confusing because i want certain people to talk to me and others to no, it just depends on the say. sometimes my best friend will talk to me then the next time shes the last person i want to talk to.

It’s one of those(depending on your personal reason):
1)feeling sorry or yourself.
2)To make someone guilty.
3)Get attention.
4)You’re guilty-punish yourself!

I have been depressed on and off since I was a little girl and right now I seem to be at my lowest point. Sometimes I want people to know how I feel and sometimes I try to hide it and try to look like I am happy. Right now I do wish I had some sympathy and had someone to look after me without my feeling like I am worthless. But I never want someone to feel guilty for hurting me because I know that they did not mean it.

Well I have not been diagnosed with depression by a doctor but I am certain I have it. I think I fall under the category of people who have depression and don’t realize or want to stop and care about oneself because they are so busy with their lives. Now that I have come to realize my depression, I’ve actually welcomed it because I feel that the next step for me to take is suicide. I’m sick of pretending that everything will turn out ok and when that point in time comes

mmm … its difficult to discribe my condition because at this time i am in dipression.yes i want to make people feel guilt for hurting me.i want certain people just care of me in other words i can’t share those things which i linked by heart.

I have been manically depressed for 4 or 5 years, it started from the types of depression you highlight, finding comfort in depression, asking or getting help from others and using it in some way as a device to get attention, not that that itself is not a problem – many young people find themselves doing this and are criticized by their peers.
But now – no, depression stops everything in my life, education and employment my talents have disappeared by the crushing of my confidence, I do not find any comfort in my depression I want to be rid of it!

you know well you hit the nail on the head, i just come in from a night i had a lof happen in recent months, i was in love and she said to some of my mates she liked me when i found out i was over joyed. it went on i cycled to her house on dangerous roads and all. Then the i found out she didn like me a bit later my friend kept it from me that infact they where getting together and stuff months has passed and when he says no cant do this today or that i gotta see her. it makes me hate filled what can i say. i hint so much about the pain and stuff. That is why i agree with you sometimes you want to feel depressed because of depression it self. you want revenge or them to feel guilty at the end of the day never underestimate how ppl dont give a shit about u. All i can say but i seem to not let go easy but thanks for stumbling across this hopefuly i shall now i understand it cheers. S A

I think being down and being depressed are two different things. Depression is something you can’t help for the most part, and you don’t “become” depressed just to make people guilty. Usually, you become upset and want people to feel guilty for you, so you act and feel down.

I have chornic depression, and sometimes I guess i am “happy” to be depressed, but only becuase my mindstate doesn’t allow me to feel I’m allowed to be happy, so I feel I deserve the depression I’m in. I try very, very hard to not let it show, and I don’t like sympathy. All I want is an ear to listen. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or guilty about it, because it’s not their fault, its a disease.

I like to be depressed. I guess it just feels comfortable and if people see me like that they ask me for anything they just leave me alone. I have been see people to try and help with my depression but it all comes down to whether or not i’m willing to give up on depression. I think pain and hurt make me feel good. I dont really talk to anyone about it.

Anyway back to the point. I watch certain movies and listen to certain music just to remind me of what makes me upset.

I don’t leave comments, but this caught my attention. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorders 10 months ago and also admitted I was an alcoholic at the same time. Since being in Therapy and being sober I have felt disenfranchised. I am no longer sure of who I am. Partly because my memories of my life are called into doubt by the fact that my perception of life has evidently been coloured by alcohol for fifty plus years. If how I perceived my circumstances, surroundings, actions during that period are incorrect then then so is my lifetime built perception of myself.

This in turn has left me with very little confidence that I know where I should go and how I should get there.

I am looking hard at the possibility that this is the reason that I am “hanging on” to being Bipolar depressed. Not because it gives me anything, but rather that I no longer feel that I have any trust in the tools, even recently learned, that may help me out It’s the kind of “funk” that courage or intellect cannot help because the energy and confidence that were attached the former perception of identity are no longer valid. Therefore,though I am not happy to be depressed and it gives me nothing, it has become, in a way,the only stable or “true” or proven aspect of my persona and is to that degree seductive.

