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Discuss in my forum

One of our forum members asked a very provocative question: "Do you sometimes feel 'happy' about being depressed and not want to overcome it?" Once you get past your outrage, really think about what this means. Does holding on to your depression instead of healing accomplish something for you? Maybe you want to make someone feel guilty for hurting you? Maybe it feels easier to let someone take care of you instead of trying to make your own way? Maybe you would feel like you lost your identity or creativity if you did not feel so deeply? Voting in the poll is anonymous so really search yourself and be honest on this one.

Comments
August 25, 2006 at 10:01 pm
(1) Chris says:

um well i’m 13, and sometimes when i’m depressed i want to make people who hurt me feel guilty like it says, and i don’t want to overcome too soon, but then it happens naturally and i’m happy again, but it goes in a cycle for me, happy, sad/depressed… yeah anyway bye

September 28, 2006 at 3:17 pm
(2) Haley says:

i get sad an ddepressed alot and yes sometimes i do want people to feel bad for me. if they cause it that is. its confusing because i want certain people to talk to me and others to no, it just depends on the say. sometimes my best friend will talk to me then the next time shes the last person i want to talk to.

November 9, 2011 at 12:14 pm
(3) arthur wiesner says:

im 19 years old and think about every ones life instead of mine i try and help people but stick to ther thoughts and never think unless they talk i wonder if i cant stop caring about people and want them to find god, im not a shy person i speak the truth but still think theres somthing wrong with the way i think i deliberate everything and think theres more to everything then what it is i take my self back in to the box when i get confused with what i say even confuse people because i think they think like me talking to people always end up how they think and what they want in life before they die

November 9, 2011 at 12:27 pm
(4) arthur wiesner says:

my thoughts tell me im a empath

December 7, 2006 at 2:18 pm
(5) Under-construction says:

It’s one of those(depending on your personal reason):
1)feeling sorry or yourself.
2)To make someone guilty.
3)Get attention.
4)You’re guilty-punish yourself!

September 28, 2007 at 3:16 pm
(6) Forever says:

I have been depressed on and off since I was a little girl and right now I seem to be at my lowest point. Sometimes I want people to know how I feel and sometimes I try to hide it and try to look like I am happy. Right now I do wish I had some sympathy and had someone to look after me without my feeling like I am worthless. But I never want someone to feel guilty for hurting me because I know that they did not mean it.

October 12, 2007 at 8:59 pm
(7) Depressed says:

Well I have not been diagnosed with depression by a doctor but I am certain I have it. I think I fall under the category of people who have depression and don’t realize or want to stop and care about oneself because they are so busy with their lives. Now that I have come to realize my depression, I’ve actually welcomed it because I feel that the next step for me to take is suicide. I’m sick of pretending that everything will turn out ok and when that point in time comes

November 15, 2007 at 12:43 pm
(8) hafsa says:

mmm … its difficult to discribe my condition because at this time i am in dipression.yes i want to make people feel guilt for hurting me.i want certain people just care of me in other words i can’t share those things which i linked by heart.

December 24, 2007 at 4:21 pm
(9) Chef says:

I have been manically depressed for 4 or 5 years, it started from the types of depression you highlight, finding comfort in depression, asking or getting help from others and using it in some way as a device to get attention, not that that itself is not a problem – many young people find themselves doing this and are criticized by their peers.
But now – no, depression stops everything in my life, education and employment my talents have disappeared by the crushing of my confidence, I do not find any comfort in my depression I want to be rid of it!

January 18, 2008 at 10:33 pm
(10) sebastian says:

you know well you hit the nail on the head, i just come in from a night i had a lof happen in recent months, i was in love and she said to some of my mates she liked me when i found out i was over joyed. it went on i cycled to her house on dangerous roads and all. Then the i found out she didn like me a bit later my friend kept it from me that infact they where getting together and stuff months has passed and when he says no cant do this today or that i gotta see her. it makes me hate filled what can i say. i hint so much about the pain and stuff. That is why i agree with you sometimes you want to feel depressed because of depression it self. you want revenge or them to feel guilty at the end of the day never underestimate how ppl dont give a shit about u. All i can say but i seem to not let go easy but thanks for stumbling across this hopefuly i shall now i understand it cheers. S A

March 19, 2008 at 11:22 pm
(11) xyz says:

I think being down and being depressed are two different things. Depression is something you can’t help for the most part, and you don’t “become” depressed just to make people guilty. Usually, you become upset and want people to feel guilty for you, so you act and feel down.

I have chornic depression, and sometimes I guess i am “happy” to be depressed, but only becuase my mindstate doesn’t allow me to feel I’m allowed to be happy, so I feel I deserve the depression I’m in. I try very, very hard to not let it show, and I don’t like sympathy. All I want is an ear to listen. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or guilty about it, because it’s not their fault, its a disease.

March 30, 2008 at 11:48 pm
(12) HurtingIsGood says:

I like to be depressed. I guess it just feels comfortable and if people see me like that they ask me for anything they just leave me alone. I have been see people to try and help with my depression but it all comes down to whether or not i’m willing to give up on depression. I think pain and hurt make me feel good. I dont really talk to anyone about it.

Anyway back to the point. I watch certain movies and listen to certain music just to remind me of what makes me upset.

July 8, 2011 at 11:05 pm
(13) Thinker says:

Me too. It feels more real to be sad than happy. Happiness always comes to an end and the change is almost scary. Happiness feels like such a shallow emotion. Depression is comfortable and doesnt change. It sucks and you know tomorrow it will suck, and the next day, it’ll still suck. You never get let down. Happiness is scary and you have something to lose. Losing something throws me into extreme depression, not just the every day suckage.

November 9, 2011 at 3:22 am
(14) Hurtsogood says:

Sometimes I like to hurt emotionally too. I always wonder why that is, why I purposely think of sad things so I can feel that familiar pang. It baffles me. I wonder if it has to do with guilt on my behalf. Like I think I deserve to hurt or something.

July 24, 2008 at 9:32 pm
(15) beep says:

I don’t leave comments, but this caught my attention. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorders 10 months ago and also admitted I was an alcoholic at the same time. Since being in Therapy and being sober I have felt disenfranchised. I am no longer sure of who I am. Partly because my memories of my life are called into doubt by the fact that my perception of life has evidently been coloured by alcohol for fifty plus years. If how I perceived my circumstances, surroundings, actions during that period are incorrect then then so is my lifetime built perception of myself.

This in turn has left me with very little confidence that I know where I should go and how I should get there.

I am looking hard at the possibility that this is the reason that I am “hanging on” to being Bipolar depressed. Not because it gives me anything, but rather that I no longer feel that I have any trust in the tools, even recently learned, that may help me out It’s the kind of “funk” that courage or intellect cannot help because the energy and confidence that were attached the former perception of identity are no longer valid. Therefore,though I am not happy to be depressed and it gives me nothing, it has become, in a way,the only stable or “true” or proven aspect of my persona and is to that degree seductive.

September 2, 2008 at 2:48 am
(16) The one in the back says:

If you are reading this.
You know what it feels like.
You probably searched for an awnser. “why, why do I enjoy bieng depressed.”

Depression can be considered happiness, merely a different type.

There is only one who can ever comprehend the complexity of a human.

you.

September 2, 2008 at 4:37 pm
(17) demi says:

yeh sometimes.. i dont do it as much now but when i was younger i got hurt ALOT so i guess i just wanted ppl to come up to me and give me a bit more attention u no ?? and to make the person feel guilty. not ne mre tho =)

September 24, 2008 at 5:49 pm
(18) Mattias says:

Sometimes, I feel very much like you described. Almost like I actually want to be depressed instead of happy, sometimes I even look forward to being/becoming depressed. I’m not certain why, but I do feel that way sometimes.

September 26, 2008 at 5:38 pm
(19) It's Painful says:

I know exactly what your talking about. I’ve been depressed all throughout my life and I actually grew to love to inflict that hurt on myself to wear I feel like im worth nothing. Now I don’t physically hurt myself but I definitely rip myself apart from the inside. If i was to lose this hurt it would almost be like im losing my shield of protection. This pain is what makes me whole now, it seems like…..

July 8, 2011 at 11:13 pm
(20) Pain says:

It feels great to feel alive, and that pain that tingles and radiate thru my chest when i think about how empty i am and how no one cares and when i focus on the family that never talks to me or the world that has left me behind to rot. that if i died today there would be few who would give it a thought… it makes me cry but its almost like how i connect with myself. ive been sad since i was so young, that its my most familiar feeling. and ive come to be very acquainted with this stomach turning hurt that feels like home.

October 6, 2008 at 3:08 pm
(21) adrita says:

You know sometimes the thought occurred to me as well that maybe I like being depressed or maybe it’s me who chooses to be sad otherwise why do I feel so sad so often when sometimes there is not even a reason. But I never want anyone to feel guilty, sometimes I want to share my feelings so that I feel a little better but I’ve always found expressing myself very hard. But yeah, maybe it’s me who’s doing this to myself cuz maybe I don’t know how to let go of things that hurt me, how to enjoy life, maybe I just don’t know how to be happy…

October 10, 2008 at 1:46 am
(22) idontknow says:

i dont want people to feel bad for me
that makes me feel worse
1 person knows how bad i get sometimes
but sometimes ill be feeling like shit, then ill get distracted and be fine, and i almost get mad at myself because feeling depressed, sometimes suicidal, just feels right here and there

October 10, 2008 at 1:50 am
(23) idontknow2 says:

how is this the only page online about this condition??
i just searched it and it seems like more people would have talked about this by now if this many people notice something

November 11, 2008 at 2:46 pm
(24) Devin says:

I’m depressed quite a lot. But for me there’s a part of me that enjoys the sensation. I’m a film maker and I somewhat like the dark side of human nature. I like dark movies and things like that. I find the dark side of humanity interesting. Edgar Allen Poe for example. For me I find some inspiration from it when I write my scripts. Even though most of the time it gets me down there are times when I almost relish the experience of being depressed. Before you guys say anything I am not the least bit gothic. I have found a way to embrace the dark side and make it my own. I think you can’t really know humanity, or yourself for that matter, unless you see the darkside as well as the light.

November 23, 2008 at 10:48 am
(25) adam says:

im 21 from australia! i have been depressed for about 3 years and about two months ago i finally decided to get help so the docotrs gave me medecine and im kinda feeling better and better everyday!but im afraid that i will still stay depressed all my life… even though im on meds.

December 4, 2008 at 2:29 pm
(26) Alyssa says:

A few years ago, I was depressed. I’ve gotten better, but there is still a part of me that loves being depressed. I hold onto the feeling like its a kid holding its favorite candy. When I’m happy, its a good feeling, and I don’t let people know when I get depressed, but I feel like without depression, I’m out of my comfort zone. So I stay depressed, because I don’t want to be happy.

Would there be something wrong with me because I feel this way?

December 18, 2008 at 11:44 am
(27) Jen says:

I’m 22 just coming to terms with my depression and having some treatment for it. But in all honesty I like my depression on some level, it feels safe and familar. Its very much a part of me and how I look at the world. Plus I can’t really imagine facing the world with out it. But hopefully my treatment will help me out with that.

July 8, 2011 at 11:16 pm
(28) relief says:

It’s almost as comforting as my depression to know that there are others who feel this way.

January 3, 2009 at 3:31 am
(29) Kev says:

Im 30 and i have always ended up in the same way. After ive gotten over what ever the depression was, I always long to feel depressed. This isnt about hurtying anyone cos i usually put on a face to hide and lock myself away when i can to just be alone although there are times when i think it could just be a deep lothing of myself. I take care not to show it to anyone cos I’d hate to have anyone think im nuts or something.

January 5, 2009 at 12:27 pm
(30) duke says:

I’m 34 and have been depressed for about 13 years and I do actually enjoy it. It is like a shield or I like to think of it as a room I can go into and no one can touch me. I don’t want anyone to know nor do I crave sympathy, its just that I think the self loathing makes me humble.

January 21, 2009 at 1:44 pm
(31) Me myself and the other me says:

Wow i never thought i would see a question like this and i’m glad i did…..

I always felt really guilty about feeling like this, i really want someone to feel sorry for me and to be there for me but noone really is and i cant trust anyone to believe how i feel because my best friend has depression and everyone thinks i just copy her but i was depressed a long time before i met her but i kept it bottled up for her sake, i’m not sure my counsiller even believes me….even though i’ve had 2 panic attacks and several breakdowns in lessons i just feel like they don’t believe me and it’s really depressing……i’m not sure even i believe me especially while i feel so happy about being depressed, my counsiller says i’m always in a negative place….but that negative place makes me happy……

January 30, 2009 at 6:55 pm
(32) She says:

Well, I do believe I’ve been depressed before. I’m 17 and my mom killed herself right before I turned 15. I’m thinking I was depressed for a couple of months after that. I believe you’re mostly depressed when you don’t really know it; you just think about everything that’s going on and feel down, but you never think it’s depression. I believe that’s when depression is at its peak. I went to therapy and refused to take meds even though my therapist and counselor insisted. My mom had cronic depression, schizophrenia, and was bipolar. I’ve been scared for years that I may develope these disorders, with the exception of depression which I’ve been going through a lot. For a very long time I’ve been mad at myself and tired of having this feeling that I want to be depressed. I do think I crave attention from others (people at school; not at home), even though I push it away when I get it. I guess I want people to feel sorry for me and ask me what’s wrong, and I’ll just shake my head and tell them nothing’s wrong, and they’ll just walk away. I hate doing this, and I hate lying to others and lying to myself, but it’s almost like a daily routine since the middle of my sophomore year (I’m a junior now). Nowadays I’m mostly happy though, because before my sophomore year ended, I promised myself I would change and be happy. But sometimes I feel randomly down and secluded, and I wonder wether it’s me being bipolar, me wanting to act depressed, or me actually feeling down because of how life’s been for me for the past 10 years. I also believe there’s something wrong with me most of the time, and I don’t believe I’m acting then. My life hasn’t been pretty since my parents divorced, which was when I was 7, and I feel that that’s when everything began, because I remember acting very weird when my mom and dad would fight; I remember ripping my hair off and blaiming myself for everything; ’till this day it affects me and I feel guilty for everything that happens around me. I only wish I had the will to simply ignore what’s going on and just be happy.

