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Nancy Schimelpfening

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

By October 29, 2012

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The following quote from BPD Central describes the experience of borderline personality very well: "Being a borderline feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because I hurt those who I love. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives me pleasure. Once in a great while I will get 'too happy' and then anxious because of that. Then I self-medicate with alcohol. Then I physically hurt myself. Then I feel guilty because of that. Shame. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I'd feel too much guilt for those I'd hurt, and then feeling angry about that so I cut myself or O.D. to make all the feelings go away. Stress!"

Do you suspect that you or someone you know has borderline personality disorder?  Take our Borderline Personality Disorder Test to find out.

Comments
July 6, 2009 at 9:43 pm
(1) Sherri-Leigh Collins says:

WOW, I can’t believe how much this describes my battle with BPD. I was in denial until I read this….wow….amazing. The only thing left out for me is that I don’t kill myself because I believe that if I kill myself I’ll go to hell. I’m a born again believer and this is so hard. I am struggling, but my faith keeps me. I’d be dead long ago otherwise. And I still have a plan. Sad to say it, but it is true. Anyway, thanks for the quote!!! Praise God!!!

August 10, 2009 at 10:32 am
(2) shirley says:

hi sherrie, and all, i too never took overdose because of born again beliefs about going to hell, not quite sure where i stand with that belief now, but what did help me was, if i could believe enough, in the way of thiniking about going to hell, then surely i ccould believe enough, that God does love me and has got a plan for my life, for good and not for evil, hope this helps, it helped me to think this way x

October 10, 2010 at 9:06 am
(3) Ntsaki says:

I too am living with BPD (as well as Bi-polar disorder) and for myself, there’s a general feeling that noone really wants to understand. I feel like everyone treats me like this immature kid who just doesn’t want to grow up. That angers and upsets me, but I have chosen not to outwardly show this as it serves only to compound their opinion.

What they refuse to understand is that they at least have certainty. A BP’s life IS trial and error. The fact that they can advise us on “how to live” (and even if we do follow their direction) doesn’t take away the hell inside. If one is tired or hungry, they can sleep or eat. For the most part, we can’t even triangulate the yearning within us and even when we can, we get crapped out(excuse my french) when we try and satiate it. And this yearning – IT IS as strong as hunger or fatigue if not more!

What I think, hurt the most for BP’s is that the people who “love them” and “care for them” are those who are least willing to put themselves in our shoes. Family – usually – is the most misunderstanding and the most unforgiving.

June 29, 2011 at 1:32 am
(4) jenny says:

i have BPD too. but i overdose and self harm a lot. i can never seem to stop it. i even did it in front of the police.

i cant seem to stop. i hate ahving BPD.

i wish i could meet more people who have BPD.

October 18, 2011 at 12:12 pm
(5) katy says:

Jenny you are not alone. Check out The Dialetical Behavoir Therapy Skills Workbook. Its helped me alot in conjuction with my therapist. There are lots of other people out there that share our common disorder.

September 28, 2011 at 11:35 pm
(6) Diane says:

Jenny-have you ever considered reading the Bible or going to church to hear about God and what He thinks of you? There is a scripture that says that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made-God said that and he loves all of us and proved that by sending His son here to save us. His name is Jesus Christ. He can help you with any problem that you have. God made you and he does have a plan for your life! My mother had bi=polar disorder and lived alot of her life under the devastating effects of it. But then one day in her forties, she decided to put her trust in Jesus and she became a born-again believer in Him and He began to transform her and heal her! She has since past on to be with the Lord but she left a legacy in our family of how God can cure any disease or disorder and how a person’s life can be changed. She still had to take medicine but He gave her peace and acceptance and love and encouragement thru His Word and He cleared up her mind and she was able to spend many years enjoying life with her family without mental problems. I praise the :o rd for that. He healed her and took care of her all the way up to the end of her life. And now she is with Him. Give your life to Jesus and He will help you and most importantly He will forgive your sins and give you eternal life. God bless you. I will be praying for you!

