Can SSRIs Make You Fall Out of Love?
Have you ever felt like your antidepressant has killed more than just your ability to orgasm? Like it's killed all your feelings of love for your partner as well? Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, believes that SSRIs may block your ability to feel love.
SSRIs work by raising your levels of serotonin, but they also lower levels of dopamine. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter responsible for all those feel-good emotions you get when you fall in love. When dopamine levels drop and those feelings disappear you may mistakenly believe that your love has also disappeared.
If you are curious to learn more about this effect, Psychology Today has an excellent article about this topic entitled Sex, Love and SSRIs on its Web site.
If you've ever experienced this phenomenon yourself, please join the discussion by adding your comments below.
Comments
I’ve found this problem but the results aren’t just with affection & orgasm. My wife constantly complains when I’m on higher doses that I show no emotions at all. Not sad or depressed, but never happy either. SO if she does something special for me, I have had to learn to comment on it because otherwise she doesn’t get any positive feedback.
While words count a lot, a smile or happy face is often a major glue in relationships & to never see that is a real problem.
I’ve been on medication so long that I’ve learnt to work with doctors to try to find a good mix of effectiveness, side effects & quality of life but it isn’t always very easy to manage especially if you find that very few medications work with you & side effects are especially bad. It can be a very slow process & some doctors simply do not believe that side effects can be so much of a problem. I’ve even had doctors say that a medication can’t cause a particular side effect but we later found it listed in the MIMS.
At a conference that I attended of veterans & their partners, the medical experts were amazed at how low a dose of medications caused side effects, how quickly they occurred & that they lasted far longer than the literaure said was even possible. They got the vets & the partners to answer the questions separately & got the same answers.
Regards,
Brian.
wow, this explains a lot. I’ve been on SSRIs for about 4 years now, & Zoloft for 2 ofthose. It helps SO much with my PMDD, and has been a big help with my major depression…but I have a hard time feeling that “tender warm feeling” that used to be typical towards my husband. I know there are things we need to work on — mainly making efforts to communicate gently rather than “here-are-the-facts,-deal-with-it” approach. But this news explains a lot, too. Now that my life circumstances have changed, maybe I can reduce the meds. I’ll talk to my therapist & psychiatrist &see what we can safely try.
Yes, this article puts into words, what I have wondered as a side effects of antidep. I am currrently on Zoloft, which I changed to, from effexor.
Right away I noticed my libido decrease. (perhaps effexor does not decrease dopamine as much as zoloft)
I have also wondered if the antidepressants curtail my feelings of wanting to be with other people. I isolate alot more than I used to before I was on antidepressants. I do not seem to feel joy or desire to be with people. or a desire.
If this is true I feel very sad about being on the meds. My life has become very small.
Wow, this is disturbing news. It adds insight to many things that have occurred in my life. If a spousal relationship can be affected how about the feelings of love for a parent, a child, or any other family member of the person who is taking antidepressants? I have been feeling this emotional emptiness in my own life while taking antidepressants and thought it was the depression. Could it be the reason why I ultimately lost my 30 year marriage?
i dont know about that sideeffect of anti- depresent but what should i do when ifell so much depression i am a 21 yrs old girl and doing masters in sociology if i idid nt take anti depressent i cant do my work properly do u think in this era now depression spread really fast especially in youngsters what they do is any subsitute of anti depressent
I totally agree with this article and Brian I can understand exactly how you and your wife feel. I’ve lived w/ my boyfriend for about 2 years now, and it is no doubt extremely difficult to deal with. And your’re right…just a smile from him means the world to me. We’ve totally contemplated just ridding completley of the anti-depressant and then on the other hand don’t think he’d be okay without. It is without a doubt very frustrating, especially when we visit the psychiatrist and it appears that he truly doesn’t believe the side effects or just doesn’t give us any input; you wonder if he’s even paying attention or cares. My BF is on effexor lowest dose after being on a high does and trying to wean off but it was way to difficult..but he has no sexual desire at all and it took a long time for him to tell me. I’m sure it’s very uncomfortable for a man to admit he has no thoughts or sexual feelings whatsoever. He is able to perform and we are sexually active but I almost feel like “or know” that he does it for me. He lacks enthusiasm in just about everything and I on the other hand have always been a happy person, but I can tell this has taking a toll on me. Sometimes, I feel like I need a psychiatrist myslef. LOL :0) When I feel down or need someone to talk to or am just having a bad day…it’s not exactly easy going to him and talking to him. He is unable to deal w/ his problems let alone deal w/ me if I’m having a bad day. I wish there was something we could do. I love him and he has truly made some positive changes for us. I give him so much credit, but would like us to lead a more happy productive life. I wish we could truly get some help.
wow. My depression first got noticed in this way. My shrink is pretty positive now that it was caused by various bombardments of chemicals (creatine, bodybuilding supplements, alcohol), but i first noticed it after sex with my partner. Horrible coldness, no sense of love. The next time we did it i felt terribly anxious and lost my erection in mid-shag.
So, 14 months down the line….I’ve been on cymbalta (large, 60mg dose) for 8 months but off it now for 2. I still wanted sex, but never felt horny, and i could go for hours without coming on that stuff. Hated it. I felt it numbed me to an extent mood wise, but The low, low moods virtually disappeared, and a lot of my drive for life reappeared. After coming off the meds i’m depressed again, but not as bad as when i went on them. Depression is evil and horrible and possibly the most destructive disease mankind faces. I long for the days when i was carefree and happy. I know they will come again soon, but when?? If you wanna get life back on track take the drugs. But they will probably become a short term solution to what is potentially a long term problem. either way good luck, and try and establish a relationship with god at this difficult time, i find it is one of the only things that genuinely helps.
peace
I’m writing an article for Tango magazine about Helen Fisher’s theory that ssri’s can blunt emotions. I would like to interview people who have experienced this, specifically women in their 20s and 30s. Can you please email me at j-hschmidt@adelphia.net ASAP if you’re interested in sharing your story? I can change your name for the article.
I have only been taking citalopram since monday its now saturday i seemed to have forgotten all my feelings for my boyfriend. We were so happy together and i felt tearful and unhappy with other things before i felt no feelings for him has anyone got any answers??