If you are reading this.
You know what it feels like.
You probably searched for an awnser. “why, why do I enjoy bieng depressed.”

Depression can be considered happiness, merely a different type.

There is only one who can ever comprehend the complexity of a human.

you.

yeh sometimes.. i dont do it as much now but when i was younger i got hurt ALOT so i guess i just wanted ppl to come up to me and give me a bit more attention u no ?? and to make the person feel guilty. not ne mre tho =)

Sometimes, I feel very much like you described. Almost like I actually want to be depressed instead of happy, sometimes I even look forward to being/becoming depressed. I’m not certain why, but I do feel that way sometimes.

I know exactly what your talking about. I’ve been depressed all throughout my life and I actually grew to love to inflict that hurt on myself to wear I feel like im worth nothing. Now I don’t physically hurt myself but I definitely rip myself apart from the inside. If i was to lose this hurt it would almost be like im losing my shield of protection. This pain is what makes me whole now, it seems like…..

You know sometimes the thought occurred to me as well that maybe I like being depressed or maybe it’s me who chooses to be sad otherwise why do I feel so sad so often when sometimes there is not even a reason. But I never want anyone to feel guilty, sometimes I want to share my feelings so that I feel a little better but I’ve always found expressing myself very hard. But yeah, maybe it’s me who’s doing this to myself cuz maybe I don’t know how to let go of things that hurt me, how to enjoy life, maybe I just don’t know how to be happy…

i dont want people to feel bad for me
that makes me feel worse
1 person knows how bad i get sometimes
but sometimes ill be feeling like shit, then ill get distracted and be fine, and i almost get mad at myself because feeling depressed, sometimes suicidal, just feels right here and there

how is this the only page online about this condition??
i just searched it and it seems like more people would have talked about this by now if this many people notice something

I’m depressed quite a lot. But for me there’s a part of me that enjoys the sensation. I’m a film maker and I somewhat like the dark side of human nature. I like dark movies and things like that. I find the dark side of humanity interesting. Edgar Allen Poe for example. For me I find some inspiration from it when I write my scripts. Even though most of the time it gets me down there are times when I almost relish the experience of being depressed. Before you guys say anything I am not the least bit gothic. I have found a way to embrace the dark side and make it my own. I think you can’t really know humanity, or yourself for that matter, unless you see the darkside as well as the light.

im 21 from australia! i have been depressed for about 3 years and about two months ago i finally decided to get help so the docotrs gave me medecine and im kinda feeling better and better everyday!but im afraid that i will still stay depressed all my life… even though im on meds.

A few years ago, I was depressed. I’ve gotten better, but there is still a part of me that loves being depressed. I hold onto the feeling like its a kid holding its favorite candy. When I’m happy, its a good feeling, and I don’t let people know when I get depressed, but I feel like without depression, I’m out of my comfort zone. So I stay depressed, because I don’t want to be happy.

Would there be something wrong with me because I feel this way?

I’m 22 just coming to terms with my depression and having some treatment for it. But in all honesty I like my depression on some level, it feels safe and familar. Its very much a part of me and how I look at the world. Plus I can’t really imagine facing the world with out it. But hopefully my treatment will help me out with that.

Im 30 and i have always ended up in the same way. After ive gotten over what ever the depression was, I always long to feel depressed. This isnt about hurtying anyone cos i usually put on a face to hide and lock myself away when i can to just be alone although there are times when i think it could just be a deep lothing of myself. I take care not to show it to anyone cos I’d hate to have anyone think im nuts or something.

I’m 34 and have been depressed for about 13 years and I do actually enjoy it. It is like a shield or I like to think of it as a room I can go into and no one can touch me. I don’t want anyone to know nor do I crave sympathy, its just that I think the self loathing makes me humble.

Wow i never thought i would see a question like this and i’m glad i did…..