October 22, 2011 at 10:57 pm
(7) Meg says:

I was just diagnosed with BPD. This quote is amazing. I have never OD but I have done self inflicting. I wish there were close family that I could talk to but they don’t understand me. I have felt days where I wanted to kill myslef but never could because of how it would hurt my family emotionally. it sucks havingBPD cause I’m only 20 and just trying to get started in life but have no idea which direction to go.

December 6, 2011 at 9:26 am
(8) gabrielle says:

My family believes that I have bpd and possibly bi polar. I feel lost. I feel numb. I feel like being asleep when I’m awake some days just so I don’t have to feel this everyday. I’m 19, a cutter, a shopping addict, and paranoid about people, myself, and everything. I want to quit people before they quit me because I always get to a point in a friendship/ relationship where I feel they dont understand or care, but then again neither do I and I hate myself for feeling and thinking these things all day everyday.

January 10, 2012 at 8:32 am
(9) Victoria says:

I was surprised to read that and find that, that is exactly what it feels like every day. I wish there was forums for people who have BPD not for the people who have to live with them. Itīs bad enough reading on the Internet “Stay away from these people” or “How to deal with love ones with BPD” but did anyone stop to think about HOW it actually is to have to live with it? Knowing that at any minutes you could change or that the one person you love will eventually give up because of the struggle. Itīs a painful disorder that can be survived but takes allot of blood sweat and tears and therapy.

January 11, 2012 at 9:44 am
(10) Charlene says:

I’m glad I stumbled upon these comments. I have BPD. No one ever understands. It’s so hard to go through such a struggle everyday. I am such a black or white / all or nothing thinker. It hurts to think back on all the bad situations I’ve gotten myself into and wonder if somehow I wanted those things to happen. I overshare with people then get paranoid that they will try to use those details of my life against me to destroy me. I’m overly promiscuous and tell myself that its ok and I shouldn’t feel guilty while I’m binge/purging and thinking of ways to ditch the Guy before he ditches me. I have no real empathy for anyone and I’m bad at faking it. It strangely comforts me that there are other BPDers out there. But seriously I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone.

January 26, 2012 at 11:13 pm
(11) Courtney says:

Gosh! That really did hit me because i’m self medicating with alcohol right now and i was suicidal earlier. Even though I say i’m a believer, I feel like it’s the only way out of everything. One minute i’m fine and suddenly, idk what triggers it but I feel really bad. Every emotion I experience is to the extreme. If i’m mad, it’s a 10. If i’m sad, it’s a 10. If i’m happy, it’s a 10. My relationships are so messed up i’ve given up! I can’t tell if something is normal for a relationship or if it’s just me. Everything is so messed up and I even have a psychiatrist! What’s wrong with me?

January 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm
(12) Desperate says:

How do I tell my GF Physcoligist who has no clue that she has BPD ?

February 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm
(13) Krystal says:

I want to die. I can’t help myself change, i’ve tried for 20 years. I have had no example of how to live successfully. Growing up was full of mental,physical, and sexual abuse. I’m nearly 26 now and I can’t seem to hold onto myself. If I knew how to be different than this, I would give anything in my world to do so. i’m lost. How do I function like this..not knowing if i have BPD or Bipolar…..pretty sure it’s BPD though. I see a therapist, on meds and nothing seems to change. How do I feel emotions like others do? I keep suffering from stressful, violent mood swings …rapidly like…every 20 minutes to 3 hours. I can’t really explain it better than that. I’m desperate for change. I’m miserable, hopeless and i can’t even support myself financially cuz i’m just that unstable. It sucks so bad knowing that I’ll never have the life i dream of because of this progressive illness. My doctors still have not done bloodwork, even though i’ve requested it several times. Thank all for Vocational Rehabilitation, because i have no insurance but I can still go to therapy and get meds because of this program. I’m just tired. Exhausted of hurting the ones I love most, and from hurting myself. How did I get this way? why is it such a struggle, a battle, and some days a full on war with myself to be “normal” or stable I suppose. someone please help me. Please. I don’t want to die. and I fear that this illness is slowly killing me.