Yes I had this too and only after being off for a few years I realised the full picture! I went on them when I was about 6 months into a relationship and IN LOVE. A month or so into taking them my depression lifted but the in-love feeling seemed to just vanis! Along with all my other emotions actually. I felt like a cold heartless person and I didn’t know why! All my emotions felt watered down. It was very strange. Even after going off the pills it took a fair amount of time to find the warm loving emotions I had started with my boyfriend at the time (now husband
). I searched for info on lack of emotions whilst on Effexor 75mg so I didn’t feel so crazy and alone. It didn’t say anything about being emotionless in the Effexor guide!! Hopefully my response helps others too.
I also lost my sexual drive…completely! And for a 19yo girl in a new relationship that is very strange
Yes, sad to say, while trying to treat my severe depression and panic attacks..I have lost all feeling, it is seldom that I ever feel real feelings of love or feel touched by things that should matter…….a death, accidents etc…….seems like it is a no win situation………….but you have to do something when your emotions take over your life……but now I almost feel like I traded to much emotions to no emotions…………………sad.
I see myself in each of your stories. It is so true. I remember saying to a potential girlfriend, “I wanna love you”. I knew something was holding me back, & it wasn’t just agoraphobia. Anyway, I was much more determined & motivated not on drugs. I use to make myself, or rather WANT to go out, & did do exposure training; now I only do the garbage. I am on low-dose Prozac 1 mg daily. My normal dose was 5-10 mg. Anxiety feelings are more or less the same as when I was on 5 mg, but I feel more “natural”. I’ve a long way to go still. God is always by my side. God bless you all.
I forgot to mention a book I bought about this very subject. You may find it helpful. Artificial Happiness: The Dark Side of the New Happy Class by Ronald Dworkin, M.D.
You’d think in this day and age scientists could come up with an antidepressant that gets rid of depression, and not your emotions. I’m on Cymbalta and Wellbutrin; they get rid of the lows but I feel detached most of the time. It’s a dilemma that depressed people face – take the pills, get rid of the depression, but you risk wrecking relationships because you feel so uninvolved with people.
I’ve been on SSRI’s for 19 years, and off them for about 11 weeks now. I struggled with low libido, thinking it was just me. My past boyfriends/husband would question my love for them since I had no sexual desire. I didn’t feel passion for them either, but inside I knew I loved them and loved being with them. It really damages relationships. Likewise, I feel like I have missed out on the true parent love for my daughter. Inside I know I truly love her, but I feel like I’m just not expressing how proud of her I am and just how much she means to me. I’m really hoping to get my passion back so I can feel and express the love the I intellectually know is there.
what does SSRI stand for?
SSRI stands for selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. This class of antidepressant includes Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro and Paxil.
I can relate to SSRI’s(paxil, zoloft …) dimishing and numbing physical feelings in lovemaking, and how it by the same token flattens my general affect and emotions. It certainly helped for 18 months to take the edge off the deeper painful depressions that made my fun loving husband unable to take it anymore. I would have found another way without drugs as I had all my 43 years of life (not a single drug except cigs and moderate alcohol), especially god saved me, but my husband got the upper hand. Anyway, after 18 months of taking paxil I couldn’t stand the one sidedness of paxil and started spontaneously dreaming that I wanted to smoke cigarettes again and then I eventually got the courage to ask my family doctor about buying nicotine gum over the counter. Then realizing I needed more spunk and desire,(by the way I also gained 20 pounds of weight on Paxil and i tookalot of naps)-(and I probably have “Atypical depression” although I have been diagnosed with other labels like adjustment disorder, dysthymia, bipolar, unipolar, and ADHD. It’s crazy these drug days. It’s as though it doesn’t matter about the diagnosis. You just try to find the right drug cocktail to get how you want to feel.
So anyway, I then got on wellbutrin which I LOVED. I got my sex drive back, and was attracted to men again, and more interested in my husband.It enabled me to really work on some of our marital blocks, cognitively. Then 4 years later, I was diagnosed with ADHD because one of my high school aged children swore she had it.(she rarely worked in school) Then by accident, almost our whole family got diagnosed- 5 out of 6 of us. So the stimulant prescribed for me (adderall and concerta), substitued for the wellbutrin. For 2 years the stimulants were FANTASTIC and I still took zoloft(just like paxil) before bed to sleep and trazadone too which has a side effect of getting sleepy, then I slowly became depressed again in about 18 months to two years, to the point of being incapable of imagining any possibility of recovering. So my husband decided I was bipolar, and sent me off to the psychiatrist, and lo and behold, I am bipolar too!!!!! so anyway, yes SSRI’s numb me, and yes I need dopamine, and yes, it lowers my self esteem to be dependent on drugs. I think I am drug addict most of the time, and my goal is to be drug free in about 5-10 years. I will definely need healing or therapy to develop the ability support myself.
My boyfriend started on 50mg of Zoloft to treat anxiety. He thought he was dying and after the doctor did ever physical test, that it was only his mind that had a problem. At first, 50 mg seemed like a miracle. He was relaxed, not a shopaholic and was drinking a lot less. When the upped his dosage to 100mg as a natural progression – everything went disasterously wrong. My sensitive caring emotional partner -became cold, unfeeling and ruined our relationship. It was dramatic. But he is proud of his new found independance. He didn’t care anymore when anyone thought. He got a hair transplant, went on trips with his single screwed up buddies. Started partying and drinking very heavily, and then the final kicker – he announced he was accepting a job in Bermuda, without even consulting me. He has been in my life for 17 years, and we’ve had a home together for 5. I know him better than he knows himself normally – and this is NOT him. After turning my life upside down in the last 6 months, I was still willing to move to Bermuda with him. Then I got the call to tell me he stills loves me, but has no feelings for me anymore. It makes no sense. He’s left us all. His son, all our families, our kitties, his house. He rents a suite and drives a scooter, and has never looked back. I’m devastated, as is the rest of them family. He did say he felt a bit ‘off’ and would ask the doctor to reduce his meds to 50mg. But that’s only been for a week now. I don’t know what to do…
I watched my boyfriend change from a loving caring guy doing his absolute best to keep us together into a careless angry cold hearted animal. these meds sent him crazy. they took away the guy i fell in love with and replaced it with a confused angry person. and the worst part is he doesnt even see what its done to him.