March 4, 2009 at 3:28 pm
(33) thewayioutseeker says:

NO..never happy 4 being depressed….nor want 2 feel any1 guilty……
even when I punish myself by harming it…it hurts me…in this case I whish I ever had the coz that made me feel that way and then punish myself 4 it….
DEPRESSION IS HELL….can any1 be happy in hell….I don’t think sooooooooooooooo

March 5, 2009 at 6:24 pm
(34) sen says:

i dont think anyone would be happy to be depressed. in my case i am depressed because i cant help feeling that way. and want to send the message across my family who are in state of denial. it is most frustrating when they think you are just putting an act when u r feeling really pitiful and hurtful inside. so i want attention from then so that they can help me because the ones most closet to me are the only ones who can help me is what i feel. so i yearn for my closet one to help me.. help me is what i always say inside. if they can understand me and accept me then i have no other reason to put up an ‘act’. not because i am too lazy to pick myself up. but because sometimes we need a hand to pick us and laugh with us instead of being constantly bickering about how we always fall

March 6, 2009 at 12:25 pm
(35) Wright says:

I don’t want any sympathy from anyone. Lots of the time, I just hold on to the lonliness and the pain and the numbness because I don’t believe there is any other way to live life. Sadness ,or depression, is the only thing I can put any trust into. It shows me nothing but the true nature of everything around me. When Im “happy”, someone, something, and even nothing at all takes it away from me. I feel naive and foolish that I let it through the barrier I mentally created for myself. Then I beat myself up about opening up to something that was never meant for me.

I hope that makes some kind of sense.

March 29, 2009 at 4:59 am
(36) marlboro says:

hi, since i was 13 i’ve had manic depression and i’m 19 now. i don’t remember any of my childhood or any of my life before i was 12 years of age, since i was depressed from 13 to 16, then manic from 16 to now, i feel so much more comfortable when i’m depressed because it feels natural to me – it’s all i remember growing up.

i like to go home after seeing friends and get high and listen to sad music from when i was 13 because it’s all i have to hold on to. and depression is the only emotion i’m comfortable to feel.

March 31, 2009 at 5:49 pm
(37) greenfred says:

i feel depresed. i do not think its anybodys foult. But until life gives me a meaning for living, i dont want to be happy. and i dont mean like heaving kids, fall in love, do something specteular…or anything like that. just a meaning to life. one simple word that tells me that living isnt just about…..nothing.

April 15, 2009 at 10:54 pm
(38) MC says:

I do not want anybody to feel hurt, I do not want sympathy. In fact, even though I have been diagnosed as having clinical depression. But I try to hide it from people in the fear of hurting them even though these are the people who are partly responsible for my unhappiness.

My depression stops me from doing things which I used to enjoy once. I have stopped being happy or enjoy life. I have submerged myself into work, I think I am doing good professionally. But this does not give me any happiness. I come back home and get back to my loneliness. I try to stop thinking about the situaitons which triggers my depression, but it comes back even in sleep. Many a times I get up at night and feel miserable.

I tried talking it out, but it did not help. So I keep everything to myself. I have a feeling that probably this is how life is.

May 8, 2009 at 11:46 am
(39) Thinker says:

I have been depressed alot lately i have talked too a friend of mine. He said that mabey it just happends around my age (13) but in a way, it feels good too be depressed :|

May 26, 2009 at 11:32 pm
(40) melina says:

hmm.. that is a very good question, i know this is a really old question, but it is still a very good question.

Maybe 1% of the time, i do feel like i wan the extra attention…

but when im at my worst in terms of depression, i just wish that i could do anything to feel better, i hate being so sad and hopeless, i feel that i am not suppose to feel THAT sad, no one is, so i feel i do want to get better..

May 27, 2009 at 2:40 pm
(41) megan says:

I’m 15 and have been depressed for a few months (not eating, suicidal thoughts, self injury, ect.). And when i start to feel happier i kind of get mad at my self and want to be depressed again. When i am depressed i HATE it, and want to be happy, but when i am happy i want to be depressed. Like happiness is ‘fake’ and i dont deserve to feel good.

does that happen to anyone else??

May 28, 2009 at 1:31 pm
(42) Me says:

Yes, I feel that way. I’m 17. Depressed since about 13. It gets triggered by certain things like not being able to do something and then I feel a failure even though I have things to be proud of. They just don’t matter any more as soon as I fail at something, no matter how small. I have two types of depression. One where I don’t like it and one where I do. The extreme one I want to die, although I would never commit suicide, and the other I listen to music and books that make me feel depressed and happy. Sometimes I feel really happy, don’t know if it’s bipolar or just hyper, but I feel I can do anything. It happened the other day, and 10 minutes later I was completely anxious, a condition I have since a few months before certain events. Now it spread to all areas of my life. I wasn’t able to eat. Then I decided it was all ridiculous and I wouldn’t want to be depressed or anxious. It’s true it worked for the time being because they’re both gone. But now, since then, I feel empty and don’t care about anything. I don’t know if I want depression back or what. So confused. It’s like the depression was my identity and now it’s gone and I don’t know what’s wrong.

July 13, 2009 at 6:21 pm
(43) Emily says:

I always feel depressed, on and off… sometimes I’m so high I feel like I’m flying, I can conquer everything… then, usually in the evening or first thing in the morning (or at any random point in the day), I hit rock bottom and cry for no reason, contemplate suicide etc. Sometimes these feelings are so deep I can forget everything I had been doing beforehand, which can be quite terrifying at times.

Only I won’t ask for help from any docs, because I always feel they’re just judging and gonna think I’m mad. Also, like the issue raised in this poll, I ‘enjoy’ it. I always have, for the past… 7 years or so (I’m 18). I enjoy the deep feeling of worthlessness, guilt, suicidal feelings… I just hate the transition between joy or ‘indifferent’ to depression.

July 15, 2009 at 9:41 am
(44) Wanda says:

I don’t know if there was ever a time that I did not suffer from depression. In the 1970s I went to our county mental health organization to explain what was wrong with me and didn’t get any help. I was in my forties when I began being treated for my real problems – depression, anxiety, and PTSD. This has never been a comfort to me, not a comfortable place to live. I want to be well and when I first took antidepressants, I was amazed to think that some people can go around feeling that way their whole lives! It doesn’t last, though. They lose effectiveness and then it’s off to a new one and try again. I have been in therapy for fifteen years, on drugs for fifteen years, and I have some periods of lessened doom and gloom alternated with deep depression. It never came to my mind to put the blame on any of those periods of deep depression on somebody or to hurt them. It’s just who I am now.

July 15, 2009 at 11:29 pm
(45) dinto joseph says:

i saw this symptoms always tired and difficult to believe some one dont like any body coming near to me specially men i was talketive before but seems now to fear talk about anybody or any matter my confidence totally loose i think i am very bad man of myself and who is not like for the society i being to

July 16, 2009 at 1:15 am
(46) Dianne says:

I was shocked when I read this. I personally cannot imagine wanting to be depressed. I have struggled with depression my entire life, and find it to be hell on earth. I couldn’t believe the difference I felt when I started taking medication (after 20 years of trying every other method to feel better), and for the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to feel “normal.” As far as wanting to get attention by getting depressed, the last thing I want when I am depressed is attention. I just want to crawl in a hole and have everyone leave me alone). Of course, depression can have many levels–anything from having a blue mood to incapacitating clinical depression. Maybe I’m just a wimp, because I hate pain, and depression, at its most severe level, is one of the most painful forms of human suffering. I still get depressed from time to time, even with medication, but after knowing what it is like to feel “normal,” I find depression that much more unbearable when I do experience it.

July 18, 2009 at 3:08 am
(47) nataya says:

Its not to make sumone feel guilty.I even think that its useless to talk or tell sumone that i have depress. So sumtimes all i have to do is show a fake happiness look to all. In my neighbohood, dpression still often been seen as a insanity, or mentally weakness…:( .Theres a lot of judgement. And its embarassing the family. So i dont think so its for geting attantion or legally forgiving our disability.

July 19, 2009 at 9:23 pm
(48) psytranny says:

maybe people are content with their depression because of the world we live in today. maybe it has nothing to do with you being self centered and everything to do with problems society as a whole has. if you are depressed, maybe you should be. (HERE TAKE SOME SOMA!!). you should all familiarize yourselves with the book’s “1984″ by george orwell, and “a brave new world” by huxley. you should also become familiar with the movies “THX1138″ and “the matrix” only don’t zombie out on the monotonous action scenes and focus on the deeper meaning of the entire thing….

August 1, 2009 at 1:56 am
(49) M says:

I’ve been depressed since I can remember. I don’t feel happy about being depressed, but in a way, I’m afraid to lose myself as this is the person I have become. I am an accumulation of my emotions and situations over the years. If I finally heal, then I will not be the person I have become comfortable with. I accept my depression as a fact. I don’t like the way medications make me. While on medications I am less depressed overall, but when I do get depressed it’s 100 times worse than had I just stayed at a level (my normal) depression without. I’m less creative, I’m less outgoing (I push myself when I find myself very depressed), and I have side effects with medication. I just don’t find one outweighs the other. I wouldn’t change myself even with an illness. It’s like having blue eyes or brown hair. Who’s to say that my perception of the world and myself is wrong? Where is the line of sanity and who defines it? Personally I think we have a deeper sensitivity and a bit of obsession with things rather than being considered as mentally ill.

August 20, 2009 at 7:09 pm
(50) Naruto Uzumaki says:

Im 19 and Ive been depressed for a while and realized recently that while I dont like being depressed It feels like a part of me that I dont want to give up. I feel that I would lose myself if I got better.

August 24, 2009 at 4:57 pm
(51) Me says:

Ok, changed my mind. Depression is always horrible. If you start feeling that way, be smart and do soemthing to make it go away before you sink into it. Because that’s very likely to happen if you let depressed phases occupy your mind. And it’s much harder to get out of it then. I’m managing with positive thinking. It actually does work, even though I was very sceptical at the beginning.You will also not lose your sense of self. I am still myself, though I thought I was forgetting who I was at times. That is NOT going to happen. You just find a new way to be yourself. It’s normal to change. Everybody’s mind and perception of reality changes all the time, at times unnoticeably, at other times, rapidly. Nothing to fear though. It’s inevitable, so let it change.

August 25, 2009 at 1:50 pm
(52) yeeeeee says:

I agree. Depression is like you’re in a comfort zone, especially for long time sufferers – it becomes part of who you are. I’ve wrote something like this before: but I don’t believe anyone can fully recover from depression, you can’t exactly forget that depression never existed; you’ve been through it, you know what it feels like, therefore depression has became associated with your life.

For me, there’s a part of me that can’t let go of it despite being considered recovered, I’ve been hurt so many times, being depressed puts a wall around me, like it’s a barrier from getting hurt more, however it will only hurt you more as you’re only pushing every pure happiness away.

But I will say that despite all this, at the end of the severe battle, it really does make you a better person!!! I’m happy to admit I’m glad I’ve been through depression, it’s make me more aware of people’s feelings, about life, kindness etc! I’m 19 now, and well I’ve suffered for about 4 years.. May not be long as some people, but enough to truly understand what depression is.

September 16, 2009 at 10:26 am
(53) desolatedchronicles says:

Personally, it’s not that I feel “happy” about it, but I feel like I don’t want to overcome my depression. I want to sulk around all day and feel sorry for myself, hoping the feeling will spiral into something worse. Sounds stupid, I know but I can’t help but feel like this. I was told from a therapist that I don’t have depression and I’m not bi-polar and I think she was wrong. I know there’s something wrong with me, I just don’t know what it really is.

October 9, 2009 at 4:56 pm
(54) abc says:

i go through ups and downs, sometime i am happy and at other times i find myself really down. but you know often times i think about horrible things just to make myself feel bad. it’s like i welcome the feeling of being worthless and guilty. and it’s hard to let that go after you’ve been doing it for so long. especially when feeling that way is the only thing you’ve known for a long time. cause deep down you really know that even if you are happy it is probably not going to last. then you do things to push that person away, just to prove yourself right or to see how far you can push them till they eventually walk away. cause you know that you will never be truely happy. because no one will every truely love you or understand you.

October 9, 2009 at 5:04 pm
(55) ziva says:

yes i know what you mean. when you are with somebody you do things to push them away. and you can never really let them in because if they knew you.. the real you.. and saw all your flaws of course they would leave. cause why would they stay after that? it’s the feeling that you aren’t worth anything, and that noone will every truely love you because you just aren’t worth it. and everybody that has walked out of your life, did for a reason. and you know that everybody else that will come in your life will do the same. you don’t trust anybody. not even your “best” friends. actually not even your family. and no one in the world knows how you really feel. but you just can’t let go of that feeling. like no matter what you do you’re just not good enough. and you will be disappointed for the rest of your life. and of course all of this is your fault because you can’t hold on to anybody. it’s a vicious cycle, but it’s so hard to get out of, and sometimes you just don’t want to.

October 21, 2009 at 12:55 am
(56) messedup! says:

many of the comments here, i totally agree, i feel better when i am depressed, in the sense that like im in my “comfort zone” , likee this iss better than feeling happy becuase you don;t know how happiness will be orr it just might bite back. i have just recently gone through a very intense relationship with a boy, we nicely balanced each other out, got along reallly well,ppl told us we were meant to be even, me and him styll like ecah other evben now and we’re styll freinds but at the same time we’re not, we tlak at skool sumtimes when we see each other but b4 when thigns we were good, we were very close, best freinds even, hes from a different religion thna me , andd meee , almost like as if i on purpose caused problems , likee not even picking little fights but sayin no this wont work to the extreme like our parents wont allow uss to be together (and my parents r very liberal abt mnay things so there is that possiblity of being together) and i tunred it into this whole new thing where we reaaly cared and loved each other that we shud break it off now beforee it gets serious even futher in the future. whihc is truee and soo i used that excuse and kept hammering it in to his head.and all of last yr hes always wnated to keep me in his lifee, but ivee just always pushed it away, U know like when this depression re-enters into my lifee every few days or so later, literally my brain stops working, and follow my heart,,< whihc is soo messed, and then afterwards my brain iss like consious again , sumthin like that, like noww adays after wat has happened i put myself literally talkingand thinking to myself, abt me dying tomororo, if i had cancer, just anythign to crave for that sense off pain internally, soo now, skool has started again and now ic ant bear to look at him, ive missed an opprotunity orr just wnat things to be how they were. its hard on him b/c hes tryna get over me , im so losstt. and noww when i reflect bak on last yr i regret iss soo mucccchhh, like why cudnt i just have sum happines s in my life and enjoy it . i kno theres that aspect iof that attention craving but theres more to it..sum1 tell me wats going on here ??? im to messed up !! & LET ME KNOW IF THIS HAS HAPPENED TO NE ONE ELSE OR AM I ALONE IN THIS.

