Have you ever felt like your antidepressant has killed more than just your ability to orgasm? Like it's killed all your feelings of love for your partner as well? Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, believes that SSRIs may block your ability to feel love.
SSRIs work by raising your levels of serotonin, but they also lower levels of dopamine. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter responsible for all those feel-good emotions you get when you fall in love. When dopamine levels drop and those feelings disappear you may mistakenly believe that your love has also disappeared.
If you are curious to learn more about this effect, Psychology Today has an excellent article about this topic entitled Sex, Love and SSRIs on its Web site.
If you've ever experienced this phenomenon yourself, please join the discussion by adding your comments below.
I’ve found this problem but the results aren’t just with affection & orgasm. My wife constantly complains when I’m on higher doses that I show no emotions at all. Not sad or depressed, but never happy either. SO if she does something special for me, I have had to learn to comment on it because otherwise she doesn’t get any positive feedback.
While words count a lot, a smile or happy face is often a major glue in relationships & to never see that is a real problem.
I’ve been on medication so long that I’ve learnt to work with doctors to try to find a good mix of effectiveness, side effects & quality of life but it isn’t always very easy to manage especially if you find that very few medications work with you & side effects are especially bad. It can be a very slow process & some doctors simply do not believe that side effects can be so much of a problem. I’ve even had doctors say that a medication can’t cause a particular side effect but we later found it listed in the MIMS.
At a conference that I attended of veterans & their partners, the medical experts were amazed at how low a dose of medications caused side effects, how quickly they occurred & that they lasted far longer than the literaure said was even possible. They got the vets & the partners to answer the questions separately & got the same answers.
Regards,
Brian.
wow, this explains a lot. I’ve been on SSRIs for about 4 years now, & Zoloft for 2 ofthose. It helps SO much with my PMDD, and has been a big help with my major depression…but I have a hard time feeling that “tender warm feeling” that used to be typical towards my husband. I know there are things we need to work on — mainly making efforts to communicate gently rather than “here-are-the-facts,-deal-with-it” approach. But this news explains a lot, too. Now that my life circumstances have changed, maybe I can reduce the meds. I’ll talk to my therapist & psychiatrist &see what we can safely try.
Yes, this article puts into words, what I have wondered as a side effects of antidep. I am currrently on Zoloft, which I changed to, from effexor.
Right away I noticed my libido decrease. (perhaps effexor does not decrease dopamine as much as zoloft)
I have also wondered if the antidepressants curtail my feelings of wanting to be with other people. I isolate alot more than I used to before I was on antidepressants. I do not seem to feel joy or desire to be with people. or a desire.
If this is true I feel very sad about being on the meds. My life has become very small.
Wow, this is disturbing news. It adds insight to many things that have occurred in my life. If a spousal relationship can be affected how about the feelings of love for a parent, a child, or any other family member of the person who is taking antidepressants? I have been feeling this emotional emptiness in my own life while taking antidepressants and thought it was the depression. Could it be the reason why I ultimately lost my 30 year marriage?
i dont know about that sideeffect of anti- depresent but what should i do when ifell so much depression i am a 21 yrs old girl and doing masters in sociology if i idid nt take anti depressent i cant do my work properly do u think in this era now depression spread really fast especially in youngsters what they do is any subsitute of anti depressent
I totally agree with this article and Brian I can understand exactly how you and your wife feel. I’ve lived w/ my boyfriend for about 2 years now, and it is no doubt extremely difficult to deal with. And your’re right…just a smile from him means the world to me. We’ve totally contemplated just ridding completley of the anti-depressant and then on the other hand don’t think he’d be okay without. It is without a doubt very frustrating, especially when we visit the psychiatrist and it appears that he truly doesn’t believe the side effects or just doesn’t give us any input; you wonder if he’s even paying attention or cares. My BF is on effexor lowest dose after being on a high does and trying to wean off but it was way to difficult..but he has no sexual desire at all and it took a long time for him to tell me. I’m sure it’s very uncomfortable for a man to admit he has no thoughts or sexual feelings whatsoever. He is able to perform and we are sexually active but I almost feel like “or know” that he does it for me. He lacks enthusiasm in just about everything and I on the other hand have always been a happy person, but I can tell this has taking a toll on me. Sometimes, I feel like I need a psychiatrist myslef. LOL :0) When I feel down or need someone to talk to or am just having a bad day…it’s not exactly easy going to him and talking to him. He is unable to deal w/ his problems let alone deal w/ me if I’m having a bad day. I wish there was something we could do. I love him and he has truly made some positive changes for us. I give him so much credit, but would like us to lead a more happy productive life. I wish we could truly get some help.
wow. My depression first got noticed in this way. My shrink is pretty positive now that it was caused by various bombardments of chemicals (creatine, bodybuilding supplements, alcohol), but i first noticed it after sex with my partner. Horrible coldness, no sense of love. The next time we did it i felt terribly anxious and lost my erection in mid-shag.
So, 14 months down the line….I’ve been on cymbalta (large, 60mg dose) for 8 months but off it now for 2. I still wanted sex, but never felt horny, and i could go for hours without coming on that stuff. Hated it. I felt it numbed me to an extent mood wise, but The low, low moods virtually disappeared, and a lot of my drive for life reappeared. After coming off the meds i’m depressed again, but not as bad as when i went on them. Depression is evil and horrible and possibly the most destructive disease mankind faces. I long for the days when i was carefree and happy. I know they will come again soon, but when?? If you wanna get life back on track take the drugs. But they will probably become a short term solution to what is potentially a long term problem. either way good luck, and try and establish a relationship with god at this difficult time, i find it is one of the only things that genuinely helps.
peace
I’m writing an article for Tango magazine about Helen Fisher’s theory that ssri’s can blunt emotions. I would like to interview people who have experienced this, specifically women in their 20s and 30s. Can you please email me at j-hschmidt@adelphia.net ASAP if you’re interested in sharing your story? I can change your name for the article.
I have only been taking citalopram since monday its now saturday i seemed to have forgotten all my feelings for my boyfriend. We were so happy together and i felt tearful and unhappy with other things before i felt no feelings for him has anyone got any answers??
Yes I had this too and only after being off for a few years I realised the full picture! I went on them when I was about 6 months into a relationship and IN LOVE. A month or so into taking them my depression lifted but the in-love feeling seemed to just vanis! Along with all my other emotions actually. I felt like a cold heartless person and I didn’t know why! All my emotions felt watered down. It was very strange. Even after going off the pills it took a fair amount of time to find the warm loving emotions I had started with my boyfriend at the time (now husband
). I searched for info on lack of emotions whilst on Effexor 75mg so I didn’t feel so crazy and alone. It didn’t say anything about being emotionless in the Effexor guide!! Hopefully my response helps others too.
I also lost my sexual drive…completely! And for a 19yo girl in a new relationship that is very strange
Yes, sad to say, while trying to treat my severe depression and panic attacks..I have lost all feeling, it is seldom that I ever feel real feelings of love or feel touched by things that should matter…….a death, accidents etc…….seems like it is a no win situation………….but you have to do something when your emotions take over your life……but now I almost feel like I traded to much emotions to no emotions…………………sad.
I see myself in each of your stories. It is so true. I remember saying to a potential girlfriend, “I wanna love you”. I knew something was holding me back, & it wasn’t just agoraphobia. Anyway, I was much more determined & motivated not on drugs. I use to make myself, or rather WANT to go out, & did do exposure training; now I only do the garbage. I am on low-dose Prozac 1 mg daily. My normal dose was 5-10 mg. Anxiety feelings are more or less the same as when I was on 5 mg, but I feel more “natural”. I’ve a long way to go still. God is always by my side. God bless you all.
I forgot to mention a book I bought about this very subject. You may find it helpful. Artificial Happiness: The Dark Side of the New Happy Class by Ronald Dworkin, M.D.
You’d think in this day and age scientists could come up with an antidepressant that gets rid of depression, and not your emotions. I’m on Cymbalta and Wellbutrin; they get rid of the lows but I feel detached most of the time. It’s a dilemma that depressed people face – take the pills, get rid of the depression, but you risk wrecking relationships because you feel so uninvolved with people.
I’ve been on SSRI’s for 19 years, and off them for about 11 weeks now. I struggled with low libido, thinking it was just me. My past boyfriends/husband would question my love for them since I had no sexual desire. I didn’t feel passion for them either, but inside I knew I loved them and loved being with them. It really damages relationships. Likewise, I feel like I have missed out on the true parent love for my daughter. Inside I know I truly love her, but I feel like I’m just not expressing how proud of her I am and just how much she means to me. I’m really hoping to get my passion back so I can feel and express the love the I intellectually know is there.
what does SSRI stand for?
SSRI stands for selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. This class of antidepressant includes Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro and Paxil.
I can relate to SSRI’s(paxil, zoloft …) dimishing and numbing physical feelings in lovemaking, and how it by the same token flattens my general affect and emotions. It certainly helped for 18 months to take the edge off the deeper painful depressions that made my fun loving husband unable to take it anymore. I would have found another way without drugs as I had all my 43 years of life (not a single drug except cigs and moderate alcohol), especially god saved me, but my husband got the upper hand. Anyway, after 18 months of taking paxil I couldn’t stand the one sidedness of paxil and started spontaneously dreaming that I wanted to smoke cigarettes again and then I eventually got the courage to ask my family doctor about buying nicotine gum over the counter. Then realizing I needed more spunk and desire,(by the way I also gained 20 pounds of weight on Paxil and i tookalot of naps)-(and I probably have “Atypical depression” although I have been diagnosed with other labels like adjustment disorder, dysthymia, bipolar, unipolar, and ADHD. It’s crazy these drug days. It’s as though it doesn’t matter about the diagnosis. You just try to find the right drug cocktail to get how you want to feel.
So anyway, I then got on wellbutrin which I LOVED. I got my sex drive back, and was attracted to men again, and more interested in my husband.It enabled me to really work on some of our marital blocks, cognitively. Then 4 years later, I was diagnosed with ADHD because one of my high school aged children swore she had it.(she rarely worked in school) Then by accident, almost our whole family got diagnosed- 5 out of 6 of us. So the stimulant prescribed for me (adderall and concerta), substitued for the wellbutrin. For 2 years the stimulants were FANTASTIC and I still took zoloft(just like paxil) before bed to sleep and trazadone too which has a side effect of getting sleepy, then I slowly became depressed again in about 18 months to two years, to the point of being incapable of imagining any possibility of recovering. So my husband decided I was bipolar, and sent me off to the psychiatrist, and lo and behold, I am bipolar too!!!!! so anyway, yes SSRI’s numb me, and yes I need dopamine, and yes, it lowers my self esteem to be dependent on drugs. I think I am drug addict most of the time, and my goal is to be drug free in about 5-10 years. I will definely need healing or therapy to develop the ability support myself.
My boyfriend started on 50mg of Zoloft to treat anxiety. He thought he was dying and after the doctor did ever physical test, that it was only his mind that had a problem. At first, 50 mg seemed like a miracle. He was relaxed, not a shopaholic and was drinking a lot less. When the upped his dosage to 100mg as a natural progression – everything went disasterously wrong. My sensitive caring emotional partner -became cold, unfeeling and ruined our relationship. It was dramatic. But he is proud of his new found independance. He didn’t care anymore when anyone thought. He got a hair transplant, went on trips with his single screwed up buddies. Started partying and drinking very heavily, and then the final kicker – he announced he was accepting a job in Bermuda, without even consulting me. He has been in my life for 17 years, and we’ve had a home together for 5. I know him better than he knows himself normally – and this is NOT him. After turning my life upside down in the last 6 months, I was still willing to move to Bermuda with him. Then I got the call to tell me he stills loves me, but has no feelings for me anymore. It makes no sense. He’s left us all. His son, all our families, our kitties, his house. He rents a suite and drives a scooter, and has never looked back. I’m devastated, as is the rest of them family. He did say he felt a bit ‘off’ and would ask the doctor to reduce his meds to 50mg. But that’s only been for a week now. I don’t know what to do…
I watched my boyfriend change from a loving caring guy doing his absolute best to keep us together into a careless angry cold hearted animal. these meds sent him crazy. they took away the guy i fell in love with and replaced it with a confused angry person. and the worst part is he doesnt even see what its done to him.
I recently started taking Zoloft again after trying other antidepressants. I went back to Zoloft because none of them brought me out of the hell of depression. My relationship with my BF has been rough because of the depression, but he is always there for me. He is very supportive and said he would always be there for me. The problem is that I have no sexual drive whatsoever, and I even have been coming up with reasons not to spend time with him. On one hand if he fell off the earth I probably wouldn’t notice for a while. On the other hand I would miss him greatly. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. How do you know if or even how to continue a relationship when you are depressed and on SSRI’s? It’s so frustrating not knowing what to do. I don’t want to lose one of the best people to have come along in my life. But the feelings just aren’t there like they were. Depression really sucks.
This is without a doubt true for me. I actually feel the affect of “losing” my love for my GF after only 1 day of taking Zoloft.
I’ve been off and on it many times and the effect is always the same. Almost immediately from the time I start Zoloft, I stop feeling love for my GF.
It’s some sort of cosmic joke, that SSRI’s help so many in so many ways but take away love and sex. Really one of the biggest catch-22’s of all time.
I can relate to almost every one of these posts. I’ve been with the same guy for almost two years and have always felt warm and caring and loving towards him, until a few months ago. About two months ago I started feeling guilt and anxiety that I couldnt shake. It was somewhat of an extreme of the depression I’d been feeling for a couple years before hand. Out of nowhere one day, I had a thought along the lines of “Do I not feel love for him anymore?” I lost an interest in everything, lost weight and didnt want to do anything but sleep. I eventually went to my doctor and was perscribed 10 mg. of cipralex, but the councellor I see brought the dose up to 15 mg. I’m a small person (98 pounds) but she said she thought it was the right dose. I’ve been on it for about 3 to 4 weeks now but I’m not sure if I should stay on it. Things don’t bother me half as much, and theres a feeling of just not caring. Someone could tell me that I had cancer or something and I feel like i wouldnt even care that much. I no longer feel like I don’t love my boyfriend anymore, I just have no libido and have extreme difficulty feeling the love and affection that came so naturally and freely before. I dont feel like the same person at all and just want to feel how I used to. Does anyone know if a lower dose or a different medication might help this?
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
I have been on citalopram for nearly 6 years, and it has been fantastic in restoring my functioning from severely depressed with cognitive impairment, to normal. However, I have recently decided to try going off it for precisely this problem with ‘loss of romantic feeling’. It has not blunted my emotions in general, and I feel quite happy, but while I like the idea of dating (4 years since divorce) I have no feelings of attraction to men at all. I was very interested to read about Helen Fisher’s research, which I came across by chance.
My wife of ten years started taking Celexa in September 2007. We had issues, but never did she think about leaving me. She left in February 2008, and she said she didn’t “feel the same way about me anymore”. I too found articles regarding this issue. Luckily, my wife and i have been in counseling this entire time. She seems to be open to listening and reading material regarding this issue, but seems as if she is just doing it to show that she did something to help our situation. She has been off Celexa for 6 weeks now, and she still seems cold and indifferent. Does anyone know how long it takes to regain your emotional feelings after getting off of the drugs?
