Sex and Depression
Friday July 3, 2009
From the forum: "Someone please help! I think that not wanting sex is a symptom of depression. Does anyone else have this problem? I do not care about sex. I used to. I just got a prescription for lexapro and since a lots of meds have sexual side effects I'm scared that this may make my situation worse. My boyfriend is very frustrated about this and does not understand. He understands my depression because he has it too, but he does not understand not wanting sex. Any suggestions, info. etc.?"
Comments
im going though the same thing.
I am going through the same thing with my husband who used to love sex…not anymore-I don’t know what to do to help
I am dealing with the same problem. I know I am severely depressed and I’m taking medication. I have had a lack of desire for sex for the past 5 years or better. My husband bless his patience says he’s not going anywhere and is lucky if its once every 3 to 4 months before we have sex. I believe it is from depression and talking to a therapist is a great start. If you don’t feel attractive then how can your partner expect you to feel attractive enough to have sex. Tell him to be patient and have him go with you to your sessions if you choose to go that route. I think it will bring you both to a better understanding of depression and even bring you closer together. Best of luck.
Yes, me too. I thought I was the only one. And it hurts when i have to tell my girlfriend i dont want to go any further, beacuse i cant. I think, she thinks im being mean to her.
Earlier I was suffering with depression, and, high blood pressure suddenly I went through the Male Masturbation techniques site, and, while practicing the same, I got rid of high blood pressure and depression, but, one must be regular to masturbation to obtain better results. I am male of 52 years and masturbate twice/thrice a week but with full enjoyment
FAKE IT!!!!
while I don’t have a solution to this, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am 31 y/o and have been with a guy for about 4 years now. I have become less interested in sex over the years, to the point where we don’t even have it anymore. The only thing I would suggest trying is starting to kiss, and hug and get the mood going by doing that. You can always use lubricant if you have a problem with dryness due to medication side-effects. I find that once we get started, I often become in the mood for it while were having sex. I know this is hard, but worth a shot.
I hate sex. I am never satisfied because of my stupid illnesses and pills. I have had a guy try everything to me and nothing. I am a woman who needs Viagra. I even tried to self-serve and that seldom works. I have tried just about everything and I feel like I’m not a woman anymore. It really sucks. I get mad, internally, with my psychiatrist sometimes because I think it is all his fault. But, I know that it isn’t. It is just frustration. Don’t fake it. Be real, open and honest. I like to give to my man, but I just can’t receive. It is so sad.
listen all , no one realizes what they are missing in life. lex pro is not the answer , I tried it and its so fake. Sure it picks up, try getting off of it , its like your tripping. Listen you might not belive this , I lost twenty pounds best shape of my life . I am 52, drug free and depression free.I am awsome at my job now , my boss can not belive its me. I think he likes me as person even.Well I repented, yes repented. Got down on my knees and said Iwas sorry to God. and wanted help, started reading the bible. I am a cathlic and went back to church , but once I started reading the bible and practicing the principles, I stopped the cathlic church and went to a gospel church. But what I am saying is prayer and bible , try it. Its amazing. I will never go back to that guy I was, I don t even know him anymore. Good Luck.
I have had the same experience with Lexapro. It lowered my sex drive. I spoke to my doctor about it and she decided to put me on Stratera, which seemed to make things a little easier. I started feeling better about myself, and less in depression. I’ve been on anti-depression, bi-polar, anti-seizure, mood stabilizers, anxiety medications. The list goes on and on. My advice is to get off the Lexapro. As soon as I did I noticed a huge shift in my self-esteem, and it felt like my hormones kicked in. There are a lot of other options out there. Try and explore some.
Hi,
You know the cause of your problems .
1.You can share your prblems with your BF.
2.The sex plays major role in these type of relation ships .You are female you can very go for sex even without liking it as most of the females do to keep their relation ship good.
Pl. Enjoy the life we do not get IInd chance .