I recently started taking Zoloft again after trying other antidepressants. I went back to Zoloft because none of them brought me out of the hell of depression. My relationship with my BF has been rough because of the depression, but he is always there for me. He is very supportive and said he would always be there for me. The problem is that I have no sexual drive whatsoever, and I even have been coming up with reasons not to spend time with him. On one hand if he fell off the earth I probably wouldn’t notice for a while. On the other hand I would miss him greatly. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. How do you know if or even how to continue a relationship when you are depressed and on SSRI’s? It’s so frustrating not knowing what to do. I don’t want to lose one of the best people to have come along in my life. But the feelings just aren’t there like they were. Depression really sucks.
This is without a doubt true for me. I actually feel the affect of “losing” my love for my GF after only 1 day of taking Zoloft.
I’ve been off and on it many times and the effect is always the same. Almost immediately from the time I start Zoloft, I stop feeling love for my GF.
It’s some sort of cosmic joke, that SSRI’s help so many in so many ways but take away love and sex. Really one of the biggest catch-22’s of all time.
I can relate to almost every one of these posts. I’ve been with the same guy for almost two years and have always felt warm and caring and loving towards him, until a few months ago. About two months ago I started feeling guilt and anxiety that I couldnt shake. It was somewhat of an extreme of the depression I’d been feeling for a couple years before hand. Out of nowhere one day, I had a thought along the lines of “Do I not feel love for him anymore?” I lost an interest in everything, lost weight and didnt want to do anything but sleep. I eventually went to my doctor and was perscribed 10 mg. of cipralex, but the councellor I see brought the dose up to 15 mg. I’m a small person (98 pounds) but she said she thought it was the right dose. I’ve been on it for about 3 to 4 weeks now but I’m not sure if I should stay on it. Things don’t bother me half as much, and theres a feeling of just not caring. Someone could tell me that I had cancer or something and I feel like i wouldnt even care that much. I no longer feel like I don’t love my boyfriend anymore, I just have no libido and have extreme difficulty feeling the love and affection that came so naturally and freely before. I dont feel like the same person at all and just want to feel how I used to. Does anyone know if a lower dose or a different medication might help this?
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
I have been on citalopram for nearly 6 years, and it has been fantastic in restoring my functioning from severely depressed with cognitive impairment, to normal. However, I have recently decided to try going off it for precisely this problem with ‘loss of romantic feeling’. It has not blunted my emotions in general, and I feel quite happy, but while I like the idea of dating (4 years since divorce) I have no feelings of attraction to men at all. I was very interested to read about Helen Fisher’s research, which I came across by chance.
My wife of ten years started taking Celexa in September 2007. We had issues, but never did she think about leaving me. She left in February 2008, and she said she didn’t “feel the same way about me anymore”. I too found articles regarding this issue. Luckily, my wife and i have been in counseling this entire time. She seems to be open to listening and reading material regarding this issue, but seems as if she is just doing it to show that she did something to help our situation. She has been off Celexa for 6 weeks now, and she still seems cold and indifferent. Does anyone know how long it takes to regain your emotional feelings after getting off of the drugs?
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I have always loved him very much,felt warm,caring about him,I wanted to marry him..But unfortunatelly in december’07 I started feeling very nervous,I shaked I had many negative thoughts(I was afraid that something bad could happened to my BF or to my family).The same situation like in case of Marlies;it was somewhat of an extreme of the depression I’d been feeling for a couple years before hand.Two days later I thought: Do I still love my BF??I was scared??I didn’t know what it was!!I lost interest in everything,I was really depressed.My boyfriend always has been with me,being very supportive and he said he would always be there for me.
One month later I started taking Lexapro(10 mg)and then I stopped caring of my boyfriend,my family…I was happy but just with myself ,I prefered to be alone.
Three months later I was off Lexapro.I didn’t want to feel that emotional emptiness anymore!!Immediately I started feeling warm towards my boyfriend and loving him!!Unfortunatelly I got sick again and I stopped caring:((I just wanted to dissapear!!I didn’t know why it was like that!!I didn’t understood.I started taking Motival and again I had that emotional feeling,I wanted to marry my boyfriend,I said to everybody.I was so in love!!Till today there are times when I feel love,there are times that I feel so sad because I feel like I would not love my boyfriend anymore;(( I just would love to feel like I used to.Without that chaos!!
I don’t know what to do.Deep inside of me I feel that I love my boyfriend but there’s something that sometimes makes me feel like I don’t care…
Aneta,
Its a bit of a relief to see that someone feels basically exactly the same as I feel. By taking cipralex I had hoped that I might start getting my life back in order and had hope that if some of the depression lifted, I might start feeling those same feelings that I had before the whole episode. When the medication did kick in, I felt a loss of creativity (which sucks, because I love painting and drawing etc.) and interest in most things I previously enjoyed. I just feel as if theres no escape. Off of the medication I can’t feel love, and on it I can’t either. Im hoping that once I get myself sorted out I can stop taking it and then maybe things will change.
If anyone feels like talking, email me at xjawsxthemexswimmingx@hotmail.com , I’d be happy to have someone to relate to.
I met someone while they were on the anti-depressant Paxil. We dated for nearly a year. He always told me that he could not be entirely there in an emotional level and phsyical level for me as long as he was on the meds. I tried to help him, I helped him with alot of his problems trying to figure out the roots and helping him get out of a vegetable kind of lifestyle. He made me a lot of promises, getting married, having kids. He even told me many times that he loved me but that the Paxil played with his emotions and would make him confused at times. He even told me that I was the best thing that had ever happend to him and he couldnt imagine a life without me. And then one day he had a panick attack because of his fear of open spaces, and all of a sudden, in a split of a second, he dissapeared from my life. He told me that he never loved me and that all the signs were there: his lack of affection, not kissing me or hugging me or wanting me as much as he should. He told me he was definitly sure he didnt love me and this had nothing to do with the Paxil or his panic attack. He changed as a person since his panic attack, that i dont even recognize him anymore. He insists that he has not changed and his feelings have not diminished since the panic attack, yet he seems completely emotionally numb, and I have never seen that in him. He has become a cold and distant person. I feel like he has turned a wonderfull love story into a living nightmae.