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I have always loved him very much,felt warm,caring about him,I wanted to marry him..But unfortunatelly in december’07 I started feeling very nervous,I shaked I had many negative thoughts(I was afraid that something bad could happened to my BF or to my family).The same situation like in case of Marlies;it was somewhat of an extreme of the depression I’d been feeling for a couple years before hand.Two days later I thought: Do I still love my BF??I was scared??I didn’t know what it was!!I lost interest in everything,I was really depressed.My boyfriend always has been with me,being very supportive and he said he would always be there for me.
One month later I started taking Lexapro(10 mg)and then I stopped caring of my boyfriend,my family…I was happy but just with myself ,I prefered to be alone.
Three months later I was off Lexapro.I didn’t want to feel that emotional emptiness anymore!!Immediately I started feeling warm towards my boyfriend and loving him!!Unfortunatelly I got sick again and I stopped caring:((I just wanted to dissapear!!I didn’t know why it was like that!!I didn’t understood.I started taking Motival and again I had that emotional feeling,I wanted to marry my boyfriend,I said to everybody.I was so in love!!Till today there are times when I feel love,there are times that I feel so sad because I feel like I would not love my boyfriend anymore;(( I just would love to feel like I used to.Without that chaos!!
I don’t know what to do.Deep inside of me I feel that I love my boyfriend but there’s something that sometimes makes me feel like I don’t care…
Aneta,
Its a bit of a relief to see that someone feels basically exactly the same as I feel. By taking cipralex I had hoped that I might start getting my life back in order and had hope that if some of the depression lifted, I might start feeling those same feelings that I had before the whole episode. When the medication did kick in, I felt a loss of creativity (which sucks, because I love painting and drawing etc.) and interest in most things I previously enjoyed. I just feel as if theres no escape. Off of the medication I can’t feel love, and on it I can’t either. Im hoping that once I get myself sorted out I can stop taking it and then maybe things will change.
If anyone feels like talking, email me at xjawsxthemexswimmingx@hotmail.com , I’d be happy to have someone to relate to.
I met someone while they were on the anti-depressant Paxil. We dated for nearly a year. He always told me that he could not be entirely there in an emotional level and phsyical level for me as long as he was on the meds. I tried to help him, I helped him with alot of his problems trying to figure out the roots and helping him get out of a vegetable kind of lifestyle. He made me a lot of promises, getting married, having kids. He even told me many times that he loved me but that the Paxil played with his emotions and would make him confused at times. He even told me that I was the best thing that had ever happend to him and he couldnt imagine a life without me. And then one day he had a panick attack because of his fear of open spaces, and all of a sudden, in a split of a second, he dissapeared from my life. He told me that he never loved me and that all the signs were there: his lack of affection, not kissing me or hugging me or wanting me as much as he should. He told me he was definitly sure he didnt love me and this had nothing to do with the Paxil or his panic attack. He changed as a person since his panic attack, that i dont even recognize him anymore. He insists that he has not changed and his feelings have not diminished since the panic attack, yet he seems completely emotionally numb, and I have never seen that in him. He has become a cold and distant person. I feel like he has turned a wonderfull love story into a living nightmae.
I am not sure anymore anymore what to believe. Is this the cause of his medication? or has he really never loved me, and played mind games with me all this time..tricking me and my family to believe that he actually loved me. I am furious at him, at the world and stupid doctors for prescribing these medications that only cause more damage than good. Someone who is a doctor should want to love helping people and not because they are greedy and only want money from peoples pockets. These meds are addictive and mess around with peoples minds. And when this person is in a relationship, the meds dont cause only harm to that one person but to two people! I was in love with this person, and he was my first love. It will be difficult for me to get over all of this. Because in a way Paxil has not only played tricks on his mind, but mine as well. I dont know what to believe anymore. And it breaks my heart to hear him say that he never loved me from day one, and that everything we ever shared or lived was all based on lies.
this explans alot for me the first 10 months of my relationship i felt emotionless i had no dedires no sexual dedires i was on ssri meds for 4 years it helped depression but it sure did block feelings and emotions i have now been off the meds for 3 months and all my feelings are coming back damn ssri drugs the side effects a cruel its a bitch for men
sometimes i come by and re read all of these posts so that i dont lose sight of what matters and that maybe theres some hope.
this is true because i was called with a diagnosis of major depression at school when i was studying film my doctor told me i needed more spirituality….. and medication!!! (this was five years ago) My girlfriend supported me about it from the start but after one month of prozac i didn’t wnat her around.. i didnt like feeling that way but i didnt feel the same way about her anymore…. it was te best relationship in my life but i didnt love her at all. my doctor told me it was because of the meds but i didn’t beieve him. I was taking prozack two times a day by then but he started with once a day for two weeks. i broke up with bronwen after two months of treatment since i didnt want to be with her anymore and that didnt bother me either. we were lovers since the twelve grade. my doctor told me to stop taking the drugs after seven months…. after i broke up with her i felt lighter for the next four months and the last three weeks were steady withdrawl. the good that came out of it was i was no longer feeling faint because of prozac (yay!) and in less than a week i missed Bronnie again… its the worst thing i ever did..
thats true. i had the same problem with my five years girlfriend bron. we were dating since twelve grade but at film school i got diagnosed as depression and doctor put me on prozac….dont wanna talk abt it really but after 1 month i didnt love bron at all.. i didnt feel the same way… i broke up with her after three months on meds after five years together. now i’m not taking them anymore and im miserable about bron…. she wont return my calls and I miss her and love her so much all i do is cry at night
its the biggest mistake of my life
I’ve tried a lot of different antidepressants = Zoloft, Prozac, Serzone, Effexor – all had the same numbing of emotions effect, and made it difficult to orgasm. The one which actually made me feel normal was Wellbutrin. Almost no side effects, and I still have a full range of emotions. No orgasm problems, either.
Please be someone out there who can relate to me……
I just went through reading a lot of the posts here. All i say is wow. People…I love my wife, I know it intellectually but I cant feel it. My story is both w/ and w/o SSRI’s. My wife and I dated and it was sparks, fireworks in the air in 2002. I proposed to her at the end of 2002 and 6 months later, I experienced my first panic attack (I didnt know it at the time it was that). Then, after a few attacks here and there, I got my first episode of depression – no motivation, no energy, no zest for life, sleep was messed up, lost a lot of weight, you name it. I was confused, what was going on with me? Then, all of a sudden, I got the thoughts/feelings all of you have described here – Do I love my fiance anymore? WHAT!!!! I told myself. How can this be? Where did the thoughts and feelings come from? I just wasn’t me anymore…went to the doc, placed me on Prozac and it lifted me to a happy dude but those cool feelings of love and warmth were snuffed out (aka blunted emotions?). I got off the drugs due to libido and weight issues and the “I dont love my wife” thoughts and feelings have returned after 3.5 years of meds. I truly believe anxiety AND more like DEPRESSION have been the cause of this. The drugs didnt cure anything – just numbed me. So, if I would have known, I should have just ridden the depression out in 2003 and have it eventually lift. I am positive my “in-love” feelings would have returned on their own. Feel free to contact me,
djjc76@hotmail.com if you can relate!
God, this makes me feel so much better. I started having anxiety and depression in my senior year of high school–I didn’t really recognize it, because it only affected my relationship. I had been dating my then-bf for about 4 months..we had also just started having sex. He was basically my first. But after only four months I suddenly started feeling depressed and scared…in any case, we broke up because I couldn’t take it. But I was miserable without him and I begged to get him back.
Cut to Junior year of college, around Feb-March. I’d been dating my wonderful boyfriend Dan for a year, and things were great. Then the depression and anxiety started–I lost my desire to do anything, I stopped caring about school, seeing my friends, and having panic attacks about graduating, about entering the real world, and about possibly committing to my bf permanently. I didn’t understand why I was so scared and sad. I cried every single day. I was miserable about school, but that I could almost deal with. It was my relationship that killed me. I knew how much I loved him, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness and unease that accompanied my thoughts of him. I still wanted to see him and be with him, but I just wasn’t happy. I started on a low-dose of Lexapro in March. In a few weeks, I stopped crying. I started feeling–what I thought was–better. But in reality, I started having feelings I never experienced before. I felt cold and indifferent to my boyfriend…i was affectionate toward him, but I didn’t feel like it was sincere. I still had no drive to do anything. I felt as if I was “content” but never truly happy. I felt trapped in this numb, joyless bubble. I only came out of my shell, odddly enough, at work. Work was upbeat and there were a lot of different people there–they were like an escape from the drudgery of my normal life. I suddenly had the urge to run from my stable relationship and have some meaningless fling with a coworker. It was bizarre. I came so far as to nearly break things off with Dan. We had a heartbreraking discussion about it one night–he asked me if I was breaking up with him, and I started to cry. The reality of what I was doing suddenly hit me, and I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be with him. We ended the conversation, and I went out and got drunk the next day. I saw him that night, and we went for a walk and talked. Soon after I took myself off the Lexapro–and for six blissful months, I was back to normal. I was so happy! The romance was back in my relationship…I even told my family when I went to visit over the summer that I had found “The One.”
But then, school started again. About a week in I started feeling depressed and anxious again. I was terrified and heartbroken–I thought everything was fine. But it all happened again. I especially was panicked because I knew I had to make decisions about graduating and careers, and possibly even living situations. I started feeling trapped and insecure about my relationship yet again. But this time, I was prepared. I thought I was stupid for taking myself off the Lexapro–it probably would have continued to help me if I stayed on. So I went and my doctor gave me Wellbutrin.
But the results were not what I expected. I didn;t experience the lack of sex drive that Lexapro caused, but I did experience the lack of motivation, the feeling of what can ponly be described as BLAH. I felt safe around my family…and i was usually content alone…but I didn’t want to do anything, not like before. Every now and then I’d get a small burst of energy, but it would subside a day or two later. And my relationship is suffering again–I feel like I’ve lost all my romantic feelings for my boyfriend. It happened so fast–it doesn’t feel right. I know I love him, but I just don’t feel THAT feeling. It’s destroying me, because I feel like sometimes the only solution is to just leave him. But I know I’d be miserable. I feel like I want to just be by myself forever…I can’t even remember what it’s like to fall in love. After reading these comments, I feel a lot better about it. Now I see it’s [possible that the Wellburtin is causing this feeling (or lack thereof.) Truth be told, I’d rather feel the way I did before than feel nothing. I don;t remember what it’s like to be in love…and it’s torturing me. I’m going to go to the doctor and talk to her–maybe it’s best I stop the wellbutrin..for now.
there is no miracle drug..everything has a balance..but the effect of SSRI’s will lessen depression..but it may also numb out some other emotions…if you DONT have a problem with anxiety then its probably good to take a drug that enhances dopamine..like MAO inhibitors or Wellbutrin or maybe something along those lines..but i think the SSRI with the least side effects is probably Lexapro..but it all depends on the person, everyone is different
Hi
Reading soo many of these comments brings home to me what I am going through right now with my girlfriend. We have been together for over 7 years and I have always been there through all her bouts of depression. We had always been very close, telling eachother we love them, everyday and would always hug and kiss. However, recently her depression got worse and she was proscribed Floxitine by her doctor, she goes to counceling also. Last week our relationship collapsed as she told me she doesnt love me anymore. I have no doubt whatsoever that the meds are having a bad effect on her. We were both incredibly in love just a few weeks ago. Now shes really cold hearted and doesnt seem to display any emotions. I of course still love her and am trying my best to cope. I hope me and her get back together again soon. I have since suggested that she come of the meds.
I have been on zoloft and cymbalta for years. I feel that some elements of life (not just love) are blunted. I think that’s the general effect of SSRI’s–work stress disappears, parenting stress, stress over moving, stress over relationship.
I’m curious if anyone has had any of these effect with SSNRIs like Wellbutrin.
My girlfriend and I have now been together for 7 years. We met in college and have been best friends since. Everything was perfect until about a year ago when she started having panic attacks. We went to a doctor and she was put on a SSRI called cybalta that seemed to help. then suddenly after 4 months she seemed like she was miles away in her head and didn’t like to talk to me as much. i thought it was just work stress(she works for a lawyer so stressy!)and that we are getting married in spring.
she seemed restless and started hanging out with work-friends and spending less time with me. i was hurt but i wanted her to blow off steam and be happy so i didn’t say anything. big mistake. we’re now calling off the wedding because she suddenly doesn’t love me and says she cant feel her emotions now. i think she might also be seeing other people now to try to feel.
its just not like her at all! she is a totally different person and i still love her but i can’t live like this. could cybalta do this to someone after 4-5 months? I miss my girlfriend like crazy but i want to be happy too and ingoring me and her sneaking around won’t make me happy. is it a lost cause? would other SSRIS make her feel again?
I just started dating someone 2 months ago. I totally have the feelings that one gets in a new relationship. I think of him all the time and want to be with him all the time. But even though it sounds like he likes me, I’m not seeing the same from him. He told me he is on anti-depressants. I didn’t know if he just isn’t into me or if somehow the medication was interferring. So, I’m reading your comments and this have helped with some answers. He is very communicative so I have no problem bringing it up. But, having a relationship that feels one sided will be very hard for me.
Wow this explains so much. Can someone tell me if once you are off the medication you will get the feeling of love and libido back? I have never orgasmed in my life and now I think I know why. Thank you.
I am in my office crying… I was madly in love with my boyfriend – six months is not a long time but we have the same values, have fun together, and I LOVED being with him. On the Friday I sent my mom an email with people who I would want at my wedding. He has not asked me yet but I was euphoric with anticipation. God loved me – I was finally happy and was going to have my true love and husband and children. Literally out of the blue the very next day, I felt sick and was crippled with anxiety. It was like someone switched off a switch of my feelings for him and I was so sick with anxiety and severe depression that I admitted myself in the hospital (short stay). My psychiatrist put me on 60mg Celexa and am taking an anti anxiety med so I can function. Someone else said they are devastated because the very same thing happened to them. What can we do? I do not want to end my relationship either but am sick with anxiety fear guilt because those “feelings” are gone … or different. God please help us. We are so devastated…. I don’t know what else to do.
The last situation is exactly like mine. I don’t know what causes it.. or how to fix it. if Anyone wants to talk my email adress is dreams.incolour@hotmail.com . It would be nice to have someone to talk to…
I am deeply in love with a man who suffers from agoraphobia and panic attacks. Everything was going well and then suddenly he just stopped talking to me. We were planning a future together. There had been times when he would become really scared about everything and pull away for a while, but after a couple of months he would come back and it would be like nothing had ever been wrong.
I haven’t seen him or spoken to him for a year now, but I still love him and believe he loves me also. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should continue to let him know that I am here for him when he is able to deal with a relationship again or if I should just leave him alone. Our communication is completely one-sided. On the one hand I don’t want to stress him out more by continuing to tell him I love him; but on the other hand, I don’t want him to feel abandoned.
I’m wondering if there is anyone who might be able to shed light on this for me.
I’m not asking in order to decide whether or not to move on with my life and do other things. I love him and am committed to him whether or not we ever work anything out between us. I just want to do what is best for him.
My email is reverend.rose@ymail.com. If anyone wants to talk about this, I would welcome it.