February 18, 2012 at 10:17 pm
(14) karen says:

Krystal,
I also was a victim of all forms of abuse do not hurt yourself sweetheart that is not the answer. Your right you cant help yourself change but the one who created you can. My suggestion to you is get connected to a Church based program called Celebrate Recovery and work the steps as I did get a sponser and work through the issues of your past. Trust the process as you go. God can and will help you to change you cannot do it alone honey.

February 28, 2012 at 1:29 pm
(15) Sarah Lee says:

I want to find other people that suffer from this disorder. I have dealt with this my whole life and just recently got diagnosed with this disorder.

March 18, 2012 at 4:21 am
(16) Kyle says:

I’m still not sure. But this helped a lot. I have overdosed but I don’t phisicily hurt myself. I put myself through hell with emotional pain though. I’m not sure if it makes a difference. I might be in denial. Then again half the time I think I’m going crazy. I can ramble on about this for days. Main point is thank you :)

March 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm
(17) Sydney says:

It’s frightening how accurate this is to how I feel. I was a cutter for a short period. I still don’t know how I managed to stop without seeking help. My problems now are the depression I suffer on a regular basis and still having the urge to cut. What I really want is someone in my life to understand for once and not make a joke out of it (yes, someone I know has made jokes about depression and self-harm). But I guess she just manifested her misunderstanding in a sarcastic remark. Regardless, this “best friend” of mine put me in a darker place. Hell is an accurate word for that feeling. And I want out of it. It would be much easier knowing someone with this problem.

April 12, 2012 at 7:56 pm
(18) sandy says:

Thank you. It’s like you are talking about me.

April 18, 2012 at 9:02 pm
(19) Jesse says:

Hello, im Jesse, my beautiful wife of 6 years is BPD… This has just really shown its face, or i just opened my eyes?? Im wanting to know how to best deal with this. I have custody of our children, i have control of the banks, everything is in my name, and she is really what seems to be just coasting. She refuses treatment, and ive threatened to leave. Im needing her to get treatment what ever that may be. My family has disowned us, and im really wanting a way to say look its not her fault… I need some help, she has run me ragged, to the point i just wait or the next run of crap i have to fix. last was made up assult charges, along with her using a third party affidavid to get me held for 3 days for a mental evaluation. while that seems somewhat funny had i not been employed by a close friend im sure i would of been fired. Need some help getting her to the doc?

April 21, 2012 at 2:24 am
(20) Lisa says:

I was also diagnosed with BDP…at the time i thought oh great another diagnosis to go with all the others( anxiety,depression, PTSD) i know the the fears that everyone here is talking about because the first thing i did was go out and read everything i cold on it….the more i read the more i wanted to cry…”pariahs of the mental health sytem”"….’nobody wants one as a patient” …and the symptoms all described me to a t…..the impulsivity…the self-harm..unstable relationships…but then some how and i am sorry to say for all of you i don’t know how…. i feel i have maybe started to turn a corner….reading about it and sharing with the people who know me has helped me start to manage it a little bit….. i will text my friend for the 1200 time that day if i haven’t gotten ahold of them and find myself texting”please ignore…it is pissing me off also that i am texting you this much but i have been unable to reach you BPD abandment issues please reply ASAP” and with this approach which is sort of throwing it out there here is my issues i know it sucks…sucks for me too thing…it seems to be helping me and my friends and loved ones slowly deal with it

July 16, 2012 at 1:51 am
(21) Chase/Johnny says:

This desribes me so accuratly, its amazing. life really does seem like an eternal hell, so much so that sometimes i question wether i actually did succeed in killing myself and maybe im already in hell…… hell, i dunno. im just glad to hear someone kiiiinda understands what im feelin. thanks

August 11, 2012 at 2:30 am
(22) Sherri-Leigh Collins says:

Hey! I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here and praying for you all. I asked my Psychiatrist to do some testing on me again. I am going on Monday for IQ testing but have already completed the MMPI-2. It seems to be a pretty good test. The Psychologist doing it is remarkable. Absolutely wonderful….anyway, I came back on here just to offer my e-mail, facebook to anyone who would like to be a friend through this…etc… facebook is same as name…..I live in Newfoundland & Labrador Canada. My e-mail is womanpreacher@gmail.com Just to let you know, I don’t judge. I’ve lived in the US and Canada and have worked in many fields. I have been involved with street ministry, prison ministry, all kinds of ministry, but nothing recently. My biologica Dad was a street person and died in a park in Toronto…I never knew until later. My biological mother got Mental Illness but she won’t have anything to do with me……..my real parents are the ones who adopted me. Don’t know why I’m typing this, but maybe it’ll register somewhere, someway with someone. Hope to hear from you. Having surgery this coming Thursday…Keep it real!!! <3 you!

August 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm
(23) Sonja says:

I didn’t know that I probably suffered with Depression almost my entire life. (Now am 60.) Was first hospitalized about a dozen years ago. Diagnosis: Depression, major, severe; Dysthimia: PTSD; BPD (Probable Primary); and what else I can’t remember. I’ve had more meds than I can count, ECT, many more hospitalizations–several from suicide attempts/gestures (depending on who you talk to-the coma and respiratory arrest may be an indicator), DBT at least (4) complete sessions and (3) or (4) partial sessions, psychtherapy for years, ARMHS sevices for years and more. I always feel so guilty about the money & time that has been spent on me. Whatever hanging on I have been able to do (which I know probably looks like–What hanging on?) has been for my (8) awesome kids–the youngest now through college & 25 with a great job. Most if not all of them have never really most of the mental health situation.After the coma, etc, I choose to keep the pain and turmoil hidden as well as I can. I look & sound like I feel much better & everyone appears to believe that I am. I’m honest with my psychiatrist and ARMHS worker. They try so hard and I feel so guilty–no outsider should have to put up with this. I have an ongoing plan but I am making myself finish undone things for my kids’ benefit (Sometimes it’s almost impossible to even hang on for them). I can’t put them thru any more stress related to hospitalizations. I know that I can’t have another “attempt” or become a vegetable.

It seems that generally things should improve but I have seen no reason to believe that tomorrow looks any better than today or yesterday. I just want the pain, tears, and anguish to go away but they always come back. I used to feel that through my efforts “i was holding the door open a little-for anything positive.” I realized a while back that “I had shut the door.”

September 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm
(24) Meg says:

I need some advise. I am just a person who fell in love with a BPD. The pain for me is excruciating. We would have a great time and then he would push me away. He wouldn’t text for days. I knew better than to text him. It always had to be on his terms. Then he would text me! OMG! I would be so excited! He was too. It was a horrible game? I didn’t want to play. I am faithful. I walked away so many times. It was so hard for me. I had just come from a 17 year marriage to a duel addicted husband. I left him, and my BPD knew what I had been through. How can someone have zero sympathy? My God. I knew he liked me. He would tremble sometimes when I would see him. He was over weight. Hid from the world and tried to hide from me. I tried to walk away so many times. He had such an amazing mind and soul. I miss him so much. Then out of no where, he asked me over, to watch a movie. Then texted me hours before I was supposed to be there that he was rekindling an old relationship. That was it. I don’t share. I didn’t answer his text. Went home blocking him from Fb. He called panicked. I don’t need a friend, I have tons of those. He broke my heart. I think he was really sad but how could he be? He doesnt feel empathy??!! I have diagnosed him. I know I am right. He is also Bi-polar. I know this now. It has been two or three weeks. He doesn’t know that he is. God it is so painful to think about. How can someone like you so much, but feel no empathy, and run when things are so perfect? It doesn’t make any sense to me. Should I tell him what he has? Gosh, I can’t imagine doing that! I can’t tell him he has a hangnail. Or should I just protect myself, and deal with my pain and run away crying? I need to hear from you all. I need to know if this would just make me the ‘bad guy’? Would he just laugh at me? Thanks for anything you can tell me.