I am not sure anymore anymore what to believe. Is this the cause of his medication? or has he really never loved me, and played mind games with me all this time..tricking me and my family to believe that he actually loved me. I am furious at him, at the world and stupid doctors for prescribing these medications that only cause more damage than good. Someone who is a doctor should want to love helping people and not because they are greedy and only want money from peoples pockets. These meds are addictive and mess around with peoples minds. And when this person is in a relationship, the meds dont cause only harm to that one person but to two people! I was in love with this person, and he was my first love. It will be difficult for me to get over all of this. Because in a way Paxil has not only played tricks on his mind, but mine as well. I dont know what to believe anymore. And it breaks my heart to hear him say that he never loved me from day one, and that everything we ever shared or lived was all based on lies.
this explans alot for me the first 10 months of my relationship i felt emotionless i had no dedires no sexual dedires i was on ssri meds for 4 years it helped depression but it sure did block feelings and emotions i have now been off the meds for 3 months and all my feelings are coming back damn ssri drugs the side effects a cruel its a bitch for men
sometimes i come by and re read all of these posts so that i dont lose sight of what matters and that maybe theres some hope.
this is true because i was called with a diagnosis of major depression at school when i was studying film my doctor told me i needed more spirituality….. and medication!!! (this was five years ago) My girlfriend supported me about it from the start but after one month of prozac i didn’t wnat her around.. i didnt like feeling that way but i didnt feel the same way about her anymore…. it was te best relationship in my life but i didnt love her at all. my doctor told me it was because of the meds but i didn’t beieve him. I was taking prozack two times a day by then but he started with once a day for two weeks. i broke up with bronwen after two months of treatment since i didnt want to be with her anymore and that didnt bother me either. we were lovers since the twelve grade. my doctor told me to stop taking the drugs after seven months…. after i broke up with her i felt lighter for the next four months and the last three weeks were steady withdrawl. the good that came out of it was i was no longer feeling faint because of prozac (yay!) and in less than a week i missed Bronnie again… its the worst thing i ever did..
thats true. i had the same problem with my five years girlfriend bron. we were dating since twelve grade but at film school i got diagnosed as depression and doctor put me on prozac….dont wanna talk abt it really but after 1 month i didnt love bron at all.. i didnt feel the same way… i broke up with her after three months on meds after five years together. now i’m not taking them anymore and im miserable about bron…. she wont return my calls and I miss her and love her so much all i do is cry at night
its the biggest mistake of my life
I’ve tried a lot of different antidepressants = Zoloft, Prozac, Serzone, Effexor – all had the same numbing of emotions effect, and made it difficult to orgasm. The one which actually made me feel normal was Wellbutrin. Almost no side effects, and I still have a full range of emotions. No orgasm problems, either.
Please be someone out there who can relate to me……
I just went through reading a lot of the posts here. All i say is wow. People…I love my wife, I know it intellectually but I cant feel it. My story is both w/ and w/o SSRI’s. My wife and I dated and it was sparks, fireworks in the air in 2002. I proposed to her at the end of 2002 and 6 months later, I experienced my first panic attack (I didnt know it at the time it was that). Then, after a few attacks here and there, I got my first episode of depression – no motivation, no energy, no zest for life, sleep was messed up, lost a lot of weight, you name it. I was confused, what was going on with me? Then, all of a sudden, I got the thoughts/feelings all of you have described here – Do I love my fiance anymore? WHAT!!!! I told myself. How can this be? Where did the thoughts and feelings come from? I just wasn’t me anymore…went to the doc, placed me on Prozac and it lifted me to a happy dude but those cool feelings of love and warmth were snuffed out (aka blunted emotions?). I got off the drugs due to libido and weight issues and the “I dont love my wife” thoughts and feelings have returned after 3.5 years of meds. I truly believe anxiety AND more like DEPRESSION have been the cause of this. The drugs didnt cure anything – just numbed me. So, if I would have known, I should have just ridden the depression out in 2003 and have it eventually lift. I am positive my “in-love” feelings would have returned on their own. Feel free to contact me,
djjc76@hotmail.com if you can relate!
God, this makes me feel so much better. I started having anxiety and depression in my senior year of high school–I didn’t really recognize it, because it only affected my relationship. I had been dating my then-bf for about 4 months..we had also just started having sex. He was basically my first. But after only four months I suddenly started feeling depressed and scared…in any case, we broke up because I couldn’t take it. But I was miserable without him and I begged to get him back.
Cut to Junior year of college, around Feb-March. I’d been dating my wonderful boyfriend Dan for a year, and things were great. Then the depression and anxiety started–I lost my desire to do anything, I stopped caring about school, seeing my friends, and having panic attacks about graduating, about entering the real world, and about possibly committing to my bf permanently. I didn’t understand why I was so scared and sad. I cried every single day. I was miserable about school, but that I could almost deal with. It was my relationship that killed me. I knew how much I loved him, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness and unease that accompanied my thoughts of him. I still wanted to see him and be with him, but I just wasn’t happy. I started on a low-dose of Lexapro in March. In a few weeks, I stopped crying. I started feeling–what I thought was–better. But in reality, I started having feelings I never experienced before. I felt cold and indifferent to my boyfriend…i was affectionate toward him, but I didn’t feel like it was sincere. I still had no drive to do anything. I felt as if I was “content” but never truly happy. I felt trapped in this numb, joyless bubble. I only came out of my shell, odddly enough, at work. Work was upbeat and there were a lot of different people there–they were like an escape from the drudgery of my normal life. I suddenly had the urge to run from my stable relationship and have some meaningless fling with a coworker. It was bizarre. I came so far as to nearly break things off with Dan. We had a heartbreraking discussion about it one night–he asked me if I was breaking up with him, and I started to cry. The reality of what I was doing suddenly hit me, and I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be with him. We ended the conversation, and I went out and got drunk the next day. I saw him that night, and we went for a walk and talked. Soon after I took myself off the Lexapro–and for six blissful months, I was back to normal. I was so happy! The romance was back in my relationship…I even told my family when I went to visit over the summer that I had found “The One.”