Thank you.
In my case, I’m not so sure it was the med that did it, since his behavior was an issue, too, including criticizing me for needing antidepressants, esp. after the depression was officially diagnosed. I still feel love for my kids, but this makes me wonder if I could feel more, since the condition really kicked into high gear right after my son was born 9 years ago and never left.
I know that the Celexa I have been on since about 1995 has caused me to lose all feelings of love and just don’t have the “sympathetic” emotions I used to have. I still feel love but if something sad happens I don’t have the emotion I should have.
I was on prozac 4 years ago. I knew it kinda turned me numb emotionally but I didn’t realize how bad until May 10 of that year. At that time my boyfriend of 10 years finally proposed on our anniversary. Usually I am a happy crier and considering I have been waiting for that moment for years, looking back at my reaction now, I realize how much those pills changed me. My now husband got down on one knee professing his love for me and asked me to marry him and with a stone cold face all I could say is “r u sure?”. That is not how I would have been with out those pills. Inside and I was screaming happy but nothing came out. I can’t ever get that moment back and wish it hadn’t been like that.
well. ssri’s ruined most everything for me. i bounced from one to another. had a worthless sexual preformance, and went from mood to mood to mood swing. now i am free and clear, but still can’t prform and get sick when ever i am tired which i never did before. luckily my spouse uses much of this against me, so i am never allowed to be upset, and recently she packed up our sex life. so now i count the days til i leave. i was happier before the medication started!
I have been on SRI’s for over 10 years now, they have literaly been a life saver.
It is difficult however to exactly gauge how they have affected my life. They helped me survive the painful end of my 25 year marriage, they enabled me to end a sever alchohol addiction. Then again, had I been on them earlier, perhaps I would have been spared all that pain in the first place. I doubt it, but … .
They did not cause me to love my wife less, but did allow me to deal with the loss of her love.
Between high blood pressure and anti-depresants, I have lost the ability to get and maintain an errection. Then again, after 20 years of sleeping alone and having no one in my life, it hardly matters, or so I tell myself.
It is not so much that I can not love again, it is that I do not allow my self to do so.
These comments are two years old. I would like updated information, as I have nearly tossed everyone out of my life. I have no enthusiasm whatsoever. I am on 120 mg Cymbalta and am truly a “flatliner.”
I found with SSRIs (took for 8 years) I was emotionless. Dropped them and started methadone, which Ive been on for 5 years now. Seems I was endorphin deficient and methadone is the answer for me. I live a happy life, not cutting, not thinking of suicide, and have acquired a degree in web design and programming. Some are critical of my decision but hey so what if Im addicted; Im alive, happy, and was able to come out of my dark hole and live.
Brenda, if you’d like to talk sometime, I am here for you. Comment back and we will get in touch somehow.
Yes, I only love myself, I am 33 years old with GAD, been on anti depressants for years now, I have no feelings, like to be by myself, I donot want a wife or kids because I have no emotion or need for this.
I have only been able to maintain a romantic relationship lasting more than 4 months since 2000. That is when I was on Paxil and Wellbutrin. Also regarding emotional blunting, when my son was born in 2002 with a potentially fatal birth defect, I went through the entire ordeal totally “un-phased” as did I during my Father’s death in 2004.
I think the thought of an SSRI making you “fall out of love” is the
most absurd thing I’ve ever heard! Come on. If you have fallen out of love, don’t blame it on anything else than yourselves the 2 people in the relationship. I took Prozac for 10 years, then thought it was pooping out, so my pdoc added Wellbutrin, and I still felt depressed. Well duh! Of course I felt depressed! My dad had just passed away four months prior and I was grieving. Grief is the same thing as depression. They are one in the same. After he took me off the Prozac I was only on Wellbutrin and a little bit of Celexa, but since that did nothing 4 my depression, a year later, I begged my pdoc to put me back on the prozac
and Wellbutrin for the booster. I am
so glad he did! I am much less depressed, however, this time around
(it didn’t happen to me, the prior 10 years) it made my libido something of the past. However in no
way, shape or manner, have I fallen out of love w/ my husband! Meds cannot make you fall out of love. Come on people, get a grip! Start taking responsibility for your own mistakes and own up to it!
What a revelation! I am relieved to find out that I am not the only one who wonders if I even love my husband anymore. He hasn’t done anything wrong…I just didn’t have that sense of loving him. Or anyone else for that matter. I thought it was just me. I have been on different anti-depressants for 25 years now. I knew they caused my lack of desire for sex, but I had no idea the medicine could also numb feelings of love.
I can’t stop the medicine. Everytime I’ve tried my depression comes back full force.
I have PTSS so I need the medication. I will definately talk to my psychologist about this.
I just read the article and i can’t wait to show my husband in the morning! I have felt like a heartless, cold, horrible person for awhile now because i have been on cipralex-escitalopram for nearly a year and i got married and had no emotion and he always says i didn’t cry or anything and he did and its true i seem not to be able to cry and nothing can bring a stong emotional reaction with in me unless i am being attacked personally with words. I feel i want to have sex but i have lost all my desire for my husband and i am tryinig to get it back but i just don’t feel like with him and i love him very much so this is very frustrating. But after reading this i am definatly going to talk to my counceller and doctor to see what they suggest!!
Omg. I thought I just fell out of love with him. It feels so empty inside, when he touches me, it doesn’t feel special anymore. When I hug him or kiss him – feel nothing. Everything feels so bland and automatic.
But the disturbing thing is I’ve been on antidepressants for 3 months and was only on them for 6 months. How can this still be affecting me?
I stumbled upon this article as i was looking up ways people become not just emotionally numb, but completely numb to all emotions. I have severe depression and anxiety and a rather bad case of panic attacks.I also suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. Anyways, I have been on anything from zoloft, effexor,seroquel,wellbutrin,klonopin,lithium,risperdal,and many more.More recently I have been on a newer pill they have out called pristiq, it is from the same company that makes effexor except it is a SSNRI instead of a SSRI.I asked my psychiatrist what the difference was and she told me it was an antidepressant but without the insanely bad side effects. When she told me this i was dumb founded.My experience with this pill was unlike any other, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like i just might actually have that chance i so desperately wanted to enjoy life again BUT without being turned into a zombie!( by zombie i mean getting an icky high from a pill)..I was amazed to say the least. my whole life i have felt like i was looking from outside a fish bowl, like nothing in front of me was real and for the first time in so many years i felt like everything was real again. its not that i didnt know…because i knew everything thing is real, but it was more like my depression was eating me alive. Sad to say but i am no longer on this pill, but i am hoping that this can help someone who feels the same as i do..okay the only bad thing i would have to say is that the first few days on the pill i was hyper and my arms even shaked but after that…my body was okay with it. I have to say this..it was so hard to have an orgasm while on this pill, it was worthless even trying sometimes, lol
but unlike the others this pill is a miracle worker at least for me..oh and the reason i am off of this is cause i moved back in with my mother and i have yet to see a psychiatrist. Past experience with other pills were awful. With zoloft..i became emotionally numb and after so long the bubble of hidden emotions burst and i began to cut myself. I had just turned 13 years old then.Not too long after that i took effexor and it had the same effect. Oh and i forgot to mention, my family always loved to remind me of how much of a bitch i was on the pills. Naturally i am a very nice girl. Anyways within the next few years i had become a test rat for pills.I was misiagnosed with bipolar disorder and they put me on seroquel, this was the first time i was misdiagnosed but not the last. Anyways, boy was that a ride, i was stoned out of my mind, my eyes were burning and i started to hear and see things that didnt exist while on that pill. On the risperdal i had breast milk and the hallucinations. Never again!I was misdiagnosed by a nurse practitioner who thought i was a drug addict cause i told her that the klonopin was the only thing that has ever helped me with my panic attacks and my anxiety in the past.Later thankfully i seen a psychiatrist and he set me straight..i was beginning to think i was schizophrenic. He told me it is sad how many people are misdiagnosed because of their symptoms. He also reassured me that i was not schizophrenic. You have to understand after having this nurse practitioner rub my back and tell me it was not my fault i was schizophrenic, i was lost. My mood is the same all the time, i am always upset and there is very little if anything that will make me happy. Like i said before the psychiatrist reassured me that i was just depressed and have lots of anxiety. I have taken xanax and my view on it isnt very good. In my experience it calms the body and not the mind while making you feel like a walking zombie and high as a kite, no wonder some people use it as a sleep aid. I would say klonopin is better because it not only calms your body but it calms your mind. That was the first pill that i have ever taken that took my racing thoughts away and gave me peace at mind.It is also excellent in calming you down if your starting to get a panic attack.Both xanax and klonopin are addictive but i would have to say the klonopin is the better of two evils. Well, let me see, when i was on wellbutrin, lets say this i might as well have taken a couple of caffeine pills.As for the trouble with getting an orgasm, it was with most pills atleast for me. Though the klonopin tends to make me crave sexual things even more. I am an 18 year old mother and without my daughter i would have committed suicide by now.I believe that if there was more love in this world and more people who actually gave a shit about eachother the world would be a much safer, happier, and over all a more better and enjoyable place to live in.I think people would be less dependant on drugs if some of the people in this world wasnt so cruel.I do believe there are some of us who need the pills just to get through the day cause they have an inbalance or they dont have the will to get up in the morning. I hope that you all find true love and happiness in this life and realize…some people need the extra help from the pills and others dont, they just need to be listened to and loved instead of jabbing a pill down their throats..especially the children.Good luck and i hope this helps someone.Sorry for my awful spelling and etc.
no they can not make you fall out of love …but they can make you become emotionally numb by creating a mask over your feelings
I am glad that I read this article it is in my opinion completely true.I have been on fluoextine for several years and I have no sexual desires,urges whatsoever and have resigned myself to a life without sex as i just dont have any want or needs or desires sexually at all any more but the point in my case is that my medication keeps me from falling apart and plumeting into depression.
This study is so accurate. I can tell from my experience that SSRIs effects on a romantic relationship can be devastating. My BF started to take Prozac about 5 months ago and he has gradually become cold, emotionless, as if he had no feelings towards me any more. Needless to mention that his libido went dramatically down. We used to have a pretty good sexual life, now he can’t even have an orgasm.
Now he acts like a heartless, cold, horrible person. He is practically tossing me out of his life. Our communication is completely one-sided. It seems as if he didn’t care any more.
He suddenly stopped loving me and says he cant feel his emotions now, that he feels detached towards his family and friends too. I think he might also be seeing other people now to try to feel.
He is a totally different person and i still love her but i can’t live like this. I miss my BF like crazy, i want him to be happy but i want to be happy too. Is it a lost cause? Would other SSRIS make her feel again?
Hi.
I am new to this and I am wondering if anyone can help make sense of my situtaion.
I moved away from home to start a new life with my boyfriend of 7 months, in his town (an hour and a half away from where i lived). Although a sudden thing to do in such a short space of time, I had no regrets what so ever as I had never been this IN LOVE before and was 100% about everything.
The first 3 months of living here were fantastic – almost like a holiday I suppose. I was with the man of my dreams. Had a new job with better money than I had at home (although I didn’t fully like this new job, which stressed me out alot).
The only bad things that happened in the first 3 months were that I had bouts of anxiety about various things:
1) My job and that I hated it and didn’t feel like I belonged there.
2) I would be scared that because I’d ordered something online that people would be able to hack into my bank account.
3) I obsessed about my past alot – mistakes I’d made in life.
I have also had a traumatic upbringing due to a depressive mother/I have abuse memories from a family friend.
Apart from the above though, I was so happy to be with my soulmate and was so secure for the first time in my life.
Well anyway, in December (3 months after moving down), I fell ill with my back (I have had surgery on my spine in the past and have occasional episodes where something just ‘goes’ and I am bedridden. I was given painkillers and diazapam off the doctor which seemed to help.
But a few days after coming off the diazepam, an AWFUL thing happened. I suddenly was ridden with anxiety, dread, guilt and was overwhelemed by my situation – my new life. I didn’t think I loved my boyfriend anymore and began to cry and cry and be sick every 5 minutes. I had to run away, I couldn’t cope, so went back up home to be with my mother. However I felt no relief and felt I should come back to be with him. He was very upset and confused but understood.
Now basically ever since December last year, I have suffered with this terrible depression and can’t feel love at all for my boyfriend or even my family and pet sometimes?! I feel detached from everything. I have been on antidepressants throughout but i feel worse, so the doctor is weaning me off them. It’s like I know i love my boyfriend, but i can’t feel/see it. But I’m not sure if I’m just in denial! I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I thought I may have an Adjustment Disorder of some type, or maybe it could have something to do with the anxiety attack in December – especially by the fact that I was a bit obsessive about other stuff before hand.
However I KNOW I want to love him again and at times I feel I do – at these moments I feel a huge relief but it doesn’t last long because the thoughts come in and say ‘you don’t love him? you’re just in denial.
I am so unhappy. I want to feel love for this wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. Nothing has changed. Yet lately I find him irritating at times and find flaws in his face, when I know he is attractive? WHY?!
I am so terrified that maybe I just don’t love him – as this is the worst thing for me ever.
Please can someone shed some light on this horrible situation?
Thank you
I was on fluoxitine for less then 2 months before I realized this had happened to me.
I tapered down and have been off of it for nearly 2 months now.
While I do feel more emotions now, I definitely am not even close to how I was pre meds, even with the completely debilitating anxiety I was suffering.
Does anyone know how long it takes to regain your emotions / feelings of love after coming clean of meds?
Thanks.
P.S. I find it astounding that professionals can hand out these drugs without warning people that it has the potential to ruin your relationships with the most important people in your life. Something has to be done to the psychiatric practice, to regulate this kind of crap.
i have recently become aware of the effects of my wifes meds. After 10 months of no sexual activity and me feeling like it was something i did or did not do i realize that this part of our relationship maybe gone. I realize that i need to do more things around the house to try to make her day to day better than it is now.
I’ve found this article purely by chance. My husband has been on Citalopram for 4 months and had initially seemed much happier and more inclined to spend time with me,rather than in total isolation playing his keyboard. However, more recently he has gone downhill. Hates his job and his life really. Then the really bad part.Now he says he no longer loves me,feels lost and doesn’t know what he wants. I am astounded and hurt. Am now wondering if the meds have caused his emotions to go numb? I have no idea what to do.Is it worth him going back to the doctor. Hopefully if I suggest this,he may go. Interesting reading all the posts. I had no idea so many people were on these drugs and that they cause so many emotional issues.
I’ve been on Celexa for 4 days and I am thinking I will stop taking them now. I don’t want to be an emotionless person and I still want to fall in love and have a romantic relationship even though I am not ready for one yet. But I am afraid my anxiety and depression will never go away.
How do you know if it is the SSRI or the depression itself making you fall out of love or masking those emotions?
I read through 98% of all these comments, not one mentions cognitive talk therapy as a solution as well as the medication. Relying on JUST the medication is a recipe for disaster, both are needed to overcome depression.