Enjoy Life
Brij
I lost my sex drive when I was depressed, I did not want any one near me. Now I look back I realise sex releases endorphines into the blood, therse fight depression so my advice is have more sex and fight depresstion by sexing it away. Also use the EFT downloads from gary craigs site, it helped me a lot. I think we the depressant do not know how to fight this illness, but when you lern how to your on your way to being a winner. depresion is self inflicted by what we think. try this, LOOK UP, PUT SHOULDERS BACK CHEST OUT A BIT, NOW PUT A HUGE SMILE ON YOUR FACE, NOW TTTRRRRYYY to be depressed?? get out there have fun, have sex, have a life I fought it and I won, I still have bad days but they just strengthen how good it is on the good days, we all have GOOOOOD days do we not. stay focussed, I think ill open a self help group here in Manchester UK and no one will be allowed to ealk about depression after the first two meetings, onlky about recovery and all the nice stuff to do, lots of relaxation classes.
shaun.
Sex is an important part of life, and when it is lacking by any means it makes the symptoms of the disease worse. It is therefore important that therapists make a point of it to advice thier patients that they use it as a way for relaxation, and creating self exteem – two very important remedies for depression.
Hi , well i to have lost my sex drive due to my cronic depression and medication it has been over a year tht my wife and i have had sex. I am at my wits end with this and would like some help.
If anyone can offer me some solutions please let me know.
Im an 36 year old male.
I have been on antidepressants for 2 years now I found that my mental state not the pills were doing the damage to my libido. I now have a very loving, caring,and sexy partner and all is great.
I’m bipolar and has been on the meds for the past year. My husband stood by me through everything, even my lack of sex, and I must say that helps alot. You hear so many stories of people who found sex in other places because they’re not getting any at home, and though I have a wonderfull husband, I was scared that would happen to me as well.So I just decided that even if I’m not in the mood, I would not turn my husband down, and halfway through I’m also in the mood, and I enjoy it just as much! I believe that sex is one of the factors that keeps a marriage alive, and it’s not always possible, but try to get in the mood, even if its just to satisfy your better half.
I’ve had dysthymia all my life. I didn’t even know that most other people’s life didn’t suck 24/7 until I reached my mid-30’s and couldn’t stand it anymore. (I’m in my early 50’s now.) For the first time, I started considering suicide. I now know that as an ACoA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic), this is not unusual.
I was put on anti-depressants back then and have been on them ever since. I’ve had recurrent sexual problems being with my wife, who is also on anti-depressants. She has “let herself go” to the point that she is 60 pounds overweight and falls in the “morbidly obese” category. This also took a toll on our sex life. We recently had a 16-month stretch with no intimacy at all.
That indirectly led to my having an emotional affair with an ex-coworker vie e-mail. I didn’t realize it until I was deep into the situation, which then made my MLC even worse by adding guilt, not to mention destroying what little self-esteem I had. Luckily, there was no physical contact with my ex-coworker. She wouldn’t have allowed it anyway, a good thing IMHO. If this coworker had responded to my “out of control” feelings for her, I don’t know what I might have done. The guilt led me to consider suicide for weeks. So I’m trying to recover from sexual dysfunction, depression and an emotional affair, all at once. Luckily, we began to talk about it, which is helping.
My ED hit without warning accompanied by a midlife crisis. I lost all confidence in my sexual ability, which of course is a vicious circle for men. We have both started on exercise programs and I am taking Levitra for now. There is hope, but it’s going to be a hard path to follow. We are trying to get into therapy as well, as she is also an ACoA. My fragile mental state was a large part of my ED and it continues to be so. I’m hoping that this can be resolved through therapy. Depression, guilt and MLC are sex-killers…the negative emotions drive all sense of pleasure away and leave you in pain and frustrated.
The biggest issue for me during my ED was that during that 16-month period, not once did my wife attempt to initiate anything. That only reinforced my ED, as it made me feel undesirable even to my wife. Women need to remember that men’s sexuality is tremendously fragile and it doesn’t take much to create havoc. This is especially true as men age.
I agree with Maria that sex is one of the things that keeps a marriage alive. A marriage without sex is like having a roommate “without benefits.” Sex bonds a couple together.
hi im going through the same thing since i started taking anti-depressants i just dont have any ugre for it at all we used to have a great sex life.. but now sometimes i dnt even like being touched but i dnt like to refuse him as he is insercue enough…he is also on the same kind of medication and it hasnt had this effect on him at all and i feel he jst thinks im just making excueses
I am so thankful I have an understanding boyfriend. I don’t think he knows why I have no interest in sex anymore, and it must be hard for him as he is only 41 (I am 53). I have suffered from depression most of my life, and am on medication for it, but my doctor will not change the dosage even though I am still depressed and apathetic most of the time. Of course, in my case, pending menopause doesn’t help either.