But then, school started again. About a week in I started feeling depressed and anxious again. I was terrified and heartbroken–I thought everything was fine. But it all happened again. I especially was panicked because I knew I had to make decisions about graduating and careers, and possibly even living situations. I started feeling trapped and insecure about my relationship yet again. But this time, I was prepared. I thought I was stupid for taking myself off the Lexapro–it probably would have continued to help me if I stayed on. So I went and my doctor gave me Wellbutrin.
But the results were not what I expected. I didn;t experience the lack of sex drive that Lexapro caused, but I did experience the lack of motivation, the feeling of what can ponly be described as BLAH. I felt safe around my family…and i was usually content alone…but I didn’t want to do anything, not like before. Every now and then I’d get a small burst of energy, but it would subside a day or two later. And my relationship is suffering again–I feel like I’ve lost all my romantic feelings for my boyfriend. It happened so fast–it doesn’t feel right. I know I love him, but I just don’t feel THAT feeling. It’s destroying me, because I feel like sometimes the only solution is to just leave him. But I know I’d be miserable. I feel like I want to just be by myself forever…I can’t even remember what it’s like to fall in love. After reading these comments, I feel a lot better about it. Now I see it’s [possible that the Wellburtin is causing this feeling (or lack thereof.) Truth be told, I’d rather feel the way I did before than feel nothing. I don;t remember what it’s like to be in love…and it’s torturing me. I’m going to go to the doctor and talk to her–maybe it’s best I stop the wellbutrin..for now.
there is no miracle drug..everything has a balance..but the effect of SSRI’s will lessen depression..but it may also numb out some other emotions…if you DONT have a problem with anxiety then its probably good to take a drug that enhances dopamine..like MAO inhibitors or Wellbutrin or maybe something along those lines..but i think the SSRI with the least side effects is probably Lexapro..but it all depends on the person, everyone is different
Hi
Reading soo many of these comments brings home to me what I am going through right now with my girlfriend. We have been together for over 7 years and I have always been there through all her bouts of depression. We had always been very close, telling eachother we love them, everyday and would always hug and kiss. However, recently her depression got worse and she was proscribed Floxitine by her doctor, she goes to counceling also. Last week our relationship collapsed as she told me she doesnt love me anymore. I have no doubt whatsoever that the meds are having a bad effect on her. We were both incredibly in love just a few weeks ago. Now shes really cold hearted and doesnt seem to display any emotions. I of course still love her and am trying my best to cope. I hope me and her get back together again soon. I have since suggested that she come of the meds.
I have been on zoloft and cymbalta for years. I feel that some elements of life (not just love) are blunted. I think that’s the general effect of SSRI’s–work stress disappears, parenting stress, stress over moving, stress over relationship.
I’m curious if anyone has had any of these effect with SSNRIs like Wellbutrin.
My girlfriend and I have now been together for 7 years. We met in college and have been best friends since. Everything was perfect until about a year ago when she started having panic attacks. We went to a doctor and she was put on a SSRI called cybalta that seemed to help. then suddenly after 4 months she seemed like she was miles away in her head and didn’t like to talk to me as much. i thought it was just work stress(she works for a lawyer so stressy!)and that we are getting married in spring.
she seemed restless and started hanging out with work-friends and spending less time with me. i was hurt but i wanted her to blow off steam and be happy so i didn’t say anything. big mistake. we’re now calling off the wedding because she suddenly doesn’t love me and says she cant feel her emotions now. i think she might also be seeing other people now to try to feel.
its just not like her at all! she is a totally different person and i still love her but i can’t live like this. could cybalta do this to someone after 4-5 months? I miss my girlfriend like crazy but i want to be happy too and ingoring me and her sneaking around won’t make me happy. is it a lost cause? would other SSRIS make her feel again?
I just started dating someone 2 months ago. I totally have the feelings that one gets in a new relationship. I think of him all the time and want to be with him all the time. But even though it sounds like he likes me, I’m not seeing the same from him. He told me he is on anti-depressants. I didn’t know if he just isn’t into me or if somehow the medication was interferring. So, I’m reading your comments and this have helped with some answers. He is very communicative so I have no problem bringing it up. But, having a relationship that feels one sided will be very hard for me.
Wow this explains so much. Can someone tell me if once you are off the medication you will get the feeling of love and libido back? I have never orgasmed in my life and now I think I know why. Thank you.
I am in my office crying… I was madly in love with my boyfriend – six months is not a long time but we have the same values, have fun together, and I LOVED being with him. On the Friday I sent my mom an email with people who I would want at my wedding. He has not asked me yet but I was euphoric with anticipation. God loved me – I was finally happy and was going to have my true love and husband and children. Literally out of the blue the very next day, I felt sick and was crippled with anxiety. It was like someone switched off a switch of my feelings for him and I was so sick with anxiety and severe depression that I admitted myself in the hospital (short stay). My psychiatrist put me on 60mg Celexa and am taking an anti anxiety med so I can function. Someone else said they are devastated because the very same thing happened to them. What can we do? I do not want to end my relationship either but am sick with anxiety fear guilt because those “feelings” are gone … or different. God please help us. We are so devastated…. I don’t know what else to do.
The last situation is exactly like mine. I don’t know what causes it.. or how to fix it. if Anyone wants to talk my email adress is dreams.incolour@hotmail.com . It would be nice to have someone to talk to…
I am deeply in love with a man who suffers from agoraphobia and panic attacks. Everything was going well and then suddenly he just stopped talking to me. We were planning a future together. There had been times when he would become really scared about everything and pull away for a while, but after a couple of months he would come back and it would be like nothing had ever been wrong.
I haven’t seen him or spoken to him for a year now, but I still love him and believe he loves me also. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should continue to let him know that I am here for him when he is able to deal with a relationship again or if I should just leave him alone. Our communication is completely one-sided. On the one hand I don’t want to stress him out more by continuing to tell him I love him; but on the other hand, I don’t want him to feel abandoned.
I’m wondering if there is anyone who might be able to shed light on this for me.