Wow. I hope I could have read this 8 yrs ago. It probably would have spared me alot of confusion. I’m actually pretty suprised I had not found this article before, considering I am information obsessed. Anyway… My last year of highschool, I had the perfect girlfriend, good grades, great friends, I was about to graduate. Then on spring break I visited my mom and sister who live in another country and my sister tries to commit suicide. At the time I was pretty cool about it, considering how hard it all was. When I came back home, we all went on a class trip and it should’ve been great, being with my friends and gf for three weeks…but it was horrible. For the first time in my life I experienced anxiety, something I now experience almost daily. Anyway, the first thing I started feeling was disconnected from my gf, she would irritate me, I no longer felt close to her…I was confused, I felt I might be falling out of love. When we got back home my anxiety was almost unbearable. That horrible combination of guilt and that sense of impending doom. Ruminating all the time. My parents decided I should go to a psychiatrist and deal with the traumatic experience I had gone through. Mind you at this time, I was already on Tegretol because I’d had seizures mainly due to drug abuse, and Ritalin, because the school thought I had ADHD. So the psych put me on SSRIs… Those were the most painful months of my life. I literally fell out of love with everything. But mainly my relationship is what hurt me the most. I figure this is probably due to the fact that I was abandoned by my father as a child, and my fear of abandonment is soooo bad, my worst nightmare is to have to abandon someone because of something out of my control…I don’t know if that makes sense. Anyway, so for the last 8 years I’ve systematically managed to become a serial monogamist who falls hard and then very suddenly and with no causes to actually motivate it, falls out of love… My biggest fear, my most painful moments. I’m in a very different relationship right now, we’ve broken up but are back to dating, and I experience these feelings for a couple of days at a time everytime we have a fight. In my last relationship, which lasted 4 years, I fell out of love at least once a month!
After reading this article I’m starting to think I may have found an explanation… When I experienced my first bout of depression and anxiety, and was prescribed SSRIs the biggest side effect I felt was the loss of love and libido. Not knowing these were side effects of the drugs, I figured thats just how I was wired, unable to keep myself in love, doomed to abandoning anyone who could fall in love with me. My brain picked up the emotional and physical symptoms of this, and has now established that when I feel fear, anxiety, sadness, when I panic…it must be that I am falling out love. I push myself into feeling that, I have become addicted to it.
And all of this due to the fact that the treatment that was supposed to help me out with my most traumatic experience became my most traumatic experience…
I stopped taking SSRIs about 6 years ago. Since then I’ve taken some psych drugs, but always without a real prescription, just self medicating… I’ve stopped using drugs (recreational) since JAN 09.
But I’ve never, at least not long enough so I forget what it feels like, been able to keep those feelings of guilt and despair away…
Just wanted to share, thanks for reading.
this is exactly whats happening to my boyfriend, after taking antidepressants for one week after he tried commiting suicide, he questioned his feelings towards me and decided to end things. We have a long distance relationship and i’ve been adviced to leave him alone for now. Its really hard for me to see him go through this and I pray daily to God so that he can help him overcome this depression and eventually get his emotions back assuming he’s on the right medication. Its been 6 weeks and it seems like he’s slowly in better mood.
I have found that most anti D’s make you feel numb to just about everything. You can’t feel elation, passion or true happiness, it also numbed feelings of ‘needing’ to do activities that need to be donem you are kind of blase about everything. I have been off my tabs for 4 days now and I can actually feel ‘real’ emotions… although, I am not looking forward to the withdrawals of Pristiq. I was on Lexapro before Pristiq and it was worse. I would rather have depression when things go wrong than not to feel anything.
ugh…im on lexapro and feel like a damn robot..no highs or lows…just no feeling at all! anyone feel like this?
I wouldn’t say SSRIs could make you “mistakenly” fall out of love. Emotions are always “real” regardless of their source. A biochemical change in the brain is no more “right” or “wrong” because it was caused by a medication.
Hi I commented here awhile ago and since then I went off the medication. I have not gotten my feelings back and am wondering how long it will take to get them back, I have never had depression, it was for anxiety, but now I still do not receive the highs or lows. I am wondering if this is because I’ve been on them since young. If anyone can help it’s very appreciated.
I am on zoloft and it seems forever before my wife can get me off rather its sex or something else. I stopped taking my meds for awhile and the feeling came back it was easier for her to get me off. But as of now I am still taking them and our relationship is great but I don’t know why it takes me so long when I’m on them compared to when I’m not any info you have on this would be great….
After a few months of getting to know each other better, my (now ex) boyfriend and I started our relationship. Everything was fantastic. People said they had never seen him happier, he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face when we where together.
He had been single for a long time before we got together – so it was all a bit new to him. But all he had wanted was to find a girl, settle down, have children and enjoy life. I basically ticked all the boxes that he was looking for.
Shrtly into our ‘official’ relationship he told me he was starting to feel similarly to how he felt a couple of years ago when he fell into a deep depression. He told me not to worry as he can see it coming so will do what he can to stop it gettin hold of him.
2 weeks later we were out with a friend at the cinema, then to the pub after. Our friend left and my BF then continued to have a very public and very emotional break down. The depression had gotten the better of him. He told me that he just wanted to get better and that he had no idea how to do that with a partner… he has only known how to do it whilst single with only himself to be concerned with. He ended it. I was mortified, but knew I had to leave him to get better, hole himself up and heal.
3 weeks into his depression, our friend met with him and talked a bit about what he was going through. During which he said that he definitely wanted to carry on seeing me and he was using me as a target to get better for. At this point he had been on his SSRI’s for about a week.
after another 3 weeks or so… he got in touch and invited me out to the cinema. I agreed to go. We had a nice time and talked, but not about anything deep or emotional about him and I and what was to happen with our relationship.
A week later – he called me and said that getting into a relationship with me in the 1st place was a mistake, he jumped in as he was needy and his brain was wired differently then. He went on to say that he did not have the same feelings for me as I have for him and that he feels he just needs to be honest.
Now, all of this sounds A LOT like the affects of his SSRI’s to me. He said that he had been feeling himself again for about a week or so – which is exactly how long he had lost his feelings for me, or thought our whole relationship was wrong.
My story is a bit different to most i have read here as we were in that lovely honeymoon period when all this kicked off and went horrbly wrong.
It has left me feeling so hurt and abandoned… I really love him. I sat there going out of my mind for 7 weeks while I gave him the space he needed only to be presented with “sorry it was all a mistake.”
It doesn’t make sense… nobody close to him or to me thinks that it makes sense, judging by how much he liked me, the hurdles we overcame to actually BE together in the 1st place. The only thing that can explain it is that the meds have left him emotionless toward me.
I know that this is not me and that it is his problem and really I am powerless to do anything. Until he comes off his meds, no one will be able to predict what he will feel… It’s comforting to be able to share my story with people who know where I am coming from.
If anyone can offer me any advice, that would be great.
Ya I definitely know how it is. I’ve been on Seroquel and Lamictal for 2 years, I barley got off of all meds cuz im sick of being drugged all the time, I want to feel alive again but i’ve been off the meds for about a month now and my loving happy feelings for anything hasnt come back yet does ANYONE know when things are suppose to go back to normal???
Hi, i have been takening ssris for about year and abit now, after i had a abit of break down and started having panic attack about everything in my life. At first they really helped to calm me down after 6 months i stoped talking them but this ended in the most horrific attack i ever had where i felt like i just wanted to run away from everything including my loving boyfriend at the time, i felt traped, scared and like i couldnt carry on with life. The attack lasted about 4 days and was awful, since this i have had on and off attacks for another 6 months. I felt like the drugs were working agaisnt and not helping, this website really helped too. I noticed i couldnt really feel anything, i never felt sad and i never felt happy, i just felt lost and that my mind was foggy. I decided at new year i was fed up with this all i just wanted to be happy and be happy in my relationship again. I am nearly off them and am starting to feel back to my old self , i want to go out now, i love my boyfriend more than ever. I feel like i have my life is slowly coming back. I just want to say thanks to this site and all your comments, they have inspired me and make me realise am not the only one. When i feel down i just look at this and i realise am not crazy. Thanks so much
Hello,
Im so glad I came across this disscusion, I hope someone will have some advice or knowledge for me on my situation. My husband has been on citalopram for about 2 years I felt it was helping him and never really seemed to see any side effects such as being zombie like or emotionless untill about 8 months ago. we were having problems and he would tell me that he just wasnt sure what was going on with him but that he just felt confused and didnt know what he wanted in his life. things started to get better for a while and then 3 months ago I noticed him feeling emotionless again. I asked if he was still on the medication and he said he had stopped cold turkey 2 months ago. he says he loves me very much and cares for me deeply but other than that he has no kind of feeling on what he wants in life and has no libido at all now since he has been off. which his libido was actually really good while on the medication. Has anyone still felt emotionless and no libido after stopping citalopram cold turkey?
my h has had testicular cancer which he is now cancer free and has now been told he has low testosterone which as yet is not being treated. I have been told that low test can lower dopamine? About 3 months ago he started to withdraw from me, lost his libido, can’t bear any physical affection, seems depressed, can’t handle kids etc etc. Now he has left us and we are devastated. Says he feels numb towards me. He has moved away from area and says there is no going back fro us. I truly can’t believe it, after all we have been thro together. Could low test really hold the key or am i cluctching at straws? He also said at one point he didn’t feel he loved anyone, least of all himself. Of course he cares fro or kids but not seeing them a massive amount at mo. Anyone have any thoughts or experiences that could help me?? Thank you
I may have experienced what SSRIs can do to a person first hand.
I fell for a girl, and she for I, or so I thought.
We spent a lot of time together, we never got on each others nerves and were always laughing and goofing around. Being flirty etc etc. Then one night she confessed that she was falling in love with me. Which worked out well cause I was too.
A few weeks after that, after she started taking an SSRI, she said she didnt see me like that anymore. That I got under her skin and only thought of me as a friend.
I was confused and lost, not even 4 weeks ago this girl was in my arms crying cause she was so happy to find a guy that treated her so well. Then after a few weeks on a pill those feelings just vanished.
I wont even talk to this girl anymore, and because of this incident if I ever find out a girl I am seeing is on these drugs, it is an instant deal breaker. Mind altering substances, prescribed or not, is not something I should have to deal with.
My wife started on Celexa around October. The dose was increased in December, and now she wants a divorce. These meds need to be taken off the market. They do more harm than good, especially to relationships.
I am seeing way too many people look narrowly at thier situations and say “the drugs did it”.
I have tried many medications. I am now the happiest on 60mg of Cymbalta.
On the other hand, no one aruond me likes it. I’m honest: I get anrgy, sad, happy. Because of talk-therapy I am realizing that it’s aoky to feel whatever I’m feeling. Problem it, no one else got the memo.
Being on SSRI’s and having talk therapy DOES change people, because thier way of thining is getting refreshed like a web page. It is like being the only one dressed up for a halloween party.
No one files for divorce, moves out of the country, or falls out of love because of medication. It affects levels of hormones, not one’s entire way of thinking.
It is the individuals who act on thier thoughts that are upsetting thier loved ones. if you love them, let them go through it. It gets ugly. Sorry, that’s how it is. Yet, you will see a stronger person emerge from the rubble. Promise.
I left a comment on here a few weeks back, am now off these horrible drugs which do wreck lifes. They dont make u fall out of love but they do blunt ur emotions making u think u have fallen out of love. I have been off these drugs for a few weeks now and it was hell but now am through and looking forward for the future. I want to say thank u for all the comments of here it makes me realise am not the only one, there is hope out there for everyone. The drugs just mask problems and made me feel foggy and worse than before. Now i feel stronger, happier, more out going then ever. My relationship has got stronger and am in love all over again i feel like when we first meet. The advice i would give to people is, if u can find an alternate way to help u please do , get off these drugs and do it slow (bad withdrawls), always be strong and realise what life is all about.
Doreen, I know it may work for you but that doesnt mean some of these side effects arent real.
I’m glad the drugs seem to work for you but in reality it seems like it has changed you. Sometimes we may think things that we dont always want to say. It’s all part of being in a polite society. If you see nothing wrong and everyone around you does perhaps there is something wrong?
And it effects neurochemicals, which is in essence how we perceive everything. A low Serotonin level and Increase Dopamine level is a sign of OCD. Something Prozac claims to treat. That is also the same chemical make up of love (at least in early stages). If an SSRI increases Serotonin and decreases Dopamine (which is also the reward chemical) then isnt it possible that these drugs could blunt a feeling of love?
How can someone be so willing to say that this pill can make you happy and take away depression but not have effects on other emotions?
I have just had the most awful day. Since I started the SSRI’s I have totally lost my love feelings for my wife of 22 years. I still don’t believe I don’t love her, it’s just I can’t get any type of feeling good or bad. I sometimes think I am losing my head.
Sorry to hear that evro. How long have you been on SSRIs?
Suzy
I 100% know that these SSRIs and other antidepressants CAN do this. After I developed PostPartum Panic Disorder I was put on Celexa. It did make me emotionally flat. I went zip-lining through the mountians, for the first time ever, and felt not much of anything! No epinephrine or norepinephrin rush of any kind! Normally I would be the most nervous and excited person and I felt almost nothing! I then switched to Lexapro due to side effect on the Celexa and it was the same.
Anyone trying to get off of these meds needs to do so by tapering very slowly.
I was so horribly brokenhearted and confused until I read all these blog comments – now I feel I know exactly what was going on with my boyfriend, who has been on SSRIs for years. We met each other at a point in our lives where both of us wanted to settle down, we wanted the same things, and both of us had all the things the other was looking for, from pyhsical attraction to similar values. There were never two people more happy to find someone and ready to love as we were. It happened for me, I loved him pretty soon after we startd dating. But after a year of happy times and getting on well enough, he just says he never felt anything like love, though he cares for me deeply. It never “happened” for him.
He actually knows that SSRIs can affect how you process love chemicals, and thinks that may have been the reason he couldn’t have deep feelings for me, when he thinks everything about me was what he wanted in his life. That’s what’s so frustrating and heartbreaking to me. He threw our relationship away, even knowing this, and thinks that the next time he will feel that connection. But that’s the thing – he has not been feeling that connection for many, many years, with many other women, and now I think the SSRIs are probably the reason. It kills me that he can conceptualize that these drugs are actually holding him back from finding love, the thing he most desperately wants to find in his life, but not take steps to lessen their hold.
brandi34-
Thanks so much for posting your story. I feel that I am in the same situation as you are in. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and in that time he has become diagnosed with depression. After multiple suicide attempts and breakdowns, he has told me that he doesn’t necessarily feel sad, but has a lack of emotion at all. I have found myself going to extremes to try and please him in anyway possible. I worry that he will never be happy with me, or worse never happy at all.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone, and that I appreciate your post!
This makes a lot of sense, the same thing is happening to me. Just a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue I got extremely depressed. I am prone to depression anyway, but I hadn’t felt that sad in a long time, I wasn’t motivated to do anything, I wasn’t excited to hang out with my girlfriend, I was sleeping more, I would lose appetite on a dime, felt hopeless, my sex drive is gone and more. Which was totally out of context of my life because I should have been happy then. I was back together with my ex-gf who I love very much, and was with for a year and a half at one point, so why wouldn’t I be happy? But I had this terrible feeling of impending doom, like soon I was going to lose her, and I was never going to see her agian, my depression very much revolves around my relationship with her. Probably becasue I don’t want to lose her, she means the world to me. I would never be excited or motivated to hang out with her, but when I did I was happy, but I only wanted to sit and watch movies on the couch. And whenever I wasn’t around her, it was like coming down from a high, and whenever I saw something that reminded me of her, I just got very upset, and tearful. I often hit myself in the head, bash my dead on the wall from confusion, and I cry everyday and I ignore many of my calls from people that want to hang out with me because I don’t want to do anything.