I have been married for six years now and approximately 3 years ago my wife just decided that sex wasn’t important. She suffers from depression and takes prozac daily. I have tried everything to encourage her to attend joint counseling together, and have stood by her while she refuses to acknowledge that this is a problem. So, I am leaving.
Most interesting to read the different responses. Well…..my situation is also very
frustrating to say the least. I am “66″ years
of age. Can’t believe how time does go!! My
Erectile Dysfunction started in 2003. I have
played amateur baseball for 30 plus years and most of those years I enjoyed pitching. I messed up my right rotar cuff severely. Prior to the surgery, my blod pressure and found it to be elevated a bit. They put me on blood pressure medications and it is my perception this is the beginning of my problem. Should note also that in 1995 I was diagnosed with both Clinical Depression and a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder. My Psycharist told me I was having a “double
whammy!” Nice, huh!! So…..since this mess, I have attempted have sex with my wife and basically was a flop!!! With frustration reaching its peak, I decided approx. one year
ago to see someone who I hope can help me with my Erectile Dysfunction! I have been on
something called “Androgel” now for approx. one year now. Started out with a low dosage and approx. 4-5 months ago, increased the dosage to the max. Well, last night, doing such on my own, I found I am having some success without outside “stimulation.” The feeling was “great!!” Oh, should mention that the use of Androgel increases the level of “Testosterone” in my bode. From my reading of different literature that comes with Androgel, I believe I will have to keep
taking Androgel the rest of my life. I belive in reading some of your comments that sex is important part of one’s relationship.
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!! Sex is a beautiful thing when done with a partner you love deeply!!
To be candid, I personally can see why older men like younger women. My wife just turned
“65″ and she carrying too much weight. It reminds me of my mother who has always been overweight. It’s been a turnoff for me. Her weight is a sensitive issue and I don’t say too much about. On occasion I mention if I can be of any help or maybe the both of us could loose some weight. I am appro. 230 in weight and would be even better If I could drop to 205-210. Physically, I stand at 6′
1″. They tell me I look great for someone who is my age. ( At my age, all I say is “thank-you!”) From my perception, why be difficult, huh! (chuckle)
Take care you all and truly pray and hope things work out for all of you. May God Bless all of you. Jerry
I am going thrue the same thing, Used to love sex and now don’t want it at all. My husband and I are lucky to have it once a month due to me! This is very upsetting, what can I do, and there is no faking it if you love your mate!
my partner/best friend used to improve mood when in depressed state, lost it all about 5 years ago. could have been b/p pills or begining of now diagnosed diabetes. i love him so much but he doesnt even want to talk at the moment – if sex isnt there it isnt the end of the world – so long as thers 2 of you on the same side! all good wishes to u
As empatico says, it’s not too bad if both of you aren’t interested in sex. If only one isn’t interested, it can be devastating to a relationship. Especially if it goes on long term.
Im going through the same thing! How do i make it better. I try not to say no but, giving in makes me feel even worse. Im 35yrs old. I know it shouldnt be this way. Ive been loosing weight like crazy! Im dealing with many things. I just dont know what to do to inprove myself. I have no insurance! So getting my zoloft filled is causing more problems! I dont even see where its helping me! Someone please HELP!
What about depression and anxiety caused by lack of sex. Because partner has a condition that causes thin skin that is easily made raw and or tears. It is even painful to get aroused. Is there any thing that can be done.
My psychiatrist used Welbutrin with me for years, with no sexual side effects. In the pass few years I have been using Cymbalta, which did not interfere with sexual desire, but made ejaculation almost impossible for several months. That side-effect faded. Now, I have multiple, extremely intense orgasms. Best sex I’ve had in decades.
Hello,
1. Dump the lexapro with Dr’s agreement. It previously killed my sex drive and since I still take some…it is doing some of the same. There are other medications out there. Be insistent, Doctor’s don’t seem to want to listen to this concern……I’ve never quite figured out why by the way. Many seem to think the cure is better than the disease. However, when one talks about impacting one of the most basic drives of a human being, I beg to differ with them. Good luck to you and hope you resolve soon!!! Hang in there.
I am having severe disinterest in sex and lack of sex from my first marriage was one of the reasons *I* left him. I don’t think it is the depression as much as it is the medications this time around. I’m on Cymbalta and it just kills my sex drive.