I always felt really guilty about feeling like this, i really want someone to feel sorry for me and to be there for me but noone really is and i cant trust anyone to believe how i feel because my best friend has depression and everyone thinks i just copy her but i was depressed a long time before i met her but i kept it bottled up for her sake, i’m not sure my counsiller even believes me….even though i’ve had 2 panic attacks and several breakdowns in lessons i just feel like they don’t believe me and it’s really depressing……i’m not sure even i believe me especially while i feel so happy about being depressed, my counsiller says i’m always in a negative place….but that negative place makes me happy……

Well, I do believe I’ve been depressed before. I’m 17 and my mom killed herself right before I turned 15. I’m thinking I was depressed for a couple of months after that. I believe you’re mostly depressed when you don’t really know it; you just think about everything that’s going on and feel down, but you never think it’s depression. I believe that’s when depression is at its peak. I went to therapy and refused to take meds even though my therapist and counselor insisted. My mom had cronic depression, schizophrenia, and was bipolar. I’ve been scared for years that I may develope these disorders, with the exception of depression which I’ve been going through a lot. For a very long time I’ve been mad at myself and tired of having this feeling that I want to be depressed. I do think I crave attention from others (people at school; not at home), even though I push it away when I get it. I guess I want people to feel sorry for me and ask me what’s wrong, and I’ll just shake my head and tell them nothing’s wrong, and they’ll just walk away. I hate doing this, and I hate lying to others and lying to myself, but it’s almost like a daily routine since the middle of my sophomore year (I’m a junior now). Nowadays I’m mostly happy though, because before my sophomore year ended, I promised myself I would change and be happy. But sometimes I feel randomly down and secluded, and I wonder wether it’s me being bipolar, me wanting to act depressed, or me actually feeling down because of how life’s been for me for the past 10 years. I also believe there’s something wrong with me most of the time, and I don’t believe I’m acting then. My life hasn’t been pretty since my parents divorced, which was when I was 7, and I feel that that’s when everything began, because I remember acting very weird when my mom and dad would fight; I remember ripping my hair off and blaiming myself for everything; ’till this day it affects me and I feel guilty for everything that happens around me. I only wish I had the will to simply ignore what’s going on and just be happy.

NO..never happy 4 being depressed….nor want 2 feel any1 guilty……
even when I punish myself by harming it…it hurts me…in this case I whish I ever had the coz that made me feel that way and then punish myself 4 it….
DEPRESSION IS HELL….can any1 be happy in hell….I don’t think sooooooooooooooo

i dont think anyone would be happy to be depressed. in my case i am depressed because i cant help feeling that way. and want to send the message across my family who are in state of denial. it is most frustrating when they think you are just putting an act when u r feeling really pitiful and hurtful inside. so i want attention from then so that they can help me because the ones most closet to me are the only ones who can help me is what i feel. so i yearn for my closet one to help me.. help me is what i always say inside. if they can understand me and accept me then i have no other reason to put up an ‘act’. not because i am too lazy to pick myself up. but because sometimes we need a hand to pick us and laugh with us instead of being constantly bickering about how we always fall

I don’t want any sympathy from anyone. Lots of the time, I just hold on to the lonliness and the pain and the numbness because I don’t believe there is any other way to live life. Sadness ,or depression, is the only thing I can put any trust into. It shows me nothing but the true nature of everything around me. When Im “happy”, someone, something, and even nothing at all takes it away from me. I feel naive and foolish that I let it through the barrier I mentally created for myself. Then I beat myself up about opening up to something that was never meant for me.

I hope that makes some kind of sense.

hi, since i was 13 i’ve had manic depression and i’m 19 now. i don’t remember any of my childhood or any of my life before i was 12 years of age, since i was depressed from 13 to 16, then manic from 16 to now, i feel so much more comfortable when i’m depressed because it feels natural to me – it’s all i remember growing up.

i like to go home after seeing friends and get high and listen to sad music from when i was 13 because it’s all i have to hold on to. and depression is the only emotion i’m comfortable to feel.

i feel depresed. i do not think its anybodys foult. But until life gives me a meaning for living, i dont want to be happy. and i dont mean like heaving kids, fall in love, do something specteular…or anything like that. just a meaning to life. one simple word that tells me that living isnt just about…..nothing.