That was last week, and a few days I got put on 5 mg of Lexapro. Just yesterday, I woke up from a dream I had where my girlfriend told me she didn’t love me anymore, and immediately had doubts that I loved her anymore. I know I do, but I don’t feel it. The hugs and kisses just don’t give me the same feeling anymore like they should.
Help me.
It is a revelation to read these comments. Thank you to all who have shared.
I’ve been on SSRIs since 2001 when I suffered a head injury and I, for the first time accepted that I was depressed. That semester I had enrolled in 5 subjects to fast track my dual degrees. After in injury, due to memory loss, going on antidepressants and much other confusion, I dropped 2 subjects and finished the semester with some great outcomes.
I have found SSRIs have made me emotionally numb. They did have fantastic effects lifting my depression and I felt clear enough to seek additional therapy, but it was definitely all roses.
I have wanted for a long time to write a book helping others. Encouraging others to remain living and that there is a workable solution in your life.
I seek personal life experiences/comments, solutions, book writing assistance, interested publisher’s support and any other constructive advice that people wish to give me towards this worthwhile cause.
I look forward to your experiences.
Penny.
Hi,
I have recently been trawling the net for information and insights into the subject of depression since starting a relationship with a really amazing girl just short of a year ago. I have come across various online discussions between people with similar experiences with a loved one suffering from depression. Briefly, here is my story…
I met my girlfriend about a year and a half ago, and from the outset there was a strong attraction and connection that we both felt for each other. We started spending more time together and after a while a truly wonderful relationship started.
In the beginning, things were really going well. We spent (and still do) loads of time together and feelings grew which I could feel coming from her side, too. I began noticing that she withdrew in social environments and felt shy around new people, but I put it down to her simply being a little shy.
About three months in, she plucked up the courage to tell me that she had suspected she suffered from depression since her early teens. She went on to say she had recently seen a doctor who was about to start her on a dose of SSRI’s (Cipralex).
I was initially taken aback and uncertain of the implications. I admired her honesty and bravery for seeking help and telling me about it. We moved to a new own together where she found work and so did I. Generally, we have had great times together, and since she began the prescription, the effects have varied in intensity. I think her expectations were high – that this would be a cure and relief to how she was suffering. She spoke of one day in the early stages of her prescription of feeling completely connected and peaceful inside. The feeling of emptiness and gray had lifted and everything around her seemed alive, colourful and beautiful again. She spoke of compassion returning, love for her family, pets, friends and me.
This was a fleeting experience though, and she explains that she has returned to a depressive cycle, although not as severe as it once was. Rather, she says this is more a “flat” almost emtionless state. After doing much reading I am beginning to think its the ironic effects of the meds.
She avoids speaking about it, as I think that she is so hopeful that the medication she is on will succeed in relieving her of the condition. However, slowly but surely, I have definitely noticed an emotional retreat on her part. Where she was once playful, talkative, inquisitive and full of energy, there is a disturbingly blase’, almost lifeless presence. It is taking its effect on me as I feel that we have lost something between us, and the attraction and affection she had for me is gone. It makes me sad because I want so badly for her to be happy and feel those things again. I find consolation by having spoken with her family and some friends, who say that they have noticed the same thing and experienced the same distance from her. She, herself admits this and does not want to lose me. She says she knows she loves me and just cant feel it, not even for her sisters and parents.
While she is putting on a brave face, I can see she is suffering behind the facade. I confront her about it as I want to help and understand as much as I can to help find a solution. Once we get talking it provides me with a better understanding, but the distance I feel is still hurting. We have planned to see a new doctor within a week to find an alternative. It appears from reading the messages that some of SSRI’s can have this effect on the sufferer.
It gives me comfort and feeling of support to realize that I am not alone on the receiving end of a depressed loved one. If there are any encouraging suggestions, please leave a comment. I hope that we can get through this and bring the light back…
Does anyone ever stop to think that it might be the depression that’s causing the lack of love, or the lack of love that’s causing the depression, and that meds might not have anything to do with it?
Wait…
Depression could be causing a lack of love, anhedonia is listed as a symptom, I doubt it but I’m not a professional either.
Depression is such a vague “disease” that almost anyone could be suffering from it. A lot of people feel down at times, they doesn’t mean they are depressed, just need a little self-efficacy.
The human mind and emotions produced are incredibly complex, it’s amazing that we are smart enough to know that yet stupid enough to think that a simple pill will cure us without having any consequences.
my husband suffered depression 5 yrs ago he said then that he didn’t love me or want to be with me and we got through this he is still on antidepressent but i’m going through this all again same words wanting to go out, be on he’s own dont love me and dont want to be here, can he be depressed again ? he went to the doctors and he increased he’s dose 10mg more but will things change this time what do i do i love him so much !!!
I am truly grateful to have found this blog and these comments. I started dating my first boyfriend and first love almost 3 years ago. Our relationship has been rocky at times, but we were strong, deeply in love, and overcame anything. Earlier this year, we separated and then later decided to get back but my feelings and affections weren’t as strong as his. This, as well as school and work issues, lead him to become extremely insecure, stressed, and scared that he was going to lose me which started the obsession, major anxiety, and uncontrollable anger fits that were about the smallest things. I was as supportive as I could be but he would only convince himself that I wasn’t in love with him anymore (which wasn’t/isn’t true). It got so severe that he began cutting himself and made suicide threats almost every day. The doctor gave him a medication that calmed his impulses but it didn’t work so they prescribed him Prozac (I think 20mg). I noticed he was calmer just after a couple of days but I also saw a change in his attitude towards me (I can pinpoint the exact day, May 19). He paid less attention to me and showed less affection, greatly increasing in apathy. He’s been on these pills for almost 2 months now, and even he admits that he’s not the same person anymore. He no longer feels like he loves or wants to be with me, and at times may seem like he even hates me. He’s cold and very blunt to the point where he doesn’t care if what he says will hurt me. It all shifted within a day, from being soo in love with me to absolutely nothing at all. I’ve reassured him that I’m going to remain by his side through it all for support, but he says he doesn’t care. This indifference and irritation is mostly directed towards me than anyone else in his life, which makes me confused and very sad.
I am thankful that the meds have helped and made him value life more, but at the same time I’m beyond distraught and heartbroken that our relationship has been torn apart in a such a short period of time, when our love and security was just there a couple months ago. I feel like I should leave him alone like he wants but losing my first love and best friend would be horrible because I’m very much in love with him still, and I’m sure deep down he still loves me. I’ve been crying every day because I couldn’t understand but after reading all these stories, I feel like I’m not alone and have greater hope that he’ll lessen/stop the meds soon and begin to be normal again.
I’d just like some input on what would be the best thing to do in my situation, if anyone could email me at mhua@uci.edu. I’d really appreciate it, thanks.
Hi there,
I had been using an antidepressant (C Pram S 10), which was prescribed to me by a psychiatrist to treat Depression and extreme moodswings due to onset of menopause.
I have been reading some of the posts, I would like to point out my view: Could it be, that antidepression medication gives the strenght to start dealing with unpleasant situations, that earlier just were avoided?
Even I am separating from my partner, but I do not want to take the relationship any longer….and for the first time I could open my mouth and voice it…
So, the question is, has the antidepressant given me more self esteem to get out or has it destroyed a relationship…. I am off medication for some 4 weeks now, I do not think I am experiencing withdrawal (jet?!),
I still want to get out of my relationship…..
All only because of the medication or just a emotional and logical conclusion…?
Claudia, how can a pill for the mind give you strength to speak up? If you are breaking up with your partner, it is unfortunate but hope that you are aware that you are sounding like a classic example of the side-effects of SSRI drugs. It is only chemicals that are inflating your esteem as real life would be different if all popped the pill.
You mention that you started on the drug for menopause. Your mind is already a deadly cocktail for disaster. The effects of the meds are long lasting so therefore you need to question yourself before you question your relationship. If it has been a long-term relationship, stop, pause, think and rethink. I have destroyed my marriage, had affairs with men who I would have normally not looked at, lost all my assets and my kids hate me. Battling the effects which are not in the mind anymore but can feel the quakes and tremors even now.
If you are off the meds, it does not mean you are rid of the effects. Step gently as we hurt but hurt the people around us the most as we must respect that they are not on any ‘happy pills’
Like Claudia’s post up there, I too had made up my mind and was convinced that my relationship was dead but today, only 4 months after I left my husband of 12 years do I realise what a mess I have made of my life. He was supportive and held my hand through the years but I was feeling my new hi-self esteem. Given by a pill?
Was I wrong or was I wrong? I got used, trashed, abused and dumped by men; had affairs even before I left my husband to not last even 3 weeks. Now I am alone today as I did far more damage than I thought I was capable of, addicted or withdrawn, without emotional support and see myself sitting on a table with other single women, getting hammered drinking myself silly, cursing men and missing the one man who really loved me.
Stay away from these drugs. I feel no love but I miss it so. Claudia, like Lacey says and I concur, think and rethink before you let go of any human being especially someone who loves you. Their faults are way too small than the ones we have when we are on these medications.
How long have you been on these medications and are you taking anything else? if you are then it is probably just a change but the same family. I have been on so many different kind of drugs and now understand that my emotional blunting is due to these SSRI drugs and the effect lasts so much longer after you have stayed off them. Making decisions anytime during or after these drugs will always be suspect. I have learned the hard way and am paying for my mistakes. Only direct therapy helps me with smaller doses of drugs. this helps me look within. I hope this helps you to see before you do things that you regret. Peace be with you.
Wow….some people just seem to seek attention! Darling Claudia, your post is numbered 101, Girl didja read the 100 above your comment or are you only trying to convince that we all wrong, girl? I betcha a handfull of dollars that you messin if you takin a splitsville decision only 4 weeks after yous of ‘em….feel unemotional, cold, reckless, already in a affair while before your break, feel u can climb the mountains and hump any man you want? yes? then Bingo! you headed for a crashlanding huney. Check em critters like us, messin with our minds on some SSRI stories online. We pop ‘em, we break ‘em. In my36 years, been a good girl, 3 years on SSRI and have turned into a hoe. Can feel empty. My shrink educates me and I see the difference. My personality has twisted itself and hard to recall my ol’self but I sure miss me.
“Even I am separating from my partner, but I do not want to take the relationship any longer….and for the first time I could open my mouth and voice it…”
I understand sometimes people stay in relationships despite wanting to leave but do you ever wonder that the drug made the situation unpleasant?
While its true that not everyone who takes anti-depressants will become emotionally numb or fall out of love, but it is a common occurrence. Cause that’s what these drugs are designed to do, keep you from feeling.
It is sad to recognise myself as this hollow and shallow person that I have become. The pills have made me an insensitive human being where I have not even spared my 8 year old niece (who was born in front of me) when I suggested to my sister and her bf to put her up for adoption. I lost my only family that I ever had, after my bf, when they asked me to move out.I live in a cheap downtown flat and she (Karen-my little sis-I love her so) is the only one who has helped me realise the change I have gone thru since Prozac came into my life. I now have a shrink who has a more holistic approach and I refuse to take the pill, coz, I hope to hobble back somehow and become a feeling human being somehow.
How can a pill made from chemicals, mix with other chemicals in our brain and not do anything?
Two of my closest mates have done themselves in with AD’s.All for the lookout of ‘happiness’ and to ‘only cope’ with it.Turned themselves into zombies, unfeeling, unthinking party animals, their master’s degrees left undone. A year back they had a future, today there is none left.
It is sad to see them alone, cut away, believing that what they did/do is ok as long as they are ‘happy’.
Unpaid loans, broken relationships, hurt partners & parents are all they have left around them and they are ‘happy’ amongst this emotional ‘katrina’ that they have wreaked unto their surroundings.
I have tried because I owed it to them (been together since high school-they were not like this) but have drained myself. I have been to therapists myself but have walked out on a couple when a pill was prescribed in the very first few sessions to ‘come back when I feel better’.
Why would I go back when I feel better? and that’s where my buddies have landed themselves, ‘feeling better’!
Thanks but no thanks
I am so glad I found this article and all your comments.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression and self harm all my life, I am 31 now. Regardless of the depression I was very passionate , felt love and a healthy sex drive. My depression got bad and I finally started on Effexor for about 3 years. A year into I met my boyfriend, it was fine at first but I never felt that in love feeling I would feel when I had met someone before. If I had not been on the pills I know I would of. We barely had sex and I felt comepletely numb. I carried on with the pills for about abother 2 years and finally came off. 3 years on and I pretty much feel the same, I feel pretty emotionless still and worse still my depression has come back and I feel worse then ever.
So I feel in a cycle of despair. I feel the pills have left a lasting effect on me by leaving me emotionally numb. Plus the depression and anxiety is worse so I feel emotionally numb by that.
I know deep down I love my boyfriend. He is so supportive to me and does not pressure me. We are lucky as we do have so much else in common and get along well (apart from my depression).
Effexor help me with the depression but the side effects were too much.
Is it possible that even once you are off the medication it can still leave an affect on you emotionally. I feel so dead inside.
It can have a lasting effect from what I’ve read, some people have been off the medication for 10+ years and feel some residual effects (psychosomatic or real I do not know, but they claim to have them).
There are some supplements you can take, try going to paxilprogress and talking to those people, a lot of information and helpful people.
wow … im so pleased ive found this sight. Ive been on prozac for about six months and wondered what was happening to me. I feel empty – devoid of any feelings or emotions. Hollow and lifeless… I know i love my boyfriend but dont know how to love him anymore. I need to get off this medication before it ruins my relationship completely. I just hope he can understand what’s been happening to me and hope he will read this sight.
my girlfriend of over 7 years decided around week 3 that she no longer was “in love” with me. i found one forum, but that didn’t impress her much, she chose to focus on those who said they were in “unhealthy” relationships.
we were so very close, around each other a lot, and had time to talk. after a few weeks on lexapro, she claimed that my talking to her got on her nerves. she accused me of not listening to her when i used to always praise her contributions.
my mother passed, 9 months later i was even more appreciative of her, and felt that i was deeper in love with her than anyone in my 40 years. because of the timing of my mother’s passing, she claimed that i started to smother her and she “couldn’t be my everything”. all the while, i was showing my deeper love for her by telling her how much i appreciate her. the more i expressed my love for her, the more she started to back away.
after over 7 years of knowing each other, having small fights in the past that were resolved and then no fights when i lost a loved one and appreciated just having a partner that i love by my side, she said she still loved me but was no longer “in love” with me.
she planned poorly, getting a “soon as possible” plane ticket once a long distance friend invited her. she failed to get a better price, or just wait for money she knew was coming in. instead, she spent everything for the ticket, forcing her to depend even more on this person that she can’t live with suddenly. she needed me to ship items ahead of time, and she couldn’t wait for a flight from a closer airport. she had to fly out of town from over an hour away. she failed to consider the possibility that there were vehicle problems because she had stopped listening.
i’m not a “relationship expert”, but this was not rational behavior, and i had no idea what to do but just ship stuff and bring her at great effort to her destination. online friends who had no idea of what’s going on were quick to provide an escape, assuming that i must have done something horrible if she suddenly wanted to leave so badly.
i do not believe that this was coincidence, or that there were deeper relationship issues. instead of having any kind of talk about problems she was having, she suddenly stated her intention to leave immediately. i even asked her if she thought that over 5 years of saying “i love you” back and forth made it worth the effort of “counseling”?
so, i’m pretty cheesed, and thought i would put in my .02. I see the woman I love take a pill for three weeks and suddenly she can’t stand the things that she once admired. I fell deeper in love, expressing my gratitude for the things that I might have once thought were “quirks”. I truly valued her and never made her think otherwise.