I’m not asking in order to decide whether or not to move on with my life and do other things. I love him and am committed to him whether or not we ever work anything out between us. I just want to do what is best for him.
My email is reverend.rose@ymail.com. If anyone wants to talk about this, I would welcome it.
Thank you.
In my case, I’m not so sure it was the med that did it, since his behavior was an issue, too, including criticizing me for needing antidepressants, esp. after the depression was officially diagnosed. I still feel love for my kids, but this makes me wonder if I could feel more, since the condition really kicked into high gear right after my son was born 9 years ago and never left.
I know that the Celexa I have been on since about 1995 has caused me to lose all feelings of love and just don’t have the “sympathetic” emotions I used to have. I still feel love but if something sad happens I don’t have the emotion I should have.
I was on prozac 4 years ago. I knew it kinda turned me numb emotionally but I didn’t realize how bad until May 10 of that year. At that time my boyfriend of 10 years finally proposed on our anniversary. Usually I am a happy crier and considering I have been waiting for that moment for years, looking back at my reaction now, I realize how much those pills changed me. My now husband got down on one knee professing his love for me and asked me to marry him and with a stone cold face all I could say is “r u sure?”. That is not how I would have been with out those pills. Inside and I was screaming happy but nothing came out. I can’t ever get that moment back and wish it hadn’t been like that.
well. ssri’s ruined most everything for me. i bounced from one to another. had a worthless sexual preformance, and went from mood to mood to mood swing. now i am free and clear, but still can’t prform and get sick when ever i am tired which i never did before. luckily my spouse uses much of this against me, so i am never allowed to be upset, and recently she packed up our sex life. so now i count the days til i leave. i was happier before the medication started!
I have been on SRI’s for over 10 years now, they have literaly been a life saver.
It is difficult however to exactly gauge how they have affected my life. They helped me survive the painful end of my 25 year marriage, they enabled me to end a sever alchohol addiction. Then again, had I been on them earlier, perhaps I would have been spared all that pain in the first place. I doubt it, but … .
They did not cause me to love my wife less, but did allow me to deal with the loss of her love.
Between high blood pressure and anti-depresants, I have lost the ability to get and maintain an errection. Then again, after 20 years of sleeping alone and having no one in my life, it hardly matters, or so I tell myself.
It is not so much that I can not love again, it is that I do not allow my self to do so.
These comments are two years old. I would like updated information, as I have nearly tossed everyone out of my life. I have no enthusiasm whatsoever. I am on 120 mg Cymbalta and am truly a “flatliner.”
I found with SSRIs (took for 8 years) I was emotionless. Dropped them and started methadone, which Ive been on for 5 years now. Seems I was endorphin deficient and methadone is the answer for me. I live a happy life, not cutting, not thinking of suicide, and have acquired a degree in web design and programming. Some are critical of my decision but hey so what if Im addicted; Im alive, happy, and was able to come out of my dark hole and live.
Brenda, if you’d like to talk sometime, I am here for you. Comment back and we will get in touch somehow.
Yes, I only love myself, I am 33 years old with GAD, been on anti depressants for years now, I have no feelings, like to be by myself, I donot want a wife or kids because I have no emotion or need for this.
I have only been able to maintain a romantic relationship lasting more than 4 months since 2000. That is when I was on Paxil and Wellbutrin. Also regarding emotional blunting, when my son was born in 2002 with a potentially fatal birth defect, I went through the entire ordeal totally “un-phased” as did I during my Father’s death in 2004.
I think the thought of an SSRI making you “fall out of love” is the
most absurd thing I’ve ever heard! Come on. If you have fallen out of love, don’t blame it on anything else than yourselves the 2 people in the relationship. I took Prozac for 10 years, then thought it was pooping out, so my pdoc added Wellbutrin, and I still felt depressed. Well duh! Of course I felt depressed! My dad had just passed away four months prior and I was grieving. Grief is the same thing as depression. They are one in the same. After he took me off the Prozac I was only on Wellbutrin and a little bit of Celexa, but since that did nothing 4 my depression, a year later, I begged my pdoc to put me back on the prozac
and Wellbutrin for the booster. I am
so glad he did! I am much less depressed, however, this time around
(it didn’t happen to me, the prior 10 years) it made my libido something of the past. However in no
way, shape or manner, have I fallen out of love w/ my husband! Meds cannot make you fall out of love. Come on people, get a grip! Start taking responsibility for your own mistakes and own up to it!
What a revelation! I am relieved to find out that I am not the only one who wonders if I even love my husband anymore. He hasn’t done anything wrong…I just didn’t have that sense of loving him. Or anyone else for that matter. I thought it was just me. I have been on different anti-depressants for 25 years now. I knew they caused my lack of desire for sex, but I had no idea the medicine could also numb feelings of love.
I can’t stop the medicine. Everytime I’ve tried my depression comes back full force.
I have PTSS so I need the medication. I will definately talk to my psychologist about this.
I just read the article and i can’t wait to show my husband in the morning! I have felt like a heartless, cold, horrible person for awhile now because i have been on cipralex-escitalopram for nearly a year and i got married and had no emotion and he always says i didn’t cry or anything and he did and its true i seem not to be able to cry and nothing can bring a stong emotional reaction with in me unless i am being attacked personally with words. I feel i want to have sex but i have lost all my desire for my husband and i am tryinig to get it back but i just don’t feel like with him and i love him very much so this is very frustrating. But after reading this i am definatly going to talk to my counceller and doctor to see what they suggest!!
Omg. I thought I just fell out of love with him. It feels so empty inside, when he touches me, it doesn’t feel special anymore. When I hug him or kiss him – feel nothing. Everything feels so bland and automatic.
But the disturbing thing is I’ve been on antidepressants for 3 months and was only on them for 6 months. How can this still be affecting me?