As far as the repent, go to church, read the Bible and all will be well, I’m glad that worked for you. I am a believer and I do all those things and it doesn’t touch my depression because mine is caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain. It’s like telling someone who is diabetic that if they just say their prayers and go to church they won’t be diabetic anymore. Maybe. God chooses to heal some people. Some of us he teaches lessons through our struggles in life.
Anyway, next appt with my pdoc, I’m going to talk to him about the sex thing. It’s not fun and I’m certain it hurts my husband. Thankfully, he’s been there with meds that have had nasty side effects, so he is patient, kind, and romantic. Bless him!
THERE IS NO EASY SOLUTION TO A DECREASED LIBIDO. EITHER WAY,WHETHER IT BE THE MEDS OR THE DEPRESSION,YOUR SEX LIFE WILL BE AFFECTED. I WAS TOLD TO TAKE 1OMG OF LEXAPRRO TWICE DAILY. IVE DECIDED TO TAKE IT ONCE A DAY. I STILL EXPERIENCE ”SEXUAL APATHY”EVEN AT THIS LOW DOSE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE TO FEEL HOPELESS AND BE RENDERED AN EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE. KEEP ON FIGHTING AND REMEMBER THAT SOMETIMES ENJOYING THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE CAN BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX LIKE WATCHING A SUNSET, PLAYING YOUR GUITAR,BUYING YOURSELF STUFF ETC. ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE CAN TELL ME MORE ABOUT LEXAPRO?????????????
Well I were the same way too but for year with no sex I were depressed and hate to be around my boyfriend he don’t understand I don’t want sex but when my Dr told me to try medication for my depression that med got my sex drive high and I agin have sex and feel depressed at the same time
OMG, yes! Depression, some anti-depressants or, in my case, possibly both…
Sorry, didn’t finish (no joke intended.) I take Lexapro, first 10mg, then 20mg. It has helped me a little with depression, like when we had to move Mom into assisted living, but not much else. And no libido.
My internist has been prescribing for me, but I need to actively search for a psychiatrist who is experienced with possibly med “cocktails” to help with depression (and anxiety) and sex drive. Hope to find a Merlin who takes Medicare or at least a sliding-scale fee.
Don’t give up! I’ve tried a number of meds, and as long as they’re making more (safe ones), I’ll keep trying, and so should you.
I had tried all or most of the SSRI’s. Supposedly, these have fewer side effects that than the older meds. I told my doctor no more SSRI’s because they all gave me sexual problems. He put me on a tricyclic antidepressant(generic Pamelor). It worked great except for impotence. Now I take Pamelor and Levitra. My sex life is greatly improved, although we have to plan it ahead of time so I can take the Levitra.
Talk to your doctor, be open about how this is affecting your sex life, there are lots of medications out there for depression. Also be open with your partner, let him/her know you love them … there is something out there that will work for the both of you.
my name is octavius and i do suffer from depression and im doing different things not to be depressed like yoga.mediation and nature walks
I used to not want sex when I was depressed, so I stopped been depressed and started having sex, I looked on the sex as my medication, and the orgasm was the drug working, and making my body release enorphines into my system, depression is man made? so man can defeat it. If you think depressing thoughts for long enough you get depressed, so when ever you find yourself in those thoughts, snap out and think of great things imagined or real, sex is a good tonis, it is free, and can be more fun than you imagine, be adventurous do things you never have done before, and seriously F??K for fun.
Shaun.
Joe says this.
Yes, me too. I thought I was the only one. And it hurts when i have to tell my girlfriend i dont want to go any further, beacuse i cant. I think, she thinks im being mean to her.
of course you can think, you I CAN’T THINK, but your thinking the thoughts I CAN’T THINK so you are thinking, just the wrong crap, take your time, have fun with foreplay, ask her to do things she has never done before and visa versa, come on mate, stop focussing on the shit in your life and start to focus on the stuff you want. And the future you will have.
Shaun
I am amazed, I hardly ever read of people doing something about their depression, all I read is what pills your taking, never what YOU are doing to stop this crap, You gave it to you you can take it away, so start doing things differently, if you do what you have always done you get what you have always got, change what you do and you change what you get. Do none of you people ever use EFT, NLP, Or Hypnotherapy as an aid to recover. COME ON, LIVE LIFE, AND LOVE IT. I RECOVERED SO CAN YOU.