This sudden and unexpected change in personality was devastating to me. I will never recommend SSRI’s that are so casually prescribed. I felt like this person taught me how to love and it was taken away suddenly and unexpectedly by the last person I ever suspected.
thanks for inspiring me to blog about it myself and get it out of my system.
jmbw,
It’s nice that you understand your medication may be the cause of your feelings. You may want to look into weening methods if you do wish to discontinue use.
There are some websites you can find for support and information through the process.
Best of luck.
There are love stories brought to such abrupt ends with chemicals that it seems tough to stay up with the destruction. It seemed a switch was turned off in my ex-wife’s heart and mind, 18 years into our marriage, 3 kids and a great life.
A wife who was caring and soft, shy but strong, enjoyed the depth of our relationship, educated and cultured has turned into an demonic, self destructive, cold and selfish man eater.
Prescribed SSRI or SNRI to help her mild depression by an onset of menopause,she had taken the same for almost 2 years and the effects of which my kids and me are going to suffer our lifetimes.
While on these pills, she turned into an ogre who snapped, kicked and screamed for no reason, over reacted, turning uncaring (even to our youngest 4 year old boy). She took her time off and involved herself into things that she ‘enjoyed’.
She got hooked into the PS and then the internet with MySpace and other social networking sites. That’s when we lost her. Our eldest daughter came across details of my wife’s surfing history on the family PC and found her chatting up young guys, visiting nude pictures of them and even her visits to cyber sex rooms. This was about the time, when she had already given up her pills (she had started putting on weight and got some twitches). She had got off them with consultation from some gym trainer and decided that she no more needs them as she was ‘feeling good’.
Today our eldest daughter has moved out (she got lucky) with her best pal, refuses to acknowledge Ma and only visits me at work. Now divorced I sit and look after our kids while my wife roams the city, oblivious to the havoc she has wreaked on all of us.
I visit our shrink (we still have the same contacts) and she has asked my wife to see someone else for medical help. The shrink has known us too long and cannot help her anymore, coz she bursts into tears when my ex visits. She is a ‘use & throw’ person in our neighborhood. My kids and me keep in touch as they still need a mother but even they know this is not the same woman they knew as their Ma. Won’t be long before they give up on her too.
Sadly I have great memories of a good life that was.
We have no idea where this ends but have a sure idea when this began. Will post again at a later stage.
I want to thank everyone who posted here for sharing their story. Threads like this one may literally have saved my relationship today and I have a hard time thinking of anything I’m more grateful for. For those of you struggling with this issue interpretation does matter I think so get the truth out there. The more people who speak up the more easily it is to convince someone that what their feeling may be more a problem with their medication then their loved one.
I’ve suffered from depression for many years, and have been off and on meds for a long time. Because of side effects, I always come off them. I used to self-medicate with pills and alcohol, and now that I have been abstinent for several years, I feel ready to try living without meds yet again. I can’t believe how emotionally numb I have become. I feel nothing. I go to work, I come home, I hole myself in my room, I go to sleep. That’s it. I don’t socialize, and I find it painful to be with people. I am sexually dead. I am single, attractive woman who has zero interest in men. I’m still experiencing depression, so I wonder why I’m taking this bloody med in the first place. I’d rather stop and experience a full range of emotions. I take a mood stabilizer (for bipolar II) and hope that it’s enough to keep me stable. I’ve just stopped taking my antipsychotic and the withdrawals are finished. Now I’ve begun tapering from the Lexapro. I’ll post my progress as I go. I’m glad to have found this forum.
I’ve been off the Lex for about a week now and the side effects have been terrible. I’ve been dizzy, nauseated, irritable, and the emotions have begun to surface. I’m weepy, and now I’m depressed and feeling suicidal. I keep reminding myself (hoping and praying really) that these feelings are temporary. I have lots of support and will get myself to the ER if the symptoms worsen. If anyone else has been through this, please post! I need to know that this won’t last forever!
Scout – How did you stop taking Lexapro? Did you go cold turkey or slowly ween yourself off the medication?
I’m not sure how this website tolerates advertising to other websites but a post on paxil progress would be good for you. Just search it on google, there are plenty of people who have done or in the process of doing what you are doing now.
But yes, you will get better over time, best of luck.
My husband was suffering from a very bad bout of depression, lasted from Nov 08 to Aug 09, third lot of antidepressants worked, cymbalta 60mgs OD. Beginning of Oct 09 told me that he was leaving….we told our son…worst thing I ever had to do in my life…did’nt knock a bat off the ex though. He still tells me that he loves me but not ”in love” with me. I dont know who this new person is. The only emotion I ever see him displaying is anger. I firmly believe that Cymbalta has cost me my marriage……..
BJL, I weaned myself off the Lex over a 2-3 wk period, going from 5 to 2.5 mgs then half of that, to just a tiny chip, then down to nothing. The depression and suicidality finally got so bad I had to see my PCP and go on Celexa. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m still taking a mood stabilizer in conjunction with the Celexa. It’s been about 8 days on the AD and I’m beginning to feel better.
Last year, I stopped taking Paxil cold turkey and was hospitalized for three days because of sudden suicidality. I didn’t know how dangerous it was to go c/t off Paxil.
Scout,
I have to warn off the start that I am not a medical professional so take what I say how you will.
If you are going to come off the medication, be sure to go incredibly slow, look up the information you can about your medication. Since you were on such a low dose I assume Lexapro is effective at low doses. Instead of thinking 2.5 mgs isn’t a a bad drop, think of it as a 50 percent effectiveness drop. That is incredibly high for a taper.
The best thing I can suggest to you is to go incredibly slow, drop your dosage just a little bit at a time and wait a couple weeks for any reactions, if you seem fine, drop it a little bit more.
There really is no taper schedule but I’d suggest going slow enough to were you wont feel a need for an increase in dosage.
Have a good one.
I ‘Ve been off vanlafaxine now for about a month and i feel that the love for my girlfriend is growing stronger by every day. First i didn’t really know if it was love and it scared the HELL out of me. I came by this site and directly i understood what whas going on. i was on 225 mg effexor and i tapered down my dose from 225 to 150 in like 3 days and then tapered down to 75 mg in like 2 days and then finally 0 mg. A little nausea the first days and a great urge for sleep was the initial withdrawalsymptoms. Brainzaps when i looked from side to side, but nothing brutal. I’ve eaten this crap for about a year and it was no match for me to quit. I felt more and more alive each day and that’s the important thing. The government want you to take this kind of meds, because it makes you more or less coldhearted or cold when it comes to love. It’s exactly what they want. I hope that if you read this and you are on ssri/snri today, you’ll atleast try to start tapering your dose tomorrow, and i wish you all the luck i can,,
I am 40 years old and all my adult life I suffer from something called PMDD, and also depression, and anxiety. I met my boyfriend in July of 2006, and when I saw him the first time I knew he was going to be the love of my life. From there on it was perfect most of the time except for when I had episodes. So I went to my doctor in April 2008 and she precribed Effexor 75 mg, as soon as I started taken the meds I felt instantly better no more PMDD, depression or anxiety, but I had no more libido, nothing! Having sex with my boyfriend was makeing me sick that I had to, and now I am not sure if I love him anymore or not. This is the guy of my dreams for 2 years and now nothing. So I decided to go see my doctor and get off the medication completely. I have lowered my dose of Effexor to half. So far no difference but I really hope my feelings for him come back. He is the best thing that happened to me I know that in my mind but my body does not react. Thanks for reading I will keep you posted on what happens.
I actually wrote to Helen Fisher a few years ago to complain about her research about SSRIs and love.
I was insulted by the opinion that people on SSRIs can’t fall in love. I have been on SSRIs for 16 years and have fallen in love on them and stayed in love on them. I also have no problems with orgasms.
In fact the times I tried to stop taking Zoloft caused sexual dysfunction. This was because I was so anxious I couldn’t relax enough to enjoy sex. I was also so irritable I nearly drove my boyfriend away.
Before starting Zoloft I definitely had issues with obsessive crushes on people. That wasn’t healthy love but rather a sick, all-consuming obsession. If that is what Helen Fisher means by love, then she can keep it!
Giselle -
While it’s good you haven’t been effected in a negatively light, you are also displaying some of the symptoms. A certain level of aggressiveness and inability to see beyond yourself (selfishness).
Certainly you’d have to understand the problem of anecdotal evidence. Simply because it didnt effect you in a certain way doesn’t mean it won’t effect someone else in a different way.
Not to mention, despite your attempts to say she is wrong, you say she is right. You stated that you had an “all consuming obsession” type of love before you took an SSRI, and because you are on an SSRI it dampens the effect of love for you (in your case, you see this as good).
But if you accept the fact that SSRIs can dampen the way you feel love, you must accept that people who dont experience an all consuming love would also have the way they feel love dampened, perhaps so much it wouldn’t even register.
Have a good one Giselle, I’m glad things are working for you.
I haven’t seen any mention of these drugs being used intermittently, as approved by the FDA for PMDD. Has anyone tried that? If so, please share your experiences with us!
everytime i changed my anti depressants i fall out of love and i fell in love with different person again…its very confusing i was not sure anymore if this medicine would make me feel in love with someone or is just me?do anyone here same experience like this?
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that has shared their stories…
this is helping me get through probably the roughest time of my life. Good luck to everyone else out there, because I know I need it.
I took Citalopram 60mg a day for over 2 years and once i stopped i could still not acheive orgasm and had no emotion or feelings for a good 10-12 months.
I only found out and understand why i felt and functioned the way i did very recently. Before i just thought it was simply my depression and anxiety. The worse part of all this is my girlfriend has been suffering from anxiety at work so i told her about citalopram and how it helped me. And since she’s been taking it all her feelings for me have stopped and she wont even talk to me anymore. Weve had our problems but nobody can change so drastically in the space of 2 weeks it’s just not possible. We have been in love and happy for 3 years and it seems to all have ended so quickly
I really wish i found this article and others ive read before recommending citalopram for my girlfriends anxiety. I feel like ive killed my own relationship and there’s nothing i can do to fix it
I am thankful to everyone who has voiced their own experiences with SSRI’s. It has helped me to carry on knowing that I am not alone in suffering these symptoms of no feelings;emotions. I was on prozac for 2 and a half years. I have been off them for 10 months and I still have no feelings; no love, anger, anxiety, empathy, sympathy, fear or any emotions whatsoever. I have refused to go on any other anti-depressents as I know for sure that these drugs did this to me in the first place; I was always a very sensitive person, who had no trouble in “feeling”. I am currently undergoing some talking therapy, which is proving strange because I don’t actually have anything to talk about (I don’t “feel” anything). There are plans to try CBT, but again, I don’t see how this will help. I don’t know whether I will be “fixed” with time, but I can only hope and pray that I will. I’d rather deal with a whole range of destructive emotions rather than live a half life. I will never trust anything that messes with the brain again. If anyone has recovered from their experience I would be grateful to hear about it. Good luck to everyone.
Recently I have entered into a serious relationship and went on an antidepressant. This is not the first time I have taken an antidepressant but it’s been about 2 years since the last time.
My relationship was going so smoothly, even finding a way to orgasm on my antidepressant. I was feeling closer to this man and the strongest connection I’ve ever experienced in a relationship emotionally and physically it is wonderful.
Just days later I woke up feeling empty and that feeling of giddiness thinking of him was gone. Without explanantion, we did not fight, nothing. I just suddenly cannot seem to find that feeling. I know I still love him because when I say it it feels right. But I don’t get that butterfly feeling. This is a fairly new relationship, about 5 months. I am very attracted to him in every aspect but this feeling is making me doubt my feelings.
I am beyond upset and trying to explain it to anyone makes me feel like I’m crazy. I’ve been in serious relationships before, two lasting over 5 years each. So commitment is not a problem. I have never had this happen. Let alone to a man I actually started feeling I could spend my life with.
I hope it comes back because he is everything I have always wanted, the kind of guy that only comes along once.
First of all, love relationships aren’t all the same. It’s not really a feeling. Love has a lot to do with the unique psychological needs of each person and complex relationship dynamics. So anything you take that is going to mess with your mood and the way you think is necessarily going to mess with those needs and dynamics in some way. So you’re left with a choice between the comforts of the old dynamics and love, or whatever benefits there may be to the antidepressants you’re taking.
My wife and I have been together for five and a half years, married for almost four. She was put on antidepressants two years ago it been a struggle for the both of us if come to terms with the loss of feelings both sexual and emotional. I’ve been there and tried to be the best husband by supporting her and understanding the side effects. She now wants to leave me cause she said that she no longer feels the way she used to about us. I showed her articles online how the meds affects those feelings but she is made her mind up. Please help we had a wonderful marriage till things from her childhood made her depressed.
Dear Helpless,
Apt name as that’s exactly how you feel when these drugs take over your loved one. Sorry, but your wife is not going to understand you on feelings right now as she is under the influence of mood altering drugs. She is probably detached from her emotions as was my husband……but what can you do? demand that they stop taking them when their doctor says they must?? My heart goes out to you, my only advice is let her go and take care of you. You have no control, only over yourself……mind you. x
My wife started citalopram and within 12 weeks filed for divorce. She went from a loving caring person to a selfish, blaming, manic, crazy woman who I didn’t reckognize. She is so far removed from who she was before the drug that her own son cant even believe it. She went off the deep end. Started saying things like we drifted apart, she is in a different place…etc etc etc…..Started talking about me to other people…..hasn’t cried in 7 months…was very emotional and loving…..Sad…this crap should be banned. Period!