September 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm
(25) Sonja says:

Meg, I was a little confused while reading your message. Are you referring to BPD as Bi-polar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? They’re both awful to deal with as are most mental health disorders. It sounds like your friend is more Bi-polar than Borderline. But it also sounds like you could both benefit with pschoytherapy. Your pain is real & you sound like you are just a loving caring person who needs someone to talk to (therapist) and attempt to get some clarity with making some decisions that are in your best interest about your friend. He certainly should have professional input and possibly meds if he has any of the mental health issues we’ve talked about. He can probably gain a lot of help if he is able to acknowledge that he may need help and agree to reach out for it. Good Luck.

September 25, 2012 at 4:07 am
(26) Melissa Jan says:

Meg, I understand your confusion. It is really hard to live with or love someone with mental health issues. If you have not reached the point in your relationship that you can not imagine your life without this man in it for the rest of your life, then RUN. Run fast, run hard, and run for your life. living with and loving a person with mental health issues will be the hardest thing you have ever done. Take it from someone who has lived with mental health issues her entire life. They have been in my family since I was born, and I suffer from a few myself, including Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD.

I thank God that I have finally found a man who can not see himself living without me for the rest of his life. We talk, daily, about EVERYTHING. He has a calming voice and manner that helps me get through anything. This man had never met anyone with a mental health issue before he met me. Now he is living in a family full of mental health issues. My son and myself are the only ones he really worries about. He is a strong man.

Again, if you have not fallen in love too deep, run. If you are not a STRONG woman, run. But if you are a strong woman, and you can’t see yourself living without him, then stay and fight for your man. Learn all you can about any and all health (both physical and mental) issues that he has. Knowledge is power. You will be surprised how much real undying love can help when a person is living with mental health issues.

October 17, 2012 at 4:29 pm
(27) Sherrie says:

Does anybody know where you can refer someone with this that does not have any insurance? Also, what do you do with the person when they think they are fine and the problem is with other people, and will not seek help?

October 17, 2012 at 4:35 pm
(28) Sherrie says:

PS – I didn’t realize this, but I had a bunch of these symptoms too, together with major depression. I have been taking effexor since it was FDA approved (I was in one of the double blind studies 20 years ago) and it has not only cured the depression BUT ALSO, the borderline symptoms. Other anti-Ds did not. Has anybody found similar relief? That said, if you try it, keep in mind getting off effexor is pretty rough – highly recommend a decreasing dosage regimen….

October 31, 2012 at 7:08 am
(29) Romi says:

A website for Help for partners and parents of people with Borderline Personality Disorder – Non-BPDs by Bon Dobbs
http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/

For those looking for local therapy & support in your country/state the best thing is to ask your GP(doctor) to refer you or to search on your national mental health website such as NEABPD,NAMI,APA and NIMH for information about BPD support groups etc…
Also to participate in studies where you can get treatment.
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/results/map?recr=Open&no_unk=Y&cond=mental+disorder

The link of my blog has some more information on free/low cost workshops & resources…

Good Luck to all of you !

November 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm
(30) Colleen Albert says:

Meg, I used to have a boyfriend that I now know is borderline. I got away from him years ago. He was the most fun, the most intense and
amazing person. talented, artist, intellegent…He adored me it seemed. Until I would accidently say something that would set him off. Then a bomb would explode. His fury and rage were so over the top, so confusing. He would scream “get out” at the top of his lungs and at the same time try to stop me! Once I ran out, jumped in my car
shaking and he jumped on my hood as I was moving! It was, I hate you, dont leave me, I love worship and adore you, I hate you, get out, dont go…I wanted to help him and couldnt. He would spend hours
writing emails 30 pages long, ranting and raving in caps. Then would camp out outside my house putting love notes in my mail box. He had no shame or embarrassment getting hysterical in public. Finally, his impulsive self sabatoge got him fired, then he got evicted for abusing his landlord. Homeless, he impulsively walked into a bank with no weapon but a note : “this is a robbery.” Prison, due to his self sabatoge was what got me free of him. I am telling you, you need to get away from your boyfriend no matter what. You cant help him, and he is not capable of a loving relationship. We might as well date a shark or scorpion. They can be so charasmatic, but it will make you crazy and hurt you. I am compassionate for people with this disorder, and to those of you that are suffering, I’m not saying you cant get better, you can. But only those who realize they have a problem and get therapy. My boyfriend wouldnt. but God bless all the above people because you can get help and find recovery.