SHAUN.
I’m in a 3-1/2 month relationship with a guy I really like who is depressed and on an SSRI (Celexa, I think). When we first started having sex, it was usually 3 times a day, and it was great for both of us to be with someone who also had a high sex drive. He was then on the lowest dosage of medication and it took him a long time to come. He didn’t tell me about his depression or the pills and therapy he was undergoing until after we had slept together a few times.
He had to up the dose due to increased anxiety over unemployment and other issues, and he told me that a side effect would be less sex but that it didn’t mean he was any less interested in me.
At first I handled it well, but going from being very sexual to a fraction of that, and then he can’t come for a long time or at all, it is frustrating. I really like him as a person, so I don’t want to leave just because our sex life is slow. His personality is different than we first met – on drugs it’s almost flat. He says he often feels detached. He is tired a lot. He has gained some weight. And the sex issues.
But I have told him this is hard, and that I hope he can go off the pills as soon as he is ready, maybe after he finds a job he likes, since his depression seems to be situational. I have suggested he work with his therapist to develop new skills for coping with stress and anxiety in preparation of going off the pills.
I shared my own experiences with anti-depressants (once in 1988 and again in 1995) and how learning new ways to cope with depression and anxiety has helped me handle things without drugs. I hope he gets to that point too. I would love to have a normal dating relationship with him again.
Any advice on how best to be supportive of him during this time? Thank you.
I’m 48. My wife just turned 50. There has been no sex for 5 years now. Neither of us have ever taken medication for depression or libido. I was considering finding a doctor and trying some, but after reading this post of all the folks who seem to think these drugs are helping, I just can’t go there.
I don’t know what or if I will do about it, but drugs don’t seem to be an option for me. Other than no sex, our life is complete. And we are best of friends. But it’s hard knowing there are Priest’s that sex more than I do. Good luck people, we all must find our own way.
Help we both believe our men has depression as they are not that into us. We haven’t had sex in three months and believe me we are both professional women with lots to offer! Even if we initiate sex they are not interested. Are our hubbies experiencing depression or are they having affairs? Please give us advice!!
I’m really struggling right now and just don’t know what to do. A few years ago my depression started (didn’t realize it at the time) and my sex drive was non-existant. My husband was less than understanding and nearly had an affair because of it which shattered my already fragile self esteem. I have been on medication for about a year and a half and my libio is back full force but now my husband is suffering from ED (and on anti depressants as well). Now 1-I personally understand some of what he’s going through (although once we started I usually got into it) but it’s really hard. He went from 7 days a week wasn’t enough (and made me feel I was an inadequate wife if I wasn’t giving it to him) to never wanting it and nothing I try gets him in the mood. He went from hot to cold literally over night so it’s hard to not feel like it’s because of me, that he’s not attracted to me (especially because the times we do have sex are often after he gets done working at the bar-he bartends 2 nights a week so makes me feel he’s just excited over somebody else and just uses me as the body). Now having been in the one with no sexdrive I son’t want to end up making him feel the way he made me feel but he’s made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to talk about it (and being only 36 I can understand why he might feel “less than a man” as HE put it and not want to face the situation together. I mean he tried to cover for a couple weeks but “claiming” a muscle cramp and having to stop-like I couldn’t feel what was, well actually wasn’t happening) so it makes it so impossible for me to know what to do. I’m dealing with my own issues of depression and feeling undesirable and not knowing what to do to help us both is impossible. Is it really “just him not me”? Him hiding it and not wanting to “deal” with it together makes it really hard to believe that. Is he just not attracted to ME anymore and because he loves me doesn’t want to hurt me by telling me that? HOw do I figure any of this out if he won’t help?
I’m beginning to think that some people say they understand, realize whats going on, and really just don’t care. I’ve noticed that some people are only worried about their needs, and pout when they are not met. Yes, I’m going through this too, and it’s making me become hateful.
I Read All The Comment Here And Didn’t Never See Anything On The Cause Of The Main Problem That I Think That Exsist In Todays World That We Live In With Man Having And Wanting Good Sex With A Girlfriend Or His Mate Is Because Of His Mate Mouth That He Have To Listen To Which Is Running The Men Out In The Street And Is Killing The Sex Drive Of All Men To Have A Outside Relationship And Is Causing Man To Leave Home.This Is The Main Problem.