Hi my boyfriend suffers from personality disorder and so around Feb of this year he asked to go on Citalopram (he’s been on it before years ago and hated it so god knows why he wanted to try it again). Anyway it was because his anger was coming out since seeing me and he hated that and he was getting violent thoughts etc etc (never violent, just in his head). His love for me has always been apparent and he is so caring. So since he’s been taking it, he’s become calmer, sleeps more, but bit more distant but loving when he’s with me as always. Last time we were together three weeks ago, it was lovely as usual and loving and we spoke in more depth about marriage as we both want that. He then goes home (hates it living where he does, hates the house, hates looking after his stepfather with Parkinsons though only has to cook and pick up his medication, he doesn’t sign on (no motivation) and exists in his room. Anyway, this time, when he gets back we chat a couple of times then out the blue (completely!!) he mails me saying he has no feelings for me and doesn’t want to see me. OK personality disorder can make him rash but not having feelings for me – no way! I’ve researched SSRIs/Celexa/Citalopram since then and have found no end of evidence about it affecting emotion. I sent him the info last week, but he said to his sister about it that he felt if his love was that strong it’d have coped with him being on the medication. Really don’t know if there is any hope for us. I am not happy about this drug’s side effects at all (and very depressed too about it!). He’s not himself now, ok calmer and not angry but having no emotion – not like him he adored me! We were talking of marriage! I can’t and will not give up on the man sorry but he’s worth more than that. But this drug makes me so CROSS!!!
too, have a spouse that began taking adderroll ( I knew about) & Prozac, which I didnt until I found bottle. I have witnessed, all of this- before I ever researched that he was acting like a zombie on the adderroll, I can’t believe that he is taking both. We have a new baby together, which suddenly he is questioning is even his. From day I gave birth, he has been absent in our lives emotionally. He went on these drugs a week later & it only increased. I developed PPD & could not stop crying every night b/c of his coldness & detachment, talked about suicide & took some pills, went off the deep end, my on prescribed Zoloft, which I have only taken 3 days & I even felt numb on that so I stopped taking it. Fast forward, he can’t & won’t even deal w/ the emotions in my head b/c he is so self absorbed w/ his(used to be our) work & he has walked out on our new son & me, saying that he doesn’t feel like he can even talk to me, he can’t hug or kiss me & sex was mechanical for him (it felt like) I can feel him slipping away & that’s what he says-I haven’t been happy for a long time, so I can still love you, but don’t have to be together.???We have a month old baby (who is definitely his) & he is being so hurtful , cold & paranoid- staying w/ his family, who obviouslybsuport his walking out on us? I don’t even have any money for diapers, gas, & food. Yet last time we talked, he call me selfish? Used to be so concerned w/ how I felt & caring can any family in their right mind be supportive of their son walking out on his newest son? Doesn’t seem logical or right. Also, if this is truly the way he felt before & now he’s just “standing up for himself,”
it’s his true self & now he’s just beginning to see clearly. And his “family,” who he’s consulting daily is validating all of this by talking about me & us & I’m starting to think that half of what’s being said is nowhere close to reality, they barely know me.
(sorry some got cut out) Up for himself,” how is that not selfish, by not listening to the way I have felt for almost 2 months. He has also went straight back to work, not bothered to come see me to barely check on me-was also a c section so hard to mange) found lots of porn(womens profiles) on our work tablet he had while soooo busy at work & also has since gone out & been hitting in other women. It’s like this drug combo gives him a false sense of self, but thinks he being his true self. Does it ever get better& how?
When I look at this page, all I see is an endless stream of comments of people who have lost loved ones due to these medications that obliterate the ability to feel. This saddens me to see this. The drug companies and doctors are over-prescribing these to people without even explaining some of these adverse effects… I mean, there are millions of people on these drugs that alter your brain chemistry, something so fragile and that we know so little about, and they prescribe it for anyone feeling a little bit down! The worst part is, it’s societally accepted and people are convinced that they are “depressed” and need these drugs.
I been recently diagnosed with bipolar, and I’ve noticed the effects these medications have had on me. They some what make you feel numb, and sort of emotionless at the same time. As far as sexual desire, it sort of numbs that too. Not able to orgasm or just not in the mood to have any sexual contact. I used to be such an emotional and passionate person before I was diagnosed with bipolar, but now I am so numb because of the medications I am taking. I am taking two mood stabilizers saphris (which my doctor is SLOWLY weaning me off of it) and Lamictal. I also take Clonazapan for anxiety which helps a lot. But definitely feel the Saphris screws up my desire to want to have sex-it says on my prescription pamphlet that it’s one of the side effects. It really upsets me because I don’t feel sexy at all. I am a pretty girl and I do have my needs, but how am I supposed to perform if I simply just have no desire too because of these god damn meds. After reading these posts, I really don’t feel so bad. I used to think maybe this is just the new me, but no it’s not-these meds are just numbing me out.
This brings tears to my eyes. I was in a relationship of four years. We were madly in love and clung to each other like no other. We experienced true love, which is natural and very healthy. She never could spend more than a few hours without talking to me, and when I left for a trip she called every second of the day. She began taking Lexapro and it completely DESTROYED our relationship. She has all single friends, and that made matters eve worse. She was instantaneously convinced that we were unhealthy, that I was too lovey, that she wasn’t in love. After experiencing 4 years of passion, sharing, and caring, she instantaneously ended it within a few seconds because she “didn’t care”. She called me and told me this randomly when I was at work…after I had found her a new job and much more.
This completely floored me and I literally walked outside and was pleading with her in the middle of the streets, in utter disarray. My love, the one who told me I ” you are mine forever” now didn’t want to know me. She has turned on me and blocked all forms of communication although we were about to get married! Lexapro ruined my life! Part of my soul left with that woman and Ill never get that back. IS there anyone who can offer a few suggestions?
I can offer a few suggestions, you may not like them though.
1. Find a hobby to get your mind off the situation. Something towards self-betterment and some self-efficacy is great (working out, learn a new language, take up painting)
2. Cut all ties, if you find yourself thinking about her do something else, if you find yourself thinking she’ll be back remind yourself how she left, remember those last few weeks not those first few months.
3. Realise that this isn’t her, whether we as people, people who trust doctors, want to admit it or not but there are people out there who want to make a dollar and will put you in harm’s way to do so. These drugs alter our brain chemistry, a brain chemistry that define how you feel, what you feel, how you react and how hard you think about something, in essence they change you.
You can’t make her do anything, it sucks, it does, I wont lie and say I know exactly what you feel but I’ve been along similar lines. But there isn’t anything you can do to change her mind and get her back, so you get to make a choice, wallow in self-pity and do your best to move on and decide what you want to do if she ever comes back.
Thank you JLS. It is just mind blowing that all of this has happened after four years of intense love. I have had to realize that this is not her at all and she is heavily under the influence. She calls me only when she is madly drunk ( while taking Lexapro) and for some reason tells me that she doesn’t like herself and is trying to convince herself that she doesn’t love me still. She gave all of the displays of serious side effects and after I told the doctor she threatened to call the police on me if I called her ever again! These drugs are so powerful its amazing. We literally planned to have kids this time last month!
So yes, I can’t get my feelings hurt because this isn’t her at all. She is now a wild, party-crazed, alcoholic who sleeps around and drinks herself to sleep every other day. She was once a Nursing student who graduated with honors and was on track to become a nurse practitioner this year. She doesn’t care anymore and traded in her Nurse job opportunities here in TX for a lousy job at the YMCA working as a pool attendant so she could party more.
Here is the most amazing part; her doctor only put her on these meds because she felt a bit down about not finding a job, that’s it! No clinical signs of anything. These doctors don’t have a clue at all and are ruining lives while getting paid. So thank you very much. It hurts so much, but I have to move on before it effects my studies as a Medical Student. I have to find a sense of humor because if not it would drive me insane. I have never told her how much I have loved her before and now I realize that I was talking to a zombie.
Thank you very much again.
Well I kind of fell in love with a girl I once lived with (ten years ago now). Anyway, I lived with her for 9 months and during that time I fell in love with her.
After she left the house that we shared for 9 months I told her I was in love with her. For the next few weeks and months I called her on several occasions, after one call she told me she did not want me to call her again and that she was seeing her ex boyfriend again.
At this point I was devastated and slipped into a deep depression. My mother ended up having to pick me up and move me to her house (I was 23 at the time) as I could not do anything. I mean I could not cook for myself and I could not look for employment. Anyway, my mother made me see a doctor and take anti-depressants. After taking them I moved back to near where I lived before and started re-living my old life as if nothing had happened. Guess what then happened… the girl that I fell in love with was single again (or so I had worked out) her friend was calling me up a few months later trying to bully me to go visit her and I had none of it. I was three months into taking the anti-depressant drug at this stage (SSRI – Prozac).
I basically decided to myself that I did not want this girl anymore. But I am wondering now if I would have acted differently if I had not taken the drug. I think I would have still been in my bedroom feeling ill, but could that have saved my relationship with her?
Mr R L,
There really is no way to tell what would have happened in a certain situation that didn’t happen.
However your feelings for this girl could have been curbed by the anti-depressant. I know personally that I still have feelings for every girl I ever dated. Not intense lovey dovey feelings you get in a relationship but just a slight feeling that slightly pulls the heart strings that let me know this person was a major part of my life.
So is it possible? Yes. I’m going to outright say they prevented it. No. Did the drug prevent you from feeling the same way for the girl? Probably.
Antidepressant drugs after 3 attempts drove me to liquor which is contra indicated.Those pills made me feel like a vegetable. My faith and psychotherapy get me through. i also take one strong benzo when i wake up to cast the anxiety aside.Positive cognition and golf is my other crutch.Good luck to you good people coping on those drugs which was a living hell when i used it.And my anxiety depression is hereditary to complicate the issue. We are still fortunate,have a good look at others with much more debilitating diseases Iam a 60 young SouthAfrican. DCF
To all of you who have posted, thank you. It is extremely comforting to hear that other peoples stories are pretty identical to my own…. I wish there was something us people on the other side could do… because it seems the more I push the more he moves farther away… I hope that letting him find the answer on his own works… I tried showing him articles and sites like this and he became really angry and i don’t really know if he even read them… But all we can do is try to educate them… And pray that they will see their way back… I know all of us would go to the end of the earth to help if we could… but most of us cant. I hate this. A week before he told me all the things that everyone else has basically said, we were planning our spring break together and a weekend get-away. We also talked about marriage a lot… for the past two years actually… and poof he has been taken over by a monster…..
my partner of 10 years and I look like we are seperating for most of our relationship she has been on antidepressants including SSRIs. We have been through a lot together and I love her dearly but she has completely switched off towards me.
Reading a lot of the comments on this site has given me some perspective, the drugs may or may not be a factor but we are such good friends that I feel they must be playing a significant role in her feelings.
Her medication has been changed a lot over the last 18 months it only now that i have really looked into it. It is porbably too late and I am not sure who my partner is anymore which bit is the drugs and which bit is her.
A bit about me, 24 yr old male, I was diagnosed with SAD about 15 months ago and have been on a very high dose of a SSRI and it isn’t doing alot for my anxiety. I have never been with anyone before due to what i thought was my anxiety, I have had numorus crushes on girls but there was this one girl i was really intrested in but never had the courage to ask her out. Resently we have been in contact with each other and it is quite obvious that she likes me. But since I have been on the pills I feel as though i have lost all feelings that I had for her before. It is realy anoying because she is so perfect but i don’t feeling anything for her and its killing me. I am also starting to think i am gay because i seem to feel more feelings around men then i do women that i never really had before. I dont know what i am doing anymore.
Im so glad i found this site. My wife has been on Citalopram for nearly 10 years and in all that time i have found her to be numb to my love and affection. I dont know if it is the drug as she says she fell out of love with me more than 5 years ago. I dont know if im looking for an excuse or just the simple fact that people do fall out of love. she still has love and affection for our children and our pets but says she doesnt have that”in love” feeling towards me. We have rearly broken up a few times , firstly about 5 years ago, 1 year ago and are again on the verge of doing so again. Do anyone have any guidence, advice or have been in a silmilar position. I have shown her this site but she says that the blogs people have left bear no resemblance to her situation. I have however persuaded her to consult her doctor. Would love some feedback
My girlfriend had this problem. Or at least that’s what her mom and I believed. She “fell out of love” with me 3 times in the course of the first 6 months of our relationship or so, but each time she would realize it was the lexapro and her feelings would come back a week or 2 after the split. But after we made it past a year she went off the lexapro. I was thrilled! Because I’d always called it the devil pill because I always felt like it kept her from not only being sad, but also from being completely happy. I know that it takes a while for it to fully get out of your system and she eased off it the way she was supposed to, but I was more than dissapointed when it had the opposite affects I was hoping for…. She started to seem more and more detached and eventually broke up with me. Even after breakups she has always been very emotional towards me and has never disconnected herself from me. But she could watch me bawl my eyes out and not shed a tear along with other very in uncharacteristic things on her part. It’s been over 2 months since the breakup now and i know of I said I thought it was because of the lexapro she would just say I’m trying to find an excuse for the situation or something to blame it on. Her mom thinks its related also. I just want to know if it’s a possibility. (she is 18 and I am 20, lesbians) we were very serious, talking about getting married in a few years and planning out how we were going to start a family. We were no fling, even our parents thought we were in it for the long run. She’s the most important thing in the world to me and I’m just looking to make sure this couldn’t be a reasoning being our whole situation.
Victoria – It’s really hard to say for certain if it’s the pills or not which is causing it.
Did she slowly taper off the dosage or just stop cold turkey? You can look up the information online and find out the half life of the medication it’s self and see how long it takes but even then there is after shocks of the medication that will occur.
Ultimately though without physically knowing her and how she changed before, during and after the pills I cant say for certain if it’s the medication or if she has a borderline personality disorder which causes her to run from commitment.
Gary, when reading your story I thought of myself. I have been on the same Medication for several years and have put my wife through the same thing your wife put you through.
Anonymous, did you stop reduce or carry on with your medication. What is your relationship like with your wife now. hope youve pulled it back
Well I never had this happen to me on any SSRI…In fact,I was on Prozac for 8 months when I fell in love again.
I feel,if anything,the Prozac increased my ability to love because I wasn’t so depressed.It also did not effect my sex drive or ability to orgasm.
It may take me a little longer to orgasm,but I still want sex all the time.
Guess I’am the rare exception though judging from these comments.
Wow! I have been reading all of your posts and things are starting to make sense to me. My best friend suffers from GAD and has been on SSRIs for years now but recently switched to Zoloft from Lexapro. He had felt that Lexapro was not helping at all and asked for a review on his meds. But since going on Zoloft, he has been so cold and indifferent. He barely talks to me anymore, and things that should cause a natural reaction of empathy from him he treats like any other thing.
I had called him the other day distraught because my brother was arrested and in jail for a misunderstanding, and he told me to leave him there and not bail him out to teach him a lesson. Then when i dropped off his christmas present at his front desk, he did not acknowledge receipt until i asked him if he got it, then all I got was a text back saying “i feel bad you did this but it was thoughtful”…not even a Thank you! But worst yet when my grandfather passed away two days before xmas and I told him, he did not even offer an I’m sorry for your loss…all he said was “you’re kidding” I don’t much about SSRIs but can they really dramatically change someone from a caring empathetic individual to this? At first I just thought that he was just tired of being friends and wanted to end the friendship…but even that doesn’t explain the coldness. The sad part is that I think he is feeling much better about his anxiety than ever before…but in turn, I lost my best friend. Catch 22 indeed…but what matters is that he is happy with himself..at least I hope.