October 21, 2009 at 12:57 am
(57) messedup! says:

many of the comments here, i totally agree, i feel better when i am depressed, in the sense that like im in my “comfort zone” , likee this iss better than feeling happy becuase you don;t know how happiness will be orr it just might bite back. i have just recently gone through a very intense relationship with a boy, we nicely balanced each other out, got along reallly well,ppl told us we were meant to be even, me and him styll like ecah other even now and we’re styll freinds but at the same time we’re not, we tlak at skool sumtimes when we see each other but b4 when thigns we were good, we were very close, best freinds even, hes from a different religion thna me , andd meee , almost like as if i on purpose caused problems , likee not even picking little fights but sayin no this wont work to the extreme like our parents wont allow uss to be together (and my parents r very liberal abt mnay things so there is that possiblity of being together) and i tunred it into this whole new thing where we reaaly cared and loved each other that we shud break it off now beforee it gets serious even futher in the future. whihc is truee and soo i used that excuse and kept hammering it in to his head.and all of last yr hes always wnated to keep me in his lifee, but ivee just always pushed it away, U know like when this depression re-enters into my lifee every few days or so later, literally my brain stops working, and follow my heart,,< whihc is soo messed, and then afterwards my brain iss like consious again , sumthin like that, like noww adays after wat has happened i put myself literally talkingand thinking to myself, abt me dying tomororo, if i had cancer, just anythign to crave for that sense off pain internally, soo now, skool has started again and now ic ant bear to look at him, ive missed an opprotunity orr just wnat things to be how they were. its hard on him b/c hes tryna get over me , im so losstt. and noww when i reflect bak on last yr i regret iss soo mucccchhh, like why cudnt i just have sum happines s in my life and enjoy it . i kno theres that aspect iof that attention craving but theres more to it..sum1 tell me wats going on here ??? im to messed up !! SUM1 TELL ME if this has happened to them.

November 5, 2009 at 12:04 am
(58) michael says:

I was depressed when I was 14. I wanted to die. Three years of counseling and people distracting me, telling me it was my fault, worked for a while. Now they’re gone and I’m depressed again. It’s not that I want to die, I know I’m going to die. I will die and I am not afraid. I am indifferent about death. It doesn’t matter to me if I die in thirty minutes or in thirty years. I have lived my life trying to please others and life has yielded nothing for me, only for those I have served. I know now, just as I always have, that the world is full of evil people like myself. So now I let myself be “depressed”, not caring about anything. I do what I want in the moment. I still think about others, just not nearly as much as I used to. I come first now. I am happy to be depressed because now it doesn’t matter what happens to me. I’m insignificant anyway. Maybe someday I’ll find something that will give me purpose. That’s why I’m joining the military when I turn eighteen in a month. Maybe I’ll die – I don’t care. What’s more important is it will give me something to do. And yes, I’ve heard about JESUS CHRIST, AND HOW HE DIED FOR ME ON THE CROSS, YES I AM SAVED, ALL THAT SHIT. God is dead.

November 9, 2009 at 3:06 pm
(59) Bill Smith says:

I am 55 and depressed and happy with it. I do not want sympathy, I don’t want to keep being creative. I just want people to leave me alone. And just to let you know, I have not been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and I feel as normal as anyone who I have met. I just look at life and see the dark side. I will be satisfied with that.

November 10, 2009 at 10:46 am
(60) Andy says:

There’s some truth in being ‘happy’ about being depressed at the milder stages (why would people listen to sad songs if they were only ever searching for happiness?!). For the most part you can’t help it although you can take steps to address it.
I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, I wouldn’t want to be, it’s a massive part of what makes me who I am, the part of me i really like, the part of my ‘soul’ that is full of love and empathy along with the ability to feel guilt and pain. At Uni I developed severe depression that lasted for 2 years, by my 2nd year i was in a state bordering on psychosis – I never sort any help except for specific instances when i turned to friends. I certainly wasn’t after sympathy. I did the best to hide it as I could. I used illegal drugs which gave me some respite, and I believe ultimately prevented a ‘full-on’ mental breakdown. Depression at that level is definitely not ‘happy’ in any way. It’s horrible. The only good thing is that it gives you a chance to look at everything in life and your ‘self’ without limits, without fear or concern about what you might find.

November 22, 2009 at 11:35 am
(61) lovehim says:

i am sooooooooooo depresseddd! but, it almost feels, calm, i hate it when anyone talks to me, an all i can think about is himm. . .
everyone thinks theres something wrong with me. there really isntt!
i just wanna be in his armss.
but i know it might never happen, :(
it kills me inside, butt ii just cant feel anything, even pain would be a relief, it would be SOMETHING, i just feel. . . dead ://

December 9, 2009 at 1:14 am
(62) Charlie says:

To be honest..Yes i do feel happy being depressed. I am 22 and have been depressed since like…7 (on and off) until like..18 when i met my fiance and during the 4 years…she has been sad most of the time because of the kind of person i am. my fiance will be leaving me, i will be losing my job in March of next year, and i am failing all classes in school. but for some reason..i dont feel its bad for me. Instead of being suicidal, i just feel like its ok to live depressed. No one will ever know but i come home alone every night and just cry. I lay in bed and cry. It helps me to feel like i dont NEED to be here but i choose to. Every time i cry it helps me to convince myself that im just living to and buy my mom a house which she has longed for for many years. Anyways, not to insult anyone but i dont think depression should ever be treated with pills and whatnot. i think everyone just has a different time frame for them to snap back into. I will stay depressed to achieve the goal that i truely intend to before i die. being depressed helps me think about what i “need to do before i die”. Now that 2012 “might” happen…i feel its needless to go to school. i’d rather take that extra lecture/lab time to just hang out with my mom or just use it to work overtime hours to save. so yeah..not much detail about my depression…its gotten to a point where i just keep majority of it to myself. I dont want people to feel sorry for me. i just want people to just be happy and STAY happy. Search for worth. to me, depression is like junk food, its very unhealthy but it tastes great.

December 9, 2009 at 2:07 am
(63) Chris says:

I can’t figure out what about being depressed seems to satisfy me. I don’t want sympathy from anyone and try my best to hide my feelings from everyone. After spending the whole damn day acting like everything is okay, I break down when I get a chance to be alone. I’ve been depressed for most of the last 14 years, I’ve put the rope around my neck and the gun in my mouth, but for some reason decided I didn’t want to give up; I am now thinking this was the wrong move. Suicide solves the problem.

December 20, 2009 at 5:38 pm
(64) emma says:

i used to always be a happy person until i turned 15 and fell in love with a stupid boy who broke my heart,, then i fell into depression really bad. i started cutting and burning myself but i tried to hide it from other people cause i didnt want them to think im a freak or something. i often thought about killing myself and i came close to it once or twice. i started popping sleeping pills and doing other drugs cause i couldnt handle it anymore,, i though i would never be happy again. now that im 16 i find myself enjoying some of the activities i use to love last year,, i try not to think of how much he hurt me even tho i kno he didnt mean to. when i started realizing that i was happy again,, i wanted to feel the pain because it made me happy. i have no idea why but it pissed me off cause i tried to feel the depression again but i just couldnt.

December 30, 2009 at 10:22 pm
(65) Masum says:

Well not really i like being deppressed, if i’m too happy i get so full of my self. Like blade if i am depressed i am sharp and know what to expect and i know how do deal with life’s bull shit. If i allow my self to be happy for too long then i forget my worthless place in this world. I loove attention but that deppressed side of me says ” shame on you wanting to get attention by being a faggot you piece of shit why not not work for it you lazy fuck face ”
A part of me that is still a child looks up to his part of me and every time its disheartened i cry. And that deppressed part of me says ” Are you man ? You slob is this all you can take you waste of space, why dont god even create you, nobody wants you not know not ever” I keep falling in to that pit but it keeps the logical part of my brain active and my heart sealed away.

January 2, 2010 at 12:08 pm
(66) cjane99 says:

Being depressed to make someone else feel bad is not “real” depression, imo. I hide my depression because I do not want to be seen as weak; my depression is very real and very present, but few people know about it. I would rejoice if I could make it disappear.

January 5, 2010 at 4:43 pm
(67) real says:

im depressed all the time. i hate when people ask me wats wrong, r u okay, try to talk to me bout it, or send me to a counselor. these r my feelings! i do want any help, people being concirned, all in my thoughts, being nosy and thinkn they can help me. i can only help myself and at the moment i cant because i am so use to being unhappy that i dont wanna b happy. yes being depressed hurts me everyday but im use to being hurt that its natural for me. i just wanna b left alone to drown in my feelings. people need to worry and fix themselves n stop tryna get involved with others feeling if they choose to be depressed. it makes me more depresses for a person to ask me whats wrong.

January 14, 2010 at 5:55 pm
(68) fuck it says:

I never want to overcome a depression, because, I have a weird feeling of sadness and happieness clashing deep inside. I feel as if i wanted time to stop at this mmoment of depression and feel like this forever. I have friends round me, friendly and so on, but i want them to just go away and leeave me alone. Sometimes i’m thinking about suicide, but then thoughts like ‘i won’t die till i see what happens 21/12/2012′ and ‘i hope that future will happen to be better’ and ‘i want to prove myself that i am mentaly strong’ come over and destroy my suicidal thoughts. I prefer world in dark colours, and i hate all religions, especially muslims. But, i hide all this depression. no one around me knows how i feel at all.

January 26, 2010 at 2:56 am
(69) BringingUPainHurtMeWorse says:

I’m 21 and have been depressed since I was little and I’ve noticed YES sometimes I like to feel sad, something about it comforts me. I don’t want pity or sympathy or to hurt anyone else most of the time when I’m like that I want to be alone. Maybe part of me believes I deserve to feel that way, but the other part is comforted by the pain.

January 26, 2010 at 5:04 am
(70) Jess says:

You can never really feel happy when you are depressed.
when your depressed for a long period of time you forget what being happy really is. For some people like me. they just give up on overcoming depression. I been suffering my whole life seeing doctors, taking prescription pills, and trying to relate to others with the same problem nothing works.
People really don’t feel bad for others who suffer from depression, they just judge them.

January 26, 2010 at 8:23 am
(71) Laura says:

this post has made me think more carefully about why some people i know just dont seem to TRY when they have depression. i have had depression for about 5 years and have been being treated for 2 years. Last year i was hospitalised, and i can honestly say that i was trying everything in my power to STOP being depressed. it frustrated me that some people on the ward just accepted that they were always in and out of hospital, that when they were discharged they didnt seem to TRY and keep up their lifted mood, but simply went back to old habits e.g. sleeping all day, self harming. I understand that these are symptoms of depression and that you cant just ‘shake it off’ – but i know that i tried extremely hard and although i still struggle, i have been determined to try and overcome it. i still have awaful days and bouts of depression, but i am at college now and go as much as possible, have a part time job and have passed my driving test since being out of hospital. When people seem to ‘enjoy’ being depressed it makes me angry because if they were determined enough they could at least try to live a normal life.
I must admit that there was a time when i felt comfortable being depressed, even though it is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. when i was in hospital i couldnt imagine living any other way, and was scared to come out and not be looked after. but i think it gets to a point when you realise that you have to atleast try and live with it, not only for the people who love and care about you but also for yourself. im not judging anyone as i understand there are so many confusing emotions that come with having clinical depression… but im just saying that if you can look beyond it, not just accept it, then things can get better. When i have bad days now, or weeks when i slip back into depression, i focus on how much better my life is when i try and push though it.

January 29, 2010 at 4:17 am
(72) xanieLin says:

yeh i feel good wen deprest. no reason y. just must b used to it. my body must think its normal. or the lack thereof…

February 1, 2010 at 1:40 am
(73) Hannah says:

I’m 13 and i think I’m depressed i have taken a quiz on a doctor site and i have 5 out of the 9 symptoms of depression. but i haven’t talked to my mom about it or a doctor. and my doctor has said (didn’t diagnose me but said this) that she thinks i have bipolar disorder. and i hate it. ever since i have moved to this new place I’m just different. i am normal and okay at first but this past school year my self-esteem has been down so low I’m always upset. i cry all the time and sometimes i don’t even know why. i hate it and if i wasn’t so afraid to tell someone then i would be doing everything in my power to get rid of these feelings and get rid of this sadness and feeling of hopelessness. i hate it and I’m a complete mental wreck and I’m loosing friends because of it. so i guess you would say no. no i am not “happy” to be depressed. i hate it. i hate it with every fiber of my being.

February 4, 2010 at 11:40 pm
(74) michel says:

im a fifteen year old boy i constantly have social anxiety its nt cause i have nofriends i have tons everyone says im hott but i feel dead i go day after day feeling lime its an act i have all the freedom i want butid rather be locjed i my room listening to depressing music when im occasonallly happy im mad atmesf like i dont deserve to be happ i used to be the nicest person now i want everyone to die so i can be alone for all etirnity i hate my friends but i hate everyone its like beeing socially acceptable is my job i smoke everyone either acts like im cool for it or tells me to stop they dont see the constant self induced stress i am constantly have no one knows the true me i show them what i want them to see

February 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm
(75) cyrano says:

I googled something like “depressed not want to get better” and found this. I’m pretty much depressed all the time, just variations from R to Z, and while I’m not happy about it, I also know that I don’t really want to get better. i’m like the dog in Marty Seligman’s experiment who gave up on trying to escape the shocks. I’m the oldest person posting to this question and I would say that if my life serves no other purpose, I want you to listen to me– you should try very hard to get better, because years of feeling the way we feel here may be worse than death.