I do not want anybody to feel hurt, I do not want sympathy. In fact, even though I have been diagnosed as having clinical depression. But I try to hide it from people in the fear of hurting them even though these are the people who are partly responsible for my unhappiness.

My depression stops me from doing things which I used to enjoy once. I have stopped being happy or enjoy life. I have submerged myself into work, I think I am doing good professionally. But this does not give me any happiness. I come back home and get back to my loneliness. I try to stop thinking about the situaitons which triggers my depression, but it comes back even in sleep. Many a times I get up at night and feel miserable.

I tried talking it out, but it did not help. So I keep everything to myself. I have a feeling that probably this is how life is.

I have been depressed alot lately i have talked too a friend of mine. He said that mabey it just happends around my age (13) but in a way, it feels good too be depressed

hmm.. that is a very good question, i know this is a really old question, but it is still a very good question.

Maybe 1% of the time, i do feel like i wan the extra attention…

but when im at my worst in terms of depression, i just wish that i could do anything to feel better, i hate being so sad and hopeless, i feel that i am not suppose to feel THAT sad, no one is, so i feel i do want to get better..

I’m 15 and have been depressed for a few months (not eating, suicidal thoughts, self injury, ect.). And when i start to feel happier i kind of get mad at my self and want to be depressed again. When i am depressed i HATE it, and want to be happy, but when i am happy i want to be depressed. Like happiness is ‘fake’ and i dont deserve to feel good.

does that happen to anyone else??

Yes, I feel that way. I’m 17. Depressed since about 13. It gets triggered by certain things like not being able to do something and then I feel a failure even though I have things to be proud of. They just don’t matter any more as soon as I fail at something, no matter how small. I have two types of depression. One where I don’t like it and one where I do. The extreme one I want to die, although I would never commit suicide, and the other I listen to music and books that make me feel depressed and happy. Sometimes I feel really happy, don’t know if it’s bipolar or just hyper, but I feel I can do anything. It happened the other day, and 10 minutes later I was completely anxious, a condition I have since a few months before certain events. Now it spread to all areas of my life. I wasn’t able to eat. Then I decided it was all ridiculous and I wouldn’t want to be depressed or anxious. It’s true it worked for the time being because they’re both gone. But now, since then, I feel empty and don’t care about anything. I don’t know if I want depression back or what. So confused. It’s like the depression was my identity and now it’s gone and I don’t know what’s wrong.

I always feel depressed, on and off… sometimes I’m so high I feel like I’m flying, I can conquer everything… then, usually in the evening or first thing in the morning (or at any random point in the day), I hit rock bottom and cry for no reason, contemplate suicide etc. Sometimes these feelings are so deep I can forget everything I had been doing beforehand, which can be quite terrifying at times.

Only I won’t ask for help from any docs, because I always feel they’re just judging and gonna think I’m mad. Also, like the issue raised in this poll, I ‘enjoy’ it. I always have, for the past… 7 years or so (I’m 18). I enjoy the deep feeling of worthlessness, guilt, suicidal feelings… I just hate the transition between joy or ‘indifferent’ to depression.

I don’t know if there was ever a time that I did not suffer from depression. In the 1970s I went to our county mental health organization to explain what was wrong with me and didn’t get any help. I was in my forties when I began being treated for my real problems – depression, anxiety, and PTSD. This has never been a comfort to me, not a comfortable place to live. I want to be well and when I first took antidepressants, I was amazed to think that some people can go around feeling that way their whole lives! It doesn’t last, though. They lose effectiveness and then it’s off to a new one and try again. I have been in therapy for fifteen years, on drugs for fifteen years, and I have some periods of lessened doom and gloom alternated with deep depression. It never came to my mind to put the blame on any of those periods of deep depression on somebody or to hurt them. It’s just who I am now.

