What to Say to a Suicidal Teenager

Tips to Talk to a Teen Threatening Suicide

Take any threats of suicide very serious.

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While some may think of it as a colloquialism, hearing your teenager say something like, "I should just go kill myself," should be an immediate cause for alarm.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers between 15 and 19. Family and friends of teens who commit suicide are often stunned, saying they never imagined their loved one would actually do it. This is why it's important to address it right away if your teenager brings up the subject of suicide, even if you think it's a bid for attention.

Keep reading to learn more about how to address the subject of suicide with your teenager and learn about actions you can take to save their life.

Press Play to Learn More About Suicide & Suicidal Ideation

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring psychiatrist Mark Goulston, shares why people have suicidal thoughts, why you shouldn't blame yourself if you've lost someone to suicide, and what to do if you are having suicidal thoughts. Click below to listen now.

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What to Know About Teen Suicide

If your teen is talking about or threatening to commit suicide, there are some things you should understand. Teens contemplating suicide likely feel utterly hopeless or out of control and are unable to cope. The pain they are experiencing is intense and substantial, and, in that moment, suicide likely seems the only way out.

However, there is still a part of your teen that doesn't really want to die. Suicidal teens are just looking for a way to stop their emotional pain, and learning healthy coping mechanisms can help with that.

Warning Signs

The major warning sign that a teen may be suicidal is talking about or threatening suicide. Mood swings, changes in routine, withdrawal from friends and family, risky or self-destructive behaviors, and giving away possessions are also signs a child may be thinking about or at risk of suicide.

What to Say to a Suicidal Teenager

If you suspect your teen is considering suicide, talk about it immediately. Take it seriously and don't dismiss it as acting out, looking for attention, or teenage drama.

Some believe talking about suicide with someone will plant suicidal ideas in their heads, however, it does the very opposite. In fact, addressing the topic head-on can help your teen identify the problem and create a plan for what to do if they have suicidal thoughts or behaviors. It can teach them how to ask for help.

To encourage your teen to talk to you about their feelings, try these strategies:

  • Ask your teen to share if a specific incident led to suicidal thoughts. Ask them questions and show them you want to help them through what they are feeling. It might be helpful to say something like, "What happened? I want to know more and it might help to talk about it."
  • Don't invalidate your teen's feelings. Avoid saying things that may be perceived as empty or unhelpful such as, "You should appreciate all you have in life," or "I think you're overreacting." Reactions like these downplay the intense pain your teen is likely feeling.
  • Encourage your teen to describe what they're feeling. Say something like, "I had no idea things were so bad for you, talk to me about what's going on."
  • Show acceptance. Listen without verbalizing judgment or disagreeing with their statements or feelings. This will make them more willing to open up to you.

It is also important to ask if your teen has a specific plan for suicide. The more specific the plan, the higher the risk. 

After gaining a better understanding of the situation at hand, it's important to offer your teen emotional support. The following are suggestions you can adapt to best fit you, your teen, and the situation:

  • Be specific and direct. Tell your teen, as compassionately as possible, "I do not want you to hurt yourself and I will do everything possible to keep you from committing suicide."
  • Explain that you understand your teen feels miserable. Say something like, "It sounds like you've given up" or "I think you feel there's no way out."
  • Gently point out that suicide is not a solution. Try saying something such as, "I know there are options that could help, I'd like you to at least try them."
  • Let your teen know you are worried. Don't downplay your concern about their well-being.
  • Promise to be there for your teen. Do whatever it takes to get them through this. Provide reassurance by saying something like, "You are not alone. I am here to help you now that I understand how bad things really are for you."
  • Remind your teen of your unconditional love. Now more than ever is the time to show how much you care about your child.

Make Safety the Top Priority

A teen who is talking about suicide could be an immediate danger to themself. Take your teen's comments seriously. There are a few things you can do to make their safety a top priority.

  • Remove dangers: First, remove all dangerous implements or substances from the immediate area. This can mean moving medication to a different location and removing sharp objects from the area.
  • Stay with your teen: Make sure your child is not left alone during this moment of crisis.
  • Seek help: Once the immediate danger has been addressed, look to get continuous help for your child. Therapy can treat and address underlying mental health issues and is crucial to alleviating your teen's distress.

Factors that can increase the risk of teen suicide include having a psychiatric condition (such as depression or anxiety), bullying issues, interpersonal issues, and substance use. Getting your teen help with these issues is also an important part of suicide prevention.

Summary

Teen suicide is a serious concern and you should never dismiss suicidal thoughts or behaviors. Take any sign of suicide seriously, show your child understanding and compassion, and ensure that they are safe until you can get them the help that they need. It may also be helpful for you as a parent to seek therapy to process the emotions of experiencing this with your child and to learn the best ways to help them.

If you or your child are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

7 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. CDC Wonder. Underlying cause of death, 1999-2020 results: Deaths occurring through 2020.

  2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Risk and protective factors.

  3. Suicide Prevention Lifeline. We can all prevent suicide.

  4. Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Help someone else.

  5. Nevada Division of Public and Behavioral Health (BPBH) Office of Suicide Prevention. The myths and facts of youth suicide.

  6. American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Suicide in children and teens.

  7. Minnesota Department of Health. Suicidal Ideation Risk Assessment.

By Kathryn Rudlin, LCSW
Kathyrn Rudlin, LCSW, a writer and therapist in California specializes in counseling and education for teenagers with mothers who are emotionally disconnected.