February 15, 2010 at 10:57 pm
(76) victoria says:

somtimes i get really depressed and i think of death and how much better it would be. but usually im so happy. i feel like two different people. one of those people is just my thoughts, which are usually sad and not good. the other person is strictly actions, i act happy and i smile all the time. i never show what i think. my family has a long line of deppresion i want to know am i? i always eat when im not hungry even though i dont really taste anything. i sleep all the time even though im not tired id rather dream than live. im always seeking attention, and i think of different seniarios i can get it even though i dnt do it in a huge or noticible way like cutting my self. im not sure what to do. these two people i am are at war. and theres no one i can talk to. i dont like talking to my parents. they arent exactly easy to talk to. pleas help.

February 16, 2010 at 3:45 pm
(77) Doogi says:

” Does holding on to your depression instead of healing accomplish something for you? Maybe you want to make someone feel guilty for hurting you? Maybe it feels easier to let someone take care of you instead of trying to make your own way? Maybe you would feel like you lost your identity or creativity if you did not feel so deeply? Voting in the poll is anonymous so really search yourself and be honest on this one.”

No. Sorry. I do not think any of these things. I do not want to be depressed. I am NEVER happy about being depressed.

Not being depressed would not make me lose my creativity. I would be more motivated to use that creativity towards a productive end.

February 16, 2010 at 10:58 pm
(78) no one says:

i have it. and i don’t know, i find comfort in it, in a sense I am afraid to get better. When you are happy you can so easily be brought down and people can hurt you so easily and i guess i don’t want to be so vulnerable anymore. But at the same time I want to get better because i can barely do anything anymore like homework, get friends, help around the house etc…
But i don’t want any one to feel sorry for me, I may hate some people but I try to put on a happy face so no one has to know and they don’t get the satisfaction. they don’t care anyways… Okay now i am babbling now. bye.

February 19, 2010 at 8:21 pm
(79) forever lost says:

I would have never guess that there were other people who have this same feeling about depression. I thought I was deranged or psyhco. I am only 16 years old girl and I have been depressed since I was 9. But my mom claims it was way before. But it doesnt matter. I enjoy my depression. I like the feeling of being “deep”. But part of my life there were times it really got the best of me. I tryed to commit suicide and i started cutting myself because i couldnt handle it. I felt like I was to young for it. My friends had boyfriends and a better chance at life. But they were depressed to. We were just in it together i guess. But we expressed our depression by wearing black. But it wasnt a fashion and we werent seeking attention. The time we were together was like my heaven on earth. I could be myself wether it was sad happy or any other emotion. They were my key to feeling “normal” at times. When we were in school together we would get mad fun of and people would throw things at us and call us the faggot emo kids. but the worst name they called us was fat. I never went to school and i held onto that depression. I let it maifest in me and take over my heart. I didnt care. I wanted it to end me. But it wasnt the worst thing that happened in my life. It feels like a dream sometimes cause my mind just block out events in my life. But when i see or hear or even smell something I can have a flashback. My mom tells me that i dont respond for at least 10 mins. But i hate it cause right after i feel so alone and well depressed. I was sepreated from my mom along with my other siblilings for the years of my childhood. But when i came back it was just me and not my sibilings. I couldnt handle it. I carved the word “numb” in my arm and they took me to basically an insane asylum. I didnt mind it much cause the kids there would cheek their meds then get high off of it later. And at least there the kids understand you and you can become so attached more then you would a normal relationship. I hated leaving everytime. i felt like a piece of me died when i left and the others were left behind. I would worry alot about them even though i barely knew them. But nowadays my life isnt anyhting. I stay home all day watching 2 sibilings my mom had within the last 4 years. I listen to hardcore music all the time and only talk to my friends on msn. My self esteem got so low and my sense of social ability has deteriorated. My personality is weird now. I enjoy humor but find every reason not to share it. well at least to people i dont know or who i know will never care about me. I like being depressed. I look forward to rain. And i look forward to getting hurt. I tryed so many times to get out of this. but i cant. Therapy, friends, and family cant get me out of it. I lay awake thnking of the beautiful things in life knowing i will never have it. I dont bother people anymore. cause whats the use. I am not sure why i am here saying all this for random strangers to hear. but…i wanted to let it be known because i never knew others could feel the same about depression. When i am depressed i am happy..when i am happy i find a way to sabatoge it so i can be miserable again. At least when your low and people come to stomp you down you cant get any lower…

February 20, 2010 at 9:20 pm
(80) Diam on d says:

Umm actually yea I’m 16 and when shit happens I feel depressed but moreso I …. K don’t laugh I enjoy it I feel safe in deppression and seriosly no I don’t want anyone to feel guilty I don’t want no fuckin sympathy. It’s hard to explain but it feels different don’t ask me to elaborate cause I can’t . What does help is ihave a book where I write random stuff down when I’m sad and trust me if u ever read itu would think I’m mental or smlomething but w\ e I’m coping

February 21, 2010 at 9:29 pm
(81) Jones says:

Teenager depression does not count.

February 22, 2010 at 8:26 pm
(82) Katie says:

sometimes i really do like being depressed. Im constantly going through mood swings about this guy and stress of school and stuff so when i am i go in my room and put together the perfect playlist on my ipod, turn up the tunes and think about it and sometime write depending on mood…idk sometimes it just gets to a point where you cant really describe how you feel cause your unsure so you just handle it on your own knowing that telling someone doesn’t make you feel that different about it. Thinking about it just makes me realize some new things about it and i mainly just like to think about Him. So… yes.

February 23, 2010 at 7:31 pm
(83) Help says:

i had suffered in younger years of depression. i had a parents who were never around as a child then eventually one died when i was 10, was an alcoholic at 13 and was drugged and gang raped at 14. the years that followed i suffered severely and punished myself by abusing my body with drugs to escape reality. which i had never in years before ever dabbled with other than alcohol.
i recovered but still feel ill at times out of nowhere.
now i have a partner who i have worked and supported for the last 5 years of my life who suffers severe depression. i feel helpless and weak and angry that i can not help him. i cry often that it is my fault because i feel i attract bad things to happen to me in my life.
he is a caring person to everyone around me including friends but at home behind close doors blames me and tells me that i am a cruel person, demeanors me and strips me away constantly. because everyone thinks he is such a nice guy including his parents they would never believe how bad he hurts me, mentally and physically. he has recently started to hit me badly and threaten to smash my face in with his boots.
how am i suppose to help him when he is hurting me this badly. if someone out there hears me. I would be open to any advice.
i hope that all of you who are hurting out there find your piece of happiness. i hope that someone out there cares for you and appreciates that you are still here with us.
thanks for listening

March 2, 2010 at 4:47 pm
(84) Tori says:

For some reason i feel happy when im alone in my room crying, thinking about death and depression. when im in a good mood its so easy for people to be mean and upset me but when im depressed its like i know its coming and theres nothing i can do about it. i dont want to get better and i dont think i ever could i’ve always been sad and always will be, its all i know.

March 2, 2010 at 4:52 pm
(85) Meril says:

I would do anything to be happy again.

I can understand that people don’t want to feel as vulnerable but I am so sick of being ‘cheerful’ every moment of every day when I feel so hopelessly miserable inside.

I would not try to hurt other people; I have done that enough, though I tend to exaggerate the importance of things so they probably wouldn’t care even if they knew that I had problems. I feel guilty (more guilty than usual) if I don’t smile and this is my problem, my thing to deal with, no one else’s responsibility. If I talked to anyone or let anyone take care of me I would feel out of control and I would worry and think even more and the whole thing would get worse.

Maybe my creativity would suffer if I did not feel as I do, but that is a small price to pay when remembering back to the time that I was happy (about 2 years ago).

Depression feels like a dead end while happiness has paths running off it. I want to go down those paths. Not stay in the dead end.

March 4, 2010 at 8:35 am
(86) D says:

No, I want it to end.
I have no reason to
feel like this, it just
hurts.

I liked it when I was
kind of mad, but now
is something different,
so I started to take meds.

I know it’ll work, but I can’t
wait for it to happen.

March 11, 2010 at 2:53 am
(87) depreesssed girlllllllllllllll. says:

im so depreesed, im 17 years old and ive been this way forever. i crave depression becoz its the only thing that i know, ive always been depressed & i have no clue wat its like to be happy. i feel like thers a tonne of briks on my stomach, i have that gut feeling all the time. i also feel as if im addicted to being sad, i crave it, when im around ppl i act happy & i smile and i feel kind of okay but i look forward to sitting at home alone & crying and listening to music, but wen i do that i feel so sad & hurt and i want the pain 2 go away but i just cant help but being like this, i took medication for about 4 months but its side affect is ‘weight gain’ and i care SOOO mucha bout my looks that i am so insecure, if someone looks at me, i start thinking they will see all my faults coz i was bullied when i was younger. even though now i am very attractive i still feel insecure so i stopped taking medication, it didnt help anyway. i dont know how to live life like i should. i want to die. fuck the world .

March 11, 2010 at 6:24 pm
(88) beccy says:

im 16 and was diagnosed with depression 3 years ago and yes i on occations felt better to feel depressed not only because i was so used to feeling down it was second nature and it became my comfort zone…a horriable painfull one but that had become me and i looked foward to going back to feeling down sometimes because thats all i knew.

March 12, 2010 at 7:00 pm
(89) steve says:

Im 40. Had deep swings all my life (bipolar), but in a strange way I wouldn’t swap it for anything.
I have some of my best inspirations in my troughs, and my favourite stories to tell of my peaks. Yes, in answer to the question: I do find a strange ‘happiness’ or maybe it’s comfort? when the dark clouds are forming again. It’s almost like an instropective cycle of cleansing. Im not married, no kids, nobody I want or like to see me like this, as with most depression its a purely selfish and self-absorbed, head trip. But i like it. Who says it’s ‘wrong’? It’s me, its my make up, it keeps me in check, it doesnt hurt others ( im mature enough not to burden friends and family, so I stay away, but this comes with time – when you recognise the patterns and triggers) and sometimes I feel most ‘alive’ when most dark.
Manic phases are a different kettle of fish.
Yet as Ive got older, the lows are not as low, the highs are not as high. But strangely this makes me feel ‘grey and boring’ – in strange sort of way like Im losing my edge or something.Becoming an ‘average’ person.
Tried therapy, tried chemicals. Try philosophy.
It’s a journey.
Of course, easy for me to say at moment because Im ‘normal’ at the moment.
But, all I say is, don’t fight it. Feel it. It’s your make up. Capitalize on it. Write about it. Keep a journal. Keep a blog. Share those thoughts. Share with other special types like us. Spot patterns – from things to relationships to food groups. Anything can trigger it. We are a complex ape species – we think we understand what human consciousness is – but we dont really.We make generalisations based on bell-curve observations. All very text book.
But in reality, your reality, you are what you think you are.
And lets face it, with depression that’s pretty much what we spend most of our time doing.
But deep down, you construct your own World. Your own experience.You can choose how to deal with it, despite how painful it feels.It’s a personal trip. In our culture, sadness and depression is treated as taboo. This annoys me. It’s a human trait like anything else. And like any other human trait there are outliers. And that is us.
Like there are 6foot6 people or 20 stone people, or rich people, or lottery winners – some of us just dont fit the bell-curve of what is seen as ‘social normality’
Doesn’t make it wrong.So never ever think it is. We are human, not robots.

Probably the most uplifting depression thing I’ve ever written I think, and beleve me I’ve been in some dark places.

Regards
Steve

March 30, 2010 at 10:17 pm
(90) natasha says:

I am depressed too .guess all depressed people can talk about this here..but yea, life is a road and it’s not smoove for anybody..but depression is horrible it reminds me of misery & you know misery loves company. But I tend to not want to be with anyone at times like this. I just want things to go smoove, my life right now is to me “a joke” I feel like I’m not worthy of a lot of things I just don’t know why!!? I have a job, I go to school I have a boyfriend but it just seems unsatisfying to me .i get real mad quickly . I don’t care about how you feel and ” I just don’t care!” I find myself saying that alot. It makes me wonder why am I like this I do NOT like this but depression has taken over, and it’s hard trying to fight it. It’s even harder for me to say to myself that everythings gnna be ok. I just don’t believe it my emotions take over me most of the time and a lot of people can’t deal with it. I don’t need help, I’d rather fight this on my own but I just need to know how should I start? What should I do ? and tell myself everyday, that I’m something I’m not?.

April 23, 2010 at 6:03 am
(91) The man with the face says:

To me, being depressed feels good. Sometimes i even try to make myself feel depressed by listening to sad songs etc. I think that deep inside I want people to feel sory for me, but the thing is I hide it too well, behind a happy face, for anyone to ever notice, but that is fine with me because i like feeling depressed. Its a vicious cycle.

Yeah, I don’t know why I like it so much. I like being alone, and I like feeling sad about the possability that I will never “find love” or watever, and if i dont all the better, because i can be depressed some more. :)

But I really dont see this as a problem. And I dont think that I have to have lots of friends and be constatntly “Happy” to be happy, ya know.

May 3, 2010 at 4:24 am
(92) Anonymous says:

The thing to remember is not to care if you get depressed, especially with failed intimate relationships. I’m free from oppression and tyranny of having a woman ruin my life, but once a month, it does feel bad that I had to come to this and I may want to date again. I then tell myself my wallet is full and I can save again, the bed is mine, I don’t have to go out and have casual sex when I have my hand, and your ears can actually hear once more instead of hearing you get the blame for her failing college when it wasn’t even your fault or when you have to result to masturbation while Farmville is played and when she wants to work on it, she is on Farmville and not communicating with you. The only guilt I feel was staying with her after all of the pain that was caused. Just don’t care about being depressed and you get over it each time. Remind yourself you could be in a far worse situation like me seen as the bad guy when I was the only one working, cleaning, and cooking. Women are supposed to complain about this, not men. Guess I rewrote the rules.

June 8, 2010 at 6:07 pm
(93) Keira says:

I know what you mean…but at the same time I’ve always felt that if you feel “happy” about it then it’s not deep depression, and it is done to spite someone else. There are cases of masochism and people who feel truly guilty that they had to punish themselves… I had a period when I was ‘depressed’ and even stopped eating whenever I didn’t have to (i.e with parents) and I look back on it as the best time of my life as I had some direction etc. Then sometimes when I start to feel really upset again I realise that there is in fact no direction and I is an awful feeling.
The reason that most people feel “happy” during a depression is because they like the attention and it’s become a fad amongst teenagers…like the Emo movement.

