| Anna's ECT Diary | |
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(Guide note: This entry is Anna's response to a concerned friend. The ">" indicates quotes snipped from her friend's post. The words not proceeded by ">" are Anna's reply.)
>Why is it that I can't seem to go a single week without seeing something that
>makes me cry confused bewildered tears?
i didn't want to upset anyone ... i know this is scary
>Anna, love, you know how I care about you, and you know that my thoughts
>are with you through all of his, but......please forgive me.....I just don't have the
>courage to watch as this happens.
that's ok. i understand completely, i mean, i almost feel the same way. i've been for lots of consultations and i've found out a lot about it and i really think i'm going to be ok. i don't know if it's going to 'cure' my depression or not (i've kind of lost hope of anything doing that now), but the risks are low, and i think it's worth a try. but i understand if you don't want to watch ...
i just wish it hadn't had to come to this.
it's a fucken tragedy is what it is
>Maybe I feel too strongly about ect being used only as a last resort. In this
>case, it isn't my decision to make, but I know your other option, and I know
>that that same option cured me without anyone sending any excess electrical
>current through my brain.
it's really a low current ... i'm as scared as you are bryan - and, well, you can imagine how brad feels .. but after the consultation last monday, which me my mum, my dad and brad came too, we all feel reassured
that they do it very humanely and i'll be taken care of.
<biting back tears>
i'm going to be ok.
>And that doesn't necessarily mean that the same option would work for you,
>but I would hate to see you not try it. And the truth is that I'm scared.
maybe you think i'm foolish ... maybe i should have tried to hold on another few weeks and try the goddam maoi - but what if that one didn't work? then hold on and try another one? and another one? i've been doing it too long. the way i've been feeling, i'd probably try and induce a heart attack by binging on all the bad foods, washed down with a bottle of red wine ...
and if this works (and i've spoken to people who say it really did, for them) it'll be three weeks and that's it ... hopefully if it doesn't completely cure me, it'll lift me to a level where the anti-depressants at least have a chance of working.
imagine that - in three weeks i could be on the road to recovery, and that would make all this worthwhile.
> Please forgive my cowardice and stupidity, but I just can't bear to watch
>this......
you do what you have to babe ...
i understand.
anna xxx
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