3 Ways a Lack of Boundaries Is Hurting Your Relationship

Relationship boundaries define what you'll tolerate and expect from people in your relationships—and therefore, how close you let people get to you emotionally. They're crucial to the health of any friendship, partnership, marriage, family, or other connection.

For example, you might be OK with your partner going out one night a week without you, but two are unacceptable—so you ask them to respect your feelings. Or your friend with a negative attitude expects you to meet for lunch every day, but you decline politely because it's beginning to drag you down, too. Failing to set and adhere to these healthy, self-protective boundaries can have a number of undesirable effects. Here are a few, plus some effective ways to put boundaries into place.

Responsibility Imbalances and Rejection Sensitivity

Not setting boundaries on what you agree to is a slippery slope: For example, you can easily wind up with work responsibilities than you're comfortable with in an effort to please your superiors. This is called rejection sensitivity and can add stress as you try to keep up with a lifestyle that is busier than you can tolerate.

Instead, set and keep healthy boundaries to maintain balance in your schedule, and allow yourself permission to say no and protect your time.

Feelings of Resentment

When you continue to say "yes" when you should say "no," you might start to feel angry or resentful. It may seem as if others are taking advantage of you or that you are expected to give too much. The resulting stress can lead you to close yourself off from the people in your life. Also, constantly saying "Yes" in an effort to strengthen a relationship can damage it instead.

Increased Conflict

When the "give and take" in a relationship is out of balance, conflict can arise. This can lead to stress, which can hurt both your relationship and physical health.

Every relationship experiences some level of disagreement, but when it arises from a lack of clear and enforced boundaries, it can linger. It never gets fully resolved because it keeps happening.

Maintaining healthy boundaries lets others know where they stand with you and can prevent additional conflict.

Setting Boundaries to Promote Closeness

Some people believe that having strong, clear boundaries means keeping everyone at arm's length to be at their best. This isn't exactly true.

In fact, healthy closeness is often the result of boundary-setting. Proper boundaries allow close relationships that respect the needs of all involved. They allow both independence and interdependence in measures unique to each relationship.

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