June 12, 2010 at 2:10 pm
(94) DemonXDiamond says:

i feel its easier to be depressed than happy for some reason. i was depressed for a year after my dad died and i still have depression phases. its just a feeling im used to feeling. i dont want people to feel sorry for me or anything, i just like the feeling of sadness better than happiness. Happiness makes me uncomfortable. i had suicidal thoughts and self-harm. it was just something i felt like was myself. it wasnt from peer pressure because none of my friends did that. it wasnt because i wanted to stand out. depression always seems easier for me to deal with than happiness. i enjoy being alone and being in dark places. i can actually think clearer when im depressed than when im happy.

August 12, 2010 at 1:09 am
(95) Arely says:

I used to be depressed. I tried to kill myself three times. I also used to cut myself frequently.

Now that I’m out of that “phase”, I can actually look back and see how selfish I was. I LOVED to be depressed because I LOVED the attention. I loved how people were concerned about me and how they actually cared about what I was going through. I guess you can say I liked how the ‘rebel child’ seemed like. Everyone loves a rebel, right? I yearned for the spotlight and I found it in being depressed.

The only way you can truly stop depression comes directly to from the individual experiencing these emotions. This person needs to ultimately decide whether or not to get out of it.

All in all, depressed people are selfish. They have no concern for others, but themselves. They don’t take into consideration how others are coping with their depression. All they think about is what they want and how to get to it.

Snap out of it people, it’s possible to get out of depression. I’m walking evidence.

August 12, 2010 at 11:43 am
(96) alice says:

I wish it was that easy… just “snap out of it”… I’m so embarrassed to admit that I have a depression, none in my family or friends knows about my condition. I hide it as much as I can. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for myself. I’m just sad, helpless, worthless, tired, angry, i cry for no reason…but I don’t want anyone to see this. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy my depression. It ruins everything…

August 15, 2010 at 2:46 pm
(97) Folly says:

Oh yes I am tickled pink to have bipolar depression. I love the way everyone has left me because of it. I enjoy the lack of sleep, living on SSI, having no friends or family around, not being able to read or focus, having no energy, and the suicidal feelings, well those are just the cats meow.

Do not tell me to snap out of it, this is heaven!

What a completely ridiculous poll to be on a depression forum, it is things like this, when read by people who do not know what REAL depression is, that hurts us most. How will we ever get people to have respect for mental illness if we allow trash to be printed in a place where they may come to learn.
Geezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

August 15, 2010 at 3:17 pm
(98) folly says:

One more thing, where are the people pampering me?
LOL

August 18, 2010 at 5:59 am
(99) Margaret Golby says:

I started getting depression when I was 31. I didn’t know what exactly was happening but I was swamped down with work ( book marking , as I was a teacher) the pile grew and grew. I couldn’t keep up at all. I was working from 0800 until 2200 daily, even weekends. It couldn’t go on.and I just cracked. I was eventually told the I had severe depression caused by extreme stress. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital and had some of the worst experiences in my whole life. It was a nightmare. Nothing happened every single day except the you had a meal, went back to the ward were given drugs which knocked you out for up to 4 hours then the same scenario . This happened every single day. NO attempt was made to discover what were the underlying causes. I eventually found out that I could sign myself out. Thats when the nightmare got even worse. Yhe staff got really nasty.But, I was glad to get out. I’ve seen 3 psychiatrists in my time and they have all been men and they have all wanted to learn about my sex life. The first one got sworn at. What had happened to me had nothing to do with sex what -so -ever.
What was it all about. I even paid to see one and anything I told him was deemed a complete lie. You can’t have any confidence in the medics who treat you like a piece of dirt.
The stress problems have continued on and off for 30 yrs. I was bullied out of my last job 14/16 years ago. Also I never claimed any benefits for all of those years. I’m now 62 and suffer with OA,Fibro, CFS/ME, Lumbago,GERD, HVS, Total Insomnia,Migraines, vertigo + a whole lot more. I’m classed as part disabled and now the UK government has decided to cut back on benefits to the disabled as we are a soft target.
It isn’t my fault that the banks made bad monetary decidions. I can’t see myself ever getting any better either. So, being a depressive isn’t funny , it is real— no matter what anyone says. I spend from 0700 to 1630 each and every day of the week alone. The town I live in is not exactly appealing and I don’t always want to look around the place. I
feel life isn’t worth living and I often feel death would be a much better option. Stupid I’m not as i used to have a MENSA level IQ. It’s of little use to me now as I can do so little.

August 18, 2010 at 7:31 am
(100) Susan says:

I think if someone feels “happy” about depression then it is not true depression. It is another DSM diagnosis. No one that is truly depressed feels happy about it. That is absurd!!!! Anyone happy about it has a personality disorder causing their depression.

August 18, 2010 at 8:41 am
(101) Casey says:

I have Major Depression and Borderline Personality for many years (15 #). I hate it when depression is classified as a symptom for everything. All my docs do that. They do not listen when I tell them that that is not true with me. My borderline is not a major part of my depression. In fact, it’s the other way around. It is so much harder to live with a borderline disease than just the depression. I will not ever be happy about the depression. I don’t have it left inside to me be happy when I try to. I’m really good at faking it, but sometimes it’s impossible.

August 18, 2010 at 9:39 am
(102) leah says:

A lot of you are talking about a state of mind that is sort of sad and down but it bears NO resemblance to true major depression that leaves you unable to think, move, live. You can’t “snap out of it”, you are NOT looking for attention. This is a serious, life threatening physically based mental illness that DOES kill people and ruin lives. Even the question you have asked is ridiculous. You are not referring to depression. Just “being down and blue.” It really is rather unprofessional to even ask this question as such, as it deflects from the real meaning of the word “depression.”

August 18, 2010 at 10:05 am
(103) KIT BURNS says:

I went thru all of these feelings…NO MORE…I found the CURE..for mood swings (bi-polar) and now…after almost 33 years of SUFFERING…..IM CURED…not by a doctor..doctors have NO INCENTIVE to heal us !!
they pump us FULL of RX DRUGS and NUMB US UP…so we CAN’T fight back !!
I do the NATURAL healing…just 3 to 4 drops daily…and I’m balanced !
so simple and sooooo inexpensive !!
check out Dr.David Brownsteins book…he tells us that we can’t live without this !!!
I WAS NOT LIVING…….I WAS A VEGTABLE !!

August 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm
(104) diane says:

Well, I can see how it might happen in some circumstances, but no–I am NOT happy about clinical depression. I’m in my early 40′s and have been depressed since childhood–it has run in my family for several generations. For me there are no positives–it has cost me a great deal. I’ve learned to mitigate the damage at work and with friends/acquaintances by very carefully hiding my depressive behaviors/status.
Bias against mental health issues is very much alive–especially when your boss grew up in Asia. My anti-depressant Rx fell out of my bag, and within days my fitness for the job based on my “workplace happiness” was called into question. He still makes sly and nasty comments about my “happy pills”.
I have to know people for several years before I explain the chronic depression . . . this keeps the already high cost of chronic depression at a more manageable level.

August 21, 2010 at 6:37 am
(105) Juanita Carman says:

Feeling bad can be an addiction like so many things.You must choose carefully what you want to be addicted to. If you find that you are hanging on to bad feelings you must monitor yourself at all times and when you find that you are giving in to these feelings you simply say to yourself, Ah Ah WE DON”T DO THAT. Every time. You take control of your thoughts so they don’t take control of you. We seem to be addicted to FEELING GOOD. I have a magnet on my fridge that says, if it tastes good it’s trying to kill you. It comes down to a balancing act. Not too good, Not too bad. The whole universe is trying to stay in balance. If you go up against it , it will try to take you out. That’s the way it is. Get with the program.

September 1, 2010 at 5:58 pm
(106) Lili says:

I am extremely angry about Arely’s comment. Just because you were desperate for attention does not mean that all depressed people are self centered. I can assure you that I do not enjoy seeing the world as nothing but gray or having suicidal thoughts. If I want attention, then why have I tried to be alone so that my family and friends won’t know about my symptoms? Why have I tried different types of meditation, herbs, pills, and even considered turning to religion in order to cure this disease? I hate hurtful comments like yours.

September 5, 2010 at 6:02 am
(107) 101 says:

I wouldn’t say I was “happy”, but that sometimes I don’t want to cure it or try anything that might help me be happy. In fact, I feel like I want to “feed” my depression, either by myself or by using others. Sometimes I hope someone says or does something bad to me and I’m disappointed if I get something positive from them instead. I suppose it’s because I believe that the feelings I have about myself and life are true and accurate (no one likes me, the world is a horrible place to live in etc.). When someone says differently they are proving me wrong, when I “know” I’m right, and it makes me doubt myself? It makes me feel confused and I think that feeling is worse.

It’s very hard to explain, but I understand what everyone here means when they say they like where they are when they depressed. I searched for it and this was the first link I found (and only?).

September 5, 2010 at 10:22 am
(108) Juanita says:

I feel for Lili. I don’t think Arely was trying to be hurtful.I too talked myself outof depression. The way we think can change our brain chemistry. I think the comments about being selfish is what really disturbed you. I have my own thoughts about that too. Everyone is selfish. That is the natural state we are all in.
If you examine it closely you can see this in yourself. If you say “I am not selfish, you must notice that you started the sentence with “I” If you say ” I am a loving person” Again the “I” We create the person we want to be. When we use the words You Or he or they, we are judgeing even if it is favorably.
Be creative and chose what you want to be and be it. Actually we chose whether we chose or not. CHOSE. Remember if you are depressed and you chose to be happy it will feel bad and you will become depressed to feel good again. Stay on top of it until the brain becomes rewired.

September 21, 2010 at 5:33 pm
(109) emily says:

i feel depprest for no reason i cry alot to and feel like stabbing things and kicking stuff its kinda weird cuz i feal a whole bunch of diffrent emotions that i cant explain

September 23, 2010 at 11:21 am
(110) who am i? says:

I’m 17 and I’ve had depression ever since I can remember. The summer b4 8th grade is when it really took a turn for the worst though. I’m a junior now. Even when I was little I’d have a feeling in my gut that something was missing. My depression gets so bad that I can’t bring myself to deal with everyday things like school or hanging out with friends, I like to seclude myself from ppl when I’m feelin like this.sometimes I wonder if depression is my only out. Its become apart of me, and when I’m feelin down noone can bring me out of it. Its like I’m in my comfort zone but then again its not. I hate feeling depressed and sometimes I don’t know why I even am. It scares me to think that this is how I’m gunna be for the rest of my life. I guess I just don’t know how to be happy anymore.. I want to enjoy life again but I’m afraid I don’t know how. Medicine just makes me feel like a zombie so I don’t take it.I wish I could meet people who feel like me, sometimes I feel so alone…

September 26, 2010 at 9:27 am
(111) fucktheworld says:

my girl left me for a guy a week ago. and a day after she leaves me, she starts talking to me again. ok. i try to be cool, act normal. try to ignore the fact that shes a lieing b*tch, and all that stuff.. THEN she brings him up. ‘awww hes amazing!’ she went on n on bout that crapp. so here i am, depressed as sh*t, listening to Secondhand Serenade. love sucks. and you know what, i like being depressed. i love it. i feel good when im depressed. so f*ck love, stay single, enjoy your life while you can. go depression.

October 1, 2010 at 7:26 pm
(112) chester says:

for some reason I like feeling depressed, but for no reason. For example; I like to listen to music that makes me very sad. Or movies that never end well. I like the feeling of sadness/depression…

October 10, 2010 at 4:34 pm
(113) Anonymous says:

I am a 13 year old and 7 months girl, and I’m really depressed. I’ve been depressed nearly all of my life since i’ve started high school. I don’t have any pleasure at all from being depressed. It ruins my life and there is nothing I can do about it. My mum says that my outlook on life is bleak, but it’s not, everyday i’m depressed, and its not because of hormones, its because in high school everyone changes and leaves you behind and thinks that they’ve got better people to hang around with than you. So here I am; depressed and lonely, with hardly any true friends. People label me as a geek just because I do my homework and because I wear my uniform correctly, but they don’t realise how much this depresses me and hurts me. Please if anyone has any advice can you please drop a comment to anonymous please. thank you.

October 14, 2010 at 2:36 pm
(114) Emma says:

I don’t know how anyone could be pleased that they are depressed. I was recently diagnosed with work related stress and depression. It’s as if someone has removed half my brain. I’m now on medication but suffer anxiety every day where I work which is a problem I am working through.

I do get angry at myself for being depressed but mostly because it frustrates me. I forget what I’m doing, can’t concentrate as well as I used to and even have problems speaking at times. I’m a designer/artist and struggle because my head isn’t working the way it used to, as I said it’s as though part of me has been removed. It is very hard to be nice to yourself and go easy when you can’t do the things you used to. What shocks me the most is realising that I really have no control over this body I’m in and it will do what it wants if I like it or not.

I didn’t find this page because I searched about being happy about depression. I don’t think someone who truly is depressed could feel happy about it. Most don’t even know they are suffering. I didn’t until I broke down at work. I was searching the net for people who don’t believe in depression as I feel that my line manager doesn’t and I wanted to understand why.

October 15, 2010 at 7:12 am
(115) jelle says:

I dont think people feel ‘happy’ but i think it consumes their personality. so they dont know how to be really happy and when their depressed they feel ‘happy’ because depression is their mood/personality constantly. I have been depressed for 8-10 years im thinking of being medicated.

October 19, 2010 at 8:49 pm
(116) LSC says:

I feel depressed and I liek it…i dont try to hide my feelings anymore..I dont believe in God, because when i wanted to be happy and find contentment in him, he never answered my prayers so these are the cards i was dealt and i am gonna play them. I am not gonna get on meds, been there done that, I cant keep a man, I have been labeled as INSANE, all mylife and i am bipolar..so this is me..and Fuck anybody whodoesnt like it

October 20, 2010 at 6:14 pm
(117) Aaron says:

I’ve grew up since birth watching my perents argue, watched my dad leave when i was 8, been bullied all my life since primary school, been teased and verbally bullied aswell, been attacked countless times by anti social street rat scum and stupid wannabe gangs who hang out in the streets.. All through my life thats been happening and i am now 18..