i saw this symptoms always tired and difficult to believe some one dont like any body coming near to me specially men i was talketive before but seems now to fear talk about anybody or any matter my confidence totally loose i think i am very bad man of myself and who is not like for the society i being to

I was shocked when I read this. I personally cannot imagine wanting to be depressed. I have struggled with depression my entire life, and find it to be hell on earth. I couldn’t believe the difference I felt when I started taking medication (after 20 years of trying every other method to feel better), and for the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to feel “normal.” As far as wanting to get attention by getting depressed, the last thing I want when I am depressed is attention. I just want to crawl in a hole and have everyone leave me alone). Of course, depression can have many levels–anything from having a blue mood to incapacitating clinical depression. Maybe I’m just a wimp, because I hate pain, and depression, at its most severe level, is one of the most painful forms of human suffering. I still get depressed from time to time, even with medication, but after knowing what it is like to feel “normal,” I find depression that much more unbearable when I do experience it.

Its not to make sumone feel guilty.I even think that its useless to talk or tell sumone that i have depress. So sumtimes all i have to do is show a fake happiness look to all. In my neighbohood, dpression still often been seen as a insanity, or mentally weakness…:( .Theres a lot of judgement. And its embarassing the family. So i dont think so its for geting attantion or legally forgiving our disability.

maybe people are content with their depression because of the world we live in today. maybe it has nothing to do with you being self centered and everything to do with problems society as a whole has. if you are depressed, maybe you should be. (HERE TAKE SOME SOMA!!). you should all familiarize yourselves with the book’s “1984″ by george orwell, and “a brave new world” by huxley. you should also become familiar with the movies “THX1138″ and “the matrix” only don’t zombie out on the monotonous action scenes and focus on the deeper meaning of the entire thing….

I’ve been depressed since I can remember. I don’t feel happy about being depressed, but in a way, I’m afraid to lose myself as this is the person I have become. I am an accumulation of my emotions and situations over the years. If I finally heal, then I will not be the person I have become comfortable with. I accept my depression as a fact. I don’t like the way medications make me. While on medications I am less depressed overall, but when I do get depressed it’s 100 times worse than had I just stayed at a level (my normal) depression without. I’m less creative, I’m less outgoing (I push myself when I find myself very depressed), and I have side effects with medication. I just don’t find one outweighs the other. I wouldn’t change myself even with an illness. It’s like having blue eyes or brown hair. Who’s to say that my perception of the world and myself is wrong? Where is the line of sanity and who defines it? Personally I think we have a deeper sensitivity and a bit of obsession with things rather than being considered as mentally ill.

Im 19 and Ive been depressed for a while and realized recently that while I dont like being depressed It feels like a part of me that I dont want to give up. I feel that I would lose myself if I got better.

Ok, changed my mind. Depression is always horrible. If you start feeling that way, be smart and do soemthing to make it go away before you sink into it. Because that’s very likely to happen if you let depressed phases occupy your mind. And it’s much harder to get out of it then. I’m managing with positive thinking. It actually does work, even though I was very sceptical at the beginning.You will also not lose your sense of self. I am still myself, though I thought I was forgetting who I was at times. That is NOT going to happen. You just find a new way to be yourself. It’s normal to change. Everybody’s mind and perception of reality changes all the time, at times unnoticeably, at other times, rapidly. Nothing to fear though. It’s inevitable, so let it change.

I agree. Depression is like you’re in a comfort zone, especially for long time sufferers – it becomes part of who you are. I’ve wrote something like this before: but I don’t believe anyone can fully recover from depression, you can’t exactly forget that depression never existed; you’ve been through it, you know what it feels like, therefore depression has became associated with your life.

For me, there’s a part of me that can’t let go of it despite being considered recovered, I’ve been hurt so many times, being depressed puts a wall around me, like it’s a barrier from getting hurt more, however it will only hurt you more as you’re only pushing every pure happiness away.

But I will say that despite all this, at the end of the severe battle, it really does make you a better person!!! I’m happy to admit I’m glad I’ve been through depression, it’s make me more aware of people’s feelings, about life, kindness etc! I’m 19 now, and well I’ve suffered for about 4 years.. May not be long as some people, but enough to truly understand what depression is.