December 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm
(31) asil says:

its nice to know that i am not alone yet I deal with this on own. I can relate to the trial and error, the hell, never ending, wanting to die because you cant change yourself, living like this for years. I pretend its not real till it wins and proves to me that it is. I cannot believe I have made it this far in life. Everyday everything has been such a ridiculous struggle for me. Watching people perform the most simplest tasks everyday with no struggle at all makes me most ashamed and angry at my self. Yet I have found ways to survive, God blessed me with my children whom I have found strength, love, and joy in as i continue my difficult journey. Every day despite the pain, anger, hurt, empty, lost, shame, and all the other odds that are against me i look to God and seek him. knowing he loves me and that i too love him.

January 8, 2013 at 8:38 am
(32) antoni says:

I’m so surprised that I know I have a bipolar disorder. I hate it, it force me to be good pretender and hiding that you hate from reality. And sometime you get down and no one cares you. It’ so really hard for me. They judgme me because I’m like a lady but exactly I’m a boy.

February 3, 2013 at 10:53 pm
(33) shermena says:

The I was with a wonderful man for 7years . We broke up recently, actually he broke up with me as he always did. It took me 7 years to figure out what his illness was bpd…he would get mad at me for stupid or no reasons worth being mad about, he would break up say it was over, rhen not talk to me for days then he would verbally abuse me and say it is all my fault I’m the one with the problem, then a day or two later he would call me like nothin ever happened.iwould let him know that he had hurt me with is words it was like he was cold hearted .he always felt bad after.and I would take him back cause I love him and I understood him I knew he had a problem but wasn,t sure what is was,until recent:ly .when he is not in a rage and in the feeling bad state for what he does I can talk to him and he agrees with me on his issues,but not willing to work on it .it has affecting in his life and mine or anyone that is close to him. My child does not likr him now nor do my parents, they just can’t get past his awfull treatment of me and my child mostly me. I could overlook that and be by his side cause I understood him and really new him…but he isn,t willing to seek help or get the right meds,.. he has told me off and said I have the problem and he is sick of me, yet he will call me over 80 times and tell me to leave alone, hello step into reality but I know he can’t at the time this cycle went on for 7 years. I love him and miss him, and because of him we are apart. I have told his mother thinkink maybe she can talk to him but I think she lives ina dreamworld. I only want him to get therapy and the proper meds for his own sake , ilove and I’m hurt.only I will understand him…other people won’t feel the same way and that’s toobad cause is is lovable and I always will remember that. I can say for any bpd… I feel for your pain and your emtional hurt, I wish I could I could show you how to live with it just how to live you know what I mean. Love you all…

February 19, 2013 at 8:11 am
(34) Andrew says:

i am 23 i got diagnosed with bpd two years ago
ive tried to kill myself numerous times with overdosing, driving my car around drunk alot of times hoping i get into a crash and i die and no one else will get hurt, i obsess about this everyday different ways how to hurt myself ive cut myself, once i filled up the bath and had the hairdryer ready to drop it in but didnt have the balls to do it, i am a big binge drinker which doesnt help and the worst thing is im a personal trainer i am fit and healthy physically but with clients, family and friends im a happy and enjoyable person but when by myself i am totally the opposite i have lost numerous relationships cause they dont understand when i get really distant when i get to know the person and be really close with them, and sometimes i get really hypo and have uncontrolable energy but i know that a big low is coming after it and get really anxious and depressed bout it and also i have real no sense of self and feel empty all the time and i hate it but ive got use to it.