I’m weak as you can tell because i’ve had depression my whole life and people have suffered more then that.

Truth is.. depression makes you believe and make you feel comfortable being depressed and makes it extreamly hard to speak up.. because all of the little symtoms that grow in depression like anxiety, social phobia and many other things

So my answer is no.. I don’t think you can be happy being depressed. I’ve never been as happy as other ‘not depressed’ people. And they don’t even have a clue what hell us depressant people go through day to day life wondering if we should just give up on life it’s self… watching people say “This is the hardest choice of my life” when they are choosing between sweets in a shop or something stupid and they don’t stop to think about the pople who have to think “This is the hardest choice of my life” simpley because it’s about ending it. it makes me envy happy people.

October 22, 2010 at 8:47 pm
(118) Jule says:

well, i’m 17 almost 18 and a freshmen in college. for some reason running track made me depressed because i felt left behind and not good enough, so i started cutting. and then my brother’s girlfriend showed up and i love her to death but being around her makes me depressed. i’ve cut myself many times because of her. but i don’t blame her. it’s me. i’m the messed up one. and this started end of sophomore year in high school. and i’m starting to realize the reason no one can help me. cause i fell in love with my depression somehow and now i need it. like a drug. i can’t let go of it and so i’ll never get better. i thought i was the only one who felt this way though. i went to a counselor and she told me that she’s not licensed and that i’ll be wasting her time if i don’t really want to get better. but i really don’t think i want to get better. i feel like if i do no one will care about me or pay any attention to me at all. the problem is because i’m depressed and isolate myself, no one pays any attention now. sometimes i just want someone to care, but for some reason i never want it to be my really close friends or my family. sometimes i just want someone i barely notice to actually realize something’s wrong with me and try and help me. that’s why i can’t let it go. maybe someday, someone will do that for me. i can’t give it up. i don’t know if i’m happy in depression, but i’m defintely not trying very hard to get out of it.

July 8, 2011 at 11:35 pm
(119) not alone says:

I feel the same. Youre definitely not alone. Depression is where Im comfortable, happiness gives you something to lose. but im sorry you cut. ive nvr done that, but youre not alone with that either. but you are special, cuz not many people would admit this stuff. i feel for you, and i feel for me, and i feel for every other depressed and confused person. we are a strange breed, but we are just fine.

October 23, 2010 at 12:56 am
(120) Jessica says:

Not at all. If I don’t cure my depression fast, I’m not going to be able to handle college, let alone get into one. My future is basically screwed because of depression, which just makes me MORE depressed. And no amount of “concern”, nurturing from friends, or false understanding can help that. Because truth is, NO ONE but my one friend with depression WILL ever understand. No one will understand what it feels like to be a complete failure and physically feel like you’re dying. Nobody really understands true self-hatred, true sorrow for no reason. They pretend their minor inconveniences even come close to having depression…and they’re wrong.

Sometimes, yeah, it feels better to BE depressed because then people know. I no longer have to fake a smile and be something I’m not, and people are forced to deal with who I really am. I’m tired of hiding it, it’s a part of me. It IS me.

October 25, 2010 at 5:14 pm
(121) I dont understand! says:

At the moment im thinking, why im i so depressed! I have an amazing life at the moment but why am so depressed, i have an amazing house, my parents are in lovee but have the ocasional fight, but even if i do nothing wrong and my parents shout at me or i get blamed for something my sister did like today for example, i just sit in my room on my bed and cry for about 20mins and then i will sit there and talk to myself, i get scared when i do this because i imagen the person that made me feel upset is infront of me and i scream to myself and tell myself ( the imaginery person who made me feel depressed) what they have done wrong, I SCREAM and feel so bad.

I dont know why i do this, my mum and dad say its unusual for me to be like this im 13 now and my life, well my environment is amazing, my life, (ME) is Falling Appart.

It feels good to just be able to write it on here and know that i cant get innto bother doing it.

October 25, 2010 at 10:22 pm
(122) jim says:

strange question but very realistic, people in depression have their world in which they live they suffer deeply but somehow their world is different then normal people.
When I was going down into I really let myself go and enjoyed in the sense that I deserve to be like that. The primary thought I remember for me of thinking that was that since childhood I felt I am not good looking. That continued and long story short I went down so much that I when realized could not get out of it. I think it depends on the person too. In terms of depth of his mind. The more sensitive and deeper you are in yourself the more deeper the problem is. just sharing my thoughts. I been trying to get out of depression for past 15 years and could not get my feelings back. The major part is the society which is very cruel and does not care to let a person realize or help him get out of it. Its that person himself who can try getting out.

November 8, 2010 at 4:37 am
(123) MyName says:

I dont feel “happy” about being depressed but I like it. if I just stay depresed I feel like theres nowhere to go but up and I cant sink any deeper. When i am happy then it just hurts that much more when something happens too mess it all up

November 11, 2010 at 5:50 am
(124) tania says:

i don’t think this is true. m 13 and i am trying hard to overcome my depression but i can’t. no offence to anyone

November 15, 2010 at 9:47 pm
(125) Bernadette says:

I have always felt out of place because I never knew that people felt like I do. For some reason I have always though that something was wrong with me for wanting to be depressed. I’d try to find things that would get me down and I don’t understand why. I have looked on google if there was any case that there were people like me or if there were anyone who understood. I wanted to know if I was catigorized in any place ut I never got answers. I stumbled upon this question and it honestly makes me feel like I’m not alone. I have this weird problem where I don’t want to be happy and when I get to the point, I want someone to care. I never understood if I was/am psycho or if this is normal.

November 21, 2010 at 1:00 pm
(126) jblu3 says:

I have been depressed for as long as I can remember but for me it was levels. I wasn’t fully depressed until I was 16 to 17. I say that because it was then I broke down and was fatigued mostly everyday. I didn’t do anthing but sleep and eat. I didn’t watch tv or listen to music. I didn’t want to be around my friends or anyone. I felt completely numb. There was nothing anyone or anyone could do for me. I wouldn’t say that I was “happy” being depressed but before all that happened I definitely used it with my family and friends. I wanted sympathy. I was really sad and I was confused. At a time I really just loved the feeling of having down periods. I was creative and I saw things from a different perspective. I did not really have the official look. I dressed flashy, smiley, and bubbly. Everyone would joke and say that ur the most hyper and enthusiatic person I know. They were wrong because I would go in my room and cry most nights, sometimes for no reason at all. I cried because I was unhappy and to self-soothe. It made me feel good and real. Now I wish I could get it back.

December 9, 2010 at 6:09 pm
(127) Kid says:

When feel depressed, it feels like home. Like this is who I really am.
But when I get bursts of happiness, I feel forced, or like an outsider looking in.
If I dont have depression, I dont know how I’ll be able to tell my real self from the self I show other people.

Does this make sense?

December 20, 2010 at 8:26 am
(128) chance says:

i always get depressed during the nights sometimes i stare at other people and wonder how come i always get the bad cards i see others in love and happy and wonder how come i cant be happy i never show my true self to anyone i hide it and i would feel extremly upset if anyone did find out its kind of my own thing i show myself as happy to others then go into the dark alone and let my emotions go thinking about my life wondering why its worth living and in a way sometimes i do feel like i need to feel like this because its the only time i get to show myself its been like this for a year or two i just think about my life and feel like dying and i dont know what to do

December 20, 2010 at 8:47 am
(129) chance says:

my dad was a drunk that could never support his family he was always a weak type he is a perscription drug user/addict he was always fighting my mother and me and when she was gone he would fight me and we would always wind up fightinge each other physically until someone was too injured to keep fighting he stopped working becayse he became to ill but he was never too ill to fight me he would never even remember attacking me or hurting me he would blank out no one really cared in my family or knows what he actually did to me my entire family has always been against me even more recently because we only had one income my mother we were constantly poor the only thing we could afford is some food and a shelter ive been sepperate from everyone im not making excuses for the way i am but i think about my life and wonder if i should try wishing i could just die i would never show who i am to anyone i act happy on the outside but im a good actor as soon as i leave everyones sight my smile fades and i feel like dying i am sick of people saying they are depressed because they cabt decide what man or girl to go out with or for attention atleast you have someone who is there for you who cares for you i was homeschooled until last year when i couldint take it anymore and said i was going to go to high school as a freshman i was never taught much being homeschooled my mother was too busy and my father too ill from being a drunk and my brother doing his own thing i was left alone but im doing fine well last year i missed alot of school and this year i am as well i aam suspended for 40 days intentionally because going to school was just to hard when i feel like this everyday i show myself as happy but inside want to die

December 20, 2010 at 9:01 am
(130) chance says:

im fifteen years old and my father is extremly sick now he cant even get out of the house but he can still be as bitter as ever i think about my life and how it has been wasted how i will never acomplish anything and how i have no one i can trust no one i can love i just want to get a gun to my head and pull the trigger and i feel like theres nothing i can do to stop it like it will never go away i wonder why i should continue no i am not happy i feel like this and im afraid if i continue to feel like this i might wind up dead can someone tell me what to do?

December 21, 2010 at 10:28 am
(131) life says:

i see this life i see these people i look at my body from the outside and the faces around me i am absent minded because as i stare at you i am away flying in another world i have never wanted to be with others i like being alone even though it causes me pain i dont understand it i hate the way we all are the way i am my life is wasted and everyday i have a tear for this world i know so little yet feel so much i make no since to you because i am clouded i just want to go away find a dark spot and be in the silence for eternity without this sadness i wouldint be me i am a man i am away i have never felt approval because i do not seek i would get in a fight for hopes of dying i would fight against a robber trying to get shot because i am unafraid of death i lay here and i cry thinking about this life i know no one i am no one and when i die i will fade away like no one because all we are is nameless faces fading into the darkness once we die again i make no sense to you

July 8, 2011 at 11:39 pm
(132) damn says:

Wow. You took the thoughts right out of my mind. This is exactly what i feel. I honestly couldnt have said it better, and its actually making me feel better that someone feels the same. wow. i thought i was in need of a major psycho-study.

January 10, 2011 at 2:10 am
(133) Inevetible says:

Mine is I feel that I would lose my creativity or my identity because when I’m depressed I’m not a dick I’m a person who doesn’t hurt anyone.. But when I’m not depressed and wild I’m a real dick/I act stupid/I am a jerk.. and I dont like that feeling but when I’m in that state its hard for me to stop it.. and I just do it..

November 9, 2011 at 12:17 pm
(134) randy says:

i think most of these people could be empaths and care so much they will do anything for someone they dont know usualy correcting them for the better but lose ther own identity

February 18, 2011 at 5:19 pm
(135) 54 says:

My depression started when I was around 13 in grade 7. This depression (which was very bad) lasted till i was about 16 untill i found my girl friend who is great to me. The problem i have is that when ever i feel happy it’s almost like i missed being depressed and ill think about that for a long time and almost force my self uncontrolably to be depressed again, and being depressed actualy feels good to me. Having to worry about something is something ive done for most of my life and it’s something im tired of doing. I hate “liking” depression, it’s almost like i crave a feeling to be sad and worry about something. Im almost 17 now but i want to treat my girlfriend as good as i can but it’s very hard when depression messes with my thoughts. Somtimes when im depressed i feel at peace with my self not talkin to anyone, and just being alone. Then when im happy i feel great but i get a feeling almost like i don’t deserve it and i go back into a depression. Im sick and tired of it and i want it to stop. I havn’t tried ay doctor perscriptions or told anyone becuase they would think im weird so i hope this will help.

March 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm
(136) Amanda says:

Recently I’ve felt so depressed and it makes so happy that I want to cry tears of joy. I don’t think anything is wrong with me (though I wonder). Is it too weird to believe that what’s stated above is just who I am? I mean, how I feel is how I feel, right? And if I like it (for some odd reason), where’s the hurt? …I guess thats the real question, isn’t it?

March 23, 2011 at 8:53 am
(137) Alice says:

I really can relate to most of you, finding some kind of sick enjoyment in suffering. However, to me, it’s a profound satisfaction of knowing that I was made to suffer. I suffer of manic depression, even though my manic passes are relatively mellow (hypomanic). I kind of enjoy both, but I feel more creative when depressive and I get very “mainstream” in my manic moments.

March 28, 2011 at 9:04 pm
(138) Konig says:

I have a deep craving for depression. I would like to completely remove all the love in my life (family&friends). It’s not that I don’t like them. They are great people. I just don’t want to care about anyone and I especially don’t want anyone to care about me or have people care at all about what I do. What I do shouldn’t effect anyone at all.
The only thing I want to care about in my life are the materialistic things that make me happy. If my car breaks, I’ll just spend my hard earned money and fix it. If I want to go on vacation, I’ll go. I don’t want to worry about making anyone happy or having to make sure what I do will work out with friends & family.
I am essentially erasing love and dang it feels good!

March 29, 2011 at 2:42 am
(139) tracey says:

I do feel that way sometimes, like maybe being happy isn’t something I deserve and I should be depressed, I feel very similar to Megan.
I also think that when I am depressed I don’t have to try as hard and things are kind of easier, even if I don’t feel that great inside. I’m not sure, it’s very confusing.

April 5, 2011 at 8:45 am
(140) gjsfkadghdsa says:

This type of depression, I think, is because it makes you feel the most comfortable. Depression hurts bad, and if you start feeling happy, especially after being depressed for so long, you feel uncomfortable. Or even getting the thought of being happy, you’re afraid of getting let down and it’ll hurt even worse. I make my depression obvious to everyone I care about. I act like I’m not bothered by anything, but I make it plain as day that I really am. I don’t want people to feel guilty, I want them to care enough to help me without having to ask. Asking for help would defeat the purpose, for me. It seems like no one really gives a rats ass. Maybe I’m asking for too much, or maybe they really don’t care. I don’t know. But I know my problems and issues are very easily fixed… if the people I call family and friends would just care enough to see I need help and actually help me

April 6, 2011 at 12:12 pm
(141) Janell says:

I’ve been depressed for a long time, and now it’s come to a point where I realize I kind of enjoy being in this state. No, I’m not doing this to make others feel guilty or to get more attention (at least, I don’t feel like that’s the reason). I think I do this because it feels like I have no purpose in life, and in being depressed, it makes it feel meaningful to me. I don’t have any passions, so I feel like depression has been my self-created passion. I recently dropped out of college to take a break, and am hoping to get accepted into AmeriCorps this fall, and after that train to be a licensed vocational nurse, and maybe one or two years down the road, finish up my psych degree (which I’m not too fond of). Right now, I’m living with my boyfriend who I’ve known for almost 4 years (and been with for almost 3 years), who’s training to be an RN, and we’re two totally different upbringings. He’s more impassioned than me because of his upbringing, I feel, and it angers me, which he knows. I feel like I don’t want to help myself at all as of now, and I’m creating all these “goals” to be a mask, while inside I feel completely hopeless and just want to stay in this depressive mode, because it feels like the longest friend that stuck by all my life. Although I am a Christian, I feel like I don’t want any forgiveness.

