- Go Ask Ogre peers into the world of a misfit "cutter" teen, who, with devastating honesty and deadpan humor, illustrates the horrors of her life and rises above them through confessional letters. Passionate, artistic and sensitive, Jolene Siana lived on the impoverished side of the tracks in Toledo, Ohio, with an alcoholic and abusive single mother. A tailspin of suicidal depression and self-injury led her to write "Go Ask Ogre," a 21st century update to "Go Ask Alice," the classic teen cautionary tale. Yet Siana’s account provides a more humorous, more colorful, and most importantly, more hopeful version of the future for it’s dysfunctional, alienated teen.
Jolene Siana courageously chronicles her own battle with depression as a "cutter" in this stunning view into the world of an adolescent suffering with a misunderstood illness. Her story with help others like herself and their families and save lives."
--Andy Behrman, Author of "Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania"
I recently had the chance to meet up with Jolene in Los Angeles and interview her for the first time about her about depression, cutting and her book, "Go Ask Ogre," which will be published by Process Publishing on July 1, 2005.
ELECTROBOY: How early in your life did you realize that you might be suffering from depression? What were your earliest symptoms?
SIANA: When I was fifteen, I remember that I went through a phase of sleeping for hours and hours. As a freshman in high school I really started drinking and began to find myself being less social. Sleeping became an escape for me.
ELECTROBOY: During your adolescence, did you suffer from any other symptoms of depression not commonly associated with the illness?
SIANA: Besides the typical symptoms, for as long as I can remember I was a bed wetter. It became less frequent as I got older but I did it well into my teen years.
ELECTROBOY: To what do you attribute the bed wetting?
SIANA: I believe it was associated with anxiety. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but I don’t suffer from anxiety disorder or panic attacks anymore like I used to.
ELECTROBOY: Did either of your parents suffer from any type of mental health disorders?
SIANA: Yes, alcoholism and depression runs in my family and I think that my grandmother had anxiety. She often spoke of "nerve pills" which I later found out were valium. My mother suffered from depression as well as bulimia.
ELECTROBOY: Was your family aware of your depression?
SIANA: The death of my grandparents death affected me quite a bit and I believe my family finally became aware of my depression when my grandparents died.
ELECTROBOY: Was this the first time you sought help for your depression?
SIANA: Yes, I think so. About three months after my grandfather passed away my grandmother died. I told my mother that I wanted to seek counseling and she agreed but that was short lived. I was ordered to get therapy when I was in art school after my roommate found that I had been cutting.
ELECTROBOY: You were a "cutter?" Can you tell us a little bit about your experience with cutting? How did you learn about cutting?
SIANA: I was seventeen years old when I began cutting. I didn’t know that it was a symptom at the time. of my depression - - i just found myself doing it. When I felt suicidal I tried cutting my wrist but I was never brave enough to cut too deep. Eventually, cutting became something that I craved. I had a routine about which I was pretty secretive. I purchased a special razor case and would cut alone in my bedroom. Often, I used the blood in my artwork. For me, it was proof of my pain. I would then cleanse the wounds very well peroxide and Neosporin until the wounds were healed. I actually heard about "cutting" years later when I was watching a made for television movie and was absolutely shocked that it was so common.
ELECTROBOY: How do you eventually stop "cutting?"
SIANA: First of all, the whole time that I was cutting I knew that it was something that wasn’t healthy. So I made efforts to stop and eventually did on my own. It was almost like an addiction.
ELECTROBOY: Were there any symptoms of your depression that you had to deal with?
SIANA: Yes, once I stopped cutting, I quickly developed a panic disorder, which was also extremely difficult to deal with as well. I did get some treatment for my panic attacks and luckily I was actually in my therapist’s office when I had my first full blown attack. I had been experiencing vertigo and was being treated for an inner ear infection but was diagnosed with panic disorders. I ran to the library to get some information on the subject. Reading case studies and knowing that what I was experiencing was not unique helped me feel a bit better.