February 19, 2013 at 6:29 pm
(35) Chloe says:

Hi everyone. I just need to put this out there. I believe I have several anxiety issues. I have symptoms of OCD. I constantly worry and what I’m reading here leads me to think I may have BPD. I’ve self harmed a lot in the past. I’ve had suicidal thoughts and sometimes I still do. I still struggle. Its mainly turned into punching things now. I find myself getting incredibly angry so easy. I don’t know why. I have never known why and this is always circling around my head. I’ve always had low self esteem. Never believed in myself. I’m gradually getting better at this but I feel like my family hasn’t been there. I’ve never been told to fight for my dreams. Its always been you go to school you get a job. I don’t want to be a some low paid job for the rest of my life. Sorry im going off track. I guess what I’m trying to say is. I’ve been fighting whatevers going on in my head on my own for far to long. I thought I could do this myself. I can’t and I need help. I’m to scares to ask for it and because of that I don’t think I’ll ever find it.

March 16, 2013 at 11:05 am
(36) Laurie says:

I used to be a strong Christian. I almost never pray anymore. I’m 53, have borderline personality disorder and major depression, and feel like God has abandoned me. I went to the hospital last night saying that I didn’t feel stable, that I was afraid I might kill myself , and they ended up sending me home. I’ve taken overdoses and have been hospitalized more times than I can count. the hospital said that obviously hospitalizations don’t help me. I said “maybe tonight will be the end, then”. They said “maybe so” but that going to the hospital again was not the answer.

April 2, 2013 at 10:26 pm
(37) Dani says:

Andrew, I’m 20 and although I havent been officially diagnosed with BPD i know I have it. I know exactly what youre saying when you say you are happy and normal with family and friends but by yourself you feel alone. I feel guilty for the relationships i have ruined. I’ve messed up a good relationship for no other reason than i accused him of not caring about me and that he was going to abandon me. I would get mad at him and then get scared he would leave me in the same night. Honestly after reading these posts, Im glad for him that he cut me off and left me completely. He didn’t deserve to deal with my BPD. I used to think i just had a fear of abandonment, but now I realize its much deeper than that. All my feelings are so intense. and I do it in friendships too. I want to hear that he loves me and then tell him hes lying and push him away in the same night. even in the same conversation. Im glad that he was able to get away from me before i really did damage.
Ive always felt that i just wasnt “made” to be in a relationship. Because of the fear of abandoment and the pushing them away. I didn’t realize that this was an actual disorder until i heard about it. Now I understand. When he wouldnt text me back, even for like 10 minutes, i thought he was going to leave me forever. and i would desperately try and convince him to reply and not leave me. Eventually he did leave me, and good for him. As a person with BPD I’m not going to subject men to my issues. Nobody deserves to have BPD, it truly is the most frustrating and self-loathing disorder, as you watch all your relationships just flush down the toilet one by one. And nobody deserves to be in a relationship with a BPD sufferer.
I do wonder though, has anyone else with BPD tried to have a relationship with another person with BPD?? Now that i know there are others like me, I’m wondering. Also, what were the results of a two-way BPD relationship?? If anyone can answer thatd be great.

April 5, 2013 at 12:39 am
(38) daniy says:

I too suffer but DBT helped a lot. Try DBT! It saved me & I’m off medications now. God bless & you’re not alone!

May 3, 2013 at 4:50 pm
(39) Kaitlyn says:

I was just diagnosed a few days ago, I also have severe social anxiety, ADHD, and some Learning Disabilities.

I noticed a few people were thinking about dating someone else with BPD. Thinking that since it is not fair to subject yourself to someone who, you know, does love themselves and has a consistent day to day idea of who they are you be with someone who understands you.

Wrong. Sorry. I dating someone who also had BPD and at the time neither of us had any clue that ether of us had it. He found out shortly after we completely crashed and burned.