I stumbled upon this article as i was looking up ways people become not just emotionally numb, but completely numb to all emotions. I have severe depression and anxiety and a rather bad case of panic attacks.I also suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. Anyways, I have been on anything from zoloft, effexor,seroquel,wellbutrin,klonopin,lithium,risperdal,and many more.More recently I have been on a newer pill they have out called pristiq, it is from the same company that makes effexor except it is a SSNRI instead of a SSRI.I asked my psychiatrist what the difference was and she told me it was an antidepressant but without the insanely bad side effects. When she told me this i was dumb founded.My experience with this pill was unlike any other, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like i just might actually have that chance i so desperately wanted to enjoy life again BUT without being turned into a zombie!( by zombie i mean getting an icky high from a pill)..I was amazed to say the least. my whole life i have felt like i was looking from outside a fish bowl, like nothing in front of me was real and for the first time in so many years i felt like everything was real again. its not that i didnt know…because i knew everything thing is real, but it was more like my depression was eating me alive. Sad to say but i am no longer on this pill, but i am hoping that this can help someone who feels the same as i do..okay the only bad thing i would have to say is that the first few days on the pill i was hyper and my arms even shaked but after that…my body was okay with it. I have to say this..it was so hard to have an orgasm while on this pill, it was worthless even trying sometimes, lol
but unlike the others this pill is a miracle worker at least for me..oh and the reason i am off of this is cause i moved back in with my mother and i have yet to see a psychiatrist. Past experience with other pills were awful. With zoloft..i became emotionally numb and after so long the bubble of hidden emotions burst and i began to cut myself. I had just turned 13 years old then.Not too long after that i took effexor and it had the same effect. Oh and i forgot to mention, my family always loved to remind me of how much of a bitch i was on the pills. Naturally i am a very nice girl. Anyways within the next few years i had become a test rat for pills.I was misiagnosed with bipolar disorder and they put me on seroquel, this was the first time i was misdiagnosed but not the last. Anyways, boy was that a ride, i was stoned out of my mind, my eyes were burning and i started to hear and see things that didnt exist while on that pill. On the risperdal i had breast milk and the hallucinations. Never again!I was misdiagnosed by a nurse practitioner who thought i was a drug addict cause i told her that the klonopin was the only thing that has ever helped me with my panic attacks and my anxiety in the past.Later thankfully i seen a psychiatrist and he set me straight..i was beginning to think i was schizophrenic. He told me it is sad how many people are misdiagnosed because of their symptoms. He also reassured me that i was not schizophrenic. You have to understand after having this nurse practitioner rub my back and tell me it was not my fault i was schizophrenic, i was lost. My mood is the same all the time, i am always upset and there is very little if anything that will make me happy. Like i said before the psychiatrist reassured me that i was just depressed and have lots of anxiety. I have taken xanax and my view on it isnt very good. In my experience it calms the body and not the mind while making you feel like a walking zombie and high as a kite, no wonder some people use it as a sleep aid. I would say klonopin is better because it not only calms your body but it calms your mind. That was the first pill that i have ever taken that took my racing thoughts away and gave me peace at mind.It is also excellent in calming you down if your starting to get a panic attack.Both xanax and klonopin are addictive but i would have to say the klonopin is the better of two evils. Well, let me see, when i was on wellbutrin, lets say this i might as well have taken a couple of caffeine pills.As for the trouble with getting an orgasm, it was with most pills atleast for me. Though the klonopin tends to make me crave sexual things even more. I am an 18 year old mother and without my daughter i would have committed suicide by now.I believe that if there was more love in this world and more people who actually gave a shit about eachother the world would be a much safer, happier, and over all a more better and enjoyable place to live in.I think people would be less dependant on drugs if some of the people in this world wasnt so cruel.I do believe there are some of us who need the pills just to get through the day cause they have an inbalance or they dont have the will to get up in the morning. I hope that you all find true love and happiness in this life and realize…some people need the extra help from the pills and others dont, they just need to be listened to and loved instead of jabbing a pill down their throats..especially the children.Good luck and i hope this helps someone.Sorry for my awful spelling and etc.
no they can not make you fall out of love …but they can make you become emotionally numb by creating a mask over your feelings
I am glad that I read this article it is in my opinion completely true.I have been on fluoextine for several years and I have no sexual desires,urges whatsoever and have resigned myself to a life without sex as i just dont have any want or needs or desires sexually at all any more but the point in my case is that my medication keeps me from falling apart and plumeting into depression.
This study is so accurate. I can tell from my experience that SSRIs effects on a romantic relationship can be devastating. My BF started to take Prozac about 5 months ago and he has gradually become cold, emotionless, as if he had no feelings towards me any more. Needless to mention that his libido went dramatically down. We used to have a pretty good sexual life, now he can’t even have an orgasm.
Now he acts like a heartless, cold, horrible person. He is practically tossing me out of his life. Our communication is completely one-sided. It seems as if he didn’t care any more.
He suddenly stopped loving me and says he cant feel his emotions now, that he feels detached towards his family and friends too. I think he might also be seeing other people now to try to feel.
He is a totally different person and i still love her but i can’t live like this. I miss my BF like crazy, i want him to be happy but i want to be happy too. Is it a lost cause? Would other SSRIS make her feel again?
Hi.
I am new to this and I am wondering if anyone can help make sense of my situtaion.
I moved away from home to start a new life with my boyfriend of 7 months, in his town (an hour and a half away from where i lived). Although a sudden thing to do in such a short space of time, I had no regrets what so ever as I had never been this IN LOVE before and was 100% about everything.
The first 3 months of living here were fantastic – almost like a holiday I suppose. I was with the man of my dreams. Had a new job with better money than I had at home (although I didn’t fully like this new job, which stressed me out alot).
The only bad things that happened in the first 3 months were that I had bouts of anxiety about various things:
1) My job and that I hated it and didn’t feel like I belonged there.
2) I would be scared that because I’d ordered something online that people would be able to hack into my bank account.
3) I obsessed about my past alot – mistakes I’d made in life.
I have also had a traumatic upbringing due to a depressive mother/I have abuse memories from a family friend.
Apart from the above though, I was so happy to be with my soulmate and was so secure for the first time in my life.
Well anyway, in December (3 months after moving down), I fell ill with my back (I have had surgery on my spine in the past and have occasional episodes where something just ‘goes’ and I am bedridden. I was given painkillers and diazapam off the doctor which seemed to help.
But a few days after coming off the diazepam, an AWFUL thing happened. I suddenly was ridden with anxiety, dread, guilt and was overwhelemed by my situation – my new life. I didn’t think I loved my boyfriend anymore and began to cry and cry and be sick every 5 minutes. I had to run away, I couldn’t cope, so went back up home to be with my mother. However I felt no relief and felt I should come back to be with him. He was very upset and confused but understood.