Personally, it’s not that I feel “happy” about it, but I feel like I don’t want to overcome my depression. I want to sulk around all day and feel sorry for myself, hoping the feeling will spiral into something worse. Sounds stupid, I know but I can’t help but feel like this. I was told from a therapist that I don’t have depression and I’m not bi-polar and I think she was wrong. I know there’s something wrong with me, I just don’t know what it really is.

i go through ups and downs, sometime i am happy and at other times i find myself really down. but you know often times i think about horrible things just to make myself feel bad. it’s like i welcome the feeling of being worthless and guilty. and it’s hard to let that go after you’ve been doing it for so long. especially when feeling that way is the only thing you’ve known for a long time. cause deep down you really know that even if you are happy it is probably not going to last. then you do things to push that person away, just to prove yourself right or to see how far you can push them till they eventually walk away. cause you know that you will never be truely happy. because no one will every truely love you or understand you.

yes i know what you mean. when you are with somebody you do things to push them away. and you can never really let them in because if they knew you.. the real you.. and saw all your flaws of course they would leave. cause why would they stay after that? it’s the feeling that you aren’t worth anything, and that noone will every truely love you because you just aren’t worth it. and everybody that has walked out of your life, did for a reason. and you know that everybody else that will come in your life will do the same. you don’t trust anybody. not even your “best” friends. actually not even your family. and no one in the world knows how you really feel. but you just can’t let go of that feeling. like no matter what you do you’re just not good enough. and you will be disappointed for the rest of your life. and of course all of this is your fault because you can’t hold on to anybody. it’s a vicious cycle, but it’s so hard to get out of, and sometimes you just don’t want to.

many of the comments here, i totally agree, i feel better when i am depressed, in the sense that like im in my “comfort zone” , likee this iss better than feeling happy becuase you don;t know how happiness will be orr it just might bite back. i have just recently gone through a very intense relationship with a boy, we nicely balanced each other out, got along reallly well,ppl told us we were meant to be even, me and him styll like ecah other evben now and we’re styll freinds but at the same time we’re not, we tlak at skool sumtimes when we see each other but b4 when thigns we were good, we were very close, best freinds even, hes from a different religion thna me , andd meee , almost like as if i on purpose caused problems , likee not even picking little fights but sayin no this wont work to the extreme like our parents wont allow uss to be together (and my parents r very liberal abt mnay things so there is that possiblity of being together) and i tunred it into this whole new thing where we reaaly cared and loved each other that we shud break it off now beforee it gets serious even futher in the future. whihc is truee and soo i used that excuse and kept hammering it in to his head.and all of last yr hes always wnated to keep me in his lifee, but ivee just always pushed it away, U know like when this depression re-enters into my lifee every few days or so later, literally my brain stops working, and follow my heart,,< whihc is soo messed, and then afterwards my brain iss like consious again , sumthin like that, like noww adays after wat has happened i put myself literally talkingand thinking to myself, abt me dying tomororo, if i had cancer, just anythign to crave for that sense off pain internally, soo now, skool has started again and now ic ant bear to look at him, ive missed an opprotunity orr just wnat things to be how they were. its hard on him b/c hes tryna get over me , im so losstt. and noww when i reflect bak on last yr i regret iss soo mucccchhh, like why cudnt i just have sum happines s in my life and enjoy it . i kno theres that aspect iof that attention craving but theres more to it..sum1 tell me wats going on here ??? im to messed up !! & LET ME KNOW IF THIS HAS HAPPENED TO NE ONE ELSE OR AM I ALONE IN THIS.