April 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm
(142) zero name says:

Sometimes I like being depressed. Only like 2 times out of 10. It for some random reason makes me feel content. Other times I hate it

June 21, 2011 at 12:15 pm
(143) irrelevant says:

While I cannot say I know what real depression is I do know brief moments on occasion of deeply sobering despair. The triggers can come from anywhere, movies, music, or even introspection. I always do my best to really drive the feeling home. No doubt my brain is releasing chemicals related to the strong emotions that are the basis of the effect but depression makes me feel more connected to my existence than any other state. I might also describe it as a Zen like state. Nothing else matters, I simply am.

June 28, 2011 at 1:54 am
(144) Emma says:

Oh yeah. It gives me a nice feeling. You can’t get any lower. It’s kinda euphoric almost, in an explainable way. It’s really more of numbness, come to think of it. But, I’ve been on and off with depression for years. And sometimes it is where I like people to pay attention to me. At least someone is paying attention. I hardly get noticed, and there’s this boy, when I look sad, he’ll come over to me and try to talk to me and my friends will try to comfort me some. But then I feel guilty because, no matter how hard I try, I can’t comfort them when need be.

July 8, 2011 at 11:31 pm
(145) accept it says:

Depression is beautiful. Acceptance is the best way to go. From reading these entries above, Ive really started to feel accepting of my weirdness and my depression. Ive enjoyed my depression to an extent, because its so comfortable, but sometimes i feel it so deeply its hard to bear. However, these entries have really identified with my soul. I now feel like its okay to be how I am. Thank you all. I can face life if I just remember to accept myself. Whatever- Im depressed. I like the darkside and the world can screw off. I might not always make your day the best day and make everyone smile, because thats not who i am. and that is OKAY. go find a barbie doll for all that crap.
I feel better, because its okay to be sad. its okay to not be the life of the party. its okay to be stuck in my head. its okay that im not understood. it is OKAY.

September 24, 2011 at 7:17 am
(146) helen says:

i wanna get over depression…but sometimes i dont know why but i want to be depressed and want bad things to happen to me but at the same time i am scared…i never wanted attention for anything bad and sad that happened to me and i always put others before me which may be a reason why i am depressed now…sometimes i want to be depressed so someone will care about me for once but i just want it…i never acutally do it, i hide it, i never tell anyone when i feel like shit and wheni am depressed

October 12, 2011 at 5:20 am
(147) Depends says:

You know it’s very funny this whole depression thing. When I am feeling normal and myself and can take care of what needs to be done in my life and I guess am feeling happy, I definitely do not want to be depressed. I want to be happy. I want to set goals and be ambitious. But everytime, even though I tell myself it won’t happen again, the depression just randomly comes into my life an engulfs me once again and at that time, I feel evil, I feel like being mean to myself and other people and push then away and I bath in this feeling of depression. It’s not that I am happy, it’s that at this point I cannot feel any other emotion. It feels like a strong magnetic force pulling you down to the ground and you can’t nor want to get up. It’s bad I know, but I feel like doing hurtfully emotional things just to intensify it, to make it that much more “worthwhile”. My happy self would never imagine why my depressed self would do such a thing and my depressed self cannot comprehend the feeling of happiness. Anyone get this shift in mood like I do?

November 1, 2011 at 6:25 pm
(148) SunnyDayRealEstate says:

You’ve just explained how I feel. I couldn’t put it in to words. Sometimes I want to be happy, grow up get a nice job and family and sometimes I feel so depressed I want to cut myself and I just want to be alone. Even start on drugs to make me happy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

November 3, 2011 at 1:39 am
(149) Liz says:

I’m scared to lose my personality and i think i like being sad for some reason. Honestly it doesnt matter what emotion i am i like them all.. :(

November 12, 2011 at 3:45 am
(150) Essence says:

Yes, I actually do feel happy when I’m depressed. It’s comforting and it’s something I’ve felt my whole life, it’s like it’s my emotion, something I know how to handle exactly, the one emotion I know how to cope with. When I’m not depressed, I crave it. (This can be because I’m also bit of a masochist, lol:)

November 13, 2011 at 6:33 am
(151) ana says:

you got to be kidding me i was typing how sad i feel from time to time that i think i might be depressed but its only on and off and i was saying how i think the whole world hates me and my family and friends hate me too and i was saying that nobody ever lets me talk and they’re always telling me to shut up and this thing runs out of space that just made me feel worst not only do people let me talk but apparently neither do machines i hate this i hate myself and thats it i just hate how i am even though i can be so nice and happy and appear strong im actually really fragile, stupid, ugly, fat, annoying, and selfish i just wasted ur time im so sorry just forget about it im 15 btw

November 22, 2011 at 10:37 am
(152) Andrew says:

Not Happy, Safe. Depression is my comfort zone.

November 23, 2011 at 9:51 am
(153) tam says:

18 here. Some times it feels as thought I can only be happy when I’m depressed. Its not that I’m happy being or about being depressed its just when I am I feel the happiest.

November 25, 2011 at 1:47 am
(154) ahito says:

hello
am ahito, i got a problem.. i dont really know what it is.. it goes like this.. when things goes wrong. there is the agressive phase.. where i tend to be agressive with everyone.. then when it cools down i become depressed.. sometimes i think of suicide… but got no guts to do that…. when am depressed i feel better… i cry.. my heart feels heavy.. then i fall asleep. then when i wake up i become normal again.. but not really normal.. i think it makes my heart ‘harder’ .. my feelings for others lessens.. even when my gf cries infront of me i do not react…. my feelings are dissapearing day by day.. even sometimes when i want to cry the tears wont come out.. am not posting this to ask for help .. i was just trying to see if others feel that too…. to feel better when depressed.. thanks for reading

November 28, 2011 at 4:48 pm
(155) Jake says:

I am 17 years old and I am depressed for 1-3 days at a time and then happy a day or two before I am once again depressed. I try to appear happy around friends but not successfully. I am not happy about being depressed, but I don’t entirely want to overcome it either. When I am depressed I feel calmer, more level headed in a way not as hectic as oppose to when I am happy. To answer the question, no I don’t feel happy when I am depressed I feel calm and peaceful, but any case I am still incredible sad.

December 4, 2011 at 1:29 am
(156) Yusef says:

Depressions makes me feel connected. When im Depress i feel level headed and real. It might not be depression. I feel sad.. i cry but i feel complete

December 29, 2011 at 7:55 pm
(157) Jenny says:

Heres a new thought, i like being depressed because if i listen to just the right songs i can use it to make mysekf feel that i cant change anything,that im completely powerless and have nothing left to lose, it sucks at first, but then, its a great relief, i dont have to worry about anything anymore, i am a powerless, hopeless spec of insinficant carbon, and i can sit here and somke, or i get up and do something, either way, i dont care, because i feel, have nothing to lose.

December 31, 2011 at 3:27 am
(158) richard says:

I’m 18 year old, and I think I’m depressed. So far, I’ve kept my depression to myself, so I don’t use it to obuse other. Maybe I’ve been depressed for so long that I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost it, in fact I’m kinda scared of getting better. Sometime, I’ll make plan to get a little depressed; I’ll get a pack of smokes, stay up late, and watch anime or a sitcom. I just don’t know what to do, maybe I’m being selfish. Itms just easier to just sit and do nothing.

January 1, 2012 at 10:51 am
(159) Ben says:

14 here, I feel depressed a lot, but no one in my family knows. I feel depressed thinking about my future, and how when I die there will just be nothing.

January 4, 2012 at 12:04 am
(160) J says:

Depressed 18 year old here. Witnessed three divorces. Father died four years ago. Like many other posters on here I too feel elated when I sense my depression spiraling. I discovered that marijuana is one of the few things that can keep me out of depression. Although amphetamines and related substances give me a sense of euphoria (the closest thing I can relate to “not depressed”), I always end up crashing even harder back into my pit of darkness. Also I believe my source of depression to actually be my intelligence. I feel like I’ll never meet a girl I can connect with and that I’m constantly dumbing myself down to attempt to be able to relate with others or something. Loneliness is my shield and Despair is my dagger. Seeing foes’ lives dismantled activates some bizarre hybrid feeling of extreme depression and elation. I’m a dark person and I once thought myself to be a sociopath. But I do have emotions. Deep, powerful emotions like love, envy, hatred, etc.

Sometimes I wonder why I couldn’t have just been another one of the endless sheep? Why am I so good at seeing through peoples smiles and laughter? What part of my mind beckons me to continue analyzing motives and intentions to the point of exhaustion?

****. I won’t ever kill myself but I do think death is my only escape. For now I sit in my pit or torment.

January 22, 2012 at 10:19 am
(161) Melanie says:

Im 17. I dont want people to bad for me. I dont feel sorry for myself. I deal with the problems im dealt. My life isnt bad but I still wonder why I feel dead inside. Ive tried hobbies. And talking to people. it doesnt really bother me. But if coULd fix it why not? ive been this way for as long as ive been alive. Relationship or not. Im always empty. Im very good at hiding my apathy to avoid the questions that I myself cant answer.

January 28, 2012 at 9:43 am
(162) Definitely says:

When I feel depressed i certainly feel comfort from the fact that im as low as i can go and this makes me happy, because if it couldnt be any worse I think maybe i can cope.

February 13, 2012 at 3:21 am
(163) Thomas says:

I may be alone on this one, but I like my depression. I like the way it feels when I choose to slip into it. And I like knowing that when it comes on I can choose to let myself slip into it or I can choose to not deal with it and “make it go away”. I’m not some freak who likes pain or has a drug problem or any thing like that. I’m well dressed, I run an online company and I come from a good family.

Anyway….despite liking my depression there are positives that come out of it, although the hell of depression is sometimes agonizing. I write beautiful instrumental songs on acoustic guitar, and it helps me come fruition on things. It’s helped me breakdown my life’s unstable financial situation and get myself on a track financial stability so I don’t fall into the same rut. It helped me discover that the two people I called my best friends were not really my friends and actually did not fully accept me into the group of friends even though we had been “friends” for 7 years, and helped me realize and get rid of these two were actually negative influences and didn’t want or have goals for themselves and were perfectly happy without jobs and doing their recreational activities everyday.

Depression can be cause happiness as sometimes it helps you discover who you are, what you are made of and what you are all about. That’s what it did for me and continues to do till this day, so I will always welcome it when I want it. Sounds crazy…but it’s true. Just so you know… I am 25 years old and became a successful business owner with a beautiful girlfriend as a result of confidence gained due to my depression.

February 20, 2012 at 5:22 am
(164) No one says:

I’m happy when I’m depressed. I’ve conquered my emotions with that sentiment.

February 22, 2012 at 8:34 pm
(165) Orinda says:

Teen depression? That is angst. You will get over it. If you teens knew what real depression was you wouldn’t dare write about your little problems. Divorces happen. Go get a life.

March 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm
(166) me says:

I am a 21 year-old female. I have severe depression and am not being treated for it. The thought of suicide has been wandering around in my brain for years. I tell myself I haven’t attempted yet because I’d like to SUCCEED at it and not get found out before it’s over. Though I don’t know if that’s true or if I am just afraid of truly letting everyone down. At any rate, depending on how depressed I am, I generally don’t want help. I do find a “happy” feeling in being close to rock bottom where I don’t want people to know, so I act happier than ever around most. Then, if I’m really barely hanging on (knife in hand) I decide “maybe I do need help…”. However, as I stated, I am not being treated and have never accepted treatment. After this realization, though, I do start to feel better. My severe depression is self-diagnosed so maybe it is bipolar-mania? Schizophrenia? Whatever. Yes, when depressed, I do sometimes feel “happy” in the sense that I want no help. Not for attention, not to make others feel guilty for harming me (as I would only be further harming myself since feeling this way is PATHETIC; how could I do this to myself intentionally?), and not for anyone to take care of me. I experience a lack of creativity but do at times feel like I don’t recognize myself or others. Question answered. It is possible and not for the reasons listed in the poll.

March 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm
(167) annie says:

I’m 19 years old. I’ve been depressed for a long time. I use to hide it because I didn’t want people to worry or see me differently. Until recently I finally got help and don’t care if I look depressed, I stoped pretending. So, I guess when I was happy it was fake happiness. Depression is almost like a friend. When depressed, I don’t care about anything else and just focus on the toxic thoughts. It’s always there and even when I get a little happy for some time I know depression will come back, and I see the world differently. I can’t let go of it, it’s not that I enjoy depression, it’s just been apart of me for so long that I’m scared to live without. Sometimes i find myself using it as an excuse. Like when I fail at something, “oh well, I’m depressed, people don’t get how hard it is” so what if i don’t have depression and fail, then what?

March 16, 2012 at 4:28 am
(168) Blaze says:

I think Iv been depressed since I was 14, because that was when I first started cutting myself, I’m 19 now. Iv never been diagnosed, iv never even told anyone. I’m so scared to tell my parents, family or friends becuase I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, or feel like they’ve let me down. But it’s comming to a point were I think I really need to tell someone or I might end up dead. I just can’t talk about it without crying. It’s effecting my life iv lost all my friends and I can’t get and keep a job. I tryed to tell my mum when I was 16 but she told me to “shut up and stop feeling sorry for myself because there are worse off people out there” it seems now I really don’t want to be happy. I want to die to show my mum she should of helped me instead of ignoring me.