My second blog ob here but i get so much support and hope from reading about other peoples experience with these aweful drugs. my wife is reluctantly reducing her dosage but as so many people have said, feels as if its pointless and that her love for me will not return. she is acting more and more like a single person and has no interest in spending any time with me whatsoever. of course im hoping things will change when she is completely free of her citolapram or am i being too ambitious. looking forward to more feedback
I don’t know whether to be happy or sad to find this site. My husband has been on xanax and an antidepressant for almost 3 yrs, turned into a different person, became very emotionally withdrawn and told me 5 months that he loves me but isn’t “in love” with me anymore. He left me and our 4 kids almost 3 months ago. Our life now is an absolute nightmare – I can’t imagine our life without him. He is seeing a dr. to taper off the xanax, but now I see the antidep may be a big part of the problem also. We have had a great, strong marriage…up until the point he started taking the meds. I never had a clue until a few months ago what the real problem could be. This has completely devastated me and our kids.
My boyfriend started taking medication a few months after we began dating. He seemed to change. He complained that the medication was not really helping his depression. But I noticed that he seemd to not have a desire for sex. He stopped being the affectionate, warm, caring person that he was. I tried to tell him to see the doctor and try some different medication but he never wanted to discuss it. I gave him some time..didn’t put pressure on him to have sex. He then stated that he felt we were more like friends. When I did try to initiate sex..he would put me off. He then basically ended the relationship because he felt our relationship was just platonic. I thought I was doing the right thing by not pressuring him. Yet he never came around to being sexual and affectionate the way he was before the medication. He went from being totally in love with me to putting me off..not talking…until I finally forced the issue because I noticed all of the changes in him. We broke up recently and he is already looking to date again. I feel that he thinks that maybe he will find someone out there that excites him. Yet I feel he is mistaken because he isn’t really feeling anything on his medication. We had a wonderful relationship until he started taking meds. I just don’t see how that could all disappear.
My wife has changed dramatically since she’s been on prozac. She told me she has feelings for a coworker, that she doesn’t have much faith in our marriage and that she loves me but isn’t in love with me. I don’t feel much from her, I just feel like a friend. I feel like she is indifferent whether I’m present or not. Every second away from her is absolutely killing me. She is my whole life. I want the wife that used to love me more than anything, the one that couldn’t stand to be away from me. We do have issues that we have both successfully been working on. I felt things getting better but every time she gets on an SSRI, our marriage falls apart. I have never been this sad. It’s interesting to see that I’m not alone. I don’t know what to do. I feel broken.
I just lost my feonsay.
She had been on antidepressant for 2-3 months.
And it ended just like it did with all of you.
I went home for a few days.
When I was leaving, she came running from the cinema just to say goodbye one more time before my train left. She showed me so much love that day.
But when I got back,she said that she didn’t like me, that I annoyed her,and that she didn’t love me.
She said that she still cared about me, still loved me as a friend, but she had no romantic feelings for me.
She even said that if she still had feelings for me, she definitely would want to try to fix things. But the feelings were gone. within four days!
It’s not like I did something awful, i messed up a couple of times, but i thought we would get throug it. I tried as best I could to support her. I moved to a new city whit her, just so she could be with her family and friends, because
she has struggled a lot with depression.
We were so happy together. So happy just to have each other. We just had to get through the tough period she was in.
This doesn’t seem like her at all. And it’s really strange that she lost all her feelings for me so quickly.
She has always been a person who never gives up in relationships. She was determined to stay, as long as her partner didn’t treated her very cruelly. REALLY cruelly!
I think those pills are making her believe that she doesn’t love me anymore.
I can’t give up! All I hope for, is that she gets back her feelings for me, when she stops taking those pills.
But I was wondering if any one here had some advice. Like, things I should or should not do.
And most of all, I was wondering if there is anyone out there who got ther partner back? Did the feelings return after he/she stoped taking the pills?
I don’t know what to do.
And you are the only one’s I know who have had anny experience with this.
e-mail me if you want.
lilliansindborg@hotmail.com
I feel the same as everybody on this page. I took 40mg of prozac for 6 years. I have been off them for 7 months now. Does ANYBODY have experience regaining their feelings to a before-med-state after discontinuation from long-term use of SSRIs??? I want to be normal again
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After 2 years I had to say good bye to my boyfriend. He went on paxil and quickly became cold. He cut down from 40mg to 20 and was a little better and seemed happy. Then he went up some days to 80mg.
It was as though a light blew out in him. He was the sweetest, most lovable passionate man I ever knew. All that went away. He lost all empathy and he became mean. He was never mean!
I am in a daze from heart ache.
He is oblivious to how he is now and there was no talking to him, there is no one home anymore. It is as though his spirit left. Blank eyes.
I can’t sleep at night, my mind is racing and heart is hurting. I have giving up on ever seeing him again. The man I knew died.
I have been taking countless pills for anxiety/depression/bipolar… pretty much everything since I was twelve. I am now 20.. I have taken celexa, depakote, seroquel, clozapam and so many more. I have tapered off of all of them, most recently the seroquel, about 3 months ago because they made me sick, sleepy, numb, and I just feel are super unhealthy, nothing should numb all emotions. I started seeing someone about two years ago, just after I had a horrible break up with my first boyfriend (very unhealthy relationship.) It wasnt serious between me and my current boyfriend for a year, maybe even more, which I loved because I needed time to be happy again and explore myself, but I fell in love with him pretty quickly, because he is such an amazing person and we have been pretty much happy.
He saw how crazy the seroquel made me, and put up through my withdrawals and craziness as I got off of them. Its been about three months (the withdrawals stopped within a month after my last dose), and I am depressed. Not anything crazy but I am not happy with anything in my life, and am starting to question whether or not I really am in love with my boyfriend.
He is so good to me, and when we are together he makes happy and laugh, but all of a sudden I just realized I might not be in love with him. This is very upsetting after he drove two hours when he knew I had a stressful day to make me dinner, and stay the night, before going home to work. I am his world, and I know he loves me, I am just not sure whether I just stopped having feelings for him naturally or I am just depressed. Thinking about it just makes me more depressed. I have no idea what is going on, I dont know whether it’s the depression/ anxiety making me feel this way towards him/the world or its me just falling out of love with him, which I had no idea that could even happen, but it’s so scary. Please help, I know every one is different, but I need guidance, and I will never go back on prescription medication again.
(sorry this got cut off)
Hi there, i just needed to drop you a line to say that i thoroughly enjoyed this detailed post of yours, I have subscribed to your RSS feeds and have skimmed a few of your posts before but this one really stood out for me. I know that I am just a stranger to you but I figured you might appreciate the admiration Take care and keep blogging.
Saroya your situation is the same as mine! I was depressed but it got even worse when I got on Zoloft and Cymbalta back in January. It has been a week today since I stopped cold turkey. But just like you I began feeling extremly differerent towards my boyfriend when I started taking anti depressants. Reading online has given me some kind of peace of mind but its still not chasing away this feeling eating inside of me. A feeling that hes not the right man for me. He has been there for me through it all and has also experianced similar feelings on anti depressants when he took them years ago. However no matter how much advice I recieve from him,my family,friends,co workers, AND classmates. This uncertain feeling in my heart wont vanish
I am waiting for the anti depressants to completly leave me system hoping to gain my passion and loving feelings back to life. But it hasint happened yet and I am not a patient person 
Whenever the uncertain feelings of my relationship enter my mind I immediality feel major anxiety and begin crying. I know I want him in my mind because I refuse to leave to him. I am quite scared to 
I wish I could tell you it gets better but I still am unsure about my boyfriend. I wish I could just be content but I’m lost. Hopefully things will eventually work out for us.
Just wondering if there’s another side to this “problem”. Perhaps when one is depressed there is a natural tendency to want to “bond” with another person, rather than feel totally isolated in a depressive state. I wonder if people who are depressed would find it easy to bond with any male or female, out of need. If you’re on an antidepressant than it indicates that your serotonin or dopamine levels are low. Raising them to normal would make you act and feel the same way anyone who’s not on an anti-depressant feels. Has anyone taken a survey of people not on antidepressants, to find out if they may have similar “problems” in a relationship? The fact of the matter is that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Either because one or both partners want out. Either one or both partners do not feel “love” for the other. In response to all these commenters ; to feel “love” for someone whilst in a state of depression cannot ultimately be true “love”.
Just wanted to add that I love you all. God is one, the universe is one, we are all one. We are not separate, we are all one. Foremost, let us all be one in strength.
How about the older class of antidepressants? They are known as tricyclic antidepressants. Does anyone know why they aren’t prescribed anymore? Would they have less of the negative side effects?
This was an eye opener to me. I recently got dumped by my boyfriend who has issues with ADD and depression. He has been on an SSRI and the scary part is he has been on and off it during the year + we dated. He would forget to take it sometimes or would just run out so be off it for a month or so. After reading this and some of the side effects/experiences with these drugs a lot of things make sense… He would get headaches, he would have trouble sleeping, had a “I don’t care” attitude, and experienced sexual side effects as well. He said he loved me all the time and then after about a month and a half off the meds he went back on them. within about 2 months of taking them again he suddenly decided that he had “no feelings” for me and didn’t love me. He said he “felt nothing” and he wanted to be alone and was happier being alone. This is the same guy that was insecure and said I love you all the time and was afraid of losing me. He acts like he never knew me now…we barely even talk. After talking EVERY day and telling me he loved me everyday and being happy to see me, talk to me, etc…he turned ice cold.
My question is… should I show him this research and articles? I think he should be aware of it…but not sure if I should send it to him. I don’t want him to think I am just trying to get him to love me again. I think it’s important for him to know this for any future relationships. I mean the guy said I was the best girlfriend ever and was very happy with me and then suddenly went cold. That’s just not normal.
Im a 21 year old male with clinical depression. I have been taking Effexor about 3 months now.
I was in what seemed like an endless pit of doom and sadness. I self medicated with my addiction to alcohol, and pain killers. I felt like blowing my brains out without a drug of some kind.
I woke up after a night of me trying to drink myself to death (literally) and went to the doctor. He gave me Effexor 150 mg as a starting dose.
I got off the drugs and alcohol within the first month. The depression disappeared before my eyes. I was euphoric. I went out to parties again. I focused more on my studies. But this new found confidence didnt last long.
Within the 2nd month, I realized Im emotionless. Not happy, not sad, just… there. I felt like all my friendships were just no more connection. Things that made others feel things (slides, roller coasters, kissing, sex) made me feel little to nothing.
Now I dont know what to do. I dont want to quit effexor in fear of sinking back into the pit of depression. But there I at least felt myself. Now I’m numb. I dont know which is better. I just want MYSELF again. My real self. The self that loved, the self that laughed. Not a zombie. But not depressed. I begin to wonder if I will ever be like again.
My husban who persued me 4 years told me i was his everything, walked out on me, his home and his 1 year old daughter. Stating he cant help how he feels, he feels nothing for me and hadnt” been in love” for a long time. He was not willing to try to address the issue he has been on Citalopram for about 4 yrs. his medication was always a touchy subject. He went from being the perfect partner to being uncaring, selfish and self onsessed. He is teying to cut the medication down, but i fear by the time the sude effects wear off and he realises what he has done it will be too late and he will have missed out on being a parent. Does anyone have experience of feeling of love pr regret returning after reducing medication?
Logan,
You should really talk to your doctor about this and try a different medication. I read somewhere that Lexapro is the worst offender of this “emotional blunting’ side effect so I would say DO NOT try that one!
I have recently been told about a natural supplement called SAM-e that helps with Depression. Maybe this is something you can check into? I am sorry, I can’t imagine what it must be like. I can only understand through what I observed with my ex-boyfriend and it is really heartbreaking. He is a bright, intelligent, funny guy, but I fear the Lexapro has turned him into a uncaring, unfeeling zombie.
I wish you the best.
In the past I was a good writer with creative ideas all the time, but after taking this drug, as time passed, I lost that ability and lost my compassion as well. I saw an article saying that SSRI helps to promote too much serotonin and blocks other chemicals in the brain such as dopamine
http://coachwoot.com/when-should-i-workout
Look at the map, that is exactly what I’m feeling now. Lack of sex drive and easy to feel tired. I know that isn’t me! It consumes my energy!!! I hate it!
Doctors don’t understand this. What they try to do is just to prescribe you drugs and push you to take more drugs or other drugs.
Well, most of them seldom take the drugs they prescribe.
They are mostly machines and won’t help you as much!
Do more exercise! Keep a balanced diet as well as taking some natural supplement to boost your mood. Stay away from these drugs! They are useful in the short term, but they are harmful in the long run!
I know the horrible effects of this drug all too well. My girlfriend and I had been together for 2 years. We were an inseparable couple that always treated each other with fairness and respect. We would always do loving things for each other, like maybe a gift here, flowers there. Go out and do fun things as a couple. Sneak an “I love you text,” when we were working. We had talked of kids and marriage and were just as in love from the beginning.
Then she had a situation at work that was causing her stress and panic attacks. She was prescribed 20mg of Citalopram. Within in a few weeks I had already started to notice slight changes. She seemed to be pulling away from me for the first time ever in our relationship. The sex of course went to a crawl, but I knew that would be a side effect. She seemed to not care as much about things. I saw her losing her spunk that made her who she was. The texts stopped, the cuddling stopped, any advances for sex were rejected, and I had to tell her I loved her first to hear her say it. Everything that made her sweet and caring slowly drifted away. After about 3-4 months of the meds, we had a talk. She stated that she had lost the spark and had considered breaking up over me not getting groceries or doing the bed sheets when I was never asked to do any of this. That’s all it would have taken for me to do those things. She said she felt unappreciated. I convinced her I would make the changes and asked that she work on her communication for me so that it never has to get to this point again.
2/3
So I finally did some research on the effects of the medication and relationships and was relieved, but also very concerned. I approached her with my findings saying I was concerned for and that maybe these were the reasons why she felt the spark had gone. That was not received well. This was about a month ago. About 3 weeks ago she went to her doctor and they lowered her dose in hopes of getting off of the medication for good. Apparently when I approached her with my findings, she took it as an attack on her and me thinking she was a pill popper. She felt like I was judging her and analyzing her. Anything she said or did she thought I would say it was the pills. About 3 weeks ago she states I need to move out, she needs her space to deal with this, but we aren’t breaking up. She can’t take me “judging” her. I convince her again we can work through this. 2 days later she breaks up with me. She says its not fair for me be treated the way I was being treated; unloved. It ended with us saying how much we both loved each other and still do. We kissed; it ended on a somewhat good note. I ask if we will get back together after she works through this and she states she doesn’t know, she isn’t a psychic
3/3
For the first week I ignored her because she wanted her space and I was hurting. Since the breakup almost 2 weeks ago she won’t sleep in the bed at the place and tells me she is going to disassemble it and get her own bed and she does. I told her I wanted to sit down and talk and finalize some things. She agrees. She ends up working later that night and then won’t answer my texts now. She blocked all her stuff on Facebook from me. In all the time I was with her, I had never seen her act like this. She is starting to worry me, I feel she is having withdrawals and doesn’t realize it. She refused to believe the meds had anything to do with the break up already. She won’t talk to her sister who I’m friends with still because she accused her sister of being “on his side”. .
That is my story of how SSRI’s caused me to lose the love of my life and a perfect relationship. I hope that someone sees this and is able to salvage their relationship or go into this medication knowing what might happen and keeping an open line of communication. I hope that once she is off the meds she will come back around and realize what happened. There is so much at our place that I did and I hope those are constant reminders to her of how much she was loved, cared for, and adored.