many of the comments here, i totally agree, i feel better when i am depressed, in the sense that like im in my “comfort zone” , likee this iss better than feeling happy becuase you don;t know how happiness will be orr it just might bite back. i have just recently gone through a very intense relationship with a boy, we nicely balanced each other out, got along reallly well,ppl told us we were meant to be even, me and him styll like ecah other even now and we’re styll freinds but at the same time we’re not, we tlak at skool sumtimes when we see each other but b4 when thigns we were good, we were very close, best freinds even, hes from a different religion thna me , andd meee , almost like as if i on purpose caused problems , likee not even picking little fights but sayin no this wont work to the extreme like our parents wont allow uss to be together (and my parents r very liberal abt mnay things so there is that possiblity of being together) and i tunred it into this whole new thing where we reaaly cared and loved each other that we shud break it off now beforee it gets serious even futher in the future. whihc is truee and soo i used that excuse and kept hammering it in to his head.and all of last yr hes always wnated to keep me in his lifee, but ivee just always pushed it away, U know like when this depression re-enters into my lifee every few days or so later, literally my brain stops working, and follow my heart,,< whihc is soo messed, and then afterwards my brain iss like consious again , sumthin like that, like noww adays after wat has happened i put myself literally talkingand thinking to myself, abt me dying tomororo, if i had cancer, just anythign to crave for that sense off pain internally, soo now, skool has started again and now ic ant bear to look at him, ive missed an opprotunity orr just wnat things to be how they were. its hard on him b/c hes tryna get over me , im so losstt. and noww when i reflect bak on last yr i regret iss soo mucccchhh, like why cudnt i just have sum happines s in my life and enjoy it . i kno theres that aspect iof that attention craving but theres more to it..sum1 tell me wats going on here ??? im to messed up !! SUM1 TELL ME if this has happened to them.

I was depressed when I was 14. I wanted to die. Three years of counseling and people distracting me, telling me it was my fault, worked for a while. Now they’re gone and I’m depressed again. It’s not that I want to die, I know I’m going to die. I will die and I am not afraid. I am indifferent about death. It doesn’t matter to me if I die in thirty minutes or in thirty years. I have lived my life trying to please others and life has yielded nothing for me, only for those I have served. I know now, just as I always have, that the world is full of evil people like myself. So now I let myself be “depressed”, not caring about anything. I do what I want in the moment. I still think about others, just not nearly as much as I used to. I come first now. I am happy to be depressed because now it doesn’t matter what happens to me. I’m insignificant anyway. Maybe someday I’ll find something that will give me purpose. That’s why I’m joining the military when I turn eighteen in a month. Maybe I’ll die – I don’t care. What’s more important is it will give me something to do. And yes, I’ve heard about JESUS CHRIST, AND HOW HE DIED FOR ME ON THE CROSS, YES I AM SAVED, ALL THAT SHIT. God is dead.

I am 55 and depressed and happy with it. I do not want sympathy, I don’t want to keep being creative. I just want people to leave me alone. And just to let you know, I have not been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and I feel as normal as anyone who I have met. I just look at life and see the dark side. I will be satisfied with that.

There’s some truth in being ‘happy’ about being depressed at the milder stages (why would people listen to sad songs if they were only ever searching for happiness?!). For the most part you can’t help it although you can take steps to address it.
I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, I wouldn’t want to be, it’s a massive part of what makes me who I am, the part of me i really like, the part of my ’soul’ that is full of love and empathy along with the ability to feel guilt and pain. At Uni I developed severe depression that lasted for 2 years, by my 2nd year i was in a state bordering on psychosis – I never sort any help except for specific instances when i turned to friends. I certainly wasn’t after sympathy. I did the best to hide it as I could. I used illegal drugs which gave me some respite, and I believe ultimately prevented a ‘full-on’ mental breakdown. Depression at that level is definitely not ‘happy’ in any way. It’s horrible. The only good thing is that it gives you a chance to look at everything in life and your ’self’ without limits, without fear or concern about what you might find.

i am sooooooooooo depresseddd! but, it almost feels, calm, i hate it when anyone talks to me, an all i can think about is himm. . .
everyone thinks theres something wrong with me. there really isntt!
i just wanna be in his armss.
but i know it might never happen,
it kills me inside, butt ii just cant feel anything, even pain would be a relief, it would be SOMETHING, i just feel. . . dead ://