Now basically ever since December last year, I have suffered with this terrible depression and can’t feel love at all for my boyfriend or even my family and pet sometimes?! I feel detached from everything. I have been on antidepressants throughout but i feel worse, so the doctor is weaning me off them. It’s like I know i love my boyfriend, but i can’t feel/see it. But I’m not sure if I’m just in denial! I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I thought I may have an Adjustment Disorder of some type, or maybe it could have something to do with the anxiety attack in December – especially by the fact that I was a bit obsessive about other stuff before hand.
However I KNOW I want to love him again and at times I feel I do – at these moments I feel a huge relief but it doesn’t last long because the thoughts come in and say ‘you don’t love him? you’re just in denial.
I am so unhappy. I want to feel love for this wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. Nothing has changed. Yet lately I find him irritating at times and find flaws in his face, when I know he is attractive? WHY?!
I am so terrified that maybe I just don’t love him – as this is the worst thing for me ever.
Please can someone shed some light on this horrible situation?
Thank you
I was on fluoxitine for less then 2 months before I realized this had happened to me.
I tapered down and have been off of it for nearly 2 months now.
While I do feel more emotions now, I definitely am not even close to how I was pre meds, even with the completely debilitating anxiety I was suffering.
Does anyone know how long it takes to regain your emotions / feelings of love after coming clean of meds?
Thanks.
P.S. I find it astounding that professionals can hand out these drugs without warning people that it has the potential to ruin your relationships with the most important people in your life. Something has to be done to the psychiatric practice, to regulate this kind of crap.
i have recently become aware of the effects of my wifes meds. After 10 months of no sexual activity and me feeling like it was something i did or did not do i realize that this part of our relationship maybe gone. I realize that i need to do more things around the house to try to make her day to day better than it is now.
I’ve found this article purely by chance. My husband has been on Citalopram for 4 months and had initially seemed much happier and more inclined to spend time with me,rather than in total isolation playing his keyboard. However, more recently he has gone downhill. Hates his job and his life really. Then the really bad part.Now he says he no longer loves me,feels lost and doesn’t know what he wants. I am astounded and hurt. Am now wondering if the meds have caused his emotions to go numb? I have no idea what to do.Is it worth him going back to the doctor. Hopefully if I suggest this,he may go. Interesting reading all the posts. I had no idea so many people were on these drugs and that they cause so many emotional issues.
I’ve been on Celexa for 4 days and I am thinking I will stop taking them now. I don’t want to be an emotionless person and I still want to fall in love and have a romantic relationship even though I am not ready for one yet. But I am afraid my anxiety and depression will never go away.
How do you know if it is the SSRI or the depression itself making you fall out of love or masking those emotions?
I read through 98% of all these comments, not one mentions cognitive talk therapy as a solution as well as the medication. Relying on JUST the medication is a recipe for disaster, both are needed to overcome depression.
Wow. I hope I could have read this 8 yrs ago. It probably would have spared me alot of confusion. I’m actually pretty suprised I had not found this article before, considering I am information obsessed. Anyway… My last year of highschool, I had the perfect girlfriend, good grades, great friends, I was about to graduate. Then on spring break I visited my mom and sister who live in another country and my sister tries to commit suicide. At the time I was pretty cool about it, considering how hard it all was. When I came back home, we all went on a class trip and it should’ve been great, being with my friends and gf for three weeks…but it was horrible. For the first time in my life I experienced anxiety, something I now experience almost daily. Anyway, the first thing I started feeling was disconnected from my gf, she would irritate me, I no longer felt close to her…I was confused, I felt I might be falling out of love. When we got back home my anxiety was almost unbearable. That horrible combination of guilt and that sense of impending doom. Ruminating all the time. My parents decided I should go to a psychiatrist and deal with the traumatic experience I had gone through. Mind you at this time, I was already on Tegretol because I’d had seizures mainly due to drug abuse, and Ritalin, because the school thought I had ADHD. So the psych put me on SSRIs… Those were the most painful months of my life. I literally fell out of love with everything. But mainly my relationship is what hurt me the most. I figure this is probably due to the fact that I was abandoned by my father as a child, and my fear of abandonment is soooo bad, my worst nightmare is to have to abandon someone because of something out of my control…I don’t know if that makes sense. Anyway, so for the last 8 years I’ve systematically managed to become a serial monogamist who falls hard and then very suddenly and with no causes to actually motivate it, falls out of love… My biggest fear, my most painful moments. I’m in a very different relationship right now, we’ve broken up but are back to dating, and I experience these feelings for a couple of days at a time everytime we have a fight. In my last relationship, which lasted 4 years, I fell out of love at least once a month!
After reading this article I’m starting to think I may have found an explanation… When I experienced my first bout of depression and anxiety, and was prescribed SSRIs the biggest side effect I felt was the loss of love and libido. Not knowing these were side effects of the drugs, I figured thats just how I was wired, unable to keep myself in love, doomed to abandoning anyone who could fall in love with me. My brain picked up the emotional and physical symptoms of this, and has now established that when I feel fear, anxiety, sadness, when I panic…it must be that I am falling out love. I push myself into feeling that, I have become addicted to it.
And all of this due to the fact that the treatment that was supposed to help me out with my most traumatic experience became my most traumatic experience…
I stopped taking SSRIs about 6 years ago. Since then I’ve taken some psych drugs, but always without a real prescription, just self medicating… I’ve stopped using drugs (recreational) since JAN 09.
But I’ve never, at least not long enough so I forget what it feels like, been able to keep those feelings of guilt and despair away…
Just wanted to share, thanks for reading.
this is exactly whats happening to my boyfriend, after taking antidepressants for one week after he tried commiting suicide, he questioned his feelings towards me and decided to end things. We have a long distance relationship and i’ve been adviced to leave him alone for now. Its really hard for me to see him go through this and I pray daily to God so that he can help him overcome this depression and eventually get his emotions back assuming he’s on the right medication. Its been 6 weeks and it seems like he’s slowly in better mood.