ELECTROBOY: Did you confide your cutting to anybody?
SIANA: I mentioned my cutting in rather elusive ways. The night after my first serious cutting episode I wore bandages on each wrist. A friend noticed them as much as I remember that I was relieved that he noticed but I quickly changed the subject.
ELECTROBOY: How prevalent is cutting in our society? Does it effect both women and men?
SIANA: I think it’s quite common. It seems that lately whomever I speak to knows about "cutting" and "self-injury" and knows at least someone who has cut themselves at least once. Although it is most common in women it also affects men as well.
ELECTROBOY: Who is the typical cutter?
SIANA: Some of the psychological characteristics common in cutters or self-injurers are people who are chronically angry (usually at themselves) and tend to suppress this anger, have high levels of aggressive feelings which they direct inward, lack impulse control, have poor coping skills, are hypersensitive to rejection, are depressed and suicidal and suffer from chronic anxiety.
ELECTROBOY: Do you have any advice for cutters?
SIANA: I would say the first bit of advice is to let go of the shame - - self injury is very common. When I was cutting I was overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment. I felt like I was abnormal and sick. I didn’t understand myself and during the peak of my self-injury I didn’t know anything about it. There is a lot of information out there about self-injury. Read about it and you will undoubtedly be able to relate to the case studies documented in most of the books I’ve read about self-injury. Self-injury is a symptom. I’ve found that most people that self-injure do want to stop.
ELECTROBOY: What motivated you to write " Go Ask Ogre?"
SIANA: The first time I ever saw Ogre was when MTV played Skinny Puppy’s video for "Dig It" on the program "120 Minutes." I was attracted to his look of black spiky hair and ripped jeans. He was screaming in the video. I liked the music. I was getting a lot of negative comments about my appearance, which, consisted of black hair and ripped tights. Ogre seemed to me a kindred spirit, someone who would not judge me.
ELECTROBOY: How cathartic was it to share your story about depression and cutting?
SIANA: It was extremely cathartic to go back and read the letters that I had written to Ogre as well as transcribing them. I had thought about paying someone to help with the transcribing as there were so many letters and I was anxious for the material to be in word documents but I realized that it was important for me to do it myself. I believe that it gave me a tremendous sense of closure on those years of my life and my experience as a cutter.
ELECTROBOY: Compare "Go Ask Alice" and "Go Ask Ogre."
SIANA: I know that when I read transformational stories I feel a sense of hope. For example, the book "Go Ask Alice" had a huge effect on me. However it made me very sad that the anonymous teen died. Because I have done so much in my life since the last letter to Ogre I wanted to show that if you have enough courage, it’s possible to take control of your life. I’ve had so many amazing experiences and have met so many wonderful people. I am so glad that I didn’t give up. It’s so easy when you are an adolescent to become overwhelmed with the future. It’s common to feel helpless and alone. I hope that my book will help those who are at that same stage.
ELECTROBOY: Where are you now, both in terms of your mental health and what you're doing with your life?
SIANA: I’ve found a therapist from whom I learned a lot and I have surrounded myself with wonderful, healthy friends. I feel great about my life because I have learned to live in the moment which is something that people who self-injure have a hard time doing. Sure, I have ups and downs, but I have learned the healthiest ways to cope with my problems. I paint, hike, exercise and write.
ELECTROBOY: Thanks so much for you time and best of luck with "Go Ask Ogre."
SIANA: Thank you!
You can visit the author of Go Ask Ogre at http://www.goaskogre.com/. Andy "Electroboy" Behrman, the author of "Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania," maintains a website at http://www.electroboy.com/.