Its basically BPD squared. The good parts are so amazing and you are both so crazy that you end up engaged and looking at rings in Canada with the ex from England…after 7 months..Once he was in Canada he pretty much panicked and was literally impossible to talk to as most of the time he would just blank me for days for no reason.

It was a shit show. I loved him so deeply. It was unique for me at the time. I couldn’t imagine my life with out him. I got over it once I realized how nuts he was. Then I learn..pretty much just now, that I have the same damn thing and after reading about it and readying this I am so not surprised. Reading this has been so horrifying because so much of it defines me perfectly. I never understood what any of it was or where it came from. I just thought I was depressed. I have been a cutter on and off for a decade and I am currently fighting with myself from just ending it. The leaving of emotion..I can BALL for hours…hit my head off of things. I don’t want to hate myself. or be stuck in this horrible loop of guilt and self harm and narcotic abuse and everything just going around. Its been getting worse. I am so glad I know but at the same time I sorta feel like its a death senescent…or at least a really terrible life one..

but yeah..don’t date other people with BPD..its explosive..

May 25, 2013 at 12:44 am
(40) Lisa says:

I was diagnosed with having both BPD and bi-polar, I just started seeing someone after 4 years of being. completely celibate and not dating (purposely) because I have been trying to get betterand did not want the complications of a relationship while trying to work through my issues. Now, in a new relationship has been going on for about 3 months and I feel I have fallen for this man, but still don’t completely trust my feelings. Im extremely hyper sexual with him, I have been asking myself, is this because I went so long without any contact with a man, or am I starting to go down that old familiar road again?

May 25, 2013 at 5:22 am
(41) epii says:

Someone diagnosed me with this years ago and i thought what crap. Ideas of over association and dissasociation seem relevent tho, and abandonment issues huge even tho every relationship i enter into, i seem to choose hard pushy abandoners. Its difficult, but i am addicted to love, if i get it, i want it perfect and ideal. Traumatic experience sent me over edge, ended up homeless for some years. It sux, life dealt me hard cards. I just want kid, a loving empathetic partner n a kid. In short, normality, a chance to grow up and be respected in my gender role as female in society. I want stable work, n all the rest. I dont know what to do, i try not to drink, to control violent outbursts at being abandoned, and blackouts, then meet nobody. Without employment, my life is empty. Im scared and upset. I dont even like anything much any more, except fantasizing about perfect reality. Hardly leave flat, can’t stand listening to other people, they repeat themselves, head in space a lot, anyway…thats it, i dont know what to do.

June 4, 2013 at 12:19 am
(42) oliver says:

I was diagnosed with bpd about 3yrs ago.I’ve gone through drug counciing and continuation schools before than. I abused prescription pills. But 3ys ago I also gave my life up to christ. Honestly I still have my ups and downs. Although, if it wasnt for me finding faith back in my most darkest days. I dont know where I’d be.

June 5, 2013 at 1:03 pm
(43) b says:

hi all,im 36 and have bpd for what seems like ever.i have to take loads of meds,if i dont im told its the reason my bpd gets worse(if thats possible!) life is hell i just wish i knew who i am,i am who you want me to be,depending on you.it sucks

March 15, 2014 at 2:29 am
(44) kelsey says:

Its really hard to deal with bpd alone. Especially mysel. No matter how much i pray, i know it will still be there, hurting me every single day, trying to make me feel as guilty as as i can. I try my best to stop it. I try my best to feel like im normal and its not there, but it is. I feel, i feel it everysingle day. And its worse its worse now then ever. When i go to cchurch i end up crying and feeling everything at once, so itry to keep it to myself. I do not like crying infront of people or feeling like i feel when im there so i hide it and havent been to a church in years. God bless me and although i believe i still hurt all the time and feel it will help but.it will still hurt so bad. Im greatful. I cry when i pray at night because im so greatful, yet still so hurt. I found my soulmate and im so happy but deep inside i feel hes to good for me and i cant go on feeling this way. Who do i go to ? What do i do ? How can i gst outof this .please help me i live in florida and im lonely and im hopefull yet so horrified for the future.

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