April 8, 2012 at 3:20 pm
(169) x says:

I do get ‘happy’ about being depressed. I think it’s because I have an eating disorder that I cling to and no one knows about it. I was sort of forced into therapy for cutting after my mom read my diary (I’m 16) and i was extremely angry about it, so even though it’s been maybe a year and a half I still drag my feet and basically do my best not to get better because I really have no control over anything in my life and no privacy so even though it probably doesn’t make any sense a ruined mental state is one of the only things i can keep for myself that no one else can take away from me. I also started doing worse and worse in school towards the end of last year, as I was very suicidal and not really paying attention in class. (I kept it entirely to myself, and it subsided when school ended, so i think it had something to do with a medication i was taking (Vyvanse)) I used to be pretty much a straight A student and I was going to a special high school for gifted kids but at the beginning of this school year I stopped going. I came back in november but my attendence was spotty to say the least and after winter break i dropped back to my home school but i only went there one day. My grades are shit and i don’t care even though i know i’m sabatoging myself. I just have no hope for the future and I’ll probably end up dead or homeless. I tried running away once but got caught by the police, I think i’ll do it again soon. I don’t really care if I get raped or killed or anything like that since i deserve it anyway.

April 21, 2012 at 8:53 am
(170) Dave says:

I’ve suffered from depression since a child and am so used to feeling this way that I feel very uncomfortable the times when I am content. It’s like I don’t really know what to do with it. I find myself wanting to feel depressed again becaue it’s what I’m familiar with. Sometimes I also feel that I don’t deserve to be happy.
I don’t try to make others feel bad or guilty when I am depressed prefering to be alone and isolating myself when I am which adds to my depression as I get very lonely.
My depression has been very severe over the past few months – far more so than usual.
I do think I need help otherwise I’m considering ending it all.

May 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm
(171) Jason says:

I give up on life all the time. im not saying thats ok but its something i do so i dont get hurt more then that. ive been hurt alot in my life because im a sensitive human being and that level of depression is a comfort zone or like a cusion. when i feel this way i have little motivation it feels good to just colapse i usually dont cause i know that would hurt but thinking about it is comforting. i would rather feel nothing then the confusing realing anxiety of being concerned with life. i supose its almost like meditateing. i want to do things with my life but dont see myself ever accomplishing it. when i care i care to much and when i dont care im negligent to alot. i supose this is very selfish. i really do hate being like this but im lost and dont know what to do.

June 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm
(172) melissa says:

sometimes melancholy feels good.not the deep depression that physically hurts.i am an artist..a certain amount of the sadness helps me out.. there is a certain beauty to it if that makes sense.when the horrible kind sets in i feel like i cant handle it.i physically hurts.i cant handle that.i get rather suicidal at that point.luckily i have children and i would never leave them.that gets me through it

June 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm
(173) jed says:

im 13 and i go to school getting picked on and tell teachers about this but the bullies carry on. i go to class but i have no mates in the room but not all are bullies. i have mates but some betray me by hating me or bullying me. iam autistic. i go home in my room all depressed but i don’t dare tell my parents my depression but i tell them the bullies um worried il eventually have no friends and live in sorrow. is there anything i can do to solve the problems. id really appreciate it. as i leave the comment im crying with tears.

June 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm
(174) deadman says:

I like being depressed. But I could not take care of myself like this. If I had no help I would die. If I could I would be better, but I can’t. My depression has disabled me in everyway. And I can hardly believe I’m alive today. Its like I can’t be happy, like I’m happy being sad. And sad being happy. Twisted perhaps. But that’s become my life. Maybe I’m good at being sad and bad at being happy, like ya. I’m a worthless pos. And if I died, well it wouldn’t matter. I have no worth.

July 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm
(175) ali says:

i’m 20 year i always feeling bad.i like suicide im afraid

August 1, 2012 at 6:36 am
(176) jaime says:

Quoting guy from behind “If you are reading this.
You know what it feels like.
You probably searched for an awnser. “why, why do I enjoy bieng depressed.”

Depression can be considered happiness, merely a different type.

There is only one who can ever comprehend the complexity of a human.

you.”"”

Well said, If only every doctor knew that complete statement

August 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm
(177) nothing says:

I have been depressed since age 6 (now 34). It has ruined my life. I taught myself to act happy so people like me and I can feel good but it never lasts. I have tried many things, therapy, medication. Got addicted to alcohol, became sober. Tried to kill myself. But depression never leaves me. I know no other mode of existance. Yes, happy highs for just a few days, but I always slip back. I used to tell myself to just focus on my career and become successful. People liked me when I succeeded with this for a while. But it was not me, it was fake and deep down I knew it. I would come home at night and feel so empty. I am at a point now where it seems impossible for me to ever live a happy life. I just exist on autopilot. I try to I really do. But life seems so pointless. When I ride the wave I always crash into the murky depths of black abyss. I am a black hole, relationships fail because I do not want to hurt them. I do feel loved and love for them, but it always ends in misery , it always turns into me feeling nothing or worthless negativity and I want to spare these beautiful women of that so I became solitary. Until I met “her”. Even though I am so depressed often she takes me for who I am. But it is so very very hard to believe this… that she will not abandon me one day or that she is just using me. I just do not know how to really be happy and carefree, go with the flow. I have a very high IQ, good looks (still…) etc. but I am the ugliest human being on the inside. Empty and worthless. Never do I find comfort in my depression. I feel like I have given up. And I just stay here because I am too afraid to kill myself. Some days it’s less severe and I tell myself “LIVE GODDAMNIT”, but I can not seem to hold that for 24 hours. Most days I am so tired of just being alive that I can barely make the 8 hours at work. I hate myself. I could be so much more, I could be what others want me to be if I could just reset myself out of this depression.

September 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm
(178) Sarah says:

Yes, maybe I do. I have been depressed for a long time and then there’s small periods where it all goes away and it makes me really confused. Like I’m lost without the feeling of lonelyness and depression. I cling on to it because I don’t know who I am without it.

September 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm
(179) Sarah says:

And I just want to say to “nothing” that I feel you. I go through the same thing every day. I’m only 18 and I can relate almost exactly with what you say. But we are people and we have to keep going arm in arm against the world. I have chosen to live for other people rather than myself. It doesn’t matter about me. Stay strong, stay true, keep going, keep caring for those who are down on their luck and those like us.

October 14, 2012 at 10:28 am
(180) help me dude! says:

Hi frnds! I m at 15. I also feel depressed like othrs somtims for my luck or sometims by feeling guilty for the d mistakes that i hav made. nd i really want 2 be just feel like dat nd. i often cry alot…. i think i need a physicologist but no!…… coz i feel happy in deprssn!…………. i don’t know what i really want Happiness or Sadness. HELP ME!

November 2, 2012 at 10:54 am
(181) Oscar says:

In rare periods where I’ve been able to live without depression being the center of my existence, I’ll often suddenly just “snap out of it” and feel like I’ve betrayed myself by just entertaining myself all day long, instead of doing something important. I honestly believe that being depressed is central to who I am, and while I want to be able to consciously combat the anxiety and suicial thoughts, I don’t want to give up who I am just to be happy.

November 30, 2012 at 11:31 pm
(182) Derpina says:

I feel like depression is part of my identity. I’ve lived with it for so long, extreme or not. I just feel comfortable being kind of sad. I’m definitely not looking for comfort or pity or trying to make people feel guilty. It’s just my comfort zone – my little grey area. And it feels good to let go, too. In particular when I feel nothing at all – just emptiness. I’ve never done drugs but maybe that’s what it feels like, haha.
It’s also been a huge source of musical and artistic inspiration throughout my life and I could never get rid of that.

December 15, 2012 at 10:17 pm
(183) Dylan says:

I used to get very depressed a lot of the time and felt suicidal often. I have always felt “different” and that I don’t fit in at all so I enjoyed depression because it gave me a feeling of release and comfort. I also enjoyed it because of the attention seeking aspect and because I loved thinking about hurting people whom I despised to satisfy my hatred; it kind of feels like a release to express my negative emotions

December 28, 2012 at 6:52 pm
(184) Hurtful says:

I’m currently in a mental unit. I have talked and talked and talked to everyone about my condition, and tried to commit suicide several times even taking another patient with me when I tried to escape. I have been very open and honest about my feelings with family and friends even when feeling extremely suicidal, not thinking of their feelings just wanting to share mine, with the result that I have pushed everyone away. I seem to enjoy making everyone hate me it is a punishment for me. I now refuse getting out of bed eating or drinking or talking to anyone as what is the point? Im also thinking of starting to refuse meds. I just don’t seem to be able to ‘fake it’ like everyone else. Too much has happened and there is too much I just don’t want to go back to. I may be selfish but seeing as I’ve already pushed everyone away, surely it is my life to destroy if I wish? I know if I got out I would kill myself anyway eventually and have more means to do it.

December 30, 2012 at 9:26 am
(185) Lins says:

I am 57 and have been depressed my entire life. I tried being “happy” as a kid, teen, young adult, wife, and mother. When my husband of 27 years cheated on me and destroyed our family, I reached the lowest part of my entire life. It’s been a year and a half since the divorce. I feel worse every day as time goes on and he has moved on with lots of other women. I have not been “happy” since he left our family in 2006. I am unable to trust anyone except my daughter. I know that there will never be another man in my life. I have spent the past few years trying to deal with that and move on. As each holiday comes and goes, and also with the passing of beloved aunts and uncles, its harder to pull myself up. At this point in my life, I am feeling like I might as well just admit it that I’m destined to be unhappy, unloved and depressed my entire life. I was destroyed by my ex and I just don’t have the energy to try anymore. I need to accept the unhappiness, loneliness and look forward to death so there will be no more pain. I gave my all to my family, to the best of my ability, and it wasn’t good enough. I just heard “it’s better to have loved and lost” but I don’t believe that. I would much rather have been alone and single my entire life than to give my heart and my life to my ex, only to be left behind after such a long time. I married for better/worse, not until someone else “better” came along. Depression rules!!!!!

January 8, 2013 at 11:11 am
(186) Happythoughts says:

I might have mild depression.. But i v had chronic pain for 9 months or more. and it is getting better. but i m not happy. i like to be in pain .. it s been 9 months and it s been constant in my life in this period, and now i m used to it.

I noticed when i feel depressed and lonely, i feel i need my chronic pain with me. when i have emotional pain more i need to have the pain all over my body. i feel i want to vomit all the sadness and bloods inside me, and i cant,, so i wish to have physical pain again .. ! !

January 18, 2013 at 6:36 am
(187) bab12 says:

i dont like sympathy of others. i wish nobody can see my face when i feel like that. i dont even like going to a doctor because i dont want people see my face. i m very independent so being depressed doesn’t add any value to my life. i like this feeling, because i feel i have no other choice. i dont know. sometimes i run into the feeling by listening to very depressive songs. it makes me worse. but i just feel i need it .. because when i hear Amy lee screams i feel this is me and i m screaming my pain. i dont know what is my pain. so weird. it all started when at some period of my life that i needed so much help and sympathy nobody really related to me. i didnt ever feel anger to me and i like all those people. but it just left me with pain.

March 21, 2013 at 11:47 am
(188) Yuwei says:

yes you r right . sometimes, I do really think if some one see what i post on FB or somewhere, and if they feel guilty or could care about me. but no one response.

and i think i make trouble again, because i interrupted others again. I use my trouble to make them unhappy. it doesn’t matter if they really feel guilty or not.

so it makes me feel guilty.

August 26, 2013 at 12:42 pm
(189) josh says:

When I finally matched the symptoms of bipolar to what I was going through I felt happy, because I had concrete evidence that something WAS wrong but it WAS normal. Since then, I’ve had this sadistic feeling of pleaure in the agony my parents are going through, because I feel like they deserve to suffer for screwing me up. They don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ll never tell them. I’ll never give them what they want. I want the guilt to eat away at them until the accept responsibilty for the way I’ve turned out. I understand that a large part of it is my fault and a large part of it is the disorder’s fault, but a large part of it is their fault to and I’m enjoying their pain and I’m looking forward to some major guilt.

How bad am I? Because reading this over it sounds incredibly evil, but I still have no remorse.

February 3, 2014 at 7:44 pm
(190) Tim says:

I don’t want to stop being depressed because I just don’t want to feel anymore. I know it’s cowardly but that’s something I want to stop feeling, and I don’t miss any of the positive ones.

February 23, 2014 at 5:34 pm
(191) Anonymous says:

I tend to “feel deeply” whether I’m really happy or really depressed, so I don’t think that is the case, it may be more of a resentment, like, why amI not naturally “happy” already? Like others seem to be.

February 26, 2014 at 6:12 am
(192) Blue-bird says:

I have lost so much this past year and the pain almost killed me. My mind just switched itself off. Becoming depressed isn’t a conscious decision, getting better is and I choose not to. It isn’t about anyone else, it isn’t about guilt or revenge, its about me. Because if I’m happy then I can hurt, and I wont be hurt again, it’s that simple.

April 15, 2014 at 3:42 pm
(193) avery says:

Actually being postive makes me more depressed and negative things make me less. Maybe I’m goth or emo. Probably more goth oh well.

April 21, 2014 at 7:08 pm
(194) Natalie says:

I’m 18 and I’ve been depressed since I was seven years old and now I don’t want to overcome it. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember and I feel like that’s just who I am. Like if it’s gone I’m just going to be an empty shell. Sounds stupid, but that’s how I think about it.

April 23, 2014 at 5:30 am
(195) Michael says:

i’m 39 years old now.. I’ve been depressed 5 years.. and now I don’t how to overcome it. My heart and it’s killing me. i blame my evil brothers and evil sisters.. because there took my mother and father (family will) away from me and manipulation and gaslighting my confidence . I don’t know how i can be happy… i don’t like fighting but it’s hurt when you hear voices in you mind.. i don’t know how to accept my life.

May 11, 2014 at 2:34 pm
(196) ... says:

Yes, sometimes I do. Then I forget about my depression and enjoy life for a few moments. Then something happens and the depression takes over again, and I hate myself for being happy about my depression and call myself pitiful, and become even more depressed.

May 17, 2014 at 3:37 am
(197) Lizf says:

I feel this way sometimes too. Sometimes I want someone to feel guilty and people to notice me but I’m mostly just afraid to be truly happy. Being sad is what I’m used to and I always get my hopes up when I try to be happy. Kind of like spraying water on a cat. If you do it enough, the cat